A/N: This chapter was literally my worst nightmare. Umm, so fyi: just like the last time Satsuki and Haruka had a confrontation this chapter is a little heavy with the sexual assault (there's no other way to put that), so yeah there's that. Also: i need a beta reader, i really REALLY do. Point three (i'm super consistent enumerating things, i know): do you guys like the whole ~h~o~ thing? or should i use the little grey bar instead? you tell me. Last thing: starting next chapter i'm putting these author notes at the end, i don't wanna be super annoying but this time it's super important it's up here 'cuz i desperately need a beta (please message me if you'd be willing to do it ;A;).
Satsuki was getting closer and time was running out. Haruka checked the clock on the wall: 5 am. No wonder it was still dark outside. And that was a big disadvantage for her. Another one was that her cellphone was right across the room. Only getting it before he decided to strike would be a miracle, but even if she got it: the boys were far from there, they would probably not be able to get there on time. Shortcuts or not, if she called someone that was sleeping, someone with his phone off… She only had one chance and that would be it, she would be doomed.
Her eyes drifted rapidly between the place her phone was at and the approaching man in front of her, but she failed to notice how fast he was getting and thus her anxiety became her undoing.
He launched himself towards her while her focus was elsewhere and pushed her down on top of her bed. She didn't have time to consider the implications of that action before he harshly pressed his lips against hers. Mere seconds passed between that and him putting his tongue inside her mouth.
She tried to fight him off, but he was holding her hands with his, her legs with his legs and now she couldn't even scream. Even though none of it was her fault, she felt disgusting, the only person she had been that intimate with before was Otoya and it took a lot for her to be able to trust him that much. But this was different, Satsuki was forcing himself on her and the thought of how far he could go made her want to cry.
And cry she did. She cried as hard as she could, she sobbed until he was grossed out enough to pull his mouth away.
"What the hell are you doing? Would me hurting you make you stop?" he asked, angrily.
"Stop this, please! I know you're not like this. You're better than this. Please"
"Well, you are right in one thing: I'm not like this. I'm not Natsuki, dear. You're done for"
He was leaning in again when a particularly soul wrenching sob escaped her throat. It surprisingly made him pause midway, eventually pulling away.
Feeling freed, Haruka sat on her bed. Her body was shaking and her mouth felt swollen, but what her attacker was doing made her focus her whole attention on him.
Satsuki was sitting at the end of the bed, hugging his own legs, breathing heavily, eyes crazy. When she involuntarily reached towards him, he flinched and got up.
"Why is he not enough for you? Why couldn't you love him?" he was facing her now, tears brimming in his eyes as he stared. She honestly couldn't tell if he expected an actual answer or was just asking rhetorical questions so she stayed quiet for fear of the unknown. "I picked you. I trusted you to care for him and yet… love…" his tone of voice became lower and lower as he spoke. It was difficult to understand, but having gotten the gist of it, she decided to make what she hoped was a smart move.
It was risky, and she was terrified, but above everything else: she cared about her friends. And even though she wasn't directly talking to Natsuki, what Satsuki was doing showed her that he was in a great deal of pain and she wasn't going to take that. So she slid across her bed and wrapped her arms around the crying man.
She closed her eyes harshly, almost as if anticipating him hurting her somehow, but all she got was him hugging her back, leaning down to rest his head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry" was the only thing he whispered after that.
Once the light started to illuminate the room, he left her alone. And even though she didn't feel well enough to do so, she just passed out on top of her covers right after that: she was exhausted.
~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~
The alarm clock marked 5:30 am as its annoying noise echoed through the silent room. Tokiya rolled in his bed and not too long after was already starting his daily morning routine. A long, hot shower followed by an intense session of exfoliation was always a must. After that, he'd brush his teeth and pick an outfit for the day. Usually breakfast was next on the list, and working early was pretty common for him.
This time around, he stopped short before leaving the room and venturing for the kitchen. Just as he finished dressing, his very sleepy redheaded roommate called out his name.
"Yes, Otoya?" he asked, not exactly expecting an answer. Maybe he was talking in between dreams.
Instead, the alluded rubbed his eyes and got out of bed. After a couple of minutes of shaking the sleepiness away, he replied: "I want to apologize about yesterday"
"Yesterday?"
"Yes. I acted like a prick when you showed up in Haruka's room… I'm sorry about that"
"Oh, that. Don't worry about it, really. It's okay"
"No, it's not… I'm really… I'm really insecure about everything and I always end up lashing at you guys. I need to change that, but… for now I can only apologize for what I did"
Tokiya walked closer to his friend and grabbed him by the shoulders. He looked incredibly serious, straight into the other's eyes and said: "It's understandable. I can't blame you for it, but I'm glad you think this way"
A small smile made its way to Otoya's face at that, and he nodded in response.
He went right back to bed when his roommate left the room, but for a moment that felt eternal, he couldn't help but think about how awful he'd been ever since he was allowed to date Haruka. It was surely not her fault. If it was anyone's it would've been Shining's. But it was just so hard to stay true to himself. He felt so accomplished, so good when he was alone with her that the mere thought of anyone taking that away from him transformed him into this jealous monster that destroyed everything in its way. He couldn't help but wonder if it would've been better to have never known she loved him back. Maybe this wasn't the right time. Maybe they were too immature not to hurt each other. How else could they learn though?
'What will happen if we separate now?' he asked himself.
~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~~h~o~
Having decided to stop thinking about the "what if's" and focus on the current time, Otoya went and made his girlfriend breakfast, he didn't have to work until mid-morning so he could spend some time with her until then.
Once he managed to toast, boil and arrange everything he planned, he made his way towards her room. Though after knocking a couple of times and calling out her name, he realized she must've been asleep. So he chose to silently walk in and place the tray of food on her nightstand.
After doing so, he finally took her sight in. She was lying on top of her bed covers (probably feeling very chilly because of that), but that wasn't what caught his attention. What did the trick was the color of her lips. It wasn't weird for someone to get a soft violet tint to them when cold, but hers… it wasn't right. The whole area surrounding her mouth was tinted a particular shade of pink, almost like pressure had been applied to it. And her lips themselves looked a little swollen.
'It's just your jealous imagination running wild. Calm down, Otoya, you're seeing things where they aren't' he thought to himself.
He grabbed the covers to put them over her, but the sudden movement woke her up. Her eyes snapped open and she sat up too fast. She looked scared like a deer on the headlights.
"Haruka, are you okay?"
She remained frozen in place until the shock passed and she realized where she was and what was going on. And that was when the waterfalls opened. Tears started to fall down her face as she shook, hopelessly sobbing.
Every time he saw her cry, he felt a little part of himself break and this one was no exception. Asking her what was wrong was useless, but he needed her to know he was there. So he gently touched one of her hands until she took it off her face, he held it that way until he met her eyes. That was the moment where he sat there with her and embraced her. He kept her in his arms until she had calmed down enough for her to hear him.
He used his free hand to dry her tears as he thought of what to tell her. When she leaned into his touch, he knew what he had to do.
"Is the stress still eating you up?" he asked. She made a small nod of confirmation, but seeing teardrop after teardrop fall down her face made him doubt. She had looked so scared when she'd just woken up; there was no way that was just stress. That'd never happened before; she'd never reacted like that until then. "Do you-"
"O-otoya-kun… can you promise me something?" her voice was broken as spoke, interrupting him.
He nodded and she continued. "Even if I can't make it… eve-even if we have to break up… promise me you'll never leave me, promise me you'll always be my friend"
"Of cour-" He was already happily agreeing to what she was asking, but seeing her shake her head made him stop completely.
"I can't-" she tried to explain herself, but the tears made it hard for her voice to be heard so she had to take deep breaths each time. "I can't lose you. I need you. And I know… I know I can't make it"
"But you can-"
"No. This time is too much… it's just… I just can't do it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, God I'm so-" Before she could continue apologizing, he pressed his lips softly against hers, careful not to upset her. Not even a second passed before she wrapped both of her arms around him, holding onto him tightly.
She still felt exhausted, and for some reason she thought that no amount of sleep could possibly shake that feeling away. She'd tried her damn hardest, she'd worked for hours on end, days without sleep, weeks without calm and now she'd reached her limit. There was always something to set her off, always something to push her off the edge. This time it had been Natsuki, but before it had been Otoya himself, her own insecurities, and their issues with the rest of Starish. And just like she knew when she could keep fighting, she knew when to give up, and this was one of those times. There was a part of her that wanted to keep going, to keep fighting until the deadline, but it wasn't healthy and she needed out. If the price for her mental health was not being able to call the person she loved most "hers", to kiss him and touch him like she was doing now, then so be it. He believed in her and she knew she had the power to change Shining's mind, to make it so that anyone could be with whom they loved. But she needed time, she needed time to pick herself up, time to mend her bonds with the boys, time to calm down and enjoy that she was fulfilling her dream. He was going to be there by her side for as long as it lasted and that was all that she needed.
As she fell asleep in his arms, the after-bliss of having his lips touch hers still very much present in her mind, she finally felt completely peaceful for the first time in that whole month.