"I can't tell you how much I've missed you guys," I said, trying to hide my sentimental smile as I poured tea for Alberta and Celeste. We were sitting in the little living room of our rooms in guest quarters and were about to have afternoon tea.
"I want to see all the cute little things you've bought for the baby. I can't believe it was nine years ago when I was pregnant and buying for Stella," Celeste said nostalgically. Alberta's eyes met mine. It's the first time Celeste had mentioned Stella being hers in front of us. We both knew she was Stella's Mom, but it was still a surprise to hear Celeste acknowledge it.
"Did you know she was a girl?" I asked curiously.
"Yeah. Mom and Dad wanted to find out so they could prepare. I didn't mind – it was fun buying cute little outfits for her," she said with a sigh.
"I haven't bought a lot," I admitted. "Since we don't know the gender I've just got the basics in neutrals. I'll go online and order more when I know whether we've got a bluey or a pinky," I smiled.
"Ha!" Celeste scoffed. "You'll hit the shops for sure. You'll be wanting to show the baby off to everyone. Did you get nice things at your baby shower?"
"I didn't have one," I said, quickly turning away to get the plate of biscuits from the kitchenette and bring them over to the coffee table.
"You didn't have a baby shower?" Alberta said, looking at me askance.
"Well Lissa and I are not speaking, that's not Janine's sort of thing, all the girls I know from St. Vlad's have been allocated away, and I've only made one female friend at Court. It doesn't matter. In Russia, they don't buy things for the baby until after it's born, so I guess we're doing things the Russian way," I said with an attempt at joviality.
Alberta's lips pursed, but she said nothing, instead sipping her cup of tea. I knew she thought this was just one more instance where Janine had let me down. I'll admit, at first I'd been disappointed to miss what seemed like a rite of passage, but I was ok with it now. Dimitri and I were Guardians, and baby showers didn't exist in a Guardians' world because the vast majority never got the opportunity to become parents.
"I meant to ask, are you, Olena, and Yeva coming on the shopping day? I've allocated three seats on the bus for you," Alberta queried, changing the subject.
The Guardian shopping day. I used to live for these when I was a Novice. Once a year, always over the summer holidays when only those who lived at the Academy were around, they'd get a charter bus to Missoula. The orphaned kids and a lot of the Guardians who lived on campus would go. We'd leave early to get to the mall at store opening and spend all day there. We'd break into small groups and shop or go to the movies or whatever else then gather for dinner at Pizza Ranch before heading home to arrive before the sun set. It was always a huge day, but I was keen to go, and I knew Olena and Yeva had a long shopping list for the girls back home.
"Wouldn't miss it!" I said enthusiastically.
"You sure you'll be ok?" Celeste checked. "There'll be a lot of walking."
"I'll hire one of those motorized scooters at the mall if I need to," I joked. "I'll be with Yeva and Olena – they'll keep an eye on me. Besides Olena's told me I have at least another week before the baby arrives. The bus does have a toilet, doesn't it?" I asked nervously.
"Yes. I made sure I booked one with a toilet," Alberta laughed. "Just don't get stuck on it!"
"Shut up," I grumbled good-naturedly, quickly filling in Celeste about the embarrassing situation on the plane where I got stuck in the lavatory.
The next few days passed quickly. I was spending most of my time with Olena, Yeva, Celeste, and Alberta. For some reason, Yeva had taken a real shine to Celeste, encouraging her to join us as we sat around the unit nattering. Olena had been showing me how to cook the Russian dishes Dimitri loved. Every day after training he'd come back to the rooms in guest quarters to find a home-cooked Russian meal. Olena maintained with such a large family she couldn't cook small, so every night we'd have Celeste, Abe, Pavel or Alberta join us for dinner or a combination thereof.
It was funny seeing Olena and Alberta together. While on the surface they seemed so different, they were both affectionate; spoiling and fussing over me like crazy. I was happy, and I knew Dimitri was too. He was enjoying working with Abe's Guardians, and he was getting helpful ideas for his role from the other commanders. But nothing made him happier than coming in to find me spending time with his mother and grandmother.
"I love seeing you here, part of my family," he whispered into my ear one evening, as I was about to help serve dinner. "Although I suppose one of these days I might need to make that official…" I shivered. Was Dimitri hinting at what I thought he might be? I wasn't sure how I felt about that.
"What are you trying to say, Comrade?" It came out sharper than I'd intended, but he had me rattled.
"Nothing right now, milaya," he said, taking in my spooked look. "Just something to think about maybe?" I nodded in the 'I'll think about it' way, not the 'I do' sort of way, then took the vegetables to the table.
Later that night I was lying in bed cuddled up in Dimitri's arms.
"Does the idea scare you?" he whispered out of the blue. "Or is it something you don't want to do?" He sounded nervous.
He didn't need to explain what he was talking about.
"It does scare me a little," I whispered back. "I mean once you came back and with Junior, I always figured we would one day…"
"But you're not ready for that day quite yet?"
"Yeah. With graduating and moving and the baby a lot is changing. I need some time to find myself again before I commit to another change."
"You feel you don't know yourself well enough to know you if you want to spend the rest of your life with me?" he asked, hurt radiating from every word.
"I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Comrade," I placated, rubbing little circles on his back in the soothing way he liked. "It's just my life was on one path. I was going to be Lissa's Guardian and spend my life defending her. Then we fell in love, and I fell pregnant, and I thought I'd be parenting alone, then you were back, and the stuff with Tasha went down, and suddenly we were starting a new life on the other side of the country. It's been a lot – I just want to catch my breath and focus on finding my way again. I know wherever I go is going to be with you, but I feel I need to know where I want to go before I agree to going there with you for the rest of my life." A piece of Rose-logic at its finest.
My Russian God was silent for a minute.
"So you're not saying no, you're saying you want some time?" he finally clarified.
"That's right," I said, stroking his face. "I'm your Roza, and you're my Comrade. That's never going to change. And when the time is right, I'll be Mrs. Belikova. Just not yet."
"Ok. Yes, but not yet. I can live with that," he grumbled.
"Besides, I want to get back in shape and not be breastfeeding when we get married. If we're going to have a real honeymoon, and I want to, we need to be able to leave Junior at least for a day or two."
"Hmm… Tell me more about this honeymoon," Dimitri urged. "Where would we go? What would we do?"
"No idea on the where, but I can give you a little taste of the what if you'd like?!" I teased, running my hand down his chest and putting my hand suggestively on his manhood.
I woke up with the hugest grin on my face. For the first time in ages, the sex planets must have aligned because I had not one but two earth-shattering releases last night. While Dimitri never failed to bring me to climax, he knew they hadn't been as satisfying recently, so he was grinning, too. Two honest to goodness shout the house down orgasms, and I felt I could take on the world. Which was fortuitous, as today was the Guardian shopping day.
"Is there anything you need, Comrade?" I checked. "I'll be at the shops all day, so I have plenty of time to look for things for you."
"I'm all right, Roza," he said lovingly. "What are you going to buy, anyway?"
"Celeste wants to go baby clothes shopping with me, and there are a few small things I thought I'd get for the house. Mostly I'll be helping your Mama and Babushka get things for the girls. Their list is so long I think they might need to send a shipping container to hold it all!"
"Try not to let them go overboard," he said, but I could tell he wasn't too worried. If anything he was pleased that there was now enough money for everyone to be spoiled a little.
Olena and Dimitri had discussed money over dinner the other night, and Abe was arranging to have the principal carefully invested. With the new SUV, that thanks to Abe's shady connections was now legitimately registered in Olena's name, and their modest home upgraded with a few additional comforts, the interest would be more than sufficient for the family's needs. Any money they didn't spend would roll back into the capital to work even harder for them. Abe had also suggested a complicated family trust setup that would see the money grow to benefit Olena's kids and eventually even the grandkids.
I dressed in a super comfy maxi dress and my most sensible pair of shoes. If I was going to be on my feet all day, I planned to be comfortable. My Russian God walked his family and me across to where the bus would be pulling up outside the Guardian quarters. He stood holding me lovingly; his large hands splayed across my tummy.
"Belikov. Hathaway. Nice to see you back on campus." Stan Alto. The Guardian I'd loved to hate but with whom I'd eventually formed an uneasy truce. "When's the baby due?"
"Hopefully in two weeks," I said, "but it could be as much as four," I answered.
"Pray for two," Dimitri said with a cheeky grin. "I'm not sure either of us could cope waiting another month!"
Stan surprised me with a smile.
"My oldest sister is like that every time. She has five and is expecting her sixth any day now. She says the last fortnight takes about two years."
I looked at Stan in shock. He'd never divulged anything personal about himself to me before.
"You're an uncle to five?"
"Pffft," he said dismissively with a huge grin. "I'm a proud uncle to fourteen, soon to be sixteen! I have four sisters. They have; five going on six, four going on five, two and three kids respectively. They just about bankrupt me at Christmas time. In fact, I'm going to choose some of their Christmas presents today."
I couldn't imagine Stan a doting uncle, but then I'd never seen the fond look on his face he was wearing right now, either.
"Do you see them often?" I asked.
"Not often enough," he acknowledged sadly. "Although my oldest nephew Josh started here as a Guardian just after you left. He graduated the same time you did."
I looked over to where a young man my age stood nearby; watching our conversation but too nervous to introduce himself into it. He was tall and lanky and much like a colt; he looked as though he were still growing into his limbs. Stan gestured him over and introduced us.
"Guardians Hathaway, Belikov," Josh said in awe. "We heard so much about you both at St. Leonard's. The guys could hardly believe me when I told them Uncle Stan was one of your main teachers, Guardian Hathaway. He told us about you killing three Strigoi in a fight alongside Guardian Schoenberg. It's hard to believe you're the same age as me!"
I looked at Stan and saw him looking embarrassed. His nephew apparently idolized him and Dimitri and I as well. My eyes met Dimitri's, and I knew it was time to repay some of the kindnesses Stan had afforded me in the time Dimitri was missing.
"Nice to meet you, Guardian Alto Junior," I said with a smile. "I'm sure you'll do well here at St. Vlad's. Your uncle is a skilled Guardian and an excellent educator. We've always had a particular understanding, and I learned a great deal from him." Stan gave me a smile. Sure I'd embroidered the truth, but there was no point belittling the guy now. I could almost feel Dimitri's pride radiating from him like warmth from a benevolent sun.
"Uncle Stan? Can you take a photo of me with Guardians Hathaway and Belikov?" he asked, also looking to us for approval. "I want to send proof to the guys from St. Len's!"
"Why don't we get someone else to take it so your uncle can be in it, too?" I suggested, quickly co-opting Celeste to the task.
"Not the belly," I murmured as I took the young Guardian's phone and handed it to her. Celeste understood immediately; I didn't like photos of me looking so huge. The four of us stood in a row; Stan, Dimitri, myself and Josh. Celeste snapped a couple of pictures and handed the phone back to its skittish owner.
"Thanks, Guardian Hathaway! Guardian Belikov!" The guy looked at us like we were the coolest people in the universe. I chuckled to myself, leaning up to give my loving man a kiss.
"You know, no matter how many times I see you two doing that, it's still weird," Alto mumbled, "although looking back now it seems so obvious. Did you guys ever even train?" he joked. Dimitri's relaxed demeanor disappeared, and he looked as though he was about to explode at Stan's suggestion.
"Alto, we didn't do anything until after Dimitri had been reallocated. No matter how we felt, Dimitri was too honorable to do anything while he was my mentor." I gave Stan a level look so he could tell I was serious and that he was pissing Dimitri off. "Of course, once he was no longer my mentor, all bets were off!" I said with a naughty little smile on my face.
I could see my Russian God was supremely uncomfortable discussing the timing of when we became lovers. Even now I was eighteen, and we were days away from having a baby together, he still felt guilty about lusting after me when I was his seventeen-year-old student.
"What does it matter now?" Stan said appeasingly. "You guys are made for each other. Anyone can see that." Stan walked over to chat with his nephew, leaving an irritated Dimitri behind him.
"He's right, Comrade. It doesn't matter anymore." He still looked tense and annoyed, so I used my number one distraction technique. "You know, I was thinking after Christmas, we should come back to visit the Academy again and maybe ask Alberta to babysit for the afternoon? We could go back to that outdoor spa again? That was such a glorious afternoon…"
"It was," Dimitri acknowledged, a little smile on his face. "I love the idea of going back there."
"Every part of me aches," I moaned as Dimitri helped me down from the bus. It was about half an hour before sunset, and we were back from the shopping trip to Missoula.
"Are there many parcels?"
"Quite a few," I admitted. Despite me saying I wasn't going to buy much, I'd bought a lot more than I'd anticipated. Of course, Olena and Yeva had shopped up big; Dimitri had the Guardians from Pennsylvania help move the parcels back to our rooms.
"Are they all yours?" Dimitri asked, looking at the mass of parcels I'd indicated as mine.
"Yeah. Most of them are Christmas presents, but I got a birthday pressies for Sonya and Paul, too. There were some good sales on, and I thought if I bought and wrapped things now, we could send the ones for Russia back with your Mama."
Dimitri looked at me suspiciously. He'd correctly pegged me as the last minute type of present shopper. But Stan's Christmas talk had reminded me I'd have a four-month-old then, and probably wouldn't be in the mood for struggling through the crowds, so since I was being dragged around the shops, I thought I might as well kill two birds with one stone. Back in the unit, I went through the presents as Dimitri rubbed my sore, swollen feet. Jeans for each of his sisters for Christmas; console games for Paul for his birthday and Christmas; a couple of tops for Sonya's birthday; dresses for Zoya and Katya; a swimsuit for Yeva; a soft alpaca fleece knit sweater for his Mama; the same thing in a different shade for Alberta; an ombre woolen scarf for Abe, and some sexy lingerie for Celeste.
"Hmm… I like these!" Dimitri had said raising his eyebrows in appreciation when he saw the very brief thong and babydoll in the Victoria's Secret bag.
"Get your paws off those – I bought them for Celeste," I said, laughing as I saw him quickly drop the sheer lacey fabric and shove the bag to one side.
I'd also bought a few things we needed for the house as well as some birthday and Christmas presents for Dimitri; western books; a new pair of his favorite cut of jeans; some new sunglasses as his were pretty scratched up; a button-up woolen jacket and a couple of kids picture books about loving their Papa. I'd no doubt buy more pressies between now and his birthday, but at least I knew I had something put aside.
"Did you buy anything for yourself, milaya?" Dimitri asked tenderly. I looked around me, my brow furrowed as I thought about my purchases.
"Only lunch," I said, confirming his suspicions.
"Roza! You spoil everyone else but forget to spoil you," he admonished.
"I don't need anything," I explained. "I know it's still early, but I'm sore and tired. Do you think you could come to bed and cuddle until I fall asleep?" He did, and it wasn't long before I was out like a light.
I woke sometime later to find Dimitri's side of the bed empty. The bedroom lights were out and the door mostly shut, but he was in the living room, and I could hear him talking. There was only his voice, so he must be on the phone.
"… no, I don't like keeping things from her. Our relationship is built on trust… if you're certain. I don't want anything upsetting her… I'm not really sure how she'll feel about that… She hasn't mentioned anything… Ok, I'll take your word for it – I won't say anything."
I crept back to bed, pretending to be asleep. A minute or so later my man came to bed, slipping under the blanket and embracing me. I pretended to wake up then and got up to go to the toilet. I returned to the bed and accepted my Russian God's kiss goodnight, letting him hold me as he fell asleep. I lay on my side for hours, tears of worry and betrayal sliding down my cheeks. I can't believe Dimitri was willingly keeping something from me. Something big, by the sounds of it. He was right – our relationship was built on trust and honesty, and now I had reason to doubt his.