Ultra 64 Season 2 had begun a few weeks ago; and as Ivan Wilde (who was officially known as Ivy Wilde. Jusenkyo accident) handed N, the narrator, the script for the latest episode that you, the viewers, are about to read, he said,"you wrote this longhand, right?" to which the writer responded, "Yeah, it was a pain. SOMEONE kept dumping ice water on me."
N, who had actually participated in the Ice Bucket Challenge around the 3LTV offices a week ago, said "I wonder who that could be? Before we -but more specifically you- start; Raul, did we get any letters?" Raul Escabar, the producer of Ultra 64, announced "Just two, N. an anonymous viewer asked about Logic Pro."
"What's Logic Pro? Are we going to have to look that one up like we did with Lords of Thunder?"
"I dunno, man. Then we've got another anonymous letter saying that," Raul grinned with this last one "Great poetry in this Ultra 64 episode!"
Ivan, who was blow-drying his hair (for the girl in him, see) said "I guess you can take credit for that one, Raul." At which point Raul beamed with pride. Just then Mavis West-Manning, the director, announced "Sixty seconds to showtime, folks. Is Rock in position?"
"Doesn't look like he's here at all."
"Someone go get him. It's a little difficult to make the show without the star, doncha think, hon?"
Ivan piped up "He knew when his call time was, but no one's seen him since lunch."
forty-eight seconds later; Rock Light, alias Mega Man, arrived on this week's set of Ultra 64. "Sorry I'm late, guys; I was held up by filming Eternity Cross."
"Mavis, we've found Rock."
"Ten seconds to showtime, folks, move it or lose it!"
"That's your cue, Raul. Make this one count!"
ULTRA SIX-SIX-SIXTY FOUR!
Ultra 64 creates eight robots to counter the titular blue bomber in Mega Man 2!
AUTHOR'S CUT: in this condensation, we're going to refer to Mega Man 2's NES version; NOT the Game Boy version (i.e. the bad future version of Mega Man 2)
-=30=-
In 20XX, a hundred years prior to Mega Man X and the advent of the reploid, there was a lab assistant robot boy named Rock. When his creator's rival Dr. Albert Wily reprogrammed six of his brothers, he requested to be transformed into a fighting robot.
Astro (Tetsuwan Atom/Astro Boy): Sounds familiar, doesn't it?
The newly remade super fighting robot boy Mega Man stopped the evil schemes of Dr. Wily in the previous game, utilizing the powers of the defeated against him. But in an unspecified date after that, Dr. Wily created eight of his own robots -who were unrelated to Mega Man, I just wanna make that clear- to oppose our blue friend.
Mega Man: Eight on one doesn't sound like very fair odds.
Since when were mad scientists fair, Mega Man? The list of Dr. Wily's Robot Masters: Crash Man, Air Man, Bubble Man, Heat Man, Quick Man, Flash Man, Wood Man and METUL MAN. Mega Man kicks off his run with METUL Man, whose power involves Megadeth and Slayer.
Metal Man: Actually my power is throwing circular saws.
No death growls, drum rolls or mad guitar riffs?
Metal Man: No.
Bummer. It's a shame, cause Mega Man's plasma cannon rusts Metal Man, and acquires the Metal Blade, an eight-way circular saw weapon, for his trouble. Moving on, Mega Man heads to Wood Man's stage.
Wood Man: My power is a shield of leaves!
Mega Man: Is that supposed to, you know, scare me?
Evidently, Wood Man never learned to avoid saws, and is chopped down, after which Mega Man acquires the Leaf Shield weapon. He then heads to Flash Man's stage, a crystal mine filled with ice physics. After slipping and sliding to the end of the level, he meets Flash Man.
Flash Man: I can stop time!
Mega Man: Damn, all I've got are circular saws and leaves.
Flash Man: Is that supposed to scare me?
Flash Man is soon dimmed out, despite his Time-stopping skills, after which Mega Man recieves the Time Stopper. It is a what you see is what you get weapon. Mega Man then heads to Quick Man's laser institution/death trap, where the Time Stopper is super useful for avoiding the massive lasers. After that, he meets with Quick Man.
Quick Man: heydudei'mfastandishootboomerangs!
Mega Man: Calm down, son. Have a Twinkie(tm).
After Quick Man is stopped, Mega Man receives Quick Boomerang, and moves on to Air Man's stage, filled with fake clouds and bottomless pits, because it's in the sky you see. Air Man boasts that Mega Man would never be able to defeat him... but is soon proven wrong, and Mega Man gets equipped with Air Shooter. Moving on to Heat Man, Mega Man soon scowls.
Mega Man: Those disappearing blocks! My worst nightmare!
After about fifteen missed jumps, Mega Man makes his way to Heat Man, appropriately shaped like a lighter.
Heat Man: You must heat 'em to beat 'em!
Which is an accurate statement, but Heat Man soon goes dead cold, and so Mega Man (after getting the charge attack Atomic Fire) reaches Bubble Man and his water stage. Why he didn't go for the Water-based boss to fight the Fire-based boss is beyond me.
Bubble Man: I shoot bubbles with lead in them.
Indiana Jones (Raiders of the Lost Ark): ah, a lead bubble! That'll protect me from a nuclear explosion!
Don't count on it, Indy. Bubble Man is popped and so Mega Man's last target is Crash Man and his Crash Bomber weapon.
Crash Man: I shoot sticky bombs!
Mega Man: How do they even work?
Crash Man: It's classified.
After debugging Crash Man, Mega Man heads over to Doctor Wily's Skull Castle to fight Dr. Wily's Wily Machine 2 (Batteries Not Included). But first, he must get equipped with items!
Mega Man: I could've used them in the last few stages!
Dr. Thomas Light: Hold your horses, I just invented them.
While getting Rock gets a debriefing in his new equipment, Dr. Wily rebuilds his eight robots for rematches.
Dr. Albert Wily: And you better not screw up this time!
After using his items to bypass much of Dr. Wily's Skull Castle (and fighting Mecha Dragons in the way) Mega Man reaches a bunch of teleportation pods, and starts in the same order. Metal Man first, and as any serious competitve Mega Man 2 speedrunner knows, Metal Man is going to die. Poor guy.
Metal Man: You'll never find out my weakness!
Mega Man: here, have some of your own medicine.
Metal Man: AH FUZZ MY OWN WEAPON IS BEING USED AGAINST ME! FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUU~
Rest in pieces Metal Man. After taking out the other seven (perhaps to dinner and a movie), Mega Man reaches Dr. Wily's Wily Machine 2 (Batteries Not Included).
Dr. Albert Wily: It's time for revenge!
Dr. Wily attacks aggressively, but Mega Man triumphs over Wily Machine 2 at which point the pilot Dr. Wily ejects and turns into ET.
ET (E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial): Dr. Wily phone home.
No amount of Reese's Pieces (a taste that is out of this world, natch) are necessary for Mega Man to track down the real Dr. Wily here. And after shooting Dr. Wily's alien hologram, which yes it was a hologram, Mega Man returns home. But his plans to relax are soon cut short. How? One word: sequel.
ULTRA 64
Ultra 64 Episode 203
Game Data
Mega Man 2
©1989 Capcom
Genre: Action-Platformer
Players: 1