A/N: Not particularly happy with this one. Sorry if it sucks :(

33: Alec

Magnus scuttles over for me to hold him once the fight gets worse. He's shaking so hard I'm not sure how he's standing. I hate seeing him so afraid.

"You're okay. I promise. Shh," I murmur, rubbing his back slowly.

With him clinging to me, I make my way over to the medicine cabinet. I think we might have earplugs in it, but I'm not sure.

"These won't block it out completely, but they'll muffle the sound," I tell him.

"That does help," he tells me after putting them in.

"I'm glad."

He still doesn't sleep through the night, but he sleeps longer than he has been.

"When can we go see Max?" he asks while he's getting dressed.

"Whenever you want," I reply.

We leave to see Max after breakfast.

"If I never get better, are you still gonna want me?" Magnus asks.

"Of course I am. Magnus, I'm not gonna break your heart because you're trying to deal with what he did all over again," I reply, squeezing his hand gently.

"You deserve a lot better."

Is he breaking up with me? I wonder.

"You're not gonna break up with me, are you?" I ask quietly.

"Are you nuts? I love you. I just don't understand why you still want me when you deserve someone who's not screwed-up," he replies.

"Because I fell for you knowing you might be a little dented."

"Dented?"

"You're not broken. He just dented you a little bit."

Smiling, he shakes his head. This is the most he's acted like himself since the trial.

I love watching him with Max. I know Magnus isn't used to kids, but he's doing really well with Max. Max isn't as afraid of him as he is of me. I think it's mostly because Magnus is another neko.

"Tomorrow, I'll bring a book and read to you. Sound good?" Magnus tells him, smiling gently.

Max agrees easily.

"You did really well with him," I say in the hall.

"He doesn't ooze snot everywhere. He's also interesting," Magnus replies.

I think helping Max might help Mags too.

"Where's my neko?" a male voice demands from the front desk.

All the color leaches from Magnus's face. His ears flatten and his tail fluffs. He's beginning to shake. He's making these scared mewling whimpers.

"We can go out the back door. He's not touching you," I murmur, guiding him down the hall.

He's shaking so badly he can barely walk. Unable to think of a better option, I pick him up. He clings to me as tightly as he did at the trial.

I almost get in a wreck in my hurry to get him away from there. If the man's voice scared him that much, I don't want to know what seeing him would do.

"Is there anything you wanna do while we're out?" I ask.

He shakes his head.

He curls up against me on the couch the minute we get home. Chairman Meow makes himself at home on Magnus's lap.

"What happened?" Izzy asks.

"Psycho's boyfriend was at the vet's office," I explain, stroking Magnus's hair gently.

He still hasn't stopped shaking. He's petting his cat robotically.

"What's wrong with him?" Jace asks, coming in from the kitchen.

"There's nothing wrong with him, Jace. He's scared," I reply icily.

"That noise is annoying."

Magnus curls in closer to me when Jace approaches. His whimpers are getting louder.

"Jace, please back off. You're scaring him," I tell him.

"Can you make him shut up? I have a headache," Jace replies.

"He's making that noise because he's terrified."

Jace finally backs off. Magnus doesn't relax. He has me very scared right now.

It takes over an hour for Magnus to calm down. I hate seeing him so scared. I know it takes long than one day for anxiety medicine to take effect, but this is bad. I want him to be okay.

He's so worn out from his terror he sleeps all night. I'm glad for it, but I wish it wasn't because he was worn out from being terrified. I make the mistake of leaving him alone to shower while I work on some of my homework. I want to be able to trust him not to injure himself, but it's made clear I can't. The patches are no longer raw-looking; they're raw to the point he's wiping blood off himself. I'm not sure which one bothers me more: The sight of him wiping away his own blood or his broken apology when he sees me looking.

He was doing so good yesterday until Raphael ruined it. Now, I'm not sure where his recovery is.

"What brought this on?" I ask gently.

"Yesterday," he mumbles.

"Magnus, he's not worth this. He's not worth you destroying yourself. They're both liars, baby, and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You're beautiful. Loving. You have a snarky, sarcastic side, but I love that part of you too. You have more innocence than you think you do. You're curious. You're not filthy. I never thought you were."

He gives me the most broken smile I've ever seen.

"I'm glad one of us thinks so," he murmurs.

"I don't think so. I know so," I reply.

"Doesn't it bother you knowing other people touched me before you did?"

"No. It never bothered me. Knowing what they did to you when it happened bothers me. I hate that you were made to suffer the way you did, but you turned out pretty good."

We go to see Max after I finish my homework. Max likes being read to. He seems to really like Magnus. It makes me feel good to see them getting along so well. It makes me feel even better to see Magnus actually functioning.

"How's Magnus doing?" Catarina asks me outside Max's room.

I fill her in on everything that happened last night and this morning.

"Are the pills helping at all?" she asks.

"I gave them to him of a morning, so it didn't really work," I reply.

"Try giving them to him next time he goes into a panic attack. I'll admit I'm out of my depth with this."

"Could I try disguising him and getting him into a shrink?"

"You might look into it if he's not better by our next appointment."

"I just want him to be okay."

That's all I've ever wanted from the moment I met him.