CHAPTER 9: AFRAID TO FLY

Creak, creak went the tire swing.

Now tall enough to reach it on her own, Tifa lazily swung back and forth. The sky was crowded with grey clouds and the warm summer air was growing heavy with humidity. Even if it started to rain, she didn't want to be inside the house. Since she had gotten in trouble the night before, the mood inside her home had been gloomy and quiet. Papa had taken Mr. Hansen's horse and the big wooden wagon to cut lumber on the south side of the mountain and wouldn't be back until supper time. Mama was quiet and upset, but Tifa knew that it wasn't because she had gotten lost the night before.

She was playing the piano again, all by herself. Tifa knew that her mother did this when she was homesick. At breakfast time that morning she had read the newspaper for a long time before moving to Tifa's room to play her instrument for the rest of the morning. What was it like to be homesick? Tifa couldn't imagine what it was like to leave your home forever. She was certain she would be sad if she never got to sleep in her bed or play on the piano or rock on the tire swing again.

She heard a door gently close next door and looked over to see Cloud emerging with a small basin of dirty water, which he dumped into the garden. Now was her chance to apologize! She dug her foot into the grass to still the tire swing before hopping off and hurrying to the fence. She called his name softly and he looked up to meet her eyes.

"Tifa, I'm so sorry. Now your father is angry and I didn't mean to-"

"No, Cloud! It's not your fault."

"I want to apologize to your parents," Cloud hung his head.

"I can apologize with you; it wasn't just your fault! Let's talk to them when Papa comes home—he's out working and won't be back 'till late. Mama is playing piano, now. I think she wants to be by herself for a little while," Tifa said sadly as she lowered her gaze.

She couldn't look into Cloud's pretty blue eyes without thinking about the things her parents had said the night before. It didn't matter one bit to her that Cloud had no papa. He was the best friend she could ask for.

"Cloud, could you come sit on the porch with me?"

He looked apprehensive until she reassured him that her father would not be home for hours. They talked as they sat side by side on the porch steps. Movement out of the corner of his eye caught Cloud's attention and he looked up at the birdhouse on the side post. A large chick, just about full grown, was fluttering its wings in preparation for flight. A smile pulled at the corners of his mouth.

"Look, Tifa! The chick is going to fly today!"

That summer, only one of the three robin eggs they found in the birdhouse had hatched. Every few days, Cloud and Tifa climbed onto the porch railing and up the wooden support beam to peek at the naked little chick. It's big mouth and tiny, featherless body was fascinating! They could only look for a few moments before the mother bird chased them away. Watching the chick grow, sprout feathers and begin to fly had been a lot of fun. It had fluttered and floundered around for the past week under its mother's careful eye and was growing in confidence. Today might be the day.

"You can do it, bird!" Tifa called quietly.

For a moment, the children held their breaths. The only sounds to be heard were the slow melody from the piano upstairs and the sound of the wind through the pine trees. Suddenly, the chick left its perch, soaring across the yard and towards the great woods beyond. Cloud and Tifa watched with awe as the robin disappeared out of sight.

"It's all grown up," Cloud said, eyes still shining with wonder. "Do you think it'll come back?"

"I don't know," Tifa said as she turned her gaze from the sky to look at the forest of pine trees in the distance. "Where do you think the birds go when they leave their Mama and Papa?"

It scared her to think that one day she'd have to leave her mother and father. If it would make her as sad and homesick as Mama, she wasn't sure it would be something she could ever do. How could she survive each day without seeing Mama's warm smile and smelling the comforting scent of fresh wood on Papa's clothes? It made her chest hurt to think about it, so instead she turned to look at Cloud. He pinched his brows together in thought, blue eyes narrowing as he gripped the top of the step that he sat upon.

"To find a new place to live, I guess. Maybe they go to lay eggs of their own," he thought aloud.

"But won't they miss their parents? …I would," Tifa admitted as she smoothed her skirt over her knees.

"Maybe when you're grown up, you just know when it's time to go. Kids can't stay with their parents forever, right? Then they couldn't be parents themselves," said Cloud, turning his eyes to hers. Tifa swallowed the lump in her throat. What if she became an adult and just couldn't bring herself to leave?

"I don't think I ever want to grow up, Cloud."

… … …

It was Mrs. Lockhart who answered the door that evening when Cloud had knocked. In his hands was a small package of cinnamon rolls wrapped in waxed paper that his mother had made as a token of good will. He shifted nervously on the front step and fought the urge to run when he spotted Tifa's father coming to join his wife at the door.

"Good evening, Cloud. Won't you come in?" Lia said with a smile. Hearing the name of her playmate caught Tifa's attention and Cloud felt so relieved when she bounced over to greet him. The boy carefully stepped into the house.

"What brings you over here?" Mrs. Lockheart asked. Cloud's cheeks began to heat up and he tried to avoid direct eye contact with the adults. Tifa's father came closer and the boy felt his body begin to tremble. He had come to ask for forgiveness for the night before, but seeing Brian's angry eyes made the words die in his throat and his courage evaporate completely. Tifa seemed to notice and came to stand at Cloud's side. Her presence beside him made him feel a little bit better, and he finally got up the nerve to speak.

"I wanted to apologize for keeping Tifa out past dark yesterday. I didn't mean to put her in danger and I'm very, very sorry," he said, bowing his head respectfully.

Tifa smiled before bowing her head along with him, "Forgive me, too. I made us late by talking and we didn't realize how late it had gotten! I'm sorry."

Brian made a short grunt and the children weren't sure what that meant until they felt a hand upon their shoulders. They looked up to see Lia's gentle smile.

"It's forgiven. Please, be wise in the future, for heaven's sake! Let's let the past be the past, shall we?" she rubbed Cloud's head and Tifa grinned. Brian uncrossed his arms and turned to head back down into his woodshop.

"Are those cinnamon buns that I smell?" she asked as she gestured toward the box in Cloud's hands.

"Yes, ma'am. My mother made them for you," Cloud said and handed the box to Tifa's mother.

Lia couldn't help but let her smile fade for a moment as she thought about poor, overworked Claudia taking the time to make her and her family sweets. It had been quite a while since the last time they had tea together and it was high time to catch up with each other. She felt embarrassed by Brian's reaction the night before and wanted to reassure Claudia that all was well; Brian just overreacted sometimes. Tomorrow, she'd bake her delicious ginger cookies and invite her neighbor over for tea. It would be silly to let a little incident like this get in the way of their friendship.

With a smile, she ushered the kids into the kitchen.

"Well then, why don't we have some for dessert and you can tell me all about your adventure in the woods?"

… … …

There was still a knot in Tifa's stomach when her mother tucked her into bed. Would she really have to leave her parents someday? Mama leaned over to fluff her pillow and Tifa studied her features. She took in the sight of her long, straight hair, the delicate curve of her cheek and gentle slope of her neck glowing softly in the candlelight. Tifa wanted to make sure she remembered all of these things so that she could never forget them, no matter how far away life took her. As was their normal ritual, Lia ran comforting fingers through her daughter's dark tresses and began to sing her favorite lullaby.

'Sleep, my child, and peace attend thee,
All through the night
Guardian angels God will send thee,
All through the night
Soft the drowsy hours are creeping,
Hill and dale in slumber sleeping
I my loved ones' watch am keeping,
All through the night'

The knot had risen up into her chest by the time Mama had finished the all too familiar song. Instead of helping her drift into an easy sleep, she felt anxious and panicked. When Lia smiled down at her and Tifa studied her mother's crimson eyes, the knot burst. Hot tears flowed freely down her cheeks and her face crumpled into misery. Lia put her hand to Tifa's head in alarm.

"Tifa, honey, what's wrong?" she said as she bent to scoop her daughter into her arms.

"M-Mama—I don't want to ever leave you!" Tifa cried and buried her head in her mother's chest.

"Leave me? You mean, when you grow up?" Lia asked, gently stroking Tifa's hair. Her daughter nodded and clung tightly to her nightgown.

"I d-don't wanna leave when I get m-married!"

"Oh, Tifa…" Mama lifted the girl's chin to look her in the eye. "That's not for a while…and if you live in Nibelheim, you can see me all the time. When you get older, you'll be excited to get married."

Tifa wasn't sure how she could ever be excited to leave her family and go to live with a man. She knew that Mama had travelled far from her family when she got married and now she was homesick. Her mother seemed so sad when she was homesick, and Tifa never wanted to feel that way.

Lia sensed her daughter's insecurity and continued, "It's so nice to live with a man that loves you. When you get married, there's a big party and lots of delicious food. And you get to wear the most beautiful dress you could ever dream of!"

Tifa wiped her eyes, "You do?"

"Oh, yes. Come with me, I'll show you mine."

Lia took the bronze handle of the oil lamp and stood. The girl followed Mama into her parent's bedroom and waited for her to find the dress in the back of her closet. Mama produced a flat wooden box and set it on the bed before working the latches free. Moving aside tissue paper, the woman gasped softly as her fingers touched the hidden garment and slowly pulled her wedding dress out into her arms. Tifa's eyes went wide when she saw the gown. It was pure white and covered with lace from the bodice to the train. With its delicate beading and long, flowing skirts it was the most elegant dress she had ever seen. The girl ran her hand gently down the fabric.

"It's so beautiful…" Tifa breathed. "You wore this when you got married?"

"That's right, love. One day, I'll give it to you to wear at your own wedding. That way, you'll have a part of me with you as you start your new life," Lia smoothed her hand over Tifa's head and kissed her plump little cheek.

"Don't be afraid. No matter where you go, I'll always be with you right here," she poked the girl's chest.

"Never forget that, Tifa."

A/N: The lullaby 'All Through the Night' featured in this chapter is an old, Welsh folk song written by Sir Harold Boulton.