Chapter 12.5

A light knock on the door drew Miku's attention away from the window, and she turned her head to face the direction of the door.

"Come in," she called faintly.

She heard the door open and close a moment later, followed by light footsteps that stopped not far from the edge of her bed.

"How are you?" the person asked softly.

Miku smiled at the sound of their voice, glad to hear such a familiar sound. "I'm fine. But how have you been? It's been a while since your last visit."

"It's only been about a month," the person pointed out.

"Ah, really? It's so hard to tell time when you're cooped up in a room all day," Miku laughed slightly, but it sounded a little hollow.

The person frowned at this. "Is something wrong?"

"Not particularly..." Miku responded slowly. There were lots of things that were wrong, too many to say actually, but she was sure this person was already aware of that.

"I don't believe you," they said, their voice holding both concern and sternness.

"Can't blame you there. Even I wouldn't believe me," Miku sighed.

How long had she been trying to keep her spirits up? Whenever people like Kaito or Rin or even sometimes Meiko came to visit, she tried to act as cheerful and positive as possible. It was for their sake, and maybe even a bit for her own, but it was getting tiring. Especially since things were looking more and more bleak. Though, with this person, she didn't feel as if she really needed to pretend as much. Honestly, it might've been that she was getting so desperate to tell her thoughts to someone that she was willing to confide in just about anyone that would listen.

"Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?" Miku questioned after a moment of hesitation.

"Go ahead," the person replied simply.

"What would you do if I suddenly disappeared one day?" Miku asked.

The person was quiet for a moment, probably not knowing how to respond, before speaking slowly in an almost unsure tone. "I'd probably be sad and cry, and maybe wonder why you had to go..."

Miku closed her eyes and smiled faintly with a soft hum. "I expected as much... If someone like you would even be brought to tears by that, there's no telling what would happen to Kaito or Rin."

They said nothing, so Miku decided to continue.

"I took another test yesterday and got the results back this morning, not long before you came, actually. Apparently, I won't be able to speak soon, and my remaining days are getting limited too," she explained.

"...How long?" the person inquired softly.

Miku smiled sadly at them, not even needing to ask to know that they meant to add "until you die" to the end. "They said anywhere from a month to half a year. It's still too early to tell for sure yet, but depending on how quickly my condition deteriorates, they'll be able to get a better estimate."

"And you want advice?" the person questioned.

"Only on how to break the news to Kaito and Rin. They're the ones I'm worried about the most, after all," Miku answered.

"Well, I'm not particularly close to either of them, and I only really know what you've told me about them," they pointed out.

"I guess that's true," Miku sighed, opening her eyes again despite it not making any difference. "Still, you seem to handle things so well, I feel like you're the only one I can talk to besides my doctors without having to worry about upsetting you too much. Though, I don't really like talking to the doctors all that often..."

"I think I've just become used to things that hurt, that's all," they muttered quietly.

Miku shook her head, thinking back to when she had first met this person. "No, I don't think that's true. You're just a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for."

She could tell that her words had surprised the person since she heard a faint yet sharp intake of breath, followed by a silence that signaled a loss for words. Even this person, as calm and collected as they were, suffered from weak points that left them feeling numb or frightened, and Miku knew exactly what those weak points were. She gently touched upon them with kindness or gentle gestures that back then had left this person in tears. Even now, she had the feeling that they had the dull ache of wanting to cry weighing in their chest. Everyone was like this, nurtured by Miku's kind words as she accepted each and every one of their individual flaws until they felt comforted and loved, helping them to become the person they wanted to be. It was why everyone cared about her so much, because she had always treated them with care. Though, in that moment, Miku briefly hated herself for extending a kind hand to so many people, only to slap them in the face with the bitter reality of her deteriorating health. If it hadn't been for her almost unbelievable kindness, no one would be grieving over her right now.

"I'm really scared, you know," Miku started in a small, trembling voice. "I don't want to die, but I know that it's for the best. If I continue living like this, all I'll do is bring pain to the people I care about..."

"Miku..." the person said softly.

Miku shook her head, trying to smile even though she felt tears springing to her eyes. She didn't even know she could still cry until now. "No, don't try to tell me I'm wrong. Don't say something like, 'But if you die, we'll all be even more hurt,' or 'Maybe they really will find a way to save you and you can go back to a normal life.' Because I'm so, so sick of optimism like that. It's just stupid to think like that when everyone knows that things will never get better. They just don't want to accept it, so they play dumb and use some sort of excuse to keep hoping for a miracle." Her shoulders began to shake, though whether it was from being on the verge of tears or feeling secretly angry at that false hope everyone clung to, she wasn't sure. "Ah, but I'm a hypocrite, aren't I? I say the same hopeful things over and over again, thinking it'll help the ones I love hold on. But aren't I just destroying them even more this way? Aren't I being unimaginably cruel, dangling the ends of a string in front of them when they're hanging on the edge of a cliff, wanting them to grab it even though I know it won't support their weight?"

A moment of silence filled the room, broken only by Miku's poorly stifled sobs. The person then reached out and gently grasped her hand, causing Miku to look over at them in surprise. Usually, gestures like this were the other way around.

"I think you've just been alone with your thoughts for too long. You've let the guilt of causing people pain get to you, and now you're angry at them for trying to be what you yourself have tried to be your whole life. Optimistic, hopeful, wanting a miracle when everything seems like it'll just crumble away, right? Weren't you the one who told me something like 'No matter how bleak today looks, you should always strive for a better tomorrow'?" they said softly.

Miku, for once, felt the same exact pain that everyone she had ever met felt at least once in their lives: the pain of an unbearably kind gesture trying to pull your broken pieces back together. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she felt ashamed at herself, knowing that what they said was right. How was it that this person, someone she had only truly gotten to know recently, understood her so fully and completely?

"I'm not going to stop you from doing what you want, or try to change any decisions you make. I want you, for once, to be entirely selfish and think about what's best for you, not what's best for anyone else. Not Kaito, not Rin, not me, no one. If you feel like giving up, then go ahead, give up. There's no shame in that, and none of us will think any less of you. But if you want to keep trying to have faith in a better tomorrow along with all of the rest of us, then that's fine too. Both decisions are fine, because we care about you, Miku, just as much as you care about us. You would never think any less of us for something we decided to do, so why should we?" they continued in a reassuring way.

It was the most compassionate Miku had ever seen this person be. Someone who was usually so bad at expressing their feelings properly was now soothing Miku's pains and troubles. She wondered if any of this was her doing, or if they simply had grown into this kind of person in the time between their last visit.

"I'm not sure if I can do that, but... I'll give it a try, at least," Miku hesitantly responded.

"Good. Just remember, everyone has to be a little selfish sometimes. And I think your time for that is way overdue," they stated.

Miku smiled faintly, despite still feeling like doing the exact opposite. "Maybe so..." This was too much, all of this was causing her emotions to be a mess and made her head spin. Not liking this feeling at all, she decided to change the topic. "Hey, tell me about your life since your last visit. I'm sure something's happened since the last time I saw you. Right?"

"Well, I suppose you could say that..." the person muttered, sounding both thoughtful and maybe a tad exasperated.

Miku tilted her head curiously, waiting expectantly for the tale to come, and soon the person began to tell her all about the things that had transpired for them recently. The two of them spent the whole rest of the afternoon catching up, all while their previous conversation weighed heavily on Miku's mind.

A/N: Wow, an update that's not after a month of procrastination! Well, I told myself I'd post a new chapter while I still had some time off from school for Thanksgiving, so I did. This chapter is a little different from the others since we now get to see things from Miku's perspective. I realized that Miku hasn't actually made an appearance since the very first chapter, so I figured something like this would be nice. Also, I've decided that every Miku-based chapter is going to have a .5 at the end, sort of like a half chapter.

Well, that's enough rambling for me. I hope you enjoyed this, and please tell me what you think! :) Have a wonderful day/night/whatever~