Chapter 94: Shattering
Ahsoka Tano wandered the halls of the Jedi Temple in a daze. As soon as the Slave I had landed, she and Ventress parted ways without a word to each other, and the young Padawan had silently made her way back to the Temple. She didn't care what happened to Ventress. All she could think about was the cold, hateful yellow eyes of her Master. She saw them everywhere, in her waking mind on every person she passed, and in the dreams of what little sleep she managed to get. It was so haunting, so distressing, that after a short time, she had pulled her hood over her head and kept her eyes cast at the ground. She couldn't bare to see her Master's eyes in the face of another stranger, so making eye contact became something to avoid.
Even the Temple brought her no peace. The halls were nearly empty, populated only by eager younglings and initiates waiting to be given to a Master, though even the amount of initiates had decreased dramatically. The Order was scrambling to keep the war commanded, and as Padawans were lost, as Knights died, as Masters fell in battle, they needed to be replaced, and quickly. They were being rushed through the process to get out to the fighting, and that it was creating was a generation of Jedi raised in war who knew nothing else. Even Ahsoka felt this way. She frowned, disgust ripping through her as she thought about what was happening to the Order she loved, and it was quickly replaced by a deep, profound sense of loss as a single question echoed through her mind. What was a Padawan without a Master?
It was the Padawan's duty to follow their Master, no matter where they may go, so was that what was in store for her? Was she to follow Quinlan Vos into the embrace of the Sith. Was she to hold the Dark Side close to her and stand as an enemy to all that she once loved? The Jedi Temple was her home, the Jedi her family, and she couldn't see herself betraying them like that, was nauseated by the idea of running a Jedi through. She was no stranger to killing, had even drifted close to murder once when she saw an opportunity to slay the traitorous Obi-Wan Kenobi, the mighty Sith Lord Darth Lumis. Within her, she could feel darkness, and had felt it for some time, and she couldn't help but wonder if it was intentional.
How long had Quinlan been embracing the Dark Side? How long had his heart been with Kenobi when it should have been with the Jedi? Did it effect the way he trained his Padawan? Was Ahsoka somehow tainted? She felt darkness, yes, and not just within herself, but she had sensed it in Quinlan when nobody else had been able to, even sensed it in Barriss once before even she had fallen. She bit down on her lip as she roamed the halls of the Temple, unconscious of where her feet were bringing her. Was she even a Jedi? Quinlan had always been called dark, controversial, unconventional, and in this war, his methods proved to be nothing but effective. Was it because this war was a thing of the Dark Side, and Vos thrived in it? She didn't have the answers, but Ahsoka didn't feel like much of a Jedi. She had no idea how deep her Master's influence went, but if she was raised by a man who was Sith at heart...
She craved guidance, but the other Jedi wouldn't understand, couldn't understand. Perhaps they would see her as she saw herself, a Padawan trained by a fallen Jedi, stained with darkness and vowed to follow her Master. They would strike her down where she stood, had been willing to do so before when she was wrongly accused of Barriss' crimes. In the face of her Master's betrayal, she was faced with the reality of her own betrayal by the Jedi. There were those she trusted, those she called friends, those she loved, like Anakin, like Qui-Gon, like Master Plo, like Luminara. Like Barriss. Like Quinlan. But then there were others, those who had been willing to expel her from the Order, the only home she ever knew, in order to satisfy the Republic. If it weren't for Quinlan, Ventress, Anakin, Qui-Gon, the other Jedi would see her turned over for execution. The Jedi had failed her, and she had stayed for the love of her Master. A Master that now served the Dark Side.
She stopped, looked up, and found herself staring at the large doors that led into the circular chamber of the Jedi High Council. She took a deep breath, pushed the doors open, and walked inside.
The Council was not in session, and most of the seats remained empty, the room lit blue by the hologram displayed in the middle of the galactic map. Ahsoka frowned. There were Masters around, but none of the ones she had wanted to see. Kit Fisto sat beside Aayla Secura, the two whispering to each other as Mace Windu pointed out spots on the map where their Jedi Generals were doing battle. Depa Billaba sat in attendance as well, her newest Padawan by her side, the boy taking copious notes on a datapad in his hand, and more than occasionally raising his hand with questions, which his Master quietly answered. She watched as Mace quietly conferred with the holographic images of Admirals Yularen and Tarkin, and Ahsoka felt a pit sink in her stomach. She supposed that Secura could be open to her, seeing as she had been trained by Quinlan as well, but Aayla Secura was no longer bound to a Master like Ahsoka was. She could do as she liked, while Ahsoka's options were limited.
She felt bitterness sink into her as she looked around the room, a Padawan not yet ready to be a Knight, and she couldn't help but wonder if this was how Obi-Wan Kenobi had felt when he had faced the Council in his final months as a Jedi. The similarities weren't lost on her, and for a moment, she felt a twinge of sympathy and pity for the Sith Lord, the promising Jedi Knight that suffered betrayals from the Jedi Council just as she had. She supposed she would be assigned a new Master, but there were none that would have her, of that she was certain. After all, her Master had fallen to the Dark Side. It was unreasonable to expect that she shouldn't follow in his footsteps, and nobody wanted to suffer like Qui-Gon and Luminara had. Either one of them would have been fine Masters for the young Togruta, but even with her close connection to them, she didn't want to be trained by them. Not when students of their own had fallen. Not when the only Master she wanted was Quinlan Vos.
"I think it's a waste of resources," Tarkin had said, his arms crossed and clearly displeased. "What is the point of defending these planets if our enemy isn't here."
"Our enemy is there, Admiral Tarkin," Mace said, tense and frustrated. "Kenobi-"
"Kenobi," Tarkin said mockingly. "One man is not worth four fleets. If we were at war with the Mandalorians, that would be different, but as it is, you have us deployed above planets that we cannot defend, lest we engage the Mandalorian forces, which we obviously cannot do. We have been relegated to watching massacres, Master Jedi, when we should be engaging the Separatists."
"Wasn't it your idea to trap him, Admiral?" Windu snapped, and Tarkin's eyes narrowed in response.
"And I still think we should trap him, but not at the expense of wasting our resources. You and Skywalker seem to think he's this...Shadow King, but I think not, since both the attacks at Makeb and Kessel were said to be headed by the man, and these attacks happened simultaneously, so far as we can tell." Tarkin ran a hand over his face in exasperation. "The Shadow King seems more of an idea than an actual person, and while Kenobi may actually be this man, we have no proof of it. As before, we are hunting a ghost. The attacks on Makeb, Kessel, Oba Diah, and Ord Mantell all differed greatly, and it's likely different people were heading each assault." He groaned and loosened his collar. "Or Kenobi's trying to mislead us, as General Skywalker has begun to believe."
"But you still have his next objective," Mace said, tired and weariness overcoming him as he sank back into his seat.
"Tatooine is the likely next target, yes, which is why I am still here," Tarkin drawled. "General Skywalker is en route to Coruscant, and he will be there shortly, but as soon as he returns, I am moving the fleet out. The Chancellor is correct. If Kenobi wants to play with the criminals, let him. Skywalker's talents are best served winning the war for the Republic."
"The Hutts," Mace droned, "are Republic allies. If Mandalore attacks Tatooine-"
"The Hutts gave up their status as our allies the second they attacked Mandalore. The Chancellor has been quite clear on that." Tarkin tucked his hands behind his back and glared at the Jedi. "When Skywalker and I find Kenobi, and we will find him, we will bring him to heel, but so long as we remain stationary waiting for him, we simply give him an opportunity to turn us into the hunted. We will get his attention by winning battles, and if you dislike my methods, you are more than welcome to deal with him yourself."
Before Mace could respond, Tarkin's hologram flicked out of existence, and with a frustrated curse, Mace turned to the Masters in the room. "Why is SKywalker coming back to Coruscant?" Nobody answered. "...does anyone have any idea what's going on in this war anymore?!"
"Anakin felt something," Ahsoka said softly, and when the Masters saw her, they quickly cut the holoprojection, the lights coming back on to relight the room, and Billaba's young Padawan leapt to his feet and bowed. "He wouldn't have left Tatooine if it wasn't important. He felt something, or he knows something we don't."
"It pleases me to see you well, Ahsoka," Secura said warmly, smiling at the mirthless girl. "How was the mission?" Ahsoka didn't respond. She simply stared at the ground, her fist clenched tightly at her side. "...you didn't return with Master Quinlan," the Twi'lek said softly, and Tano shook her head, her fingers running along the Padawan chain that fell behind her lekku, and with a sharp tug, she pulled it from her head and held it in her hands.
"Master Quinlan has fallen to the Dark Side," she said softly, crossing the chamber and standing before Mace Windu, her hand holding the chain extended to him. "And I'm leaving the Jedi Order."
Nobody said anything for a long while, the weight of what was said heavy on all of them. Most sat in disbelief, uncertain of what to do, uncertain of how to even feel, but at the same time, none were surprised. Vos had always walked the line, and the mission assigned to him was out of step with the Jedi Code. Assassinations were a thing of the Dark Side, and they had allowed Vos to go. This was their doing.
"Are you certain?" Mace asked softly, and Ahsoka nodded without hesitation.
"I saw him. I saw his eyes, and there was only darkness in them." She dropped the chain into Mace's lap and turned to leave.
"Tano, wait," Aayla said swiftly, rising from her seat to block her way. "You can't just leave the Jedi."
"Why not!" Ahsoka snapped, all the frustrations she had felt released in a torrent. "Why can't I leave?! What's the point of the Jedi if they can't fight the Dark Side?!"
"We are fighting the Dark Side, Ahsoka," Mace said swiftly, clutching the chain in his hand.
"Yes, and you are losing! You can't even sense the Dark Side when it's right next to you! You couldn't sense it in Barriss, you couldn't sense it in Master Krell, you couldn't sense it in Master Quinlan, you couldn't sense it in Obi-Wan Kenobi and you can't sense it in me!" She only stopped when she felt wetness on her cheeks, warm and unfamiliar. She was crying. She hadn't realized she was. The wound was deep, but she knew this had to be done.
"You mustn't lose hope, Ahsoka," Aayla said softly. "We will prevail, the Jedi always prevail."
"And every day, the Dark Side grows stronger." She bit her lip and looked away. "My Master fell to the Dark Side because he was betrayed by a woman that he loved. I saw it. I was there, I watched it happen. Master Quinlan trained me, and he-" Her breath hitched as she choked back a sob, and she pushed away the feelings of sympathy from the Jedi around her. "I feel the Dark Side inside me, Masters. How can I trust myself not to fall prey to it when even my Master could not?"
"We can help you work through this," Aayla said swiftly. "We can get you a Master with experience in this, we-"
"No," the Togruta said sadly. "Once, the Council betrayed me, was willing to throw me out of the Order for something I didn't do because they wouldn't believe me. Once...something very similar happened to Obi-Wan Kenobi, and nobody could help him either, and look what he became." She shook her head. "I won't let that happen to me. I can't stay here, not anymore. Not when I feel the Dark Side the way I do."
"You think it will be any better out on your own?" Windu asked, shaking his head in disbelief. "Without guidance, what chance do you have? You're making a mistake."
"Maybe," she said softly. "But this is something I need to figure out on my own. The Jedi can't help me with the Dark Side because you can't feel it. This is something I need to do without the Jedi." She shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe I'll learn something I couldn't as a Jedi."
"Ahsoka," Mace began, his tone stern. "You can't-"
"I'm going to go after our Master," Aayla said swiftly, cutting off Windu. "We did this to him, we allowed this mission when we should have known better. We owe him the chance to choose again, and maybe this time, without Ventress, he will choose wisely."
"Maybe..." the Togruta said softly. "But I don't think so. Kenobi will be there with him. Ventress said something that makes me think that he might have a chance to break away, but..." She shook her head. "I don't think so."
"If this is true," Fisto said softly, "than if we go after Vos, we'll find Kenobi. We can just stop looking for the Shadow King all together. Admiral Tarkin will be pleased by this, it's something he can use."
"We'll have to discuss it further," Mace said softly, clutching the chain in his hand. "Ahsoka. You have been a great help, and you can continue to be, if that's what you wish."
"I can't stay..." she said again, and the Master nodded.
"I know. That doesn't mean you can't help us, not as a Jedi, as a friend."
"...perhaps."
"You're sure this is what you want?" he asked, and Tano nodded, biting down on her lip when it began to quiver. "You'll always be a friend to the Jedi, Ahsoka Tano," Mace said softly. "And you are welcome here whenever it is you may need. May the Force be with you." Without another word, she strode out of the Council Chamber for the last time, giving a final look at Quinlan's empty seat before she passed through the heavy doors.
She thought she'd be more upset, thought that leaving would be harder than it was, but it was made easy by the absence of the Masters that she cared about. Anakin would be upset, of course. Terribly so, but she couldn't stay, and she certainly couldn't say goodbye. It would make leaving too hard. She stood by the elevator, pushing the button repeatedly and quietly cursing when it didn't arrive fast enough. She never realized how slow it was before. Before, she always had her friends or her Master to keep her company, but now...
"Wait!" Ahsoka turned around quickly to see the teen rush out of the Chamber, his dark hair messy and his robes askew, and she frowned. She only knew Caleb Dume in passing, had met him only on a few occasions, and knew him to be inquisitive to the point of irritation to the Masters. He questioned everything, which appeared like defiance to most, but in truth, it was the opposite. He just needed to know why, which Ahsoka found to be an admiral trait. He'd be a fine Jedi when the war was over. If he lived.
The elevator opened, but Ahsoka didn't step inside, she just stood and stared at the boy as he gathered his thoughts. The elevator closed again, and still they stood there. "Where will you go?" he finally asked.
"I don't know," she responded swiftly. "But I can't stay here."
"They could find you a new Master," he said softly, trying to be comforting, but he took a step back when the girl's blue eyes narrowed dangerously.
"I don't want a new Master," she growled, and sighed heavily when the boy moved to give her more space. "I don't know what I'm going to do," she said, calmer this time. "Survive, I guess. I just know I can't stay. There's...too much of my Master in me..."
"...they're in there talking about you and Master Vos," Caleb said softly. "I don't think they know what to do either."
"I don't think anyone knows what to do about anything anymore." Caleb laughed at that, and Ahsoka smiled slightly despite herself.
"Yeah, that might be true..." He looked her over, chewing on his bottom lip as questions raged through his mind. "I had a dream once," he said softly, mentally kicking himself for sounding so stupid, but it was too late to go back on it now. "You were in it." She looked at him suspiciously, a wry smirk coming to her face, and he suddenly felt ten times more awkward. "Not like that! It was...dark. All of it. I couldn't see much, but it felt like I was standing in blood. You were there, next to me..." Caleb took in a deep breath and held it, debating on if he should say more, but the other Padawan, the former Padawan felt so trusting, so familiar, he knew he had to continue. "The Sith was there too. Staring at us."
"The Sith?" she asked softly. "All of them?"
He shook his head. "Just one. Just Kenobi. But I felt...it felt like he could see me. Like, actually see me." Tano looked at the boy carefully and memorized everything she could about him. One day, she felt, it might be important.
"Was it a vision?"
"How can you tell if it's a vision?"
"Uh..." Ahsoka rubbed her neck as she thought. "I really don't know. Master Quinlan would..." She trailed off, her heart growing heavy in her chest. "Master Qui-Gon would tell you to be mindful of your visions, but not at the expense of the present." She nodded. That was good advice, at the very least. Caleb seemed to agree.
"He didn't seem hostile, though, he was...it was like he was standing with us."
"Oh." She scoffed. "It was obviously a dream then."
"Yeah, maybe," he said, laughing as he ran a hand through his thick, messy hair. "Master Billaba thinks she may be ready for the war again, so...it looks like I'm going to get a chance to fight after all." He grinned broadly. "Maybe I'll see you out there, if you do decide to help us."
"Yeah, maybe." She pressed the button for the elevator again, and this time, it opened right away. She turned to look at the Padawan, his hand extended to her, and she carefully took it, the boy clasping her hand tightly and shaking it vigorously.
"This isn't goodbye, Ahsoka Tano. I feel like we'll meet again. We're going to get to know each other really well. I can feel it."
She smiled slightly at the boy's enthusiasm, at how earnest he was, and she felt that he may somehow be right. Without another word, Ahsoka entered the elevator and left the Jedi Temple for the last time.
Anakin had left as soon as he was called. He hated to abandon Tatooine, since the attack on the planet was imminent, supposedly, but some things were more important. Some things required his personal, undivided attention. Some things drove him harder to catch Kenobi, and he never had to look far for motivation, and this time, he only had to look close to home. He could feel the cold grip him, hard and tight, just as it had the night his mother died. It was a feeling he hadn't felt since, and he couldn't remember if he had felt it this strongly. He was going to kill him. He was going to murder him, if he could. He was going to capture him, torture him, make him beg for his life, wish for his death, and Anakin would make certain that he knew that his death wasn't a mercy. It was an execution.
Padmé sat before him, her shoulders shaking with tears, her skin prickled in the cold of the room as she sat stripped down to her undergarments, as he had demanded when she told him of her...infidelity. He hadn't heard anything else that was said as he looked at her lovely body, her pale skin stained with dark bruises around her hips from where strong fingers tightly gripped her, her neck marked with red bites of hard, possessive kisses, the ghost of another's touch all over her. Anakin felt he could have killed her too, if he didn't feel that there was something else at work. After all, it wouldn't have been the first time she was influenced by the Sith. The first time they had been intimate wasn't so much love making as it was pure animal lust incited by a Sith Lord's command, and from what she said, that was certainly part of what had happened.
He loved her, he truly did, and even in his rage, he was inclined to believe her when she said she didn't know how it had happened, or why she had given in, but Anakin knew better. He had been naive to believe that love alone would be enough to carry them through. It wasn't enough. Emotions were confusing and complicated, and it had never been a secret that Padmé was deeply in lust with Obi-Wan Kenobi, and had been since they were young. And he had tolerated it because they loved each other, and he truly believed that to be enough to see them through everything. It wasn't the first time Anakin Skywalker was a fool, and it certainly wouldn't be the last, but it would be the last time he tolerated that Sith menace. He felt the cold grip him as he tried again and failed to tear his eyes away from the shadows of Kenobi's grasp on Padmé's hips, and he closed his eyes and imagined the Sith seated deep within her, and the spike of cold he felt served as a keen reminder on why Jedi were forbidden from these things. There was no good preparation for betrayal.
He tapped the comlink on his wrist, waited for it to chirp with an established connection, and emotionlessly said, "Qui-Gon. I need you."
There was silence on the other end indicated by the soft crackle of static, and then his Master's voice, deep and concerned, said, "Where are you."
"Padmé's apartment. Please, hurry. I fear what I may do."
Silence again, followed by, "Whatever it is, don't lose yourself. I'm on the way." The connection was cut, and Anakin pressed his hands together, brought his fingers to his lips, and stared at the woman on the couch. "Start over," he said, his tone cold and heartless, though he yearned to understand.
"He must have-"
"From the beginning, Padmé!" he shouted, his temper flaring, and he could feel the Force itself writhe under his fury. She couldn't feel the Force, but the Senator winced, and Anakin felt fear from her. Good. She should be afraid.
She clasped her hands tight in her lap, her eyes downcast and looking at the dark bruises of Obi-Wan's thumbs on her hips, and she shivered as she remembered the events that put them there. She was deeply ashamed, and she could never forgive herself, but...something inside her gently pushed her to want it again.
"H-he came to talk," she said softly, and Anakin scoffed loudly, his demeanor clearly showing exactly what he thought of that.
"Talk," he repeated, his voice dripping with disgust. "Is that what you call talking?!" he shouted, pointing to the bites on her neck, and her eyes narrowed in anger.
"Did you want me to tell you what happened or not!" she snapped, and it only made Anakin angrier, but this time, Padmé boldly faced it.
"I'm not the one that was unfaithful, Padmé, you don't get to be angry with me!"
"I will be whatever I want!" She reached out and grabbed a blanked off the armrest of the sofa and wrapped it around her. "I told you I was sorry, Anakin! And I am, I am disgusted with myself for what happened!"
"Then why did you do it?!"
"I don't know!" She glared at him. "Do you care to hear what happened or not?"
He shut his eyes tight and whispered the Code under his breath, reaching into the Force to calm his racing heart, his passionate emotions, but he found it ran cold. It was always so comforting before, always so warm, but despite the chill, he found his temper cooling, not released into the Force as he was always able to do, but settling in his veins like ice. It wasn't gone, and he could feel the emotions, anger, hatred, fear, catch deep within him and sit heavy like poison in his blood. He felt his emotions harden to the girl, and with it, all sympathy, all caring faded. It wasn't the calm, easy release he was used to, but it balanced him all the same, cooling his emotions into ice instead of non-existence.
"What did he want to talk about?" Anakin asked, his voice distant and cold, and with his passions calmed, Padmé took a deep breath.
"He feels he has nowhere to go," she said softly.
"He's right. He doesn't."
"Don't be cruel, Anakin," Padmé snapped. "He lost his lover and his child, he came to me because he and I used to be friends and he thought I'd understand!"
"Understood so well that you'd comfort him, is that right?" A wry, bitter smile crossed his lips, and for a moment, Padmé felt as though she didn't know the man that sat across from her. Anakin was many things, but he wasn't heartless as he appeared to be now, though...she didn't blame him for it. He had a right to be angry. "You've done this before," he accused, and the Senator looked at him dumbfounded.
"No! Anakin, I never-"
"But you did! I trusted you, Padmé! I thought you loved me the way I love you!"
"I do, Anakin," she said earnestly. "I don't love Obi-Wan. I did, a long time ago, but-"
"If you don't love him, why would you sleep with him?!"
She opened her mouth to answer, but the words caught in her throat. There were...many reasons, none of which would satisfy her furious lover, since none of them satisfied her either. She knew very well that love had nothing to do with what had happened between her and Obi-Wan. It was all lust and the memory of old, deep feelings and passion unrelenting. True, Anakin was passionate as well, and he had always been so, but his Jedi training had tempered that, perhaps not wholly successfully, but the young Skywalker did try his best. That was not the case with her Sith lover. He thrived on passion, on all aspects, carried himself like he could barely contain the powerful tide of his emotions, and Padmé felt herself drawn to it. It made Kenobi wicked and rough, but the intensity of their animalistic rutting was unlike anything she had ever experienced, and when it was over, she had craved more. An urge was satisfied, one she didn't know she had, and even now, she felt the pull to see her lover again.
She hated herself for it.
"It's...complicated," was all she managed to say, and the swell of rage in Skywalker made it apparent that it had been the wrong thing to say, but really, there was no right thing that could have been said.
"I tried to be patient and understanding," he snarled, his mechanical hand clenching so hard at his side that she could hear the metal creak and groan under the intense pressure. "I knew you always harbored...feelings for Obi-Wan," he spat. "You were attracted to him even after you learned what a monster he was! I have been too lenient, too soft. I never should have allowed this!"
"Anakin, you-"
"Is that what you want, Padmé?" Skywalker asked softly, his voice so cold that the woman shivered, and before she could see him move, the Jedi was bearing down on her, his left hand wrapped tightly around her throat. "Do you want a monster?" His grip tightened, her brown eyes wide and her heart racing with fear. "Because if that's what you want, I can be that for you..."
"Anakin!" Skywalker looked behind him with furious eyes that barely contained the rage he felt, and in an instant, it disappeared as he stared at Qui-Gon, the Master calm and collected, his hands held out before him as if to calm the raging Jedi. "Let her go, Anakin," he said softly. "Come. Whatever it is, we will handle this together."
He stood unmoving for what felt like hours, the thin, bite-stained neck in his grasp, the calm ease of the Jedi Master he stared at, and slowly, with a pitiful whimper, Anakin let the girl go and rushed to the older man, his hands balling into fists into the Master's robes as he laid his head against the broad chest. With a sigh, Qui-Gon held his former student to him, his fingers running through the boy's long, wavy hair.
"Master," Anakin gasped, his throat thick and raw with anger and sadness and the threat of helpless sobbing. "She-"
"Hush, Anakin. No more. I'm here now, and we shall manage it." The Knight said nothing more. Qui-Gon looked at the woman, gasping to catch her breath, the wide, brown eyes fearfully looking at her young lover, her thin body wrapped in a blanket, and the Master didn't need to be told what happened to know. "Obi-Wan was here?" he asked, and Anakin's fist tightened, and the Senator nodded.
"Yes..."
"When?"
"When the prison was broken in to." Qui-Gon frowned. It had only been a week since then. A great deal had happened on that day, including the slaughter on Oba Diah. Which meant...
"Oh, that clever bastard..." Qui-Gon muttered under his breath, clutching Anakin closer to him as he understood just how deep Kenobi's deceptions ran. "Anakin was on Oba Diah hunting the Shadow King. If Obi-Wan was here..."
"He can't be him!" Padmé said swiftly, more defensively than she intended to, and when Anakin moved to yell at her once again, Qui-Gon kept him held tightly against him, pushing a feeling of calm into the boy, and Skywalker easily submitted to the soothing touch of his Master. "The Jedi are hunting the wrong man, he isn't the monster we think him to be!"
"Perhaps not," Qui-Gon said softly. "But just because he isn't what we think he is doesn't mean the reality isn't worse."
"He was your student, Qui-Gon, how could you say that?" she asked softly, more curious than defensive or angry. The Master's calming presence, it seemed, effected more than just the Force sensitive. "He's grieving, surely you understand that. What happened to him was awful."
"It was," Qui-Gon said, nodding. "And you're right to have sympathy for him. But don't allow him to use his tragedy as an excuse to get what he wants."
"M-me?" Padme asked, biting her lip, and she closed her eyes, a deep flush coming to her face before she shook the notion away. "No, he can't want me, the entire time he was here, he was absolutely consumed with grief."
"You're right, he doesn't want you," Qui-Gon said, letting Anakin out of his brip and sitting the boy down in a nearby chair, the Knight dropping into it without complaint and staring at the Master Jedi before him. "He's after you, Anakin."
"...me?" he asked almost mindlessly. He didn't understand, but Qui-Gon's face was stern, serious, and understanding, not just for Anakin, but for Kenobi as well. "What could he possibly want with me?"
"Since the beginning of his time as a Sith Lord, he's been out to destroy you. You stand on opposite shores of the Force, and he is of the belief that he was made in response to you." Qui-Gon smiled softly and put his hand to Anakin's cheek. "Your existence is a threat to him, Anakin. It just stands to reason that he'd want to take everything away from you, especially now that he's lost Satine."
"It's...selfish," Anakin spat bitterly, his gaze drifting to Padmé's small, shaking form, and through the anger he felt inside him, he also felt the strong pull of his love for her. Perhaps this was his fault, in a way. Padmé was a dream, a fantasy, something for him to hold on to when he could, which was not often, not as much as it should have been, not as much as it needed to be to form any kind of a relationship. He was absent more often than not. Of course something like this may happen eventually. Especially when their relationship was based on...on what?
On a friendship between a young boy and a teenage queen that loved another Jedi? On a few days of a rekindled friendship and the stirring of attraction that culminated in frantic, desperate kisses in the face of their impending and immediate execution? On three words whispered to the Senator by another that whipped her into a frenzy of lust for her old love, an emotional riptide so strong that Anakin was pulled under with her to mindlessly sink within her? Before that day, he was committed to friendship, content to allow the feelings between them to grow slowly, if they grew at all, but in a single moment, driven by the command of a Sith, their relationship had been pulled from friendship to lovers, and though he confessed to not loving her at the time, knew what they did was a product of lust, it was too late. They had taken that step, and both of them were passionate, committed to the path they were pushed on, and they rushed in with the reckless abandon of the young lovers they had come to be.
"Selfish, yes," Qui-Gon said softly. "But that is the way of the Sith. After all, you and Obi-Wan are counterparts. If he can't have love, why should you?" He stood before Anakin could answer and moved to kneel before Padmé, his hands rubbing together as he looked into her eyes, big and brown and sad and confused. He smiled softly. "Senator, I need to see inside you. If Obi-Wan is at work here, I should be able to feel it. If we are armed with the knowledge of what he can do and what he is doing, we can stop him."
She bit her lip and averted her eyes, and Master Jinn could feel the deep reluctance in her. She was protecting Kenobi, even though she had no cause to. He frowned. This was more complicated than he anticipated. "You aren't going to kill him, are you?"
"No." A violent snap of rage from Anakin swiftly drew the Master's attention, and before the boy could react, before he could say anything, Qui-Gon lifted a hand, reached out to his furious student, and gripped him in the calm of the Force. The anger was quickly drained from the wrathful Anakin, and he slumped back in his seat. "That's not to say I won't stop him, Anakin. We must. He's dangerous and destructive, and while he is lost to the Jedi, he isn't lost to the Force. I can still reach him, and for that reason alone, we mustn't abandon him."
"He is Sith, Master!" Anakin snapped, not so harsh as he intended, nor as forceful, and he winced when he heard how desperate he sounded.
"Sith, yes, which is why we need him. The Jedi are mistaken when they say that we have defeated the Sith. We never have. The Sith defeated themselves, and even so, they survived, even if they've been forced to the shadows for the past thousand years." Neither Jedi moved for a time while Anakin mulled it over, and finally, the Knight averted his eyes and nodded. "This change must come from within, Anakin," Qui-Gon said softly. "Obi-Wan may be our chance for that. Balance...may not be what the Jedi think it is."
"This is complicated, Master."
"The Force always is, my friend." He turned his gaze back to Padme, a faint smile on his lips, and through the mess of emotions within her, he could feel...gratitude, and the deep, profound feeling that everything was going to be alright. "May I?" he asked, holding his hands out before her, and she slowly nodded, closing her eyes when she felt Qui-Gon's long fingers slide into her hair and lightly grasp her head.
Anakin felt almost detached from himself as he watched the two, unmoving and barely breathing, the Force swirling around them in a gentle caress of calm as the Master gently reached within her, soothing and relaxing and coaxing Padmé to allow him into the deepest parts of her. His thoughts about his relationship plagued him, occupied his every thought. He never realized how...impulsive it was, how unstable the very foundations were. For so long, he had always believed love to be this unbreakable bond, a unifying feeling that could not be breached. He didn't ever expect that it could bend, that it could break, that it could move and shift as it seems to have done here, now, between him and Padmé. She wasn't lying when she said she loved him, he could sense that much. But love was not set in stone, and that emotion, like all others, flowed like water, just as the Force did. He had treated love as the foundation of his relationship, and was only now realizing that the base on which he built it was shaky and unstable, water instead of rock.
Considering all that has happened, all that had occurred between them, how their whirlwind relationship began, Anakin wondered if this wasn't somehow...planned. Not by the Force, but by the Sith that manipulated it. The true start of their relationship, after all, had been spurred by Kenobi's voice in the woman's head, a reverberating chant that had come to effect Skywalker as well, and considering that, it didn't seem entirely unlikely that Obi-Wan had planned this from the start, had forced them together only to have the chance to pull them apart when he needed to expose a weakness. And now, with the Sith Lord reportedly broken and insane, and with Skywalker bearing down upon him, the need to find the weak point in the Jedi must have been pressing. And even if it wasn't...grief was powerful, and like Qui-Gon had said, Kenobi was selfish, and if he couldn't have love, it seemed unfair for his counterpart to have it.
Padmé may, in fact, be innocent. Anakin frowned. Not innocent, perhaps, since she had always harbored a strong physical attraction to Kenobi, but this may not have happened without the Sith Lord's mental meddling. As he watched Qui-Gon work, he felt a sense of calm wash over him. He loved Padme, and even after this, he still did. But it had highlighted the cold, honest reality that love was not enough, and a relationship built solely on that was doomed to fail. They needed something stronger, something to root themselves in each other, something that could go beyond the overwhelming lust that the Sith Lord inspired, and being so far away from her for so long hadn't helped, nor did the need for secrecy between them.
It was a secret relationship, yes, one that he kept well hidden from the Council at large. Only his most trusted friends knew of it, and he had hoped it simply remained there. But the need to keep suspicion off of them had led to their encounters being brief at best, relegated to perhaps some fast talk about the state of the galaxy, their parts in the war, and then it quickly devolved into mindless, heedless passion as they fell into bed together. They couldn't do what normal couples did because their duties didn't allow it, and it left them with something deeply passionate, yes, but not deeply emotional. He should have seen this coming. All the signs were there. After all, he did have visions of it, though he had thought they were only the manifestations of his fears. If they were going to continue after this, if they were going to survive as a couple, than they'd have to start building a brand new foundation, not as lovers, but as people.
Anakin frowned. Padmé was right. This was complicated.
Qui-Gon removed his hands from Padmé and frowned, his face drawn in concentration as he tried to understand what he had seen. "Did Kenobi influence her, Master?" Anakin asked softly, hopeful, but the Master didn't move. Anakin feared for the worse, and couldn't decide if he'd rather deal with Padmé having willingly given herself to Obi-Wan, or deal with Kenobi's rape of the girl he loved.
"She has certainly been influenced," Qui-Gon muttered. "I can feel a dark touch within her, but...it's not Obi-Wan."
"W-what?" Anakin stared at the Master with his jaw slack, his eyes wide. "Are you sure? If not him, who."
Qui-Gon shook his head. "I don't know, but it's darker than Obi-Wan, deeper, more passive. I'm certain it's not him. He had always said there was a Sith Lord in the Senate...perhaps this is his doing." He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his long, graying hair. "This just keeps getting worse. Padme may be targeted by the Sith Master, not just his apprentice."
"So, Padmé-" Anakin started, but was silenced when Qui-Gon held up his hand.
"Yes and no, Anakin. Yes, she is attracted to Obi-Wan, but this isn't new, we all were aware of this." Anakin bit his lip and nodded, could feel the anger hardening deep inside him as jealousy rushed through him like a wave. "But it seems like this has been preyed on, and someone is using her feelings to manipulate her, though to what end, I have no idea. In this matter, in what happened between her and Obi-Wan...consent is highly suspect."
Anakin felt relief wash over him. Padmé was innocent, at least partly, and while they had a great deal of work to do to overcome this, he felt that it would be alright, felt the Force itself pushing him toward her. His Master had always taught him to follow the will of the Force, and it was the Force's will that he be with Padmé. It was no fault of hers that the Sith sought to manipulate this. He immediately felt guilty for his relief, however, when he understood that absolving Padmé from blame meant that she had been raped. He found himself wishing that, perhaps, she had wanted it instead. It would be painful for both of them regardless of the circumstances, but at least then, she wouldn't have to suffer the mental agony of being taken against her will.
"What could the Sith want with her?" Anakin asked. "If this wasn't Obi-Wan, than this may not have had to do with me at all."
"It's foolish to assume it doesn't have to do with you, Anakin, it's far too great of a coincidence for it not to be." Qui-Gon sighed. "But you're right in thinking this is strange, and it does seem to have many layers to it. Obi-Wan's involvement may simply be a cover for something else. For once, he may be a pawn as well, not the one pulling the strings."
"What do we do?" Padmé asked softly, drawing her knees to her chest and looking so small, so vulnerable, that Anakin couldn't help but feel the too familiar need to protect her. And he would. He would.
Qui-Gon groaned as he sat back on the floor. "I was going to suggest the two of you taking a temporary break. After all, if Obi-Wan is using you to get to Anakin, than putting distance between you two may make him leave you alone. If Anakin at least seems to have no investment in you, than there would be little cause for Obi-Wan to view you as his weakness." The Jedi growled. "But this isn't just Obi-Wan, and Padmé may serve as a piece in a larger scheme, though I cannot begin to imagine what that could be. Leaving her alone may be just as dangerous as keeping her close."
"I'm not some...piece to be moved about, Qui-Gon," Padmé snapped. "I refuse to be used like this!"
"With all due respect, Senator, what you want no longer matters." The girl's eyes narrowed, and Qui-Gon threw up his hands in surrender, biting his lip as he backtracked under the heat of her anger. "There are forces at work that we don't understand, not yet, and you have a part to play in them. You are a piece in this whether you like it or not, but that doesn't mean you are without choice." He took a deep breath. "What is your desire in regards to how we progress?"
"I want to stay with Anakin," she said without pause. "We can fight back against this together."
Qui-Gon felt the sudden swell of love and devotion to the woman from Skywalker, even through the hatred and anger he felt. His Anakin, as ever, was so very human. He would see it through this. He was given all the tools necessary to persevere, though this mess was exactly why Jedi refrained from such attachments. Anakin could see this through, but they would have a great deal of work to do. "Anakin," the Master said softly. "Is that what you want?"
"Yes," he said without hesitation. More than anything. We...have a lot to talk about, a lot to work out, but...I don't know, Master, being with her feel right."
"Do you understand that this will happen again?" The sudden flash of anger in Skywalker told Qui-Gon that he didn't consider that. "It will, Anakin. Whether you stay with her or not, Obi-Wan will be back, and he will have his way."
"No," Anakin snarled. "Not again, not ever again. I'll protect her, she'll never be left unguarded!"
"You know as well as I that you can't stay with her at all times, Anakin, the war needs you." He watched his former student bristle, a deep growl in his chest at the idea, and Qui-Gon saw the need to sit with Skywalker and reason this out soon. Anakin had always been receptive to him, had always found wisdom in his guidance. Now would be no different. His unbalanced student would be balanced again soon enough.
"But she can always been under the watch of someone, right? Another Jedi, or-"
"I'll see if we can't talk to the Council about it." Anakin frowned, anger and distrust on his face, and Qui-Gon sighed heavily. "Anakin. You may not trust the Council to see reason, but trust me to sway them. She is the focus of a Sith Lord. It is in our best interests to keep a close eye on her."
"...yes." Skywalker sighed heavily, relief and trust in the man washing over him. "Yes, you're right. This could...work to our advantage in the end," he said softly, distancing himself from the pain of betrayal as he put it in perspective. Like all things, this was a learning experience. He was hurt, yes, but he had come out wiser for it, and in the end, he and Padmé would share something stronger. Even if Qui-Gon was right about this happening again. Even if Obi-Wan had his way with his love, even if he would continue to see the Sith's mark upon her, could see in his mind the blazing passion, the heated touches, the burning kisses, the quick, hard pace he kept as they rode together to completion, his release spilled deep inside her...
He growled as he clenched his fists tightly, the ice within him thawing to the hot rage of anger. All of this only meant one thing. Obi-Wan must be destroyed, and the sooner Anakin could kill him, the sooner he could feel the Sith's vile life slipping away, the sooner he could be with Padmé without the fear of having her taken from him, without the jealousy of Kenobi's inspired lust. Without anything to stand between them.
"I'm...sorry, Padmé," Anakin said softly, and while the words were bitter, he meant them. "For letting my anger get the better of me, for choking you, I...never meant to hurt you."
"I would have done the same," she whispered, looking away from the Jedi. "Or worse. I'm sorry too, I...never meant for this to happen. I do love you, Anakin, you must believe that."
"I do," he said, nodding. "But it isn't enough. We need...something stronger."
"I agree," she said, smiling softly, almost nervously.
"Master, I want some time with Padmé to work things out."
Qui-Gon frowned, but nodded. "Don't forget your duty, my friend."
"I won't," Anakin said swiftly. "But my duty is also to Padmé. If I'm going to be her husband-"
"Husband?!" Qui-Gon gasped, looking between the two in disbelief before closing his eyes and shaking his head. It was to be expected, after all. Both were young, and passionate, foolishly so. It had been so long since Qui-Gon had been in love himself, but seeing these two together, he remembered what it was like, though he had never been quite so reckless about it. "If this is where you believe the Force is leading you, Anakin, so be it, but you must be cautious. The Sith will prey on this, and you must have the fortitude to resist."
Anakin nodded. "Will you help me, Master?"
"With all my heart, Anakin."
Skywalker took a deep breath, his path laid out before him. It wasn't an easy one, but with Padmé by his side and with Qui-Gon Jinn guiding him, he knew he could see this through. After all, with Obi-Wan in pursuit of Padmé, he now had a very clear, very simply way to trap the Sith Lord. Very soon, Obi-Wan would have nowhere left to run, and Anakin would finally slay him. Anakin Skywalker would have it no other way.