Ana's POV
I can't believe the last five days, Sunday was a day of such mixed emotions, freaking out about whether I knew enough for the exams, exasperation over the amount of chocolate Christian delivered when I'd only mentioned chocolate to stop him hovering, disappointment that I still can't share a shower with him, being completely and utterly mind-blown watching Christian fly the helicopter, so in control and beyond sexy, comfortable with everyone laughing in our apartment like two normal couples and then ending up in tears once again in Christian's arms because of Mom's quilt, Christian's reaction to it so visceral but his understanding so huge as he held me crying until I fell asleep.
It is the best feeling in the world to fall asleep in his arms and wake up in them again. Dr Flynn says I've had a positive impact on Christian and that I need to learn to let him in, that he is giving and that I am not taking from him and while that doesn't make logical sense, I think I understand what he means. The only way I can countenance that I am not just taking is if I think that perhaps I am taking the bad from his life as well as taking what he gives me, perhaps my ledger is even, if I think that, then I can accept it.
Dr Flynn says that Christian needs to protect as he has a deep rooted fear of losing people close to him, that he has always had a remarkable ability to give and a need to give to those he holds dear even if he doesn't recognise that fact himself. Dr Flynn said that Christian has been changing for the better since the accident and even Gail has implied that he is changing for the better. I still don't understand why me but Dr Flynn asked "Why not you? You understand him, like no-one, not even I ever have." And I hate why we understand each other.
Monday was extremely intense and I was seriously questioning my sanity about doing all the exams in two days, Christian looked tenser than I have ever seen him when he was told he wasn't allowed in the examination room with me. I think he was ready to pull funding for the university until I told him that I wouldn't be able to concentrate with him in the room anyway and he'd be doing me a favour. So he said he'd be sitting in the next room and it was agreed that the adjudicator would let him know if I needed anything and he eventually relented with a terse statement that if anything happened to me, the university WOULD lose all its funding and earned himself an exasperated look from me and frightened look from the adjudicator.
As he left, he very thoroughly kissed me without care for the presence of the adjudicator who turned away at the heat, my lips were quite sore for a while distracting me for the first few minutes of the exam and then I forgot absolutely all pain, all sensation and just concentrated on the exam. I actually didn't feel the pain from my injuries for most of the exam and so I tried to explain to Christian later, the exams were good for me. He didn't believe me.
As soon as I was finished, I'd barely put my pen down and Christian was wheeling me out of the room and heading to the Heathman, the room, well, I could hardly call it a room, the suite was enormous and so luxurious that I was glad that Christian had insisted we stay there instead of my apartment. The rooms in the apartment weren't soundproof and we heard Kate and Elliot at various stages of the night and I'd said my goodbye, really there was nothing left there for me, Christian told me the packers will pack up everything that I didn't put in a box yesterday. My favourite possessions I gave to Christian who packed them for me, they were just some photos that Ray had taken, Ray's army dogtags, some precious books he'd given me as presents over the years, a small photo of my actual father, some poetry I had written and some paintings I had painted. It was sad to see that my entire possessions of worth barely filled half a box but Christian carried it out to his car as if it was box full of gold and precious jewels, understanding the importance of them to me.
Tuesday was even worse because after the exams the day before I'd had a lactic acid type reaction and all my joints ached, I didn't complain because Christian would have stopped me from continuing with the exams after the emotional night we had on Monday night, my heart still aches when I think about it.
Monday night, despite me saying nothing about my joint pain, after a beautiful dinner and while I was trying to study for the next exams, Christian came in and gave me a muscle melting massage, he started at the top of my head and ended up with a foot massage that even now sends shivers through my whole body.
I was lying there with my eyes shut, marvelling that this gorgeous man, known the world over as an extremely tough businessman, was working on my muscles with tender strokes. I was enjoying his hands kneading my feet and then my eyes flew open as his tongue joined his fingers gliding up my instep and I could see he was enjoying my reaction from the grin on his face.
"I didn't want you falling asleep on me, just yet" he chuckled and then kissed each of my toes, when he started biting the pads of my toes and I started wriggling with desire, he stopped and kissed my ankle and simply said nonchalantly as he started walking back to his seat on the couch, "Ok get back to studying," and I would have thumped him if I could have reached him.
"Hey, not fair! Come back here, I need to tell you something," I said giggling.
"I can hear you from here," he said standing with his arms crossed and a grin on his face but as I lifted my eyebrows and crooked my index finger at him, he sauntered over to me, sitting gingerly on the bed just within arm's reach. "Closer."
Oh how I was wishing my body wasn't broken, the Heathman suite was so beautiful, Christian was looking so boyishly gorgeous, for once he looked carefree and happy and he was sitting right there just at fingertip reach and so I tickled him and then watched horrified as the emotions washed across his face. Fear, shame, sadness and then control in quick succession and my hands just dropped to the sheet and I couldn't even formulate the words to say sorry before he said quietly after taking a ragged breath and reaching to hold my hands, his trembling as much as mine, "It's ok baby, I'm sorry, I should have told you but I hadn't thought about it, it's another thing and I don't know how many other things are going to surface."
All I could do was nod mutely as he shuffled up next to me and lifted me into my favourite place, his lap and he hugged me as he brought everything under control, his face nuzzled into my hair. "I always desperately wanted to be tickled because Elliot and Mia looked like they were having so much fun but I just couldn't handle it and … I'm sorry," he finished quietly and I desperately didn't want to add to his pain by crying but the image of a sad little boy watching from the sidelines just ripped me apart and the tears rolled silently down my cheeks. It was only when one splashed onto his arm that Christian noticed and very gently turned my face to him and kissed off the tears and finished at my lips, slowly, gently, reverently attending to me and it felt like our souls merged, two young children deprived who now had something of even greater value making us whole.
Tuesday's exams were more difficult but having crammed them into two days it was fantastic to finish and then as the adjudicator said, "Ok, rest up tomorrow and we'll see you Thursday," and I looked at him confused, he said, "At your graduation," and walked off.
I looked at Christian and he asked, "Has it been changed?" and then he looked at his phone as I shrugged confused and simply laughed, "God Ana, you have no idea how upside down you've turned my world, my life has always been neatly scheduled and controlled and I know exactly what is going on and when and yet here we are, we've managed to plan everything for the wrong day, you could have spread those exams over 3 days. The graduation has always been Thursday but because you said Wednesday, I didn't even think to check my schedule and well, there you go, we have a free day tomorrow instead of the graduation."
My mortification must have shown and he said simply, "No, baby, I'm happy, this is good, I'll reschedule the flight, my office has me down as away until Thursday night anyway, the only confused ones were you and I, and we can spend a day relaxing, just the two of us. How does that sound? I think we both need to just chill for a day given all the drama over the last two weeks. What do you want to do?"
"Well, to be honest, soaking in that magnificent bath at the Heathman would have been fantastic but I still can't have a bath," I said wistfully "But I guess it might be nice for you to see some of the lovely places around Vancouver do you know much about this area?"
"Hey, this is not about me, I want to do whatever you want to do, so maybe let's think about it tonight, now I am bringing you back to the Heathman for a rest, you need some sleep." And I wasn't about to argue with him, having finished all the exams, my joints were aching even more and it was hurting to breathe, my pelvis was hurting from all the sitting so a sleep sounded divine. In all honesty, I was almost asleep by the time we made it back and I curled up happily in Christian's arms as he carried me back to the room, helped me out of my clothes, gave me the painkillers and gently covered me with the covers. A whispered "Sleep baby, I'll wake you for dinner," was all he said as he kissed me on the forehead gently stroked my hair and I succumbed to sleep.
Wednesday was just beautiful, I don't know what planning Christian had done while I was sleeping but the morning started simply enough, he woke me up with feather light kisses that melded with my dream and I didn't know whether I was awake or asleep until he ended at my ear with a nibble and a "Good morning Gorgeous Girl, wake up, breakfast is ready and then I have a surprise for you."
The spread he organised was all my favourite breakfasts and some that I didn't even know I liked and he looked like a little boy waiting for his presents as he ate his breakfast and refused to even hint at what he had planned, just sitting there with a grin and a bouncing knee, trying not to say "Hurry up and eat" but implying it with his body language.
In no time at all we were heading out and I recognised the helicopter landing building and when I asked where we were going, again he tapped his nose with a grin, he wasn't going to tell me and since he did that on our apology date and it turned out beautifully, I relaxed and decided to enjoy whatever surprise he had for me, if it involved him flying the helicopter, I'd be happy.
This time as he strapped me into the helicopter seat, I couldn't help the wiggle of excitement and he kissed me on the nose laughing, "I am so glad you like this, you have no idea how much it makes me happy we can share things," and as I smiled happily up at him, his hands ran down my shoulders and arms and he looked at me with such an intense look and then he choked out, "Oh, honey, you don't understand how much I love you, do you?"
As we rose into the air it was obvious that he had spent the time I slept well, Portland and Vancouver had never looked so good and so interesting, Christian pointed out all sorts of things I'd never even seen despite living there for several years and when he veered off and gave me a cheeky grin I knew he was up to something.
Sure enough, it was a flight over Mount St Helen's and I was awestruck by the beauty of it all, the sheer devastation that Christian described about the eruption that caused it to look as it does now had me looking at it with new wonder.
After some circuits and really close dips down to look at the beauty of the area, "Are you ready for the next destination?" came through my head phones accompanied by a cheeky grin and I nodded eagerly and we continued over amazing scenery up towards Seattle.
My entire body was vibrating with excitement when we flew over the Snoqualmie Falls and I gasped at the beauty of it all, the water plunging 268 feet into a deep pool at the bottom and Christian's chuckle in my ear had me looking at him for just a second, I didn't want to take my eyes away from the view but seeing the light dancing in his eyes at my enjoyment made it even better. "That's not the best bit."
"Huh?"
"Look down now, this is where we are landing," and I could see the most amazing resort beyond the huge waterfall we were flying over.
Christian lifted me out, eyes dancing as he said "Welcome to The Salish Lodge and Spa baby, we're having lunch here, maybe a spa treatment and then we'll head home, how does that sound?" and I could only grin at him and throw my arms around his neck. How on earth I managed to find someone like him, I don't understand but I was going to enjoy it, the idea of a massage and a beauty treatment after a meal had me tingling with anticipation.
After a superb meal in the dining room, looking out over the view, and a spa treatment which was limited simply because of my injuries but I still managed a massage and facial and came out of it looking better than when I went in, I was greeted by Christian with a "God you're beautiful," and a groan as I nuzzled into him on the way back to the helicopter. "You make it hard to fly when all I can think of is you."
"Do you want to put me in the back, so you don't have to see me?" I asked joking
"There are other things I'd like to do to you in the back and one day we will, but no, you're sitting up front with me"
"So is this how you've enchanted other girls," I said laughing and he stopped what he was doing and looked at me seriously and said quietly, "I've never had another girl in Charlie Tango. I've never had a girl sleep in my bed. I've never slept with another girl. My family have never met let alone fallen in love with any other girl. I've never had anyone turn my world upside down. You are the one and only, my one and only."
I think it was a strangled "oh" that was trying to come out of my throat and I don't know what my face said but once I was totally strapped in he gently rubbed his nose down mine and said with a smile "And that's a good thing, now breathe. There are so many firsts for both of us still to come and if I don't hurry, there's one waiting that we won't be able to do, you need to have a decent sleep before tomorrow."
I spent the flight back alternating between being amazed by the scenery below us and sneaking looks at Christian, the only way he could have looked hotter/sexier is if he had been wearing a pilot's cap and uniform. He caught me at one point and his grin and "Do you like what you see Miss Steele?" made it obvious that he knew what I was doing and I wiped my chin just to make sure there was no drool there and laughter filled my headphones as I turned a shade of red.
I didn't know how Wednesday could have been any better but once we were back at the Heathman and an early dinner had been served, just as I started to say thank you for a truly beautiful and relaxing day, Christian said "I was listening yesterday and there's actually one thing you said you wanted to do, so we are doing it now" and as I wracked my brains trying to remember what I had said the day before, he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. On the bed was one of my cast shower bags and a couple of roles of duct tape like tape.
"Baby, I'm going to run the bath and while that is filling, we are taping you up so that there will be no moisture and you will have your bath, how does that sound?" and I just nodded with tears in my eyes, it had been the perfect day and what a way to finish it.
Then my insecurities kicked in and I wondered how I was going to be completely naked in front of Christian and it was like he knew because he came back in and simply got on with it, as if he was an assistant and not himself, billionaire businessman with women falling at his feet to be his companion, just someone helping an invalid get ready for a bath.
He hadn't said anything other than instructions, like "Lift your arms," or "hold still" while wrapping my leg in multiple layers of duct tape but as the last layer before underwear came off he held my hands and looked at me, concern written all over his face, "Will you trust me too look after you? Will you trust me to love you, see beyond your scars? Will you let me undress you and bring you to the bath?"
I know he does see more than the scars, can see deep inside me and the fears of abandonment I have, I guess because they mirror his own feelings so I nodded and then opened my mouth and waited for my mouth to catch up with my brain, "Will you join me in the bath? The last few days, hell, the last few weeks have been awful for both of us, I am sure you would enjoy the soak too."
It was like watching the Christmas lights come on in a house, the smile started in his eyes and just washed across his face and he leaned in and brushed his lips across mine and then up to rest on my forehead as he held me against him, his "Thank you, Ana" was little more than a whisper on the wind before he unclasped my bra and undid the ties on my knickers, keeping his eyes level with mine, watching for any change in my decision.
He carried me into the bathroom and lowered me into the decadent bath smelling of jasmine and full of bubbles and then walked back into the bedroom to disrobe himself, I tried to calm myself, I hadn't ever seen a male, any male completely nude and the idea of seeing Christian completely naked had me almost hyperventilating so I thought I'd sink down into the bubbles and simply close my eyes.
As I was lying there relaxing, or attempting to relax as I imagined what was about to happen, I hear Christian coming into the room and then a string of pained curses that had me looking towards him in alarm, the alarm increasing as I took in what had been an impressive bulge the other morning in his pyjama pants now in its relaxed state but still huge, and at eye level as Christian rested on a chair in the bathroom and rubbed his little toe that he had just stubbed on the door.
"So much for a discreet entrance into the bathroom so as to not disturb your relaxation," he grumbled and I laughed.
"Come and soak, it will help," I said, I really needed to not be looking at what appeared to be growing before my eyes and taking note of the direction of my eyes, he chuckled and walked with the teeniest swagger towards the bath.
He slid into the space next to me on the bench built into the bath and pulled me into his side, his arm around my shoulder and sinking into the bubbles with an "Ahhh" and a look of contentment on his face. "The water is a rather warm 33degrees centigrade or 92 degrees Fahrenheit which is the temperature that muscles relax, is it good for you?"
At my happy nod, he grabbed a wash cloth and poured on some of the body wash and started washing down my neck and shoulders and then said carefully, "Can I lift you onto my lap so that I can wash you more comfortably?" Again I nodded, thankful that he was asking and not making any sudden movements, his legs supporting mine and I leant back against him.
It was immediate, I felt him tense and I shrank away from him in fear of what I had just done to him and he groaned and pulled me flat against his body, "You make it easier every time you touch me, don't worry, baby, please don't worry."
I relaxed as he worked his magic hands over my neck and back, washing and massaging and when he poured shampoo into his hands and washed my hair, I was in heaven and wiggled on his lap with somewhat predictable results, "Sorry, Ana, I have control, a lot of control but even I can't help that reaction if you are going to wiggle your delectable ass on me" he laughed, pushing me forward and then pulling me back against him so that I could feel his erection pressing into my back and I gave in to a huge bout of giggles.
"Ana, you're killing me," he said laughing, "You're supposed to be relaxing and I know a sure fire way of relaxing you…and me….but ….. there are so many things I can teach you."
"Just let me get a little bit better, when I don't feel like I am about to break into two and I can breathe, although I think you'll be taking my breath away with that weapon you are poking me with, then I promise to be the best student you've ever had. Remember your projects that you had in mind for me? Well, we can tick off "Getting Ana to graduation", "Getting Ana to fly through finals" and I'm on my way with "Getting Ana well" so I think we need to start on my project "Making Christian Happy" and…" he doesn't let me finish as he spun me around on his lap and his lips were voraciously on mine, his tongue swirling and demanding as he held me tight.
When I finally came up for air, pushing my hands against his chest, looking questioningly at him, eyebrow raised, he said exasperated "Ana, you finished that project days ago when you sang to me, when will you realise that you have made me the happiest I have ever been, ask anyone."
We sat for a while longer, until Christian said, "Ok my beautiful pruney one, the water's getting cold, everything has shrivelled and you need your beauty sleep so that you look gorgeous tomorrow when receiving your degree from me," and laughed as I splashed him. Depositing me back on the bench, he rose out of the water with me averting my eyes and him laughing at me and then having wrapped himself in a towel, he lifted me out and lovingly wrapped my body and then my hair in towels and carried me back into the bedroom.
I slept like a baby, wrapped in Christian and his love, relaxed and dreaming of another magical day where he had gone all out to make sure it was perfect.
Thursday, today, finally came and despite having to accept my degree in a wheelchair, it couldn't have been more perfect. Ray came up for the day and very proudly pushed me out to receive my degree from none other than my gorgeous Christian who controlled himself in just shaking my hand but when supposedly bending to say what he'd said to every other student in my ear he managed to surreptiously give me a peck at the same time and his cheekiness in doing so, left me pink cheeked and Ray snorting "He really is something, isn't he".
As Ray pushed me into the main after graduation area, Kate, waved us over and handed me two letters that had come for me and I placed them in my handbag without looking at them and then she squealed as her brother Ethan crept up behind her and swung her around. Having done that he leaned down and gently kissed me on the cheek "Hey Ana Bana Babe, what have you done to yourself now?"
Before I had a chance to answer, Kate and I both heard the growl and looked up to see two annoyed Grey brothers walking towards us and she started laughing as she introduced Ethan to Elliot and his face immediately relaxed into a smile and he clasped Ethan's hand and shook it. Christian's face on the other hand seemed to darken as took the last few strides over to my chair and I was a little taken aback by his claiming kiss and the whispered "You're mine" in my ear.
"Um, Ethan, this is Christian, Christian this is Ethan, Kate's brother, we've known each other for years." For some reason I felt the need to justify his presence and Christian's expression was cool when he said "Pleased to meet you."
Kate, Ethan and Elliot left to speak with her parents and Ray walked off to get drinks so I said rather shakily to Christian, "Do you care to explain what that was all about?"
"I don't share."
"Excuse me? He's an old friend saying hello and my best friend's brother."
"He wants into your pants."
"What?" I don't think I could squeeze any more incredulity into my voice.
"I could see it written all over his face."
"Well, crazy is written all over yours. Remember last week when I said I didn't want to lose all my friends because then I'd be like all those battered women that let their partners control every part of their lives? Well, this is what this feels like. Ethan is an old friend and I am not interested in him as anything other than a friend. I only love you. Now either you accept that and trust me or we are going to be in a lot of trouble." Christian looks uncomfortable and I can't believe we are having this conversation in a crowded auditorium with people jostling around us.
"Duly noted Miss Steele but he still wants into your panties."
"Seriously Christian, he can want all he likes, which I doubt anyway, but he's not getting in there. And keep talking like this and you won't either." I huff.
At this point Ray returned with some drinks and looked between us with concern, Christian excused himself to speak to the Dean who was signalling for him and Ray sipped his wine, grimaced and then said, "Hmm, that young man of yours seems extremely jealous, watch out for yourself Annie, please don't lose yourself." As he continued to watch Christian watching me, he added a concerned comment "You know you can always call me?" and I hoped I'd never have to call on Ray to save me from another situation again.
"I've told him as much Daddy." I said, hoping that what I said last week and just repeated will really stick with Christian or whether I do have something to worry about.
When Jose appeared, I found out rather more quickly than I wanted, Christian literally stopped mid-sentence with the Dean and was by my side before I'd barely said "Hello Jose" and Christian's hand on my shoulder was just one shade below painful as Jose leaned in to kiss me on the cheek.
"Hi Ray, are you ready to go fishing with dad soon?" was Jose's greeting to Ray and I realised that no-one had told him about Jose's comments and I could tell that Christian was vibrating with anger at Jose's easy conversation with Ray but it was Elliot who ended up causing the scene.
"Why the fuck are you here?" Bellowed Elliot and despite the obvious that we as Jose's friends were graduating, "You low life scum, after what you said at the hospital, you should be scraping at her feet for forgiveness or removing yourself from their lives altogether."
Thankfully Kate, after a second's stunned silence said, "Honey, it's ok, Ana's forgiven him like only Ana can, and think about it, if it hadn't been for that stupid statement of his, we'd never have met."
It's Ray's "Does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on?" that has us all turning.
Jose starts shuffling uncomfortably as Elliot says "At the hospital while waiting to see Ana, the day after the accident, when no-one knew whether she'd pull through or not, Christian called me and said to come in and be tested to see if my blood matched as Ana needed blood. While I was waiting I heard these two talking" and he indicated Jose and Kate "and this scum bag said and I quote 'What if Ana isn't beautiful anymore? Ana's always been so beautiful but what happens if she is all disfigured, I couldn't be around her without being repulsed every time I look at her.' And Kate slapped him."
"I'm sorry Ana, I really am, I was just worried about you but I didn't handle it well." Jose says looking at me as Ray looks decidedly annoyed.
"It's ok everybody, let it go. Elliot, you met Kate. I don't care about how I look so it's of no consequence, hell, I've known that Jose was shallow forever and this part of my life is finished now. Plus as I have more than enough scars that a few more really don't matter, I don't care what other people think. Just let it go, now and can we go please, I'm done with university and want to get on with living now." I say with finality although hearing what Jose said did hurt, I didn't want Ray and Christian even more upset than they already were.
"You are beautiful and you are mine," whispered in my ear as Christian turns my chair to head out has me simultaneously tingling and shivering.
"Possessive, much?" is all I say and then as a photographer politely stops us to take a photo of Christian, he squats down next to my chair and smiles broadly at the camera with his arm around me.
"Thank you Mr Grey and Miss…?" says the photographer with a grin from ear to ear.
"Miss Anastasia Steele," rolls off Christian's tongue with as much pride as could possibly be mustered into three short words and the photographer scrawls it down and leaves.
"I think we just made his year," Christian says looking after him.
"Why?"
"Well, remember your infamous question? Well everyone thinks I'm gay because there's never been a picture of me with a woman so snapping me with you is the coup of the year, I hope he does well out of it because he was polite."
As we make our way to the SUV alone as Ray said he was heading home and would see me next time he was in Seattle, I suddenly have a thought, "Christian, I was drawn to you and you say you were drawn to me at that interview, imagine if the accident hadn't happened, we'd have only reconnected today, would the pull still have been there?"
Christian laughs, "There is no way I would have lasted until the graduation to see you again, I would have chased you down by now!"