We are nearing the end. Thank you so much for your support! It means a lot.
To explain the end of the previous chapter: I like to think that there are different timelines, each playing out another possibility of what could have happened, meaning that Charles and Elsie being parted forever was the outcome of one of those timelines, but not necessarily the way it had to be. I hope this makes sense as I'm not too good at explaining it. Please feel free to ask should there be some confusion. Time travel is such a complicated business. Anyway: I hope you enjoy this chapter. (I wasn't able to proofread it).
Time is powerful. It can heal terrible wounds and can allow people to create wonderful memories. But it also kills and hurts and worst of all parts some for long or eternity. For Beryl Patmore the weeks after her best friend's - her brother's - recovery, were the worst time of her life for she had to watch him turning into a shadow of his former self. At first she had thought his pale face and quietness were caused by the slowness with which his strength and health returned, but soon he also lost weight and appeared to age at a terrifying pace. He carried out his duties, but he seemed to do it mechanically. His scolding of hallboys and footman was weak. He didn't talk to anyone except for work's sake and was avoiding the cook. And then he had hurt his hand, abandoned upstairs dinner and been found lying on the ground in the middle of nowhere. That was when she had begun to believe him. It was a slow and hard process, not so much because of how impossible the story sounded, but more so because of the consequences it would have should his story be true. After he had told him to write this mysterious Elsie a letter, she had realised that her behaviour was selfish. She was afraid of losing him and that would inevitably happen if he was to return to the woman he loved. But right now she was losing him anyway. She was losing him to his grief, the darkness that surrounded him like fog the Abbey in the early hours at dawn. And that was why she decided that she would rather lose him knowing he was happy, then lose him witnessing his grief and suffering every day.
She waited until everyone had gone up before she knocked at the door to his pantry. He was sitting at his desk, going through some papers. "I thought you'd gone up", he said. It didn't sound like an indirect request for her to leave, yet she felt that he would have preferred to remain undisturbed.
"There's something I need to talk to you about", she announced and sat down opposite of him.
"Can't that wait until tomorrow?", he asked kindly.
"No", she replied insistently. "I should have told you this a while ago, but… You're my best friend and I don't like to think I'll never see you again. At the same time I want you to be happy." She took a deep breath and wringed her hands. "The point is I didn't burn the book. Well, I tried, but it wouldn't catch fire so I hid it in the attics."
Charles stared at her in disbelief. His heart was racing. "The book still exists?"
She nodded. "You can go back."
Slowly a smile spread over his face. "I can't thank you enough", he told her, happy tears running down his cheeks.
…
Their plan was simple. Charles would leave a letter of resignation for his lordship - no big explanations. Only Beryl was supposed to know the truth. While he placed the letter on his desk so that the housekeeper would find it, the cook mixed the potion, praying that it wouldn't kill him. Charles joined her in the kitchen just when she had finished. He was holding a second letter in his hand. "I need to ask you a favour", he told her. "Would you give this to Henry a day before he comes of age?", he asked and handed her the envelope.
"Do I want to know why?"
"You'll understand when the time comes, but I can't tell you", he explained.
"All right", she agreed. "And you take good care of yourself and be happy."
"I will and I hope you'll do the same", he said and bent down to kiss her cheek.
"Cheers", she said, handing him the cup. "And good luck."
He smiled. "Thank you for everything." And then he drank the potion. The entire cup this time.
…
Late April 2014
Stars were exploding behind Charles' eyes when he regained consciousness. He heard himself groan in pain. The bright light around him made his head hurt and he felt a wave of sickness washing over him, but he didn't have to throw up. Finally his eyes began to focus on his surroundings and the pain began to ease. He blinked a few times, recognising the shape of the Abbey not far from him. The sun was shining brightly above it. Lying somewhere on the grass in front of the big house, he took a few deep breaths before he moved to get up. Standing he focussed on keeping his balance. Eventually, he felt himself again. Looking around he guessed that it was April or May. The trees were still blossoming and the sun was already very strong, warming the earth. Charles walked over to the gravel path, his legs carrying him quickly up the small hill that blocked the view on the valley where Downton Village lay. He was quite out of breath when he reached the top, but he needed to know if he was back in the future. His gaze wandered over the river and alongside the road and he had never been so relieved to see cars speeding over the main road through the town. Hot tears ran down his cheeks at the sight. He wiped them away with the back of his hand and then he started running. His lungs were burning and his heart beating wildly in chest when he reached the first houses. His body forced him to slow down, but Charles only allowed his heart a short break before he started running again. He was approaching Elsie's house from behind, praying that she was there. His whole body ached to have her back in his arms.
Reaching the gate, he had to grab it with both hands to steady himself. The garden hadn't changed much, but Elsie had put a variation of roses alongside the fence. He smiled at that and opened the gate, stepping through with his heart racing. It felt as though time stood still when he spotted Elsie sitting on the steps that led to the terrace. She was holding a cup of tea in her hands and her dark blue eyes were staring into the distance, almost seeming lost. She was dressed casually in jeans and a beige shirt. Slowly, Charles walked over, not wanting to startle her. He was merely a few feet away when she looked up and directly at him, wincing at the sight and dropping the cup that shattered into pieces when it hit the stone floor. The pain written over her face made Charles feel terrible as though someone was stabbing his heart with a rusty dagger. "Elsie?", he asked, shocked at how weak and hoarse his own voice sounded.
She stared at him for a few very long moments. It seemed as though she was thinking about whether or not he was real. He could see that she was shaking and choking back tears when she got up, step by step coming towards him. She reached for him, but her hand stopped inches away from his arm. He wasn't sure what the look she gave him meant, but he felt that she didn't believe he was really there. Without hesitation he reached out and grabbed her hand, feeling her wince at the touch. "I'm real, Elsie. I'm here. I'm back", he said, his voice shaking.
She stared at their joined hands in disbelief. Then she started sobbing, gripping his hand tightly. She closed the distance between them and buried her face at his chest, her other hand grabbing the lapel of his coat. He moved his free arm around her shoulders and held her to him, burying his face in her hair, breathing in her scent and letting his tears fall freely. He could feel how she pressed her ear against his chest, listening to his heart beat. Charles couldn't have said how long they stood there, clinging to the other and crying their hearts out, but eventually Elsie loosened her grip on him and moved her head back to look at him. "You were gone so long", she whispered.
Charles swallowed hard. "How long was I gone?"
"Over a year", she sobbed, putting her hands on his cheeks, her thumbs stroking away his tears.
"It was only half a year for me", he told her. "I'm so sorry."
She shook her head. "Don't be. It's not your fault."
"I'll never leave again", he whispered.
She gave him a weak smile. "Why did you leave?"
"I hadn't drunken enough of that potion", he replied. "But this time I can assure you, I have."
"I got your letter", she said. "I thought I'd never see you again."
"I thought so too", he sobbed. "I can't live without you."
She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his lips tenderly, the softness and warmth of the touch soothing him slowly until he was kissing her back. His hands started roaming over her body on their own accord and he moaned into her mouth when her fingers ran through his hair. He pushed his tongue in her mouth, exploring and tasting her. She was pressing his body against his, making him feel every curve of her through her thin layers of clothing. The need to be joined with her in every way possible became unbearable and he picked her up, not breaking the kiss while carrying her inside. He made it to the settee where he sat down, pulling her onto his lap, the feel of her weight on him letting his trousers tighten. "What about Tom?", he whispered.
"We're alone", she assured him. She was leaning her forehead against his, catching her breath while her hands shakily unfastened the buttons at his waistcoat and shirt, pushing both over his shoulder and throwing them somewhere where they were out of the way. She ran her hands over his bare chest, letting out a soft moan when he kissed his way along her jaw to her neck, his hands moving underneath her shirt and undoing her bra. She let go of him and raised her arms to make it easier for him to take off her shirt. She freed herself of her opened bra and tossed it away, moaning softly when his lips made contact with her breast, the other being caressed gently by his hand. As much as she loved him caressing her, she needed to be with him. She pushed herself off of his lap, standing in front of him, immediately missing his touch. He looked at her questioningly, but when she unbuttoned her jeans and pushed them down her legs along with her panties, he understood, holding back a deep groan at the sight of her naked body. He kicked off his shoes and unfastened his trousers. He stood up just long enough to get rid of his remaining clothes. Elsie moved back onto his lap, her hand gently holding him when she lowered herself on him. His hands held her securely at her waist, a groan shaking his body when he was buried inside her. They didn't move at first, simply enjoying being so close again to one another. She held onto his shoulders when she started moving. They found a gentle, slow rhythm, allowing them to fight away the dark emptiness the time apart had left in them. Building up their very own fire, they stared moving faster, falling over the edge together. Elsie sank against him, resting her head on his shoulder. He held her close, running his hands up and down her back. When they had caught their breaths, Elsie moved to sit next to him, cuddling into his side.
"I've missed you terribly", she whispered.
"I've missed you too", he said softly. "So very much." He was on the verge of tears again.
Elsie stroked his cheek gently. "You're back now. And I hope you still intend to marry me."
At that he smiled. "I do, my love." Charles kissed her tenderly. With every touch and every word exchanged the gap in his heart got smaller. "What did I miss?"
"Tommy is being watched by a few bigger cricket clubs, but he is determined to keep playing for Downton. The senior team is also marching up the leagues at the moment. Gwen moved to York to study literature", Elsie briefly summed up.
"I'm proud of them", Charles said, afraid of the answer to his next question. "What did you tell Tom?"
Elsie looked away and Charles knew she was holding back tears. "I tried to explain it to him, to tell him the truth, but… It was hard."
Charles hugged her. "I'm sorry you had to go through this."
"Stop saying that, please", Elsie said. "I told him that you had to go back to your life before the accident. That circumstances forced you."
"You referred to the amnesia?", he asked.
She nodded and grabbed his hand. He could feel her shaking. "He didn't believe me, not really. He said that you would never leave us, at least not without saying goodbye."
"I'm so sorry", he whispered.
"There was a grave on the old graveyard…", Elsie told him.
Charles tightened his grip on her. "It won't be there now."
"Tommy will be back this afternoon. I promised to pick him up. He was on a weekend trip with his team to London."
"Then we better get dressed", Charles said. Elsie nodded and excused herself to the bathroom downstairs. Charles went to his old room, not surprised to find all his things exactly where he had left them. He used the bathroom upstairs and changed into a red shirt and black trousers. Elsie waited for him downstairs, smiling at the sight of him back in his modern clothes. She held his hand out to him and he took it happily. He pulled her to him and hugged her. "And how have you been?", he whispered into her hair.
"I'm terrible at living without you", she answered quietly. Charles sensed that there was more to it, but he didn't want to press her into telling him. He knew that at some point he needed to tell her what had happened to him. How he had hurt his hand, cried himself to sleep and had felt terribly lonely and empty. But he wouldn't burden her with it as long as he didn't knew what had been going on inside her.
"I love you", he told her.
…
Charles felt rather anxious when the bus approached. He had no idea how Tommy would react to seeing him again. Elsie sensed this and squeezed his hand reassuringly. When the bus came to a stop, Charles scanned the windows for Tommy and spotted him in the middle. He was apparently putting his jacket on. And then he looked outside, probably looking for Elsie, but spotting Charles. And he froze. Charles forced himself to smile and wave. Tommy then stormed through the aisle and jumped out of the bus. The first thing Charles noticed was that the boy had grown a lot since he'd last seen him. For more observations was no time, because Tommy had reached him and almost knocked him over when he hugged him. Charles was relieved and held the boy tight.
"I've missed you, dad", Tommy said.
"I've missed you too."
"Will you stay now?", the boy wanted to know.
"I will", Charles confirmed. "Now tell me about your trip."
"We went to see Lorde's", Tommy began his story enthusiastically. He described Charles all he had seen and done in London on their way home. When they walked past the old graveyard Charles stopped.
"Are you all right?", Elsie asked.
"I'd just like to check something. I won't be long", he assured her. Elsie watched him questioningly as he walked through the gate.
Charles was feeling nervous when he approached Henry's grave. He feared that nothing had changed, although he had left the boy a letter, telling him not to enlist and waste his life. But when he read the death date, relief washed over him. Instead of 1918 it now said 1981.
…
A few days later Tommy was staying with Becky overnight who had greeted Charles with a slap and a hug, grateful that he was back. Charles had found her reaction strange at first, but when he had thought about how bad Elsie had been after his disappearance he understood.
He had showered and was dressing himself in their shared bedroom, excited to spend their evening planning their wedding. Elsie had just gone to have a shower herself. They had thought about going together, but decided against it. No adventures with high risk of breaking bones tonight. Charles smiled thinking back to their conversation and shook his head. Then he heard a noise from the bathroom that alarmed him. In nothing but his boxers and t-shirt he walked to the door and listened. Was Elsie crying? He knocked. "Elsie, are you all right?", he asked. No answer, only the shower and muffled sobs. His heart sank and he walked in to find Elsie sitting in the shower, hugging her legs to her body and crying. There were no signs of any injury and he moved to turn the water off. Not caring that he would get wet, he grabbed a towel and sat down next to her, first wrapping her up in the towel and then his arms. He kissed her wet hair. "What's wrong?"
She grabbed his hand and held it tight. "I'm so frightened of losing you. What if you leave again?"
"I won't and if I do, I will always come back to you. I learned that recipe by heart, you know", he assured her, kissing her temple and cheek.
"I don't feel that you're back", she sobbed.
He frowned and gently moved her head so that she was looking at him. "What do you mean?"
"I know you are back, but in here", she said and pressed her other hand onto her chest where her heart was beating. "I don't feel it in here. Why don't I bloody feel it?"
He leaned his forehead against hers. "Because you were hurt badly and you need time to recover."
"I don't want to feel like that anymore", she whispered. "I want to be happy again."
"You will be", he promised. "We marry and then heal together."
"You feel the same, don't you?", she asked.
He swallowed hard, not wanting to be weak when she needed him to be strong. "I do", he replied honestly. "I thought I had lost you forever and I grieved and couldn't stop. I couldn't…"
She half laughed, half sobbed. "Look at us, both soaked and sobbing in the shower."
"Only proofs how much we love each other, because if we didn't it wouldn't hurt so much", he whispered.
She hugged him and ran her fingers through his hair. "We'll heal together", she breathed into his neck. He buried his face in her hair and nodded.
They told each other how they had truly been, what being parted had done to them. And both felt a little better afterwards.
I hope this was a satisfying chapter. Please let me know what you think. There will be one last chapter to leave with a funny-fluffy-happy-ending.