Dipper's Journal

SUMMARY: Ford finds Dipper's journal and begins to read it, but he finds some very disturbing entries; Dipper thinks his problems are a bother to his family.

MAIN CHARACTERS: Stanford Pines and Dipper Pines

WARNING: There are mentions of severe mental abuse. There is mention of suicide. If you have triggers it is not recommended that you read this.

The crisp fall wind brushed against the old wooden building that sat in the middle of the woods, its old boards creaking and groaning against the wind.

Inside, Stanford Pines was opening the door that lead to his lab in the basement, him exiting it with a yawn. He was up late once again analyzing the blood that was on the knife that was found with his grandnephew, Dipper.

It was odd that the boy was found with no wounds, but yet his blood was still on the silver blade. It made no sense, and because of that it truly intrigued Ford's scientific mind. But, it made Ford's fatherly instinct go off the radar, he felt extremely uneasy at the fact that his grandnephew tried to hurt himself again.

The medicine isn't helping him… why isn't it helping him?

The thoughts go through his head as he went through the old house, him heading to his brother's room. With a soft creak Ford opened the door, and once he heard the loud snoring of his twin brother, Stanley, he shuts it quietly. As part of his nightly routine he begins to climb the stairs that lead to the attic of the home. For a brief moment he stood in front of the door that led to the younger twins' room that they shared. He takes a deep breath and opens it.

Inside Mabel was sleeping on her bed that was on the Ford's right side of the room, her curled up with her pet pig, Waddles. On Ford's left side Dipper was leaned against the wall, as per usual, him asleep with his glasses on his face and an open journal in his lap. As Ford walked to his grandnephew's bed, the boy's Grimm kitten, Orion, lifted his head from his curled position next to the teenager. Its eyes glowed a brilliant yellow, causing Ford to shudder as he remembered whose eye it reminded him of.

As usual Ford helps Dipper get into a more comfortable sleeping position, the cat jumping off from being disturbed. First he removes the teenager's glasses so they wouldn't break and sets it aside on the nightstand. Ford then does the same with the journal that was on Dipper's lap, along with the pen that was in his hand. The old scientist lays the boy in his bed and puts the covers on him, the teenager snoring with his mouth open gently.

"Journal…" Dipper murmured in his sleep, him rolling over to curl up with his blanket. In a way Dipper doing that reminded Ford of Stan when they two were little, who loved curling up with a blanket to sleep.

But with the mention of the journal, Ford glances at it on the nightstand. The journal was black with a picture of a dark blue pine tree on the cover, it was already starting to get ragged from all the times Dipper had picked it up, the oils in his skin damaging it. Ford picks it up, it feeling familiar in his six-fingered hands as it had reminded him of his own journals that Bill had destroyed.

Not even feeling guilty for taking the journal, Ford leaves the room, gently shutting the door behind him. He descends the stairs, creaks and all, and heads into his room, shutting his door behind him. In his room he had a desk and chair, along with his own private bathroom, he had bookshelves everywhere filled to the brim with countless books. He didn't have a bed, he felt he didn't need one because of his lack of sleep, instead he just had a couch.

He sits on his couch and stares at Dipper's journal for a moment. His hands started to shake, feeling like maybe he shouldn't read it as it was invading his great nephew's privacy. However, deep inside his gut he had an uneasy feeling. He opens the journal and begins to read the first entry that was dated back in the spring after Weirdmageddon.

"April 5, 2014,

"Man, it's been a long year and a half, but I barely remember a thing… I remember hunting with Grunkle Stan… I remember the books I've read… but… I don't know what actually happened. I was told there were demons, monsters, and that I actually fought them! Apparently, I'm considered a hero, for what, I have no idea. For a little bit I couldn't remember my own family, even my twin sister, Mabel, but thanks to her, Grunkle Stan, and Grunkle Ford I remembered quite a bit. My memory was wiped because of some demon… but why? No one will tell me…

"Maybe it's for the best."

"April 15, 2014,

"I nearly passed out today… I cut my finger and the sight of the blood made me SICK to my stomach. I've never been queasy around blood, but seeing it… it made me so uncomfortable. Did something happen to me that is now hidden in the deepest part of my subconscious? I noticed that Grunkle Ford doesn't like blood either… but he is one of the bravest people I know, so what happened to him?"

"April 29, 2014,

"So much blood… I see it on my hands… Why? What happened to me?"

That last entry was scrawled out violently, as if he was terrified. Ford was already feeling uneasy reading the journal entries. As Ford flipped through the pages he noticed that many of them were just about how his day went, how his dates with Pacifica went, how school was going, and it just seemed like a normal journal.

Until it hit the beginning of October.

"October 3, 2014,

"My head is hurting… there is so much blood… I feel so sick. I threw up multiple times."

"October, 6, 2014,

"I tripped a kid at school today, I played it off like it was an accident. But… why did I do it? I would never do that… but it felt like I had to? I didn't like it… but I couldn't help but grin when I heard the kid yelp.

"What is happening to me…? I'm not liking this…"

"October 8, 2014,

"I worked in the Shack with Grunkle Stan today… it was okay until a lady came in and started yelling at me. I killed people? Did… I?" The next two sentences were heavily scribbled out. The next few sentences were suddenly erratic and there were spots of ink where the pen had broken. "THERE IS SO MUCH BLOOD. IT'S ON MY HANDS. IT'S IN MY HEAD. I HEAR THEM SCREAMING. I HEAR HIS LAUGHING. HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME. IT HURTS IT BURNS SO MUCH BLOOD HELP ME HELP ME."

Reading that made Ford nearly drop the journal. It felt like he was reading his old entries he had wrote in Journal 3 when Bill was driving him insane. This was all too familiar… it was making him terrified. He flipped through the next few pages and they were thick drawings, ink and old blood splattered on the pages, of Bill Cipher, some more detailed than others. Next to the drawings was Dipper's desperate scrawl.

"WHO IS THIS!?"

"WHY IS HE IN MY HEAD!?"

"HE'S LAUGHING AT ME."

"PINE TREE PINE TREE."

The next entry was… disturbing… it made Ford nearly want to slam the journal shut and throw it across the room.

"PINE TREE SHOULD JUMP OFF SOMEWHERE HIGH, PINE TREE SHOULD JUST DIE. YOU THINK YOU'RE SO CLEVER DON'T YOU? WELL, HOW ABOUT YOU JUST TAKE A GUN TO YOUR HEAD AND PULL THROUGH? I'LL ALWAYS BE IN YOUR HEAD PINE TREE, SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST SET YOURSELF FREE?"

The next few pages were just filled to the brim with the words "HELP ME".

"She was right…" Ford whispered to himself, his voice shaking. "If they live they go insane… how am I supposed to help him?" He shuts the journal gently then he sets it off to the side. Ford does a shaky sigh, him putting his face in his hands. "I have to help him… I have to help him…"

"Why do you have my journal, Grunkle Ford?" Dipper's voice was in the doorway. Ford jumps up from his couch, he didn't notice that the door had opened.

Dipper stood in the doorway, his brown eyes hard. He wore a simple black t-shirt with red pajama pants.

"Dipper… what are you doing up?" Ford asks, his voice soft.

"I can ask you the same thing." Dipper replied callously.

Ford walks over to the teenager. "Dipper… are you okay…? Is there something you want to talk about…?" he gently asks him. "Please… if there is anything you want to talk about, you can with me."

Dipper glances away, his face scrunched up with uneasiness. "I… I don't know…" he replied honestly. "I don't remember writing that half the time… my eye is always hurting… my head aches all the time… I feel so sick… Did… this happen to you, Grunkle Ford?"

It was Ford's turn to look uneasy. "Yes… similar things happened to me back then… but in recent times I haven't had that happen," the old scientist admitted honestly.

Dipper then just bursts into tears, him almost looking like a small child. His body shook violently, he began to lower himself to the ground and wrap his arms around his legs. Ford's heart broke for him and he lowers himself next to his great nephew, him wrapping his arms around the teenager.

"Am I going to better…?" Dipper sobbed. "I feel like I'm not… I stabbed myself… but did I? Was it a hallucination?"

"What…?" Ford gasped. Did he just admit that he had stabbed himself?

"I don't know anymore…!" Dipper cries out. "I hear Bill in my head… I know he's dead… but I feel like he is still there! I still feel like some sort of puppet!" His mouth then twists up in such an animalistic way that Ford wanted to cringe, but he didn't. "I've always hated puppets… ever since as a little kid… but I became one…" He then wipes his eyes, his face going soft again. "I want to talk about it… but I feel like a bother…"

Ford then forces Dipper to look at him. "Listen to me, you will get better, we are all here for you. You can talk to me at any time; pound on my door, come to my lab, you will not be a bother! I love you very much, you have shown me when I came back through the portal to trust people again, to have fun… you and Mabel are the reason why I did make up with Stanley. You can never be a bother, Dipper, remember that, please."

The teenager hugs his great uncle genuinely. "Thank you…" he whispers.

"You're welcome," Ford hugged him back. "And I mean every word of it." He then looks at his clock on his desk with a frown. "You should get to bed, it's getting late, Dipper."

Dipper gives a frown. "Okay, Grunkle Ford," he mumbles. "But… how do you get to sleep and not think about… you know?" he then asks.

Ford's face turns a little pink. "I just… remember something that makes me very happy, and most of the times when I sleep those memories come back," he admits a little shyly. He was honestly thinking of a certain raven haired woman.

Dipper gives a small smile, the boy remembering how his great uncle had mentioned a person before. "I see what you're saying," he gives a little a chuckle. "I'll try that." He then goes to the doorway to leave. "Goodnight, Grunkle Ford."

"Goodnight, Dipper." Ford gives a small wave as Dipper left, shutting the door behind him. Dipper didn't grab his journal when he left, it was still on Ford's couch.

Ford walks up to the journal and opened it to the latest page that Dipper had most likely written that night. There were two sentences that made Ford's skin crawl.

"BONDED TO THE SOUL."

"FIND THE WHEEL… MAGUM'S COMING BACK."

A/N: Well, now to post the chapter of "Beyond the Portal" that actually explains the little details in this short story.

Also, I am starting to feel super bad for Dipper and Ford... they are my favorite characters on the show and I'm just torturing them...

AND YES DIPPER WILL GET BETTER DON'T WORRY HE WILL GET BETTER!

Thank you for reading as always!

~Skye Hendersen~