A/N: I know I'm wicked.

34: Magnus

It's been two weeks since I started therapy. I've been having more good days, but I'm still a screwed-up mess.

"So why am I taking you to the vet exactly?" Jace asks, following me to the elevator.

"Because Alec isn't gonna get home until really late. If Raphael's there, I need someone to get me home," I reply.

"I swear, if you make that noise again, I'll use duct tape."

"I can't help it and you know it."

"I'd end up homeless if I tried."

"Yeah, you would. Or missing a finger."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me, Blondie."

"Did they ever say what's exactly wrong with you?"

"I have PTSD from eight years of utter hell."

"You were just a kid when he did that?"

Finally, I get a little compassion from him. We aren't at each other's throats usually, but he doesn't really get that I have issues upon issues.

"I was ten when he adopted me," I mumble.

"Dang," is all he says.

"He videotaped things he did to me. They played the tapes to the entire courtroom. That's why Alec had puke on his pants."

He actually looks surprised at this.

"Why'd he videotape it?" he asks.

"Because he's a sadistic freak," I reply.

Talking about it doesn't bother me as much if it's not Alec I'm telling. With other people, if they don't like hearing it, it's no big deal. If Alec doesn't like hearing it, he could choose someone else.

"Is the therapy helping?" he asks.

"Yeah. I'm sleeping through the night sometimes. My anxiety still isn't great, but it might be something I always have to deal with. Alec's been a lot more supportive than I expected anyone to be," I reply.

Max is sitting up in his bed, waiting for me, when we get to the vet office. He looks really happy to see me.

"No Alec?" he asks.

"No, Alec's at work. He'll come see you soon, though," I reply.

"Who's that in the hall? Is he gonna hurt me like Master did?"

I hate hearing the fear in the kid's voice. I hate knowing Raphael made him so afraid.

"His name's Jace. He's Alec's adopted brother. If he does, he'll get his butt handed to him by me and Alec. I promise," I reply, ruffling Max's soft curls gently.

He purrs at my touch and leans into my hand.

"Did you bring a book?" he asks expectantly.

"Of course. I'm not that crazy. I brought you a couple today," I reply, holding the books out.

He loves being read to. He can read really well, but he likes it better if Alec or I read to him. He's gotten so he'll curl up against me while I'm reading. Sometimes he'll fall asleep and start drooling, which is the most disgusting thing ever.

He tucks himself under my arm before I even start reading today. For something so little, he's really warm. I might end up holding him just so I can warm up.

He hides behind me when Jace comes in. He's whimpering softly.

"He won't hurt you. You're okay. You're safe," I murmur.

"Why's he purple?" Jace asks.

"Because Raphael's as psychotic as his wonderful boyfriend."

"I wanted to see what the big deal is about him."

"You're scaring him."

"Is he like you?"

"He didn't have his innocence torn to shreds as far as we know if that's what you're meaning."

Instead of doing the nice thing and leaving, Jace sits down across from me.

"You're adopting him, right?" Jace asks.

"Alec and I are talking about it. Technically, he still belongs to Raphael," I reply.

Raphael has refused to surrender Max so far. He was arrested yesterday, but he's still denying he hurt Max. He's adamant that he will not give ownership of Max to anyone.

"Are you really gonna marry my brother?" Jace asks.

"I don't plan on breaking his heart. Why?" I reply.

"If no one's willing to marry the two of you because you're a neko, don't you think it's a bad idea?"

"No. I love Alexander more than anything else. More than myself. More than even glitter. Regardless of what other people's opinions are, we're getting married. Why're you trying to talk me out of it? You told me not to break his heart, Jace."

"I don't think you're good for my brother after all."

"Why? Name one way I've impacted his life negatively."

"I mean you're not good enough. He deserves better and you know it."

I feel like crying now. Jace has just confirmed my worst fear. Maybe I should break up with him? I want whatever's best for Alec, and maybe my not being in his life is what would be better.

"First you tell me not to hurt him. Now you're telling me to break his heart because I'm not good enough. Which is it, Jace?" I say, my voice rough.

"You're not good enough for him. Everyone knows it," Jace replies.

I know one thing: If I break Alec's heart, my own will shatter into a million little pieces. I know Alec deserves someone who's not messed-up, but I also want to be selfish and keep him because I love him and he makes me happy and he's adorable.

"Does Izzy think the same thing?" I ask.

"Call her and ask," he answers, giving me a cold smile.

My fingers shake as I bring Izzy up on my phone.

"Hey, Mags. What's up?" she says cheerily.

"D-do you think Alec and I are a good fit?" I ask.

"You guys are perfect together. Alec's the happiest I've ever seen him. You act a lot happier since you guys decided to get married. What did Jace do?"

"Am I good enough for Alec?"

"You're more than good enough. He adores you, and I know you practically worship the ground he walks on. Did Jace tell you you're not good enough for Alec?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

"He's dead. Alec specifically told him not to upset you. Why didn't I take you today? I know you guys have been getting along. This was uncalled for. Did he tell you to break up with Alec?"

"Y-yeah."

"Don't cry. Jace isn't worth it. Do you want me to come get you?"

"I wanna go to the bookstore. I wanna see Alec."

"Okay. Are you gonna walk or do you want me to come get you?"

"I'll walk."

"Be safe."

"I will. Thanks, Iz."

I slide my phone into my pocket after pressing 'End'.

"Well? She told you the same thing, didn't she?" Jace asks, smirking at me.

"I'm going to the bookstore. I'll see you later, Max. Hurt him, and you won't have to worry about Alec finding out because I will hide your body," I reply, flouncing out of the room.

Alec's very surprised to see me to say the least.

"You don't look happy. What's wrong, baby?" he says, cupping my face tenderly.

"When's your break?" I ask.

"Five minutes. What did Jace do?"

"He's Jace."

"No matter what he did, I will still love you. Okay?"

My heart breaks a little at his words.

"He didn't do anything. He just told me I'm not good enough for you and that we shouldn't get married and I should break up with you. And I know it's true because I'm messed-up. And I'm not human. And you're this wonderful, perfect, adorable guy," I tell him.

"Don't listen to Jace. Jace is an idiot, who apparently has a death wish. I told him not to do anything to upset you or trigger your anxiety or make you depressed. Magnus, I don't care how messed-up you are or that you're not fully human. I loved you when I found out you had problems as much as I did on our first date. I love you even more now," Alec replies.

"So you told him not to breathe? I don't wanna give you up. I never wanted to. But I'll always do what's best for you, even if it means tearing my own heart to shreds."

"It wouldn't be what's best. I'd know you were unhappy. You'd know I was unhappy. Are you gonna leave me?"

The pain in Alec's voice is palpable. Hurting him isn't anything I've ever wanted to do. From the moment he took me on our first date, I wanted to stay with him. I wanted him to be happy.

"I don't want to," I tell him.

"Then stay. Please," he says.