Christian's POV
"Thank you Christian" is all she has the energy to say to me as I her lift off the sofa and carry her back to the bedroom, I love the feel of her hands around my neck as she holds on, her cheek on my chest, her eyelids drooping and I carefully negotiate the steps I've taken a million times in various states of being but never has it been so important that I not miss a step.
The precious cargo in my arms is being watched by her father, she rouses enough to blow him another kiss when we are at the top of the landing and so ends a busy afternoon and night of family. "It's nice to have a family, I've always wanted one." She whispers with a smile "Thank you" and her eyelids close and I am still holding her as Nurse Melanie bustles in.
"Well I guess she's too tired to take the medication now" is the somewhat exasperated comment from Nurse Melanie and I bite my tongue at the response I want to give her as I see my mother in the doorway.
"I'm sure she'll be fine" my mother says in a calming manner "We're staying in the last guest room tonight so if there are any difficulties, Christian, please come and get me, don't let it get to the same point as this morning. If there is any conversation, please keep it light, we need to try and keep her calm and rested"
I nod, I couldn't agree more, I don't want to cover any horrible subjects with her, I want her to start enjoying life and working on her strength but I have learnt one thing about Ana since the beginning of the week which is that once she wants to know something, she will keep going until she had her answers and she has asked me about my prior life. So I have two options, either I will have to keep away from her, which isn't an option as she is as necessary for me to breathe as air now or I will have to distract her and that I can do with a bit of planning.
My office which has been my sanctuary for so many years and where I have spent many a night working into the wee hours now feels empty so I work as quickly as I can so that I can be back in my bedroom, where I want to be and to ensure that both of us sleep well.
Just as I am about to close the lid of my laptop, satisfied that Ana will be more comfortable tomorrow, an email pings and I curse.
I have to deal with it now if I want some sort of day with Ana tomorrow so I resign myself to the fact that I am stuck in the office for longer but then decide, no, I can use my computer in my room, at least then I can watch Ana sleep. Watching her is enough to calm me down and this email is going to need calm and rational responses and actions. So I pick up the laptop and pad my way into my bedroom, I smile as I see Ana has CT Bear clasped tightly in her arms and she looks happy and resting, no creases on her forehead, no tear tracks and the slightest smile on her beautiful full lips.
I shake my head, maybe sitting here isn't going to be the most conducive environment to do what I have to do but just her presence has lowered my heart rate so I open the email and start work.
Welch has sent through some more information and Carrick despite being in the same apartment has left me alone and sent an email, I guess to clarify as much for himself as for me, setting out the situations of each of the evil three and what we can do or what needs to be done.
Firstly, Ana's mother cannot be detained for any longer because the usual approach is for first-time, nonviolent drug offenders to be given a chance to serve their sentence, where appropriate, in the type of drug-rehabilitation programs that have proven to work better than a prison term in changing bad behaviour. I wonder whether this will work with her given that she has been taking drugs for at least 17 years. I send an email to John Flynn to find out whether he knows which facility is the best facility for drug rehabilitation, I know that Ana would like her mom off drugs permanently and given her nature, I am sure she'll want to forgive her if she can be completely clean and become a part of her life. I have my doubts about Carla because I am sure there are other character flaws there but perhaps without the drug crutch, she might be a nicer person.
I have also been wondering about Bob Adams and it appears that he may well wipe his hands of her. He was contacted as next of kin when Carla was taken in and he was less than impressed especially when he realised the extent of her deception. He refused to post bail and that is the only reason she has been able to be detained so far, if I can provide a surety that she will remain in the a drug facility, then she will be released. Quite frankly, I would be happy for her to rot in jail for what she did to Ana but I will investigate all the options with John and give Ana the final say.
I look up at Ana as I finalise that process and she moves trying to be more comfortable and the sheet moves and I force myself to look away but it's too late, the hint of the forbidden candy which is then as quickly hidden as the teddy bear moves makes me groan. The glimpse of that creamy skin I can imagine all the way down has me needing to use my control, it doesn't matter that the bitch taught me all this, I need to channel it now. Singing all four verses of the national anthem while looking at the stars outside the window manages to calm little grey down enough for me to rest my laptop back on my lap and continue with dissecting Dad's email.
The next part of the email acts like a bucket of ice on my ardour as I read the rap sheet for Stephen Morton, it appears that Cecilia's statement will hold some water and be acceptable as she is deemed of sound mind. When this is combined with the Ana's now corroborated statement that Morton attempted to rape her and I shudder as I read that Welch has managed to find another young girl who was raped by Morton but was not believed when she gave a statement at the time. It appears that Morton was involved with another woman with a young daughter after Carla left and the mother acted in a similar fashion to Carla. This means that he should be put away for a long time if the evidence is accepted, hopefully Ana won't have to testify but if she does, I will have to have Taylor by my side to ensure I don't do anything stupid while supporting her. I would like to make sure that he disappears to never be able to touch another girl, he makes me sick to my core.
This brings us to Elena. For so many years I thought she was helping me and a small piece of me still believes that she did provide me with the tools of control. I'll let the state throw what they can at her, in the meantime, I have given Miss Kavanagh enough information to have her family do an expose on her which will ruin her reputation and by extension, her business, no-one in high society, which is her clientele, will want to have anything to do with her. I have already pulled the financial backing of the Esclava businesses so by the end of next week, she will be financially ruined and this will make it next to impossible for her to fund a defence against the charges. Again Cecilia's testimony, mixed with Carla's testimony, apparently Carla has been bargaining for a lesser charge on the basis that she has provided details on both Morton's and Elena's activities and to top it off Welch's footage via Macy and other research as well as my testimony if it is required should ensure that Elena is put away for a very long time. I have an uneasy feeling though, Elena always seems to resurrect herself and I know that as much as I want to never think about her again, I will need to keep tabs on her for the rest of my life to feel safe.
This time as I am closing my laptop lid, the clicking noise seems to trigger a movement in Ana and she simultaneously stretches and whimpers my name and I can't put it down quick enough to be by her side, last night I wasn't quick enough and the nightmare took hold, tonight it can't happen. I am by her side before she has time to say anything else and whispering "I've got you" into her ear and her eyes flick open enough to see me above her and she smiles, relaxes and thankfully snuggles up to the bear again and is fast asleep all before I've had a chance to draw a breath. I smile to myself, she feels safe with me, thank goodness, now I can go to bed and relax.
It's sometime in the early hours of the morning as I lie there, Ana's head on my arm, I smile as I realise that I like snuggling in next to her and I start thinking about what I would have done if Ana had not had the accident. Would I have chased her back to Portland? How would I have engineered another meeting? Would I have gone into the hardware store Claytons that she worked in? Hmm, the possibilities of a hardware store, so many things that could be used in the lifestyle… rope, restraining devices like cable ties, masking tape, chains, hooks, so many things that now I don't know if I'll ever use or need again.
A dark cloud settles over me as I ponder this, do I need the BDSM lifestyle? What am I going to do when I feel like I am losing control? Ana makes me feel like I am losing control all the time, I never know what she is going to say and once she is healed, will she be a completely different person? I can't shake that perhaps she is just really grateful for what I have done and that she won't to stay with me. I don't even know if she'd be interested in a sexual relationship with me given how horrific her life has been up until this point, could I live with that?.
"You're squishing me" I hear and immediately relax, horrified that I have been squeezing Ana tight against me. "Are you ok? You feel awfully tense" she continues sleepily.
"Sleep baby, I'm sorry, I'm ok" I whisper back, brushing my lips against her ear, she shivers deliciously and curls further against me and as her breathing evens again, I fall asleep thinking of what else could make her shiver in pleasure..
Sunday – 15 May 2011
Christian's POV
I wake gently as I hear a giggle, oh what I'd do to wake up to that sound every single morning. I can feel her warmth but I am just absorbing the giggle and pretend my eyes are still shut as her finger comes tentatively towards my nose and I move quickly and catch her finger in my mouth and her mouth moves to an O as I gently suck her finger and then pop it out of my mouth and kiss it and continue the kisses up her arm until I reach her lips.
We finally managed a decent night's sleep and she's still in bed, a point Ana made as soon as she stopped giggling "I watched the dawn from here, it was almost as good but … I wanted you to be happy with me instead of annoyed" she finishes uncertainly.
"Oh honey, I'm always happy with you" I murmur against her lips again, I could lie here all day, Ana snuggled on my arm and looking out the window. "What would you like to do? Would you like to go flying with me? Or sailing? Or soaring in a glider? Or skiing, no I take that back, my heart couldn't take you skiing." And her face goes from shocked to defiant and I realise I may have just waved a red rag at a bull. "Ok, we can go skiing but only after you've done all the other things" I say laughing and the defiant look turns into the cutest attempted pout but she can't hold it as her grin breaks through.
"Can you really do all those things?" she asks tentatively and it's the look on her face that makes me feel really proud of myself but not in the normal way, I feel bashful and amazed that my achievements could make someone look at me like that.
"Stop it, you knew I could do that, I mentioned it in the interview" I say
"I thought you were just blowing smoke to be honest" she says with a giggle and I have to smile, I was certainly blowing smoke on some of the things I said but I am not going there now.
"Are you up to getting up? I have had some chairs delivered that I think will make you more comfortable and I'd like you to try them" I say sure that she'll love them as she will be able to lay comfortably while she's reading and resting.
I shower and am out of the room to give Ana some privacy with Melanie to shower and dress and move to the big room to ensure that the chairs are set up, 2 chaise longue or lounge chairs and an awesome zero gravity recliner for the big room that I worry about how Ana will stay in with her clumsy nature, a pony chaise in the bedroom which we'll move in later and I have bought an outdoor one for the pool area downstairs so that if Ana decides to do some exercise, then she'll have somewhere to rest. These lounges are the best that money could buy and I hope that it means that while I am at work, Ana will be more comfortable as the contours follow that of her cast.
However, I was wrong again, I will never stop being surprised at Ana's reactions, when I carry her out to the big room, the look of horror on her face, "Christian why would you waste all that money? All I need are a few cushions, this is excessive" and she looks really annoyed with me.
"I'd buy you diamond lounge suites if I thought they'd make you comfortable but since diamonds are rather sharp, I'll just buy them for around your neck, I promise for the first fancy dinner that you attend with me, you will have diamonds around your neck. These chairs didn't cost a thing really."
Hmm, it appears I may have distracted her a little, "Seriously Christian, I'd rather wear flowers in my hair, than diamonds around my neck." She says in all seriousness and I believe her.
If I have my way, there will diamonds around that neck very soon but I am starting to understand how uncomplicated Ana wants her world to be, how much easier it must have been to cut herself off from real life by living a life unheard of in this day and age. An old phone she barely uses, no computer, escaping to classic books, staying away from men and simply studying hard and working hard just to survive. I know I am complicating Ana's life but she deserves what I can pay for and more and I am not going to stop just because she is pouting angrily at me.
"You could just say thank you" I offer to her, completely ignoring her sentiment and I swear she lifts her hand to clip me behind the ear but as I raise my eyebrow, she says sullenly "Thank you Christian" and turns her face away. She wasn't going to clip me I realise, it's worse, she is putting her hands together in her lap and shrinking into herself and drawing as far away from me as she can while I am still holding her and bewilderment courses through me.
"Honey, these don't put a dent in the money I make in just an hour's work, I want to spend the money on you to make you comfortable, please accept their comfort so that I can know that you are comfortable while I work" I say, I can't believe I am almost pleading with her to accept them.
I don't catch the next words but they sound suspiciously like "steamrolled, ridiculous" and then an "ooh it is comfortable" a grumble and then a more sincere "Thank you Christian" and I lean in to kiss her and she continues sadly "But please stop spending money on me, I don't like it. I really don't. There are so many people with nothing in this world and I know what that feels like, I don't want to spend money on me while there are people not eating."
There, right there, is the difference between Ana and every other female I have ever known. "Honey, I can do both and I will do both." And she snorts angrily at me but thankfully Ray appears and asks about the funky zero gravity recliner, I explain that this has a number of different sitting positions from comfortable working position to a reclined position and a feeling of almost weightlessness which helps with bad backs and show him how it works.
As Ray lies down, he exclaims, "Now Annie, no getting in this chair, I could see you tipping it and ending up on your head."
Ana giggles, "Like when you first bought your rocking recliner and you managed to tip it backwards? That was the funniest thing, Daddy lying there like an upended turtle." Ray has a smile on his face as he shakes his head at the memory.
Kate and Elliot arrive for breakfast and Grace and Carrick surface and an easy breakfast is had with everyone trying the chairs and vowing to steal one if the opportunity arises.
As breakfast finishes, Mom moves off to speak to Melanie to check over the results of Ana's tests while Kate explains how over the moon she is at the expose she has managed to be a part of organising on Elena and this gives me an opportunity to have Carrick set out the arrangements for Carla. I am able to provide input from John Flynn as to the best facilities.
Ana then surprises me by being extremely happy with the arrangements for Carla, saying that she wants her to have a life, perhaps get some responsibilities for once, be a part of Ana's life here in Seattle. Then she shocks me by saying "Perhaps we could get an apartment together." I can't believe it, Ana is obviously trying to claw back all the years that Carla stole from her and obviously has a bigger heart than even I imagined but from what I have seen, Carla will only take it and squash it again. And what does she mean, have an apartment with Carla, what about me? Where do I fit into all this?
I can't handle it and as Ana continues to talk excitedly with Kate, I leave, I have to remove myself from the room before I say something that will upset Ana but I can't believe she'd set herself up for the fall. Maybe there is some way that I can convince Bob to take her back at the end of the rehabilitation, I don't care how much money it takes, I really don't want Carla around Ana, I can't see her changing, a leopard doesn't change its spots.
Ana's POV
It's been lovely to have Kate here this morning and having breakfast, other than the chair debacle, although they are really comfortable chairs, I have tried 2 of the different ones, I love it when I am in Christian's arms and when I am on these chairs, it feels very similar.
I love that Christian is going to help have Mom rehabilitated, his face changed when I mentioned the apartment and then he walked away without saying anything, I hope he's ok. Elliot follows him out and I assume they are catching up with their parents who are somewhere in this enormous apartment.
I don't have time to worry about what his problem is as Kate mentions that Jose wants to come and visit and I say "Sure, tell him to come, I'll have nothing to do during the week except study and exercise and it will be nice to see another friendly face." We continue chatting about how her study is going and the plans for the move, now that I am not there to help but she assures me that she'll pack up everything of mine and Elliot will help with everything else.
She giggles and says "Actually Ana, he couldn't have come along at a better time, now we have someone to move all the heavy stuff" and I lift my cast and nudge her off the edge of my chair and she lands with a thump of the floor.
"Hey that was mean!" she says but she's laughing so hard that it doesn't sound like she's too mad, "You're not supposed to have the strength in that leg, don't let Christian see you do that or you'll be in trouble" She adds as she brushes her bottom and stands next to the chair, "He's very controlling, don't let him get to you. I know you like him and he's besotted with you, just be careful please, there's something off about him."
Ray pipes up from the side and I'd completely forgotten that he was there "I think he needs to, this one keeps doing things that just set her back." Then he says he has to go but before he does, he wants me to understand that I shouldn't take Carla back into my life so readily. He tried all those years ago when I was just a baby and then she wasn't on drugs but it didn't work out, she didn't have a moral compass at all and he doesn't want to see Carla taking advantage of me or Christian. "Look Ana, she'll play coy and make it appear that everything is ok and in the meantime you'll still be the one being the adult in the relationship, she'll bleed you and Christian dry and seriously, Christian should be your focus now, well, actually, you should be your focus now, not Carla." He says it so definitely that he gives me pause and I just reach out to him.
My normally taciturn quiet dad has just given more of a speech than I have heard him say in a long time and his hug is heartfelt and I know I am going to miss his calming presence terribly, he promises he'll be back as soon as he can and to look after myself. I hear him say goodbye to Gail and she promises that she'll look after me for him which brings another tear to my eye and then I smile as I hear her promise to teach me the recipes of the chocolate cake and a few of the other things that Ray says have added to his waistline over the last few days.
Christian and Elliot appear from wherever they were with Christian looking less like a thundercloud and he wishes Ray safe travels and sees him out the door with an assurance he can stay anytime he likes, there will always be a room for him.
Kate and Elliot are next out the door so that Kate can do some more studying before the finals this week and I can't but feel down about the fact that I should have been doing them but since I can't seem to stay awake for more than an hour, the ability to sit the finals without study is unlikely so I am grateful that Christian has managed to delay them for me but I need to take advantage of the hours that I can stay awake and study.
Once Grace and Carrick also take their leave, the apartment feels rather empty again but I look forward to spending the time with Christian, just the two of us which we haven't managed to have, well, ever really but he doesn't come back to me, he simply disappears into his office without a look back and I am left marooned on the chair.