Gosh this took a long time! It's already the next year 0.o so happy new year! 2017 yay
unfortunately I'm going to be even MORE inactive, because I won't be on fanfiction on weekends, Tuesdays, Thursdays, and now Wednesdays (for the rest of the month) which really stunk because they used to be my best days for this... In late April however I'll be free for all the weekdays
If you want a better quality cover, it's on my deviantArt. I'd link it but Fanfiction won't let me... I have the same name on dA, you can try to find it yourself
There's also some Hamilton x Burr and Hamilton x Angelica in here, pretty minor but I just want you to realize how much pain it put me through to write about Hamilton's relationships with any one other than laurens. I'm suffering for you HamBurr and Hamgelica (? what the heck is that what it's called I just guessed) fans
I hope you're happy
(actuallyilovehamburrbutnotasmuchaslamsforsomereasonionlyextremelysupportgayshipsinhamiltonhuhweird)
OKEYDOKEY on the story..key...
They return to Lafayette's house to finish the MarioKart game. Burr takes some more Aspirin because he doesn't think he can survive the rest of the day without it.
Hamilton choses the same course, Mushroom Gorge. "To redeem myself after Princess Peach failed me and Lafayette betrayed me," he explains as he picks it.
Burr sits on the floor this time. There really isn't enough room on that couch for six people. Somehow they made they work the first time but not this one. Eliza and John are on either side of Hamilton, both competing for his attention.
Hamilton begins in eleventh place. Lafayette hoped that he wouldn't freak out if he wasn't last, but of course Hamilton will always find a way to freak out.
"Oh! OH! OH!" Hamilton screams repeatedly. "BOOM SHACKA LACKA! You're in LAST PLACE! Do you know why?"
"Because that's how MarioKart works," Jefferson says again.
"NO IT'S BECAUSE YOU SUCK!" Hamilton screams.
"When you were in last place, it wasn't because you suck," Jefferson points out. "Not that you don't suck, of course," he adds quickly.
"I DON'T suck. God was unkind to me, THAT'S why I started last," Hamilton argues.
"Just do your Mariokart race," Eliza kisses her husband's cheek.
Laurens glares at her and quickly smooches Hamilton's other cheek.
"I could get used to this," Hamilton says, grinning. "Angelica, Burr, why don't you get in on the action?"
"Uh-wh-wha...?" Burr says, flustered.
"Sure why not," Angelica comes over and makes out with Hamilton.
"Come on, Burr," Hamilton wiggles his eyebrows and makes kissy faces at Burr
"I'm, uh, good, thanks," Burr backs away from Hamilton.
"Welp I'm going to start this race," Jefferson announces.
Just like last time, everything starts out good. Hamilton gets to tenth place, then Jefferson passes him. Hamilton assaults Jefferson with turtle shells which puts Bowser behind Princess Peach. Hamilton and Laurens cheer like the lunatics they are.
"I think John would actually be a better spouse than you, Eliza," Hamilton tells his new wife. "He's a lot more supportive."
"He's a lot more loud," Eliza corrects him.
"Uh-huh," Hamilton says unconvincingly. "So Burr, are you a good husband?"
"Um... Maaaaaybe?" Burr says.
"Awwww always so humble," Hamilton gushes. Lafayette, Jefferson, and Angelica laugh like crazy as if Hamilton just told the funniest joke in the world which just so we're clear is "why did hamilton cross the road? to get run over by burr's car"
"You guys are real-" Burr begins about to use some big kid language he is the biggest kid of all when he is stopped short by Laurens.
Laurens turns his head to face Burr and watches him. Burr can swear he hears the theme from Psycho playing as Laurens stares stalkerishly at him. Laurens mouths something. Burr isn't 100% sure but he can guess.
"I will murder you."
"Oh my," Burr says. And this whole time he figured Lafayette would be the one to kill him. But Laurens makes sense, too. Actually pretty much anyone killing Burr would make sense. He kind ticks off a lot of people.
Then Laurens turns back to watch the Mario-Kart. Hamilton, in third place, has begun the mushroom bouncing. Jefferson who is in fourth place is getting close.
Hamilton's Princess Peach bounces across the mushrooms. Jefferson is close behind, just starting the mushrooms. They bounce around real nice. The Jefferson passes Hamilton.
Well Hamilton can't do anything without flipping out, especially if he is passed by Jefferson in a game of MarioKart.
Hamilton screams but not in actual words just a loud, angry sound. Then he starts to swear, both in English and French (which hopefully I'll be able to do soon hehehe) He has learned many things from Lafayette, mostly just how to swear in French. Hamilton also calls Jefferson a cheating dog poop.
Eventually Hamilton calms down enough to focus on the MarioKart. He is in second place when he begins the next lap, right behind Jefferson and in front of Daisy.
"Wow, the women are actually chasing Jefferson," Burr jokes.
Hamilton laughs uncontrobably, which sounds more like a chicken suffocating on somebody's foot than a laugh. Everyone else just stares at Burr.
"You know for somebody who's always saying 'talk less, smile more' you sure open your mouth a lot," Lafayette tells him.
The others laugh normally, even Hamilton, which Burr didn't know was possible. Burr gives Lafayette an insulting gesture behind his back and doesn't put it down until Lafayette looks over at him.
Hamilton arrives (with his crew) at the bouncy mushrooms. He falls into the gorge without even jumping. He just scoots to the end...and falls.
"Oh noes," Hamilton says calmly.
Burr braces himself for Hamilton's trademark temper tantrum, but he just waits until Princess Peach re-spawns and continues the race, like a normal person without serious issues. Also known as not Hamilton.
"Are you...okay...?" Burr asks Hamilton. Maybe that alcohol was wearing off...but even if it was, Hamilton was almost never so calm about dying in video games.
"I've never been more okay," Hamilton answers.
"That's exactly why I'm worried," Burr mutters.
Now in fourth place, Hamilton makes it across the mushrooms without falling off. Jefferson falls off the final mushroom. In the time it takes for Bowser to regenerate, Hamilton has passed him and returned to second place.
They finish the race without anyone throwing a temper tantrum. Hamilton comes in third place, Jefferson in fourth.
"Nobody won," Mulligan says.
"Hamilton was closer." Laurens gets real close to Hamilton and they kiss again. Eliza turns bright red and smooches Hamilton, too. Angelica shrugs and does the same.
"Last chaaaaaaaaaance," Hamilton says to Burr in a sing-song voice.
"Okay." Burr comes over and makes out with Hamilton. It feels amazing, the most amazing thing ever... So Burr has to hide it. He pulls away quickly. "Yuck," he spits.
Laurens gives Burr the naughty finger behind Hamilton's back. They've done that a lot recently. It's probably not good fo their souls but who really cares.
"So this round will be the tie-breaker," Laurens decides.
"I'm a win," hamilton says.
"So no interruptions this time?" Jefferson asks, sounded amazed. He looks around at everyone. "Nobody is going to go propose to that squirrel outside?"
Hamilton cranes his neck to peer out a window. "Ooooh," he moans. "That is one hot squirrel."
"ALEXANDER!" Eliza shouted. "As if it wasn't bad enough you love my sister and John- but a squirrel?!"
"You forgot Burr," Hamilton tells her.
"No." Burr says firmly.
"You know you liked it." Hamilton wiggles his eyebrows.
"No, I didn't," Burr snaps. Technically it's not a lie. He didn't like their kiss- he loved it.
"Oooh hard to get. I like that," Hamilton says flirtatously.
Burr sticks up his middle finger.
"Can I lick that please?" Hamilton asks.
"ABSOLUTELY NOT," Burr, Eliza, and Laurens all say at the same time. They stare at each other.
"Let's play the game!" Jefferson shouts.
"I wanna change my character," Hamilton says. "PP has failed me."
"PP?" Lafayette echoes.
"Yeah, it stands for Princess Peach," Hamilton explains.
"Suuuurrrrreeeeeee it does," Lafayette says sarcastically.
Burr realizes what he means. "Ooh spicy."
"You know it," Lafayette winks at him.
"I thought you hated me," Burr says.
"I do." Lafayette raises a fist with something else attached. There's a lot of ways to say that.
"This time I'll pick somebody who reflects my personality," Hamilton announces.
"I thought Princess Peach did that perfectly," Jefferson replies.
Hamilton flips him off.
"Actually I'm picking Yoshi," Hamilton informs them.
"Well then." Burr says.
The third and final round of Mario-Kart begins. Jefferson is still Bowser. Hamilton is in eleventh place, with Jefferson right behind him. They're doing a new course; Jefferson's pick. Burr isn't sure what it's called, but it's fields with little bumps and lots of cows.
Hamilton runs into one of said cows as soon as the race begins. He doesn't try to drive around it. Instead he screams and swears at the cow for blocking his way.
Finally the cow moves out of Hamilton's path. He's far back now in twelfth place after his issues with the cow.
"Cows are God's mistake," Hamilton declares stiffly.
"I'm pretty sure you're God's mistake," Jefferson says.
Hamilton raises a fist. Burr expects to see a certain finger attached, but instead Hamilton punches Jefferson in the face. Jefferson collapses.
Nobody moves or says anything for a moment.
"I think you knocked him out," Burr says at last.
"Cool." Hamilton continues playing Mario-Kart.
"Shouldn't we do something?" Eliza asks.
"No," Hamilton says.
"I'm good with that," Mulligan says
"I really think we should get help for Jefferson," Eliza insists.
"Eliza, this is Jefferson we're talking about," Hamilton reminds her. "The same guy who just called me God's mistake."
"You are not God's mistake," Eliza comforts her husband.
"You're your parents' mistake," Burr blurts out.
Laurens shrieks and pounces on Burr, hissing and clawing at him like some psycho cat. He pushes Burr over and starts screeching nonstop. Laurens bites Burr's face. Burr screams.
"DON'T CALL MY CHILD A MISTAKE!" Laurens yells in Burr's face.
"Why didn't you do this to Jefferson?" Burr shouts back.
"I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE TOUCHING JEFFERSON'S BODY," Laurens screams.
"But you feel comfortable touching mine?" Burr asks.
"Oh my," Lafayette says.
"Laurens you need to calm down," Hamilton tells his...father? If Hamilton is Laurens' child, then that makes Laurens Hamilton's daddy. Or mommy.
Laurens doesn't listen. He shoves his tongue up Burr's nostril and flips it around wildly up in there. He pulls out some boogers.
"YOUR SNOT TASTES BAD," Laurens tells him loudly.
"I think that was worse for you than me," Burr says.
Hamilton and Eliza pull Laurens off Burr. Burr gets up.
"Thanks guys," he says.
"I'm mad at you," Hamilton tells him.
"Let's go take Jefferson to the hospital," Eliza says.
Hamilton puts Laurens on the ground and sits on top of him to keep him still. Laurens stops struggling. Apparently having Hamilton sit on him calms him down. Burr saves that information because he has a strange feeling he will need it later.
"Why though?" Hamilton asks.
"Because you knocked him out," Angelica says.
"Yes." Hamilton agrees. "And?"
"He needs medical attention," Eliza says.
"So do I," Burr puts in. "I might have rabies now." He glares at laurens.
"You've always had rabies," Lafayette scoffs.
"If that's true how am I still alive?" Burr argues.
"Hmmm..." Lafayette pauses, thinking. "Touche."
"Who's going to drive Jefferson's car?" Mulligan tries to get everyone back on topic.
"Definitely not me." Hamilton shudders. "You can smell the dead bodies from a mile away. Inside, it must be even worse."
"We all kind of assumed you'd be driving your own car, Alexander," Burr sighs.
"Did you say dead bodies?" Lafayette adds, looking nauseous.
"Since clearly none of you will, I'll take Jefferson's car," Burr volunteers quickly, not wanting to evaluate on the dead bodies supposedly in Jefferson's car. Hamilton is drunk, he doesn't know what he's talking about, Burr told himself. There were no dead bodies in Jefferson's car.
He's smart enough to have disposed of them elsewhere.
Unless...Hamilton put them there to frame Jefferson...
NO, Burr tells himself firmly. THERE ARE NO DEAD BODIES IN JEFFERSON'S CAR, END OF DISCUSSION.
Hamilton scrambles off Laurens and falls to is knees before Burr. "Thank you, Aaron Burr, sir, for your great and noble sacrfice!" He says, bowing his upper body. He sounds sincere and dead-serious, which does not surprise Burr in the least bit. Hamilton pulls a doctor face mask thing out of his pocket, because apparently he caries them with him. "You'll need this, for the dead body smell." He hands it to Burr.
"Uh...no thanks." Burr pushes it back.
"This is a sacrifice you do not need to make," Hamilton insists, shoving the mask in Burr's face.
"Your smell is worse than the dead bodies ever could be." Burr shoves it back again.
Hamilton shrugs. "Fair enough. I haven't showered in a month."
"I like your scent," moans Laurens.
"I like yours too," Hamilton moans back. They snort each other.
"Okay, okay let's go to the hospital already!" Burr says, trying to hide his jealousy of Laurens. No, he tells himself, I do NOT want Hamilton to snort me, and I sure as heck don't want to snort him. He STINKS! "Mulligan, you;re coming with me."
"what no not again," Mulligan complains.
"You won't fit in Hamilton's car with Laurens and Eliza and Angelica and Lafayette," Burr points out. "There's no way Angelica and Eliza will go with me-"
"You got that right," Angelica agrees. Eliza nods, having the decency to look a little embarrassed.
"-And I don't trust Laurens or Lafayette not to strangle me," Burr finishes.
"You got that right, too," Laurens says. Lafayette pounds his fist into his palm in a gesture threatening to punch Burr.
"Just don't moan like a dying male bandicoot going into labor this time," Mulligan orders Burr.
"No promises." Burr shrugs cheerfully. "Can you carry Jefferson?"
"Yeah sure." Mulligan drags Jefferson across the room by his feet.
"Oh my," Lafayette says.
"You like that?" Mulligan winks at him.
"You know it," Lafayette winks back.
Burr sighs. "Can you carry him, you know, normally?"
"Is there even a way to carry a person normally?" Laurens wonders.
"Well sure but I'm not going to do it," Mulligan says. "This is honking Jefferson guys I mean really."
"I enjoy watching you carry him like this," Hamilton offers.
"Oh God Alex." Burr sighs. "You need to think before you say things like that."
"Like you thought before calling me my parents' mistake?" Hamilton retorts.
"Uh-well-th-that was-uh-" Burr sputters. He clenches his fists, and moans, "Okay, fine, you're right."
"I SAID NO MOANING!" Mulligan yells at Burr, dropping Jefferson's lower body, which he was holding, onto the ground, and glaring at Burr.
Burr crosses his arms. "You said no moaning like a dying male bandicoot going into labor. I moaned like a living female bandicoot going into labor."
"I don't zink zat iz much bezer," Lafayette puts in.
"Put a baguette in it," Burr snaps.
"A'ight." Lafayette walks into his kitchen-Burr has forgotten they were in Lafayette's house until now- and returns holding a baguette which he stuffs in his mouth.
"You are sooooooo stupid," Burr sighs.
"No, drunk," Lafayette corrects him. He looks Burr up and down. "You have no excuse." Burr gives him a middle finger, which Lafayette is all to happy to return.
"Can we just go already? I think Jefferson is going to die soon," Eliza says.
"Oh, goody!" Laurens claps his hands and jumps up and down like the smol child. Angelica glares at him and Eliza gives him a disgusted look but he doesn't stop.
"I didn't punch him that hard," Hamilton scoffs.
Even so, Hamilton goes outside to the cars. Burr and the others follow him. Mulligan is already loading Jefferson into the trunk. It looks like he is trying to hide a dead body, like the ones supposedly in the car. Burr hopes that nobody is watching because they would probably call the police and the last thing Burr needs right now is the po-po chasing them.
Or actually it might be nice (it might be niiiiiiiice) if Hamilton was arrested for assault. He really had punched Jefferson hard. Maybe Burr should try to act like a victim. That was Hamilton would get in even more trouble, and Burr would be off the hook-the fuzz wouldn't think he had anything to do with Jefferson's unconsciousness.
"No don't punch me!" Burr screams.
"What the-?" Hamilton says.
"STOP PUNCHING ME HAMILTON LIKE YOU PUNCHED JEFFERSON!" Burr yells.
"I'm not punching you," Hamilton stares at Burr. "Wow. Maybe you really do have rabies."
Well that didn't work. But maybe somebody has overheard and called the cops.
Burr gets in to the driver's seat of the car. Mulligan sits in the back. Burr double-strapped him with two seat belts, because he's pretty sure Mulligan would kill him if he has the freedom to move and attack.
For about ten minutes Burr drives Jefferson's car, with Hamilton behind him-maybe not the best arrangement what with Hamilton being drunk and all. With the insane people coughhamiltoncough in the other car, there's no screaming, no temper tantrums, no little...incidents...
Despite the odd stench of Jefferson's car (not dead bodies, there's no way it's dead bodies) it is the first time Burr has ever been happy and peaceful since meeting Hamilton.
The the first sound comes.
It is the sound of sirens.
Burr says the naughty French word.
whooo! Okay as I said so sorry for such a late update! I really need to be more on top of this...like Hamilton's on top of Laurens ;3
so this Monday is Burr's birthday! I'm going to make a little BurrHam fanfic for that, in case there's anyone out there who craves more (there won't be tons of it in this story)
see you next time...realistically that'll probably be a month or so but let's hope I'll update chapter six sooner!