Ana's POV

I wake up to the scariest sound I have ever heard, screaming that tears at my heart and reverberates around my brain and I hit the emergency button that Taylor gave me last night. Taylor appears within seconds so he mustn't have been far away and he assures me that it's 'just' Christian having a night terror. As I whip my head towards him he concedes that they have been rare since I have been around and my heart hurts as I know my words must be forming some part of Christian's pain.

The screams stop and I hear footsteps that almost run down the stairs to the great room, and I look questioningly at Taylor and he says kindly "He will probably play the piano for a few hours to calm down, he'll be ok, go back to sleep" and I don't know what my face says but as he goes to leave he makes a point of saying "He's a good man Ana." I nod to show that I understand and lie there listening to the tortured music that Christian is playing, it is beautiful but oh so very sad, it feels like his soul is crying through his fingertips and I feel awful.

I want to be there for him. I spent a lot of time yesterday after our 'discussion' thinking about what he did manage to say but I was too angry to respond to because of what he'd said before that in an unreasonable rage. Once he'd left and I'd calmed down, I replayed over and over in my mind, what he'd said "I just want to protect you from everything, the world, the people that have hurt you in the past, yourself and finally me, I'm used to controlling my environment. I want to know that you have enough to eat and that you are eating when you should be, I want you to wear the best clothes I can afford, I want you to be safe and happy at all times. I want to protect you from the vultures that follow me. I want you to feel loved, I want to be there for you at all times. I want you all to myself."

I realise that his basic motivation is to protect me and make me feel loved however the last bit I reacted to because of the overwhelming pressure that sentiment put on me. Having Christian being in control of everything in relation to me and the comment "I want you all to myself" scares me. I have by necessity kept myself to myself because every time I have even slightly relied on someone they have let me down except for Ray when I came back from Texas. Despite my now natural inclination to not let anyone dictate what is good for me, I realise that he has chosen controlling others as a means of controlling what happens to him. I just chose to not let anyone in and muddled through my environment, changing what I could to suit me and avoiding what I couldn't.

We are very similar and I want to be there for him because as much as he professed he wants me to feel loved, I want him to feel the same, he deserves and needs the love I can give him. The concept of sharing seems a little foreign to Christian, he likes to dictate instead of communicating and he needs to understand that a burden shared is a burden halved. Compromise and communication is going to be so important for us and I am willing to be the first one to make a move as I realise that Christian is even more stubborn than I am, moreover I know he is now completely broken, I can hear it in the music as it varies between wails, funeral marches and the piano practically sobbing.

Finally I can't bear it anymore and while cursing my lack of movement and complete dependence on everyone else, I call Taylor again asking for a favour. When he comes up I ask if he could carry me down and place me in one of the chairs in the great room so that I can be there for Christian.

He undoes all the supports but as he bends to pick me up he hesitates and I am sure it's because he is going to touch me which will upset Christian, I have figured this much out already and I say "This whole ordeal will be over sooner if you do."

Taylor nods and reaches to pick me up and as he does so, we both see Christian's angry face, I hadn't even realised that the piano playing had stopped, he curses and his eyes look really empty as he reels back growling "One more person enamoured with you" and turns and runs back down the stairs.

"Leave me Taylor, quick go find him" I say desperately, "I don't need anything, he does." He nods and with a last glance he's gone and I hope he catches Christian before he does anything stupid.

I lie there not knowing what has happened and then thankfully Gail comes and tells me that none of the cars have gone, all the keys are still here and Taylor is chasing Christian, she pats me on the hand to reassure me and she too says "He's a good man." While she is reiterating what Taylor said, she then adds "And all the better when he is with you Ana. Don't worry, Taylor will bring him home safely, he'll figure it out eventually and it will be ok." I tear up at her caring words and she sits down on the bed and pulls me into a hug to comfort me, the last two days of mental torture hit me and she lets me cry into her shoulder, just rubbing my back gently and soothing me. I imagine she would make a great mother as I feel her love through her actions and I marvel that she doesn't even know me and is willing to do more than my mother ever did.

That realisation only makes me sob harder, my mother doesn't love me, Jose apparently said I'd repulse him if I'd been disfigured meaning that his friendship really is just skin deep so my "brother", as I'd thought of him, doesn't really love me despite all the overtures over the last few years. Kate while still a friend is now more interested in Elliot and I can't begrudge her that happiness. I have nothing left of my life from a week ago.

Gail continues to rock me and then grounds me with "Ray called today, he says he's missing the chocolate cake so I need to teach you that as soon as possible." Her gentle smile and the mention of Ray, eases the ache in my heart and I manage to calm down for a second, Ray IS one person I have always been able to rely on. My brain keeps churning though and I realise he is getting older and not someone who is going to be in my life on a permanent basis due to his life and location. In Seattle, I have no-one other than Christian and he… well, I don't know where or how he is, my thoughts turn maudlin but I can't help it, maybe it's me, maybe I AM unlovable.

Christian's POV

Now Taylor's got her in his arms, what is it with Ana, everyone wants to hold her, everyone is allowed to hold her but me. She's right, I don't deserve her but why is she letting everyone hold her but not letting me? Blinding rage hits me and I know I have to run before I do something stupid, maybe I can outrun my demons. So down and out to the street I go, it's early in the morning and there are no other people around but finally it cuts through that there are footsteps following me, I have been running for nearly an hour and I won't be able to defend myself against whoever it is but I look over my shoulder and see an exhausted Taylor and stop abruptly, all the fight gone out of my body.

"Sir, permission to speak freely?" he gasps out at me, I nod, I don't have any energy left, I don't see how he has any either and I don't even know where we are.

"Miss Steele wanted to be carried out to you at the piano to provide comfort to you. Sir. You know I'd never be inappropriate with her? Sir?" His eyes almost pleading for me to understand, pleading for his message to cut through whatever rubbish is going on in my head.

The absurdity of the situation hits me, she was coming out to comfort me when I have been a sulky shit for the last two days, I really don't deserve her. As my self-loathing starts to swamp me and while I am still struggling to breathe, I nod and say "You have permission to continue speaking freely Taylor, do you think I am an idiot? Should I just let her heal and let her go?"

Taylor's eyes open wide and he says "Sir, you would be an idiot to do so, the girl adores you. However, she has a better handle on interpersonal relationships and it might pay to take advisement from her on what does and doesn't work. She isn't a doll to be put on a shelf, she needs to live a life…..with you beside her" well, that's what Ana basically said to me wasn't it?

Taylor continues "If you can't see it, I need to tell you, each of you does not appear whole unless you are together. If you were to let her go or walk away, you'd be doing both of you a disservice. Sir."

Not only is Taylor insightful but he's being pretty adamant, I quirk an eyebrow and he shrugs his shoulders and then as he and I have almost regained our ability to breathe normally I clap him on the shoulder and say "Thank you. Now let's see if we can find our way back quickly, it appears I have some apologising to do …. Again."

While he says it under his breath, I hear "This time a teddy bear won't cut it" and I nod, I'd figured as much.

It was much easier running on adrenaline and as that has worn off, a slow jog is all we can manage and stopping for a red light is most welcome until a claptrap of a VW beetle stops near us and then as if in slow motion I see the police car round the corner at speed, lights flashing and plough straight into the front of the VW.

With the reflexes of someone whose had a full night's sleep and not just run for an hour at top speed, Taylor throws me backwards and covers my body to protect me from any damage as the cars fly towards us and land where we had been standing. If Taylor had not acted as he did, we would have both been hit and I thank him as I brush myself off.

Following the first police car was another so they had obviously been involved in a pursuit and the officers in the second car are attempting to extract the impacted officers while Taylor and I race to the driver of the VW and I stop short. Taylor continues and gestures to me to help pull on the door and I do as I stare into the face of Jose in the inside attempting to push open the door. Could this night be any weirder?

Jose seems fine but what he says next cuts right through my growing fog "Ana's going to kill me, she loves this car!"

Oh no, there is no way this car is being repaired, she is never going to drive this clapped out vehicle although to be fair it has survived the impact well. 40 year old cars are built a little more solidly than modern cars but there is no way I am going to let her drive this again.

Taylor organises with the police officers for Ana's car to be removed and sent to an insurance repairer for assessment, I somehow doubt that she had it covered by a detailed comprehensive insurance policy and even so, I don't ever want to see her driving such a dangerous car. Taylor remarks that it was a classic car and a shame that it had been damaged but I don't care. The only car I want to see Ana in is a car with the highest safety rating.

Then I have the thought, why was Jose driving her car anyway? Exactly how close are they? Just as soon as those questions rear their head I decide I need to slap them down. Ana was right by implication, I am way too judgemental and paranoid, neither of which are traits she particularly appears to appreciate even though she didn't say so in as many words.

Having made sure that Jose is perfectly ok and doesn't need transportation to the hospital I begrudgingly offer that he come back with us, I am sure that Ana would like to see him, whether she wants to see me is another matter altogether.

I call Mrs Jones to let her know that we are on the way back and that Jose is returning with us perhaps to stay the night and she sounds relieved to hear my voice, the realisation hits me that my staff are really very good people and do have my best interests at heart at all times.

It is with a great deal of trepidation that I enter the apartment and when I see Ana's concerned face, the obvious tear streaks and the trembling lip that I realise that I am the biggest idiot in Seattle. The obvious look of relief changes to surprise when she sees Jose behind me and then the initial look of confusion on her face turns to anger as she sees the bruises now appearing on his face.

"What did you do?" she asks looking at me and too late we all realise she thinks I attacked Jose. "You couldn't possibly be that stupid!" she exclaims, now even more upset.

Both Jose and I say in unison "No!" and I continue to explain "Jose was involved in an accident right where Taylor and I were waiting for the lights to change and I have brought him here to rest before he heads home."

Ana looks embarrassed at her assumption and says "Sorry" contritely and then looks at Jose asking "What do you mean you were in an accident? Are you ok Jose?" and then it hits her and her face changes to a horrified expression "Oh no, you were driving Wanda, what's happened to Wanda?"

I laugh, probably not the best reaction at this time and at her glare shrug my shoulders and turn out my hands questioningly "Your car is called Wanda?"

And there it is, the little pout "Yes…from a Fish called Wanda. It was the perfect name, she was a strong car, a very faithful car, she kept me safe and got me where I needed to go." I can't help but smile indulgently at her as the tension is relieved a little.

"Miss Steele, I retrieved your flashlight from the glove box, I didn't see anything else in the car, you really did keep it immaculate but if there is anything else, I can go get it" says Taylor and he is rewarded by a tiny smile and head shake confirmation that all she kept was a flashlight. She really is a special girl, my sister's glove box is overflowing with makeup and all sorts of ridiculous items that make their way throughout the car.

Taylor continues with where he has had it towed and I go to explain that there is no way she is ever going to drive it again and for once a red warning light flashes in my brain "Too Controlling" so I change it to "Wanda bore the brunt of a police car in pursuit, the policeman lost control in the corner and it looks like the front of the car has been totally written off, I doubt it will be salvageable." As her shoulders slump, I try to make the news better by saying "I will make sure you have a safe car available at your disposal at all times and you can choose a new car when you are able to drive again."

"But I loved that car" she says tearfully and then I understand a little of why it is such a big deal for her as she continues quietly in a sad tone "I am losing everything that relates to me in the last week. There is going to be nothing left, my health, my life in Portland, now my car and you want to turn me into some vacuous arm candy, a shadow of myself."

She catches the sob that threatens and then she shakes herself and looks at me a little angrily "Wanda was a safe car, which of your fancy pants new cars would have taken that hit and had Jose basically fine"

She then turns and directs her attention to Jose "Although Jose you need to put some ice on those bruises or your pretty face is going to look like a mess tomorrow. Maybe it will be repulsive and you won't be able to look at yourself." She says with a sniff and turns away and we all shuffle looking at each other, knowing exactly why she said that.

Mrs Jones takes the pressure off by suggesting to Jose that she take him to the guest room and tend to his injuries, Taylor makes himself scarce and that leaves me standing there looking at Ana.

I no longer know what to say but she is looking at me with the saddest look and I throw thinking to the wind, over thinking is what brought me to this awful spot and I need to stop doing it, isn't getting us anywhere. I need to hold my girl so badly my legs move without any conscious thought on my behalf and I find myself about to throw my arms around her and my brain comes into play and I stop "May I?" and there is a tiny almost imperceptible nod.

"I'm so so sorry" I finally say into her hair as I wrap my arms around her and I feel like I'm home, my safe spot when she finally relaxes into me. "Will you forgive me?" I ask as I pull away to look her in the eyes while still holding her.

"Am I forgiving you for being an arse tonight or yesterday or the day before Christian, exactly what are you asking forgiveness for?"

I totally agree that I have been an arse but the term wasn't what I was expecting from her so I nervously laugh as I choke out "An arse you say?"

"Yes an arse." She states emphatically "..And don't laugh, you have a lot of explaining to do."

"I do have a lot of explaining to do and I have to apologise too. There is probably no apology big enough but let me try. I think I am going to become quite adept at it. I did say I was going to get this wrong, you can't be too surprised"

She looks at me with exasperation "But talking isn't something that's hard, everyone should know how to do that." She pauses and then says angrily "And how dare you imply what you implied with Taylor, that man would lay down his life for you and you treated him and I like a complete dick, you really did! You cannot go 'Jealous Christian' on me every time someone comes near me, you are going to die young if you keep putting that stress on yourself and you'll drive me away. There is nothing and I mean nothing, attractive about a jealous man." She's right about Taylor, he did just protect me with his life and I owe him an apology too.

"Have you finished your rant now?" I say, but with a crooked smile on my face. "Please forgive me for being an arse over the last few days, I will endeavour to harness my jealousy but there is no guarantee that I will accomplish it.

She cuts in "Will you at least speak to me before running away or going to punch someone? The worst thing was not knowing what set you off in the sulk. By the way, it is unattractive when a child sulks and it is that much worse when an adult and such an accomplished adult as yourself does it. Did Grace allow you to sulk? God forbid, did the Evil One allow you to sulk?"

I tense up at the mention of Elena and know that I have to tell her that I went to see her yesterday, another reason I was in such a funk all day, so I quietly say "I went to see her yesterday… with Carrick" I quickly add but it's too late.

She pulls herself out of my arms like I had smacked her and hisses at me "You went to see the pedophile after everything you know about her now?"

"Well, it's not much different to you wanting to move in with your mother, the person who has neglected you all her life and you want to care for her instead of making a life for yourself" I retort angrily and I add under my breath "with me" and I hear the sharp intake of breath, "That's what started all this" I continue. I haven't been able to look at her during this last exchange and she tugs on my arm.

"Is that what you were thinking? Is that why you left on Sunday?" and I look at her and nod and she says "Oh Christian, you really are a silly man!" and I am completely confused once more.

Ana's eyes fill with tears as she pulls me back towards her and snuggles back into me and looking sadly up to me says "Christian I said, "Perhaps we could get an apartment together", "Perhaps" it was a silly pipedreamy type statement after being so happy with your family the night before and even that morning. Have you never dreamed out loud? How was I to know that you took it to heart because you didn't tell me? If you had queried me then or after everyone left I would have told you that I couldn't do that to myself. You didn't even say it yesterday when we talked, argued, whatever it was we did…."

She's looking at me like I have three heads "Oh. My. God. Christian, I love you and want to spend all my time with you and you have nearly killed me the last three days. I've been trying to figure out what I had done wrong and it didn't even occur to me that was it because of a silly throw-away line."

She's still trying to regulate her breathing when she clasps me tighter and says looking deep into my eyes "Everything I said yesterday stands, I don't want to be controlled by you, I want to be a partner with you, standing next to you, communicating with you, loving you, only you. I'm so sorry I didn't realise, I'm so sorry, you must have thought me a right royal idiot after what Carla has done to me."

Her blue eyes bore right through me and I realise that this could have just been cleared up with one quick question, I just put us and everyone around us through hell for absolutely no reason at all and groan as I squeeze her into me, trying to mould us into one person "Oh Ana, I can't ever make this up to you can I? I said awful things, I have acted awfully towards you, can you ever forgive me?

In my brain I'm thinking "please, please forgive me but I'll understand if you push me away" and she reaches up and puts her hands in my hair and gently pulls my face to hers, she starts with a gentle kiss and I can feel the adrenaline tremble through her arms as they rest on my shoulders. The tears trickling down her cheeks worry me and then she says tearfully "You silly man, of course I forgive you, we just have to speak more, you need to tell me immediately if you're upset, you're the only person I have left now, even Kate is more interested in spending time with Elliot ..?"

I don't give her a chance to say any more, she is mine and she is going to feel loved like she has never been loved before, starting now. My lips are on hers, stopping her talking, reclaiming the lips and the essence I have missed for three days due to my own stupidity. "It's late" I growl and swing her up and I am up the stairs with her before she has a chance to say any more, I lay her down and connect all the leg supports, turn down the lights and cover her over. Having not slept for the last 2 nights and only having had an hour's sleep before the night terror, my brain operates on autopilot and I forget that I have never undressed in front of Ana until I see her eyes widen as they sweep my body. I quickly pull on a t-shirt and pj pants and slide in next to her and am completely unprepared when she slides her hand under the shirt towards my chest.