If you read then please review and you know how it goes if your work get well received you automatically get more inspired to continue writing. This is however my first fan-fiction so don't expect to much from me. Enjoy!
The bar was filled with people that was having the time of their lives, everyone was having a laugh and enjoying themselves. The only thing you could hear was just that buzzing sound you know… that sound of all the voices lapping over each other making it sound like the bar was filled with bees hovering over your head. I keep looking around and everyone seems to have it all figured out, they all look so happy and just enjoying life to the fullest. Whilst my own head was spinning, I'm not really sure if it's from all the drinks we have been knocking back or if it's because every time I think about the life altering event that is going to take place in April my heart starts to race uncontrollably and not in a good way. Just thinking about it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin and sink into the ground beneath me. Don't get me wrong, I love Caz… I really do! Sometimes it just feels like it is all going way to fast! How do you know it is right? And if it's right then what's the rush? I can hear someone trying to speak to me but it sounds like it's from miles away and I realize that for the last ten minutes I've just been staring at the counter lost in my own thoughts. Man I've got to snap out of this.
"Kate?" I look up and see a hand shaking in front of my eyes. "Kate? Kate are you alright?" I meet her eyes. She looked a bit anxious for my reply. "Oh yeah sorry… I'm fine… well to be honest I'm actually feeling a bit dizzy."
A smile appears on her face "Knocking back half a dozen Jagger bombs will do that to you." She says letting out a laugh and I can feel myself immediately starting to laugh as well, I can't help it her laugh is just so contagious but before I know it that sick, spinning feeling washes over me again. Sophie can sense that my mind is miles away and I bet she isn't having a very good time right now so at least I must owe her an explanation right? Why I'm not being much fun tonight… okay here goes."That's not why I'm feeling like this I'm afraid."
All of the sudden the laughter disappears and the smile on her face fades and she utters the words. "Oh okay? Then what is it? You got something on your mind?" I look into her eyes and I can just feel how the whole atmosphere just went from easy going to dead serious all of the sudden, my cheeks are turning a brighter shade of red and that's it I can't look at her anymore so my gaze drops to the counter yet again. Sophie places her hand on my shoulder and rubs her thumb over it. "Kate you really can share whatever it is that is going on. You have a friend in me." Sophie has a way of calming peoples nerves I can tell… I can tell because of the way her eyes had just been pouring into mine, the sound of her voice and the light touch of my shoulder. She is a very caring and genuine person so if anyone can get me to calm down and see the bigger picture here it's her, even just the touch of my shoulder stopped my head from spinning… as much. Although the more I think about it I really think it's the drinks that have gone to my head. "Come on Kate, my ears are all yours." I look back up and I sigh before I start to pour my heart out.
"I just feel like I don't know anything anymore… Everything with Caz is just moving so quickly. I'm just scared that we are making a huge mistake by getting married so soon. Out of all the months that we have been together we have only seen each other for one." I can tell that she is a little bit thrown by this so I keep going.
"I mean I love her; I love her to bits of course I do… I just don't know why I'm feeling like this and its very confusing."
"Weddings are scary huh?" I look up at her and smile.
"Yeah I suppose, maybe I'm just getting cold feet." Sophie reaches out and takes my hand in hers, I look down at them.
"You and Caz are amazing together. Getting married can be a scary thing and I think… no matter how much time you have spent together if it's a month or five years it will be just as scary. I made a mistake that made me lose the girl I was meant to be with and that's on me. I'll be damned if I let you do the same."
"You talking about Maddie?" I don't really know why I even asked this question because there was something in her voice this time that made me think it wasn't about her at all. We had only brought up Maddie into our conversations once or twice during our friendship and her voice had never sounded so vulnerable like it did right in this moment.
"No not Maddie." She looks down and starts to focus on the wine glass that is standing in front of her on the counter, she strokes the bottom of the glass it's almost like she is having second thoughts if she wants to share this with me or not. "I don't know if Sally might have mentioned it or someone else at the factory but I was getting married once."
I start to remember the time in the factory when Sally was going on and on about how she had put together a gay wedding and she was handing out advice right before I threatened to tape her gob shut. "Oh now that you mentioned it Sally did mention it in passing, it must have slip my mind. What happened? Why didn't you go through with it?" I could tell this wasn't one of her favorite topics to talk about and a part of me felt honored that she had even brought it up.
"I was just an idiot weren't I. I made a huge mess of it all." Saying this Sophie's voice was filled with pain and a hint of self-anger.
"Oh my god, did you have an affair?" I outburst.
"Okay look this isn't something I'm very proud of. But yes I guess, I shared a kiss with someone else and it was a girl proper messing with my head. And much like you I was really confused about everything, I mean really confused but then by the time I realized what a huge mistake I had made it was too late. It was too late to take it back and too late to fix it. The damage had already been done but I didn't do myself any favors when I wasn't completely honest with Sian and on our wedding day. Actually in church Sally stood up and practically told the whole church including Sian that I had been having some second thoughts."
Oh my god. I'm so sorry." - "Don't be, it was no one's fault but my own. I did learn a lot from it though and now I don't take anything or anyone for granted."
"Still that cow that messed you about doesn't sound like a very good person and Sally, I mean I knew she has a big gob and it never stops going but that must have been pretty hard for you to forgive."
"It took me awhile to forgive her but that's all in the past now and the girl wasn't a very good person but she didn't force me to kiss her. That was all me but I do wish that someone would have told me just to take a step back and proper think about what me being confused actually meant and what it really was about."
"And what did it mean?"
"Well for me it meant that I had become a bit insecure in our relationship and Sian was so busy with her course work I started to feel a bit neglected. Then this other girl came along and made me feel all special and like I wasn't a big fuck up for choosing not to go to college." I could see in her eyes she really regretted how things had gone down and that this wasn't an easy thing for her to talk about. Sophie tried to get back in the moment and leave memory lane so she put a smile on her face again and ordered another glass of wine for the both of us. "Now I'm going to give you some advice that I wish someone would have given me."
"Alright I'm all ears." – I lean in a bit closer to hear what advice she was about to give me.
"Take a step back and don't let your emotions get the better of you because sometimes what you think you are feeling might not be what you are actually feeling." She laughed. "That made no sense did it…"
"No it did, you are actually being really helpful. What you mean is that I might be taking these feeling like a sign that this is all going to quick and it's been very intense from the moment me and Caz meet but maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe it just means that I am getting a bit scared with how intense my feelings are for her and how intimidating it can be to give your love away to someone."
"I'm happy my rambling gave you some clarity." Sophie really had lifted my sprit up tonight, she was a really good friend to have.
"Yeah thank you Sophie. This actually made me feel a lot better." I took another zip of my wine before looking down at my watch. "We should probably finish these drinks and then head back before it gets too late."
"Yeah you are probably right, got some work to deal with in the morning."
"You know who ever made you feel like you were a fuck up was wrong. I mean look at you now Soph, you're a hard worker and I admire you for that." Her eyes lit up and a big but yet modest smile appeared on her face, I could swear her cheeks turned a little bit red too but it might have been the lightning in the bar. We stayed for few more minutes finishing our drinks before heading out to grab a taxi back to the street.
"My god it's bloody freezing out here isn't it." I stated whilst rubbing my arms up and down in an attempt to get warmer. Apparently earlier in the evening I thought it was more important to look good then being warm cause I didn't bring an appropriate jacket to wear like Sophie did.
"I probably should have brought a jacket with me." In the corner of my eye I could see Sophie starting to slide her jacket of her shoulders. "Oh no I didn't mean for you to give me yours." She reaches out and tries to hand it to me. I shake my head and say "I can't take it from you but thank you."
"I wasn't really asking. I want you to have it and besides we don't know how long it will take for us to get a cab." I took the jacket of her hands and put it on.
"Normally I would give in so easy but I'm really cold." We both started to laugh.
There were a few minutes of silence before anyone of said anything else.
"Who ever said that chivalry is dead obviously never..." before I could finish my sentence she jumped in. "never meet me? I know right." My mouth opened and let out a shocked sound before a smile appeared on my face and I lightly slapped her arm. "You are also very big headed as well apparently."
A taxi came up and stopped right by the pavement waiting for us to jump in. Sophie opened the door and gesturing for me to get in first.
"I don't know what you are on about miss Connor." ….