Taylor's POV

Oh gee, no wonder the Boss is such a mess, the evil witch has had her claws in him since he was fifteen. No wonder then he overreacts to situations like a fifteen year old boy, he has been under her control since then and hasn't figured out how to deal with emotions because she controlled everything for him. This is fucked up with a capital F, oooh, that must be what he worked out the other night when he refused to see her and why he was such a mess the next day.

Oh fuck, look at the look on his face, look at the expression on everyone else's faces.
Where's he going? I follow him outside. "Taylor give me the keys" he says and his eyes are empty, his face is a shade of grey, he looks like he is going to break.

"There is no way you are driving Sir. Tell me where you want to go," I state as calmly as I can, it is my job now to protect him from himself, there is no way he is going to be out of my eyesight for the foreseeable future.

"Just fucking give them to me or you're fired," he screams and I say "That may well be but.." and I decide to go out on a limb and say "There's a whole family in that room there that cares about you and is devastated at what they just heard, Ana in the hospital that needs you and Gail and I that will do anything to protect you, even from yourself so you can either accept that and allow me to drive you without complaint or I will restrain you and drive you to Dr Flynn," and I stand my ground. I know his abilities and he is not going to be able to get the keys from me or have access to any other vehicle.

And he just folds against the outside of the house, head on his knees and burying his hands in his hair. "They hate me, I've just lost everything." he whispers sounding completely shattered.

I take one more liberty while I can and say "I suggest you engage Carrick on whatever case you are building against the witch and make the most of the anger everyone is feeling towards her, you have more than me watching your back." He huddles himself up further, hugging his knees and looks like he is going to be sick.

I don't know if I have convinced him that somehow his family isn't going to cut him off, god knows where he saw that in their faces because all I saw was anger aimed at one Elena Lincoln and an absolutely horrified and enraged Grace who looked like she would have killed her and buried the body without a qualm. This from a lady that has always seemed cool, calm and collected under any circumstances thrown her way and always a "lady" but an amazing tigress when she realised the amount of damage done to her son, I must say I was impressed.

At the same time we both hear screaming coming from within the house "Where is he? I have to find Christian. I fed him to the lions all those years ago, I need to at least protect him now, even though it will be just from himself" and I can tell that Grace is in tears and haul him up.

"See she's got your back too, come on, back inside" and I forcibly lift him, a deadweight Christian is difficult to move but he has completely retreated inside his head and only two options are usually left for him in this situation. Complete closed down inaction or violence and I need to get him to his mother inside so that we can hold off either situation. He just cannot move and all I can feel as I try to hold him up is his shuddering, his whole body shaking with some deep emotion, tension rolling off him like waves.

Grace's POV

"Carrick, I fed him to her. It's all my fault. I used to sit there and talk to her about him, all his fears, how he didn't like to be touched, the trouble he was getting into at school, how I wished he would have a relationship with some nice girl as he seemed so frustrated and from those conversations she used that to get to him. What was he talking about? Did she start molesting him at age 15? Is that when he started calming down at school but how did she do it? My God, he mentioned the BDSM lifestyle and that he was her submissive and in turn that's how he treated HIS submissives. We always thought he'd never been with anyone and instead he's been immersed in that lifestyle – Elliot did you know about that?"

Elliot is standing there shaking and he just shakes his head, I have never seen Elliot unable to speak and I can see that he is clicking back through his memories to see if there was any clue that he missed. "Elliot, did she ever attempt anything with you?"

Again he shakes his head and says "Maybe I missed what she was trying to do but I always hated her. I couldn't stand how she acted around us so I always walked away and I guess I left Christian in her clutches by doing that – fuck, I didn't protect my little brother. I was glad when he stopped fighting at school and didn't think twice about it. I saw some bruises once on the back of his legs and assumed he'd been beaten up and not gotten caught and didn't bring it up – I bet it was from her caning him. Now when you think back, he never wore anything but long sleeve shirts and track pants even when on the rowing squad – that was unusual but I thought he was trying to hide his burns but it must have been what she was doing to him."

We all stand there shamed at how we let him down, we said we'd protect him and yet we took him from one set of abuse and when we should have been helping him develop his relationships, something he'd never seen in his prior life, we let him be abused by someone worse than what he'd had to endure previously.

"Oh Carrick, I failed him as a mother. How did we not see it? She is a She-devil and why did I never see it? It was only today and yesterday that I saw her character reflected in her face and body language and I started noticing how fake she was. What other sort of other people have I let into our children's lives? Oh no, she has been volunteering with the youth outreach services at the hospital for the last couple of years. Oh Carrick I failed them, I have failed them all." I feel like I am going to be sick.

And Carrick simply wraps his arms around me and places my head against his chest "Darling, she has been playing a lot of people for a long time. She tricked me as well and you have no idea how many child abuse cases I have worked with all these years and I didn't see it. I guess we were all so pleased when he stopped getting into trouble when he was fifteen and he had just started with a new therapist and everything seemed to fall into place. It wasn't unusual that he didn't have girls come around during his teen years because he'd never socialised and we thought he didn't want us to see him naked when we might have seen the physical damage to him because of his earlier fears. Darling you couldn't have been a better mother, this is what pedophiles do." And he rubs my back soothingly.

"Grace, we need to find Christian because I am sure he is believing this is all his fault and goodness knows what damage he will do to himself" and that galvanises me because there is nothing that scares me more than Christian's self-loathing.

As I run to the front door crying out "Where is he? I have to find Christian. I fed him to the lions all those years ago, I need to at least protect him now, even though it will be just from himself" I see Taylor lifting up a lifeless looking Christian and I scream and run towards them, what has happened in those few minutes we were talking in the room? Taylor simply holds him up and I see that he is alive but as he shudders I can see that he has retreated to a similar catatonic state as the other day in the hospital. He is in no shape to walk and Taylor puts one arm under his knees and another round his shoulders and once again carries him into the house and lays him gently on the lounge.

"Darling, I love you and I am so sorry we failed you for all these years." I say as I gently stroke his hair off his face and then remembering what calmed Ana yesterday, I start to rub comfortable circles on his back, completely forgetting his fear of being touched.

I am shocked to the core and pull my hand away like it is on fire when he screams in a voice twisted with torment "Don't touch me."

The shuddering turns into sobs that wrack his entire body "I don't deserve you, I don't want you tainted by me. Just leave me alone."

I realise that I need to somehow make him realise that we don't blame him. "Christian, you need to listen to me. We don't blame you. We love you. We are not going to leave your side until you realise this. I am calling Dr Flynn now."

I don't know what I said but he groans and starts to unwind himself and says quietly. "You don't need to call him. I've got to get home because Dr Flynn will be there at 9pm and we start the process of bringing Elena Lincoln to justice from evidence provided by the girl that caused Ana's accident."

I don't know that my heart can take any more bad news but I have to ask. "What does Elena have to do with Ana's accident?"

He just shrugs sorrowfully and says "A lot."

Finally I understand how he feels with his self-loathing, everything bad that has happened to this family can be directly traced back to some action of mine whether it be a tenuous link or a direct link and I sink back into the couch unable to provide him anymore comfort and it is Carrick that takes the lead.

"Son, I am coming with you, nothing would please me better than to be finally providing you the support we should have provided to you back when you were 15 and there will be no greater pleasure than seeing Elena sentenced to a lifetime in prison for what she did to you alone, let alone the others she has obviously preyed upon. I know we can't take action in relation to you due to the statute of limitations but if she did it to you, she's probably still doing it to other young boys and we need her to stop."

It's obvious he doesn't believe that we are there for him and I can feel my family splintering as everyone tries to figure out how we move forward and start supporting him while honouring his need to withdraw but not allowing it to go too far.

Once again, I am grateful for Taylor, he says quietly "Sir, you told Ana that you'd be back at 8:30 to wish her goodnight and she said that would scare away the nightmare, if we want to meet that commitment and get back to Escala, we need to be leaving now. If Carrick is with us, we can park close and you'll be able to spend an extra 15 minutes with Ana before getting back to Dr Flynn and .."

And just like that, the talisman that is Ana works because Christian starts to rise although it is only with Taylor's steadying brace that he manages to stand and he says, "Ok Dad, get your stuff, we're going in 5 minutes if you want to come" and then unbelievably, always the man in control of a situation he says "Where are Susannah and Sheree?" and I have to say, I don't have any idea where they are.

I go look in the sitting room and they are still there looking scared and I can't really blame them, our house has become a war zone since their arrival and then I am surprised once again when I hear Christian come up from behind me and say "You will both sign a non-disclosure agreement, I will have one for you in a minute and then you will be in a cab to wherever you came from and you will not step foot into this house again. The ball will be organised and you are not invited and are not to have any further to do with it. Do you understand? Just wait here" It is unbelievable to hear the control in his voice and the command he has over others as both girls accept what he has said and simply nod. He walks to the door to wait for Taylor who appears to have returned to his vehicle to grab the agreements. I shudder to think that Susannah was my son's submissive and that Elena had brought Sheree into my house to seduce, or whatever they do, my son – the gall of the woman astounds me.

What a life this son of mine leads! I always thought he was private and I could understand it because of his wealth but with everything else that he has been hiding, how he hasn't succumbed to a stress related disorder I don't understand – keeping secrets is the hardest work for your body and this boy has been doing it all his life. I still don't know what he remembers from before our adoption although I know that he has strong memories because the night terrors still persist and I wonder whether I should have pushed further when he was a child so that I could have helped him along the way and to think that since he was 15 he has been keeping his life and personal preferences secret – he is 27, it has been nearly half his life. My heart just hurts.

As Christian walks back in with the forms and the girls sign and leave, his stomach growls and I half sob with distress as it all hits me and my legs turn to jelly "God, I couldn't protect you for all these years and now I forget to feed you as well!"

And he is at my side and has his arm around my shoulder holding me up and he whispers in my ear "Mom, you are my angel, you saved me all those years ago and have loved me ever since even though I haven't deserved that love. I consented to everything that Elena did to me and there is no way I wanted you to know anything about my life. I am truly sorry you had to find out and especially the way you did. I have felt like a monster all my life, a monster who does not know how to love and therefore did not deserve a place in your perfect family, with the perfect parents, my perfect brother and perfect sister, yet you didn't make me feel like a monster, I could never figure out why you kept loving me."

He pauses and takes a breath, "I thought if I was bad then you would send me away and I'd stop ruining your perfect life but I know you kept loving me and that's what I couldn't understand. Once Elena told me that I was unlovable and didn't deserve love either to have it given to me or to give it, it made sense to me and I hung onto that and everything else she said because I could rationalise it. I figured that if I was a successful businessman, then I would fit into the family because then no-one would guess the monster and just see the façade and I was happy to do that – I felt like by my success I was allowed to be in your house. Mom, I know you love me and you have always protected me, this is not your fault. Please don't blame yourself. You will always be my angel and your wings have always lifted me."

He kisses me on the head, I don't know where to start with a rebuttal of the things he's said however I am glad he's talking and then I finally see a small quirk of a smile on his lips as he says "But some food to go would be good."

While I organise the food, Christian disappears, I assume he is looking for Carrick and then they all return and I give them 3 containers of food, I am sure that Taylor will get a chance to eat somewhere along the line and the man deserves so much more given what he has had to deal with. The smile on his usually impassive face is worth it as I thank him for looking out for my son but he says nothing.

As they leave, Christian gives me a small smile and peck on the cheek and as much as I'd love to give him a hug, the memory of his reaction a little earlier is too raw to allow me to do that so I just squeeze his hand and hope he truly understands the love and sadness I feel for him.

Carrick gives me a hug and says "Darling, go to sleep, it's been a torrid night and we won't be back until later." I decide that a nice bath and lie down are just what I need given that I have an early start in the morning and head off to my room.

I lie in the bath and try and fathom everything that has happened, try to work out how I missed everything so badly, how Christian could not feel and accept the love we all had and still have for him. How Christian says he doesn't know how to love, that he doesn't have a heart yet I know he gives compassionately to causes around the world and would never allow anything happen to anyone close to him. He says he doesn't know how to love but I wonder if he just doesn't realise that his heart is bursting with love and once he acknowledges it, he will find peace.

I finally make it to the bedroom and as I move the decorative pillows to lie my head down, my heart breaks and I sob because there in the middle of my pillow is a small, red, unmistakeably Cartier box and inside, a beautiful pair of angel wing earrings.