Thank you so much for your reviews! They really mean a lot! I hope there are not too many typos and mistakes – I wrote most of it last night.
Have a bit of Halloween silliness :) But also warning: Angst afterwards!
31st October 2012
Halloween was the first day Charles hated being in 2012. He disliked the whole trick or treating and even more so the costumes. To prepare him for that day, Simon had shown him Halloween videos on YouTube, so that Charles was able to imagine what it was like. His blood pressure rose dangerously when Phyllis told him about an invitation to a Halloween party at Becky's – no entrance without costume. He had tried to explain to Phyllis that he thought the whole thing annoying and didn't want to go. Unfortunately, Phyllis loved Halloween and had been angry with him that he who always claimed to love traditions treated this one so badly. In his determination to not wear a costume and eat monster food, he had snapped at her: "Not that kind of traditions!"
God, how huffy she had been. For a moment he had been sure she would slap him, but that was something she would never do. Instead, she had only talked to him if it was absolutely necessary and after just one day, he hadn't been able to stand it any longer. It was bad enough that he and Elsie were still at odds, not having spoken a word since their argument at the hospital. He couldn't bear the same with Phyllis. It hadn't been much of a problem to apologise and promise to respect the traditions she valued in the future, but it had cost him all he had to agree to go to the party. Phyllis had told him how much it meant to her that he had given in and had promised that they wouldn't stay too long. And then she had done her best to find a costume for him that didn't make him feel as though he was giving up all of his dignity.
Now they were holding hands and on their way to Becky. A frightening large number of children dressed as all sorts of horrific creatures were passing them, making Charles wish he could hide away in Downton's wine cellar until it was all over and safe to come out. Phyllis was dressed up as the Wicked Witch of the East form The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Her first idea for his costume had been Count Dracula, but Charles had escaped being painted with fake blood by pointing out that beard and vampire didn't work well together. And now he was dressed up as Captain Flint from Treasure Island which was probably worse than Dracula. His eyes were painted black with eyeliner, he couldn't see properly thanks to the eye patch and the tricorn was itchy as was his beard, because Phyllis had painted that black too with theatre make-up. The white shirt he was wearing was half open and the black vest and coat were also open. As a result he was freezing, but he didn't have the heart to cover the skull and crossbones tattoo Phyllis' had drawn on the left part of his chest. Even if he didn't like it, she could have been a fine make-up artist. At least the leather boots and the black woollen trousers kept him warm. The closer they came to Becky's house, the more Charles realised how angry he still was. Phyllis knew exactly how uncomfortable he was and yet she didn't spare him this.
Most guests had already arrived and were scrimmaging around the buffet. Charles excused himself immediately, grabbing a paper plate and filling it with the food he could identify: Sausages, cake and carrots. Then he sneaked outside onto the terrace. He preferred freezing to the company of the guests, something he usually would have never thought could ever happen. Angrily he removed the eye patch and started eating his dinner. He couldn't remember to have ever eaten a piece of cake so angrily.
"Charles?"
He jumped at the sound of Elsie's voice and choked on a huge bite of cake, coughing heavily, feeling how his face turned a deep shade of red. Elsie took the plate from him and helplessly stared at him. "Damn", Charles spluttered in-between coughs. He spotted the wine glass in Elsie's hand and without hesitation grabbed it and swallowed the remaining sips. Having a free hand now, Elsie started tapping him on the back and finally Charles' lungs calmed and he took in a deep breath. "That was unpleasant", he commented.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you", Elsie said. "I didn't expect you here."
"I wouldn't have come, but Phyllis insisted", he explained.
"I see. Well, at least we have something in common then", Elsie told him.
He raised his eyebrows at her questioningly.
"I'm only here, because Becky is my sister. I hate Halloween. I feel absolutely ridiculous in this costume", she said, looking down at herself. She was also dressed up as witch, wearing a quite revealing black dress. "I never understood why these costumes always seem to try to make you look like a…", she stopped herself. "You know what I mean", she whispered then.
"I think so, yes", he told her.
For some reason Elsie only now became aware of his bare chest, swallowing at the sight of it. Muscular, nicely tanned, only a bit of grey hair and a quite impressive fake tattoo. "Aren't you cold?", she asked dumbly.
He chuckled. "I could ask you the same", he countered, referring to her legs which were only covered by thin stockings and her plunging neckline which he pretended not to see.
"I am", she admitted. "But at least you can cover up. If I wear a coat I look like super bad dressed old lady and I don't even want to imagine the comments Becky would throw my way for that."
"Apart from the fact that you are most certainly not old, I doubt you could manage to look bad in anything", Charles complimented her.
Elsie was taken aback. "So we are friends again?", she asked hopefully.
"We never stopped being friends. Arguments happen and I'm sorry for the part I played", he told her.
"I'm sorry too", she said quietly. The urge to tell him that she had missed him was huge, but she resisted.
"May I ask you something? If you refer to yourself as old what on earth am I?", he asked seriously.
Elsie smiled, shaking her head. "I knew you wouldn't compliment me without a background thought."
"Never", he laughed.
"Let's settle on middle aged then", she suggested.
"Sounds good", he agreed.
"Now, how are we going to stand the rest of the party?", she asked.
"I don't know. Sneak away?"
"Are you serious?"
He shrugged. "I don't think we'd miss anything."
"You have changed, you know. You have become modern", she pointed out.
"Is that good or bad?", he asked.
"Good, I think", she answered honestly and added with a smile: "And where would we sneak to?"
"Home where we could change into something normal and then we'd order pizza and have a nice evening", he said.
"I'm sure Phyllis would object", Elsie reminded him.
He got rather thoughtful at that.
"Is everything all right between you two?", Elsie asked.
"It would be, only I'm not sure that…", now he stopped himself. "Never mind."
Charles words confused Elsie. She knew it wasn't the right moment to dig deeper, even if she wished he would tell her what was troubling him. Instead, she decided to do what any good friend would do: Distract him. "Let's get inside before we both catch our deaths. There's a nice corner in the living room where we can live through this evening without taking heavy damage."
Charles was utterly grateful to be on good terms again with Elsie. And he was determined to keep it that way.
…
On the way home, Charles and Phyllis didn't talk. Only when they had removed the make-up and changed into their night clothes, Phyllis broke the silence. "You are angry with me, aren't you?"
Charles climbed into bed and turned away from her. "I'm not angry", he said quietly. "I'm disappointed. I had hoped you'd understand me and spare me this evening."
"You could have made yourself clearer that you don't want to go."
"Clearer? I told you multiple times that I don't want to celebrate this nonsense and was grumpy all over the place", he said angrily, turning to face her.
"I know", Phyllis admitted sheepishly. "I'm sorry."
"That's settled then", Charles stated and turned away from her again. "Good night."
Phyllis switched off the light and climbed into bed beside him. "This feels awful", she whispered.
Charles frowned. "What does?"
"Arguing." She sighed angrily. "I can't believe we are arguing over Halloween."
He didn't comment on that.
"I'm such a dopey cow", she groaned.
Charles gave in and sat up, grabbing her by the shoulders and pulling her into a hug. "It's all right. Let's forget this whole story."
"Did you really hate it so much?", she mumbled into his neck.
"It turned out all right in the end. But promise me that I never have to wear that costume again."
"I promise", she said in all seriousness.
"Good", he replied softly.
"I love you, Charles Carson", she whispered.
He found himself unable to return that and instead guiltily kissed her hair.
…
19th December 2012
Phyllis and Charles were planning to spend Christmas in Manchester with Phyllis' parents. Their train would leave in the afternoon. Charles had mixed feelings about it, but if he stayed in a relationship with Phyllis meeting her parents would be inevitable. The only problem was that Charles wasn't sure if he wanted to stay with Phyllis. He didn't have the courage to tell her about his chaotic feelings. While she didn't make it a secret that she loved him, he hid well enough that he didn't think he returned her love. His mind was constantly working on getting to the bottom of what he felt, but his heart seemed unwilling to share it.
He was packing the last few things, when his phone rang. Fishing it out of his pocket, he was surprised when the display showed Tommy's name. "Hello? Tom?", he answered.
"Charles, something happened", Tommy said, his voice shaking.
"What is it? Where are you?", Charles asked alarmed.
"It's mum. She's in hospital. Can you come, please?", Tommy begged.
"It will be all right, Tom. I'll be there in ten minutes", Charles said calmly.
"Thank you", the boy sniffed and hung up.
Now Charles allowed himself to panic. "Phyllis?", he shouted through her flat, grabbing his coat.
"Yes?", she asked, poking her head out of the kitchen, frowning when he put on his shoes. "Where are you going?"
"To the hospital. Tom called me. Something is wrong with Elsie", he said hectically.
"But what about the train?"
"Phyllis, my best friend is in hospital and her son called me, drenched in tears, begging me to come and I'm supposed to care about a stupid train?", he shouted.
Phyllis ran one hand through her hair. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I'll drive you."
Charles softened at that. "Thank you."
…
They were running together through the hospital in search of the corridor where Tommy was. Finally, Charles spotted the boy, sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. "Tom!", he called out.
Tommy looked up and jumped to his feet. He ran towards Charles who opened his arms and hugged Tommy tightly. "I'm here, Tom. It's all right", Charles whispered. "Now", he continued and stepped back, holding Tommy by the shoulders. "What happened?"
"I came home from cricket training and she was in the kitchen, grabbing the counter, being all pale and then she just collapsed", Tommy told him hastily.
Charles pulled him back into his embrace. "She's in good hands here, Tom", he assured him. "Let's sit down", he said. Tommy leaned against him when they were sitting side by side on the uncomfortable chairs. Phyllis stood in front of them, not sure what to do until Charles offered her his hand which she gladly took. He pulled her next to him, holding her hand tightly, trying to draw strength from her. He had put his other arm around Tommy, squeezing the boy's shoulder. Closing his eyes, he sent a silent prayer heavenwards that Dr. Tapsell would come out of whatever room he was in and examining Elsie, and tell them that she was fine. That it was nothing. But Charles had a feeling that this wouldn't be the case. One didn't collapse out of the blue because of nothing. Staring at the floor, Charles fought to stay calm, his grip on Phyllis' hand tightening. The silence between and around them seemed to last for hours, but then a door opened, making them all three look up.
"Mum!", Tommy shouted and jumped up, almost knocking Elsie over when he hugged her.
Charles got up, not releasing Phyllis' hand. Elsie was very pale and he could have sworn her eyes were a little red as if she had cried and still she managed to look like she was all right. When she saw them, she raised her eyebrows. "Why are you two here?", she asked more unfriendly than she had intended.
Charles found himself unable to reply. After Halloween they had gotten along better again, but not quite the way they had before the Green fiasco. Sometimes Charles felt like she was keeping him at a certain distance, but he still thought of her as his best friend and didn't question her behaviour. But given the fact that she was in hospital and yet questioned his presence made him rather speechless. Phyllis replied in his stead, sensing that he was at a loss for words. "Tommy called him, asking him to come."
"Oh, ok", Elsie said.
Charles found his voice again. "How are you?"
"I'm fine. I forgot to stay hydrated and my circulation went on a strike", Elsie explained. "No need for you two to miss your train. Enjoy Christmas."
Charles was hurt at Elsie's repellent attitude towards him. "I'm glad", he said, his voice sounding both cold and hurt. "I'll not worry about you next time then." He turned to Phyllis. "Let's go and catch our train."
Elsie swallowed hard, choking back tears and any words that would have told him that she wanted him to stay. Tommy was looking at her disappointed. "I thought you made up at Becky's party", he said quietly.
"It's not that simple, Tommy", she answered. "Now let's go home and have a nice evening."
Tommy grumbled something, but walked with her down the corridor. Elsie was relieved that they didn't catch up with Charles and Phyllis. It had been an awful idea to give in to the feeling of missing him. It had made her hurt worse again and now she felt like she had ripped her own heart out by being unfriendly and pushing him away again. After what Dr. Tapsell had told her she needed him desperately, but instead she had lied to him, to her son and to Phyllis and had sent Becky a message to come over to only share Dr. Tapsell's diagnosis with her.
…
As soon as Phyllis was sure they were out of view she let go of Charles' hand. "What on earth was that?", she scolded him.
"What?", he asked in disbelief.
"I'll not worry about you next time then", she quoted him, spitting the words out, disgusted by them. "Have you lost your mind? In front of Tommy nonetheless. I know Elsie was a bit short-spoken – which shouldn't be surprising given that she had to be treated in hospital – but that doesn't give you the right to be so rude and unfeeling."
Charles stared at her dumbfounded. "I…That is…Sorry?", he stuttered.
"Really, Charles", she sighed, sounding much softer now. "You'll call her before Christmas and apologise, ok?"
Charles stared down at his feet. "Phyllis, I'm not sure she wants to talk to me."
Phyllis frowned. "Do you think she's pushing you away?"
Charles shrugged. "It looks like it."
"Do you remember that argument she had with Simon? At the beach? He said something about her loving another man and she replied she wasn't sure", Phyllis said.
"And?", Charles asked, oblivious to the fact that Phyllis was trying to point out something.
She let out an exasperated sigh. "I think you are that man."
Charles suffered a fit of coughing. "Nonsense!"
"But that would explain why she's pushing you away", Phyllis answered back.
Charles stayed silent. They had reached her car and Charles quickly got in, hoping Phyllis wouldn't continue their conversation. She got in next to him and started the engine. She didn't speak until she had parked near the train station. It had started to snow. "How do you feel about Elsie?", she asked.
Charles fingered his beard nervously and then turned to Phyllis as much as the small seat allowed. "Phyllis, I'm with you. Elsie is a dear friend to me, but I'm with you."
"You know, you've never said that you love me", she said quietly.
Charles was searching for words, his heart aching at the sight of Phyllis shaking bottom lip and a hint of tears in her brown eyes. He took a deep breath, deciding to tell her the truth. "I haven't said that I love you, because I'm not sure I do, at least not the way you love me. And this has nothing to do with Elsie."
"Then why are you staying with me?", she asked, her voice trembling.
"You mean a lot to me, Phyllis. I don't want to lose you. I just… I'm not sure what my heart is trying to tell me", he tried to explain.
"You are a wonderful man, Charles Carson", she said, not able to stop the tears any longer.
"Are you ending this?", Charles asked, his voice nearly failing him. Phyllis looked at him, his heart breaking at the pain reflected in her eyes.
…
Becky stared at Elsie, her eyebrows drawn together. They were sitting in Elsie's office and Becky was not quite sure why she was there. Elsie handed her a cup of tea, her hand shaking when she did so. Slowly she sat down, facing her sister. Becky took a sip of the tea and then placed the cup firmly on Elsie's desk. "Now, why did you want me to come? Your message sounded rather… serious", Becky said, watching how her sister nervously bit her bottom lip. "I collapsed earlier and was in hospital", she told her.
"What?", Becky shouted. "Why?"
Elsie raised her hands to stop her sister. "Let me finish. I collapsed, Tommy called an ambulance, Dr. Tapsell examined me properly while Tommy called Charles, because he was worried. And I told them it was only my circulation striking, because I hadn't drunk enough water."
Becky folded her arms across her chest. "But that's not it, is it?"
Elsie shook her head. "It's true that I collapsed, because of what I said, but Dr. Tapsell found something else." Elsie closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her voice shaking when she continued. "There is a lump in my chest and it could be cancer."
Silence filled the room. Then Becky let out a shocked gasp. "You have cancer?"
"No, no!", Elsie said quickly. "That is, Dr. Tapsell has yet to let it be confirmed by the laboratory. But it's likely that I'm already dying."
Becky stared at her, utterly shocked. "Let me get this straight: You lied to Tommy and Charles about it?"
"I couldn't tell them, could I?", Elsie said.
"Tommy not, perhaps, unless it's confirmed. But Charles? Elsie, as far as I'm concerned you love this man and you keep him at arm's length which I don't judge, but when you really are as ill as cancer than for fucks sake tell the man you love and let him be there for you!"
"Phyllis was with him and they want to spend Christmas with her parents. They are happy together and I'm not going to destroy that", Elsie defended herself.
Becky stared at her dumbfounded. "Did you just tell me that you indeed love Charles on top of the fact that you might have cancer?"
Elsie sighed. "Yes."
"I told you!", Becky exclaimed offended.
"Becky, I might be dying in which case Tommy will be an orphan. Could we focus on that?", she snapped, breaking into tears the very next moment.
Becky hugged her sister. "Sorry, Els", she mumbled.
…
When Becky and Elsie were in agreement that it wasn't too obvious that Elsie had cried they returned downstairs. Becky grabbed the phone. "Shall I order pizza?"
Elsie looked outside. "I think a snow storm is about to begin."
"Let me guess: The delivery boys are all students or ex-students of yours?", Becky sighed.
"Correct", Elsie confirmed.
"Well, I'll order, so what would you like?", Becky said.
Elsie smiled weakly. "Margarita."
"Tommy?", Becky shouted. "We're ordering pizza." There was no answer. "Does he listen to music with headphones? Gwen does it all the time. She'll be deaf by the time she's twenty and she never hears me when I call after her."
"Usually he doesn't do that", Elsie said. "I go up and check on him."
Becky nodded, walking into the living room. She flopped herself onto the couch, waiting patiently. Elsie stormed downstairs minutes later. "He's not here!", she shouted in panic.
"What? Are you sure?", Becky asked, jumping onto her feet.
Elsie nodded, her gaze falling upon the wardrobe in the hallway. "His shoes, cardigan and keys are gone."
"Do you think he overheard us and ran away?", Becky said.
"Oh my god", Elsie gasped. "It's freezing and snowing heavily. He shouldn't be out in this weather. We have to go looking for him!"
"No, you won't leave this house! I'm calling a few friends and we'll look for him. You stay in case he comes back", Becky ordered, already dialing a number.
Elsie paced up and down in the living room while Becky talked to several people on the phone. She came back into the living room, already wearing her coat. "Right, I got Thomas and Jimmy, Wilson, Michael, Simon and Richard."
Elsie nodded. "Good."
"I think we should call Charles as well", Becky told her.
"He's probably already on his way to Manchester", Elsie reminded her.
"We both know how close Tommy and Charles are. It wouldn't be right not to call him, no matter where he is", Becky pointed out.
"You're right", Elsie admitted.
Becky nodded and picked Charles number from the contacts.
…
Phyllis hadn't answered him yet and then his bloody phone rang. He cursed, fishing the thing out and wanting to reject the call, but it said that it was Elsie.
"Pick up", Phyllis said softly.
Charles looked at her apologetically and answered. "Elsie?"
"No, this is Becky. Are you still in Downton?", Becky asked him.
"I am, why?", he replied.
"Okay, listen, Tommy ran away and we have to find him before this weather gets worse. Can I count on your help?"
"Tom did what?", Charles shouted.
"There's no time to explain. Can I count on your help or not?"
Charles looked at Phyllis, aware that the answer he gave Becky could end this. "Yes, I'll help you", he said and hung up. "I'm so sorry", he whispered.
Phyllis grabbed his hand. "What happened?"
"Tom has gone missing. I need to help them find him", Charles said.
Phyllis nodded. "Yes, you do." She raised her free hand to his cheek and stroked it with her thumb. "I think it might be best if you stayed here. You can think about us and your feelings then while I'm in Manchester. And whatever you decide, I'll be ok with it. I want you to be happy, Charles, because I love you." She kissed him tenderly. He could feel how she was still shaking. "And now go and find Tommy", she whispered against his lips.
He didn't know what to say and kissed her cheek before getting out of the car and running through the snow. Phyllis closed her eyes, breathing in his scent that still lingered around her before she gave in to the urge to cry her heart out, sobbing all alone in her car.
…
Charles ran into Becky, Coach Barrow and DC Kent at the cricket club. "Any sign of him?", he asked the three who all shook their heads. "Damn", Charles cursed. He had hoped that Tommy would have gone to the cricket club which was his favourite place in town.
"We need to find him quickly. This snow blizzard is getting worse by the minute", Coach Barrow said.
"And it's getting darker", DC Kent added.
Charles mind was racing. Tommy could be anywhere. Or could he? He looked at Becky. "Where's the graveyard?", he asked.
Becky looked at him confused and then it dawned on her. "The graveyard, of course. This way!", she told them and started running, the three men not far behind. Downton had a new, bigger graveyard than the one Charles knew and Becky led them there quickly. "Fuck!", she shouted when they arrived.
"What is it?", Charles asked.
"I don't remember where Joe's grave is, only that it was far from the entrance", she replied.
Charles blinked away a snowflake that had gotten caught in his eyelashes. "We split up", he said.
"Let's go then!", Coach Barrow replied and started running to the left. DC Kent chose the right and Charles and Becky ran ahead. She was forced to get out her torch. With the snow falling heavily and the enormous clouds blocking the setting sun it had gotten extremely dark. Finally, Charles could make out a shadow that wasn't a gravestone, but a person. He sprinted towards it, relieved when he was close enough to see that it was indeed Tommy who had curled up into a ball next to his father's grave. He was shaking violently, only wearing a cardigan. The boy looked up, his face shining with tears. "Charles?"
Charles fell onto his knees next to Tommy. "It's me, Tom", Charles confirmed and pulled Tommy into his arms, trying to shield him from the cold. His gaze fell on the gravestone.
Here lies
Joe Burns
*11th March 1959 - 14th May 2010
Beloved Husband & Father
Charles placed a kiss on Tommy's head and lifted him from the ground.
"I'll call the others and let them know that we found him", Becky said. "Bring him home, will you?"
"Of course", he said and walked back into the direction where they had come from, wishing he had a blanket to cover the boy with. He was far too cold. Charles walked as fast as he could back to Elsie's house, Tommy clinging to him.
"Why did you ran away?", Charles asked quietly.
Tommy whimpered at that.
"I really need to know", Charles said softly. He could hear and feel Tommy sob and automatically tightened his grip on him. "I heard mum and Becky talk", he cried. "She lied in the hospital."
Charles heart skipped a beat, but he hid his nervousness. Tommy continued: "She said that she could have cancer and is dying and that I'd be an orphan."
Charles swallowed hard, tears filling his eyes. "She said she could have cancer. That means that it's not yet confirmed", he told Tommy, clutching at that one straw he found in Tommy's words. "You needn't give up hope, Tom. We must always travel in hope."
Charles knock at Elsie's door was weak, but she had been on alert and heard him anyway. "Oh, thank god", she gasped at the sight of her son being in Charles' safe embrace.
"I don't want to talk to her", Tommy said, referring to Elsie who choked back tears.
"I better take him upstairs. He's freezing", Charles said and walked past her, not ready to face her and wanting to respect Tommy's wish. He let him down in his room. "Now, I want you go to the bathroom and take a warm bath. Then you put on your pyjama and go to bed", Charles instructed him gently.
Tommy nodded and soon had disappeared in the bathroom. Charles walked back downstairs where Elsie stood in the hallway, staring at the closed front door. "Phyllis brought your suitcase", she said, pointing at it standing in the hallway. "She thought you might need some dry clothes when you come back", she said without looking at him.
"Phyllis was here?", Charles asked.
Elsie nodded. "She looked terrible and said that she would go alone to Manchester. You didn't break up, did you?"
Charles grabbed the suitcase. "Not yet", he said. "I don't want to talk about it. I'll go up and change." He turned around and hurried back up, changing into dry clothes in the guest room. He had just finished when someone knocked softly. It was Tommy. "Would you tuck me in?", he asked hopefully and Charles nodded, picking him up and bringing him to his room. He put him down on the bed, tucking him in, making sure Tommy was warm, hoping that he wouldn't be ill in the morning. "Charles, can you stay until I've fallen asleep?", Tommy asked then, his eyes red from crying and new tears threatening to fall. Charles nodded again and climbed into bed next to Tommy who cuddled into Charles' side. It took perhaps ten minutes until Tommy relaxed and breathed calmly.
Charles stroked the boy's hair absentmindedly, thinking about what he had said about Elsie's condition. Suddenly he could feel her presence and looked up. She was leaning in the doorway, her eyes red rimmed, her arms folded tightly around herself. Charles placed a kiss on Tommy's head and carefully got up, making sure the boy was lying comfortably. On his way out he switched off the light. Elsie was walking downstairs and he followed, watching her how she sat down at the kitchen table, clenching her hands together. He sat down next to her, looking at her hands and nowhere else when he spoke. "Why did you lie to me?"
She didn't answer, instead looked away from him and closed her eyes to stop them from burning with tears.
"Elsie, please, whatever reason you had to lie to me, I want to know", he begged. "What's wrong between us?"
She took a steadying breath and swallowed, praying that her voice wouldn't fail her. "Nothing is wrong between us, not really. I know I pushed you away and I'm sorry, but there are things I'd rather not say."
"We all have things we don't want to say", Charles agreed gently.
"I lied, because I knew if I told you, you would want to help. And since Halloween I'm aware that your relationship with Phyllis is not as it should be. I wanted you to have a nice Christmas with her and I knew you'd give that up if I told you", she explained.
Charles reached for her folded hands and covered them with his. "I admire you for your struggle to always put other peoples' needs before your own, I really do, but that's not always the right thing to do." He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. "What's happening between Phyllis and me is my fault. You have no part in it."
"Ok", she said quietly.
"And you are right about one thing: I want to help. I would never abandon you or Tom, not after what you've done for me. You mean a lot to me, both of you", he said, his voice calm with a deep ring of sincerity and honesty. "And now please tell me exactly what Dr. Tapsell said. I need to know."
Elsie grabbed his hand that was still covering hers and held it tightly. Not able to hold his gaze she looked at the table. "There's a sort of lump in my chest. He found it, because he insisted on a proper check through after I collapsed and that really was because of what I told you. There's a possibility that it is cancer, but I'll only know for sure tomorrow when the test results are there. So, who knows? I could be ill and be dying right now, or it's just something harmless and will be forgotten by Christmas Day." Her voice trembled, although she tried to sound hopeful. "Was Tommy very angry with me?"
Charles shook his head. "He's not angry. He's terrified of losing you. After you were attacked by Green he was much the same."
"Thank you for being there for him", she said quietly.
Charles studied her, running his thumb over her knuckles. "How are you?"
She frowned. "I just told you how I am."
Charles shook his head. "I mean how you feel."
Elsie bit her bottom lip. "I'm terrified. I don't want to die, Charles", she said, shaken by sobs.
Charles gently pulled at her hands, managing to get her to stand and pull her onto his lap, allowing her to bury her face in the crook of his neck. His was running his hands up and down her back soothingly, resting his chin on top of her head. He didn't think words could make her feel better, but he had learned that a hug could always help. "I think it would be best if you went to bed. You've had an awful day and need to be well rested tomorrow."
"You're right", she said, hoarse from crying. "You can stay in the guest room if you like."
"Thank you", Charles said and stood up. "When is your appointment tomorrow?"
"Eleven", she answered. Their fingers brushed against each other when they walked upstairs side by side. At Elsie's bedroom door, Charles bid her good night. When he had closed the door to the guest room, he took a few deep breaths, trying to get rid of the pain in his chest. He didn't succeed. Leaning against the door, he slid down onto the floor, pressing his hand against his mouth to keep the sobs quiet. He had quite possibly lost Phyllis and now faced the threat of losing Elsie too. Hadn't he lost enough? His old life and everyone in it? Was it really necessary that he lost more?
…
Elsie smelled bacon and eggs when she came downstairs at half past nine the next morning. She hadn't slept well, but better than expected. Seeing that it was Charles who had made breakfast conjured a smile on her face. Tommy was already sitting at the table, drinking a huge cup of hot chocolate.
Charles offered her a warm smile when he saw her. "Morning", he said. "Tea?"
"Yes, please", she replied and sat down, a full British breakfast on the plate before her. Her heart melted a little at him caring so wonderfully for herself and Tommy. He placed the cup of tea on the table and sat down, starting to eat his own breakfast. There were dark circles under his eyes, giving away the fact that he had tossed and turned for hours before falling into a light sleep. Elsie's gaze fell on Tommy who was just drinking his hot chocolate and nibbling half heartily at a piece of toast.
"How are you, Tommy?", she asked softly.
"I have a cold", he said crestfallen, sounding hoarse and muffled from his blocked nose.
"I'll make sure he gets back to bed after breakfast", Charles told her. "Do you think I should let Dr. Tapsell check in on him?"
"No, as long as he doesn't have a fever he should be all right with bed rest and hot chocolate", Elsie assured him.
"Mum, you will tell me the truth whatever that thing in your chest is, right?", Tommy asked and coughed heavily.
"I will, lambie, I promise", she breathed gently.
"I love you", Tommy said. "I'm sorry I ran away yesterday."
"It's all right", she assured him. "And I love you too."
Tommy coughed again. "I'm cold", he said, less than thrilled.
"Back to bed, young man", Charles ordered. Tommy got up, the chair scratching over the floor. He walked slowly up the stairs, not taking two steps at a time as usual.
"Thank you for making breakfast", Elsie said.
"You're welcome and I didn't even burn down the kitchen", Charles joked, but the smile didn't reach his eyes.
"Quite an achievement indeed", she replied, trying to lighten the mood. The look they exchanged then was filled with worry and pain. Charles offered his hand, glad to feel Elsie's strong fingers being intertwined with his. "Whatever happens, you will take care of Tommy, won't you?", Elsie whispered.
Charles squeezed her hand. "I promise."
…
Charles had been pacing around downstairs after she had left. He had offered going with her, but she had told him that she needed to do this on her own. Now he was sitting on the very edge of the settee, checking his pocket watch every minute. It was nearly half past twelve. Tommy was asleep. Charles was close to tearing his hair out in desperation for news when the front door was finally opened. He jumped onto his feet and rushed into the hallway. Elsie had just hung her keys at the keyboard and turned around. Charles couldn't interpret the look on her face, until her eyes filled with tears and her hands started shaking. It hit Charles then that if the news weren't good, Elsie would die, be gone forever in just a few months. He grabbed the end of the banister, his knuckles turning white. "No, god, please, no", he cried, his voice trembling violently.
"Charles, I'm fine", Elsie said then. "It's just a small cyst, nothing more."
Charles stared at her, blinking away the tears that blurred his vision. "You're fine?", he asked, not quite believing it yet.
She nodded. "Yes, I'm fine."
Charles sobbed and laughed at the same time, relief washing over him. "Thank God." He bent down to hug her, lifting her off of her feet and twirling her around, making her shriek with laughter. "Charles, let me down!", she laughed. "Please."
Slightly embarrassed at his emotional outburst he let her down. "Sorry, I'm just very happy that you're all right."
She smiled at him, unbuttoning her coat. He helped her out of it. "Tommy is asleep."
"Good, I'll tell him when he's awake", Elsie said. "I guess, I'll just go up and read for a bit."
Charles raised his hand with a wagging finger. "No, I will call Becky now and ask her over. We'll celebrate that."
"Celebrate?", Elsie asked, raising her eyebrows. "And what had you in mind?"
"Hot chocolate, some toast, a warm blanket and an appropriate film for Tommy. A Margaux and pizza for the adults", he offered.
Elsie smiled. "Sounds wonderful. I'll go up and change into something more comfortable."
Charles beamed at her. "Great."
She shook her head at him. Last time she had had a best friend like that had been in her university years. At the top of the stairs she stopped and strained her ears. She could swear that she heard his deep baritone sing. Her heart stuttered when she understood what he was singing. Dashing away with a smoothing iron… Dashing away with a smoothing iron… She stole my heart away…
Next: Christmas :)