Ultra 64 fights the war on drugs in NARC!

AUTHOR'S CUT: For the record, the only NARC that matters is the 1988 arcade game, and NOT the 2005 remake of the same. We're doing the Arcade game, in case you haven't figured out by now.

-=29=-

It is the year 1988. Ronald Reagan's last presidential year, and his War on Drugs Campaign continues, so two newly enforcing Drug Enforcement Agency officers Max Force and Hit Man (also known by their codenames, Player One and Player Two) patrol the streets of a criminal city ruled by the drug kingpin Mr. Big.

Mr. Big (Art of Fighting): I hope you isn't refering to me by name, man.

A completely separate Mr. Big, dude. As Max Force and Hit Man traverse the city of... ah screw it let's just call it Baltimore, they discover that multiple drug dealers need an education in the law.

Drug Dealer #1: AH NO THE NARCS MAN

Hit Man: That's right muthafuzza. We're tha NARCS.

Max Force: WE ARE THE LAW!

Hit Man: And we're gonna fuzz you up real bad.

Subsequently, Max Force and Hit Man teach the drug dealers in the Force-Man school of law; starting with those cocky browncoats. Their lesson? Street Law 101: How not to get shot multiple times.

Max Force and Hit Man: E for effort... but F for FAIL!

Evidently, the war on drugs is more literal than Former President Reagan anticipated. So after the destruction of oversized Meth labs (like seriously oversized Meth labs) they hop in their cherry red 1988 custom Ford Mustang pursuit car. And by custom, I mean it's got machine guns attached to the fender.

Sweet Tooth (Twisted Metal): Son of a bitch; those muthafuzzers. Tookin' all my ammo. Imma get 'em.

Max Force and Hit Man straight up runs over many druggies, drug dealers, and steroid-ing hulkeroids straight to Mr. Big's main office, where they get into a fight with security.

Drug Dealer #2: yeah, dude, you cannnot, like, pass here. Not, like, until you show us some ID.

Thinking ID is a street name for crack cocaine, Max Force and Hit Man shoot the various security officers and encounter Mr. Big's giant robot head.

Mr. Big: So, man, made it here did you? I'll have you know I own the police force and (explodes)

Max Force shot Mr. Big with fifteen rockets from their thirty-rocket rocket launcher.

Hit Man: Yeah, nice shot, brutha!

Max Force: I AM THE LAW!

The police chief definitely won't give them any promotions any time soon.

Shao Khan (Mortal Kombat 3): POLICE BRUTALITY!

ULTRA 64

Ultra 64 Episode 204

Game Data

NARC

©1988 Williams Manufacturing (now WB Games)

Genre: Run-and-gun SHMUP

Players: 2

With the episode completed, N breathed a sigh of relief. "I wasn't sure how well that would go. I heard Shao Kahn wasn't the best actor. Looks like he proved me wrong."

a voice from backstage shouted "You owe me ten bucks, N!"

"We'll be right back."

COMMERCIAL 2: PTF PSA

"Raul here. I lead Ultra 64's production team, but first and foremost I am a fan. Fans are what keeps serieses going, and fans are the lifeblood of companies. But when a company tries to stunt the creative impulses of fans, or alienates the fans from their product, then I am no longer a fan, but an activist. Just because a company attacks you for quote-unquote stealing their IP, that doesn't mean you don't have a duty to fight back. The fair use doctrine of this country's constitution protects fan-based non-profit work from being infringing. So I implore you, join the cause. Protect the fair use doctrine. Protect the internet. Protect fan based work. Protect the Fans. I'll see you on the other side."

PROMO2: Ultra 64 Season 3

"The ultimate condensed parody is about to be an audiobook! Ultra 64 Season 1 contains all thirty-two original episodes, including the pilot "Sonic the Hedgehog 3"! Now you can take Ultra 64's signature style of condensation parody with you everywhere you go, even on those places where you're not supposed to have Ultra 64, like while driving! Or while inside a public restroom! Or in the vacuum of space! Ultra 64 Season 1, coming soon to MP3 players everywhere!"

=NOW BACK TO ULTRA 64

"huff, puff, I'm out of breath, so that's all the condensations you're gonna get tonight. For my enitre cast and crew, I'm N, and "

"THERE HE IS! HE OWES ME A TENNER!"

"uh oh..."