Telling a story in any medium is like baking a pie; it requires it's creators and all they employ to put in an equal amount of hard work, time, and love in order for such a product to succeed and shine bright for all to enjoy. But the world is run by corporate monsters that only seek money and will deliberately leave out an ingredient or two to watch them fail and watch it burn, leaving behind a horrid lingering scent the Wheel of the Worst was designed to handle. It's a torture device for the modern age.
The wheel is spun to select any form of media at random, just as heroes are gathered from inside and out of the PC to combat the utter horrors unleashed by each spin and smell the pie they're served from Home For Infinite Losers to keep things interesting as to the topic of What Goes Down in the PC.
Mmmm, pie. While I go and get some 3.14, you readers can enjoy this guest-baked - errr, made chapter!
Eighty-Six
Wheel of the Worst
It is a normal day in the PC when a young loser came in-clad in plad pajamas-carting in an unsuspecting burlap sack and crate. "Hi guys! I brought something for ya!"
Charlizard (So like Charlie and Charizard at the same time? Whoa...) came up to the mysterious fellow. "Who the nuts are you?"
"I'm the One named Light, And I happen to be crossing the street one night and I said to myself: Slug it! I want to write a guest chapter for a fanfiction."
Just get out, it feels weird being here and yet somehow not in the writer's chair at the same time so Go!
"Wait! I come bearing gifts like this menu to a local Pizza Joint I know, this bag of captive smashers for the narration platform and my homemade gift to you guys: your very own personal Wheel of the Worst!"
"You stole smashers?!" Serperior gaped, dropping her Wii remote.
"Yes. Yes I did."
"...I love this chick already."
At that moment, he pulled the string to reveal the crate's contents...
...only the backmost side of the crate fell so Light decided to kick open the sides of the crate from the inside.
When all is said and done with all the splinters and utterances of the word 'Crabapple!' that this sort of thing entails, Shulk, Robin and Reflect managed to poke their heads out of the burlap sack to find themselves staring at the Wheel of the Worst: A wooden plank with a wheel attached littered with note cards as a sign above told us exactly what the Faiz it was.
See, this is why I think it feels weird having someone else writing!
One Dramatic Zoom-in shot of the Wheel of the Worst later...
"Here's how it's going to work, We spin this wheel and whatever it lands on, we do what it says-no matter what-in order to gain points that will be used at a special prize rack. " Light explains before revealing the eight note cards on the wheel. "Most of these are react challenges-they're worth fifteen points - involve sitting through an article of sequential media that's really not good, such as our first target: 'The Tube', an episode of the mind-numbingly boring Cartoon Cartoon 'Mike, Lu and Og' which involves a little girl transfering to a 'school' which is actually an Island nobody knows. In fact that's what the Island is called in the show."
"Interesting," Frogadier muttered randomly.
"Next episode on the wheel is #SuperPsycho from 'Sam and Kat', a typical Nickelodeon sitcom... That's all I need to say." Light said, hiding his disgust toward Viacom with a tone of enthusiastic charisma. "'Modifyers', an eleven-minute-pilot targeted at Nickelodeon. Guess why it was tossed out the door!"
"It wasn't a sitcom." Charlizard guessed.
"Makes as much sense as this other pilot: 'Constant Payne', it's about a father-daughter team of crimefighters in future world with blimps." shrugged Light as he introduced the next episode, "and from the creators of Sam and Kat, 'iCarly' presents the Megward the Wizard classic fable: iMeetFred!"
"Who's Megward the Wizard?" asked Zoroark
"It's a character archetype that exists solely to be abused, they make really good meatshields." Light clarified to .PKMN. "Next up is part of a Nuzlocke run by Hardyt3kyoyo, the first Nuzlocke by hardyt3k in fact. In episode 21 of his Blaze Black Nuzlocke, he faces a team of Power Ranger Rotoms that I am pretty sure his team would be more than able to wipe the floor with because Saban's gotten too cheap to handle Power Rangers these days."
Ain't that the Truth.
"Moving on up, we have the physical challenge where you participate in a video game scenario, that's worth fifty points. In this case, it's a night at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, four of you will be turned into normal humans and have a party at the joint before settling who will end up staying the night as a night guard - we settle it in smash as always - and whoever has the most coins wins the honor of spending the night." Light grinned at the pants pissing that will unfortunately ensue. "And finally, we have an episode of the wonderfully bland Canadian show 'Johnny Test' which features the boy in question bringing into reality a squash and flex toon that's a cheap parody of the show you're already watching, very meta. So with everything out of the way, let's spin the wheel!"
"Alright!"
"Let's do it!"
Light was blessd with the inagural spin. Round and round it had gone until it had landed on iMeetFred
"Yay! It landed on PieCarly!" Zoroark dryly 'cheered' in a vocal pattern that has been proven to be the peak of horrible acting.
"Let's go." The three made their way to the TV to watch the horrid episode with the smashers in the sack awaiting the next cutaway to take them there.
"Still think it was a good idea to invade Fanfiction?" Robin snarled to Shulk.
"I'm really not feeling it... :("
.And now it's time to write down the reactions of the following characters to three key moments of this horrible episode: Robin and Reflet, Shulk, Marco and Cress, Percy Jackson, Charlizard, Zoroark.
HAHAHA, Charlizard. I ought to make someone call him that. Anywho, now that I'm armed with this *holds up slice of pumpkin pie*, let's watch some iCarly! ...it IS iCarly, right?
It is? Okay. I've always wanted to watch that show...
WITHOUT FURTHER PROCASTINATION, I voice two Pokémon, two brothers, two tacticians, a demigod, and a Hom.
Percy: Why is he capitalized yet i'm not?
Shulk: I have no idea.
Percy: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?!
Shulk: About twenty minutes?
You weren't in the PC box for twenty minutes...
Reflect: Then MAGIC.
Shulk: What?
Reflect: MAGIC.
Shulk: I'm not magi-
REFLECT: YOU ARE MAGIC and THAT'S HOW YOU GOT UP HERE.
Shulk: Reflect, I have no idea what you're talking about, I'm not in the least-
Robin: Magic? You said an emoticon earlier and randomly appeared in the narrating platform. That's magical enough.
Shulk: I AM NOT MAGIC.
Robin: Are you sure?
Reflect: He's maaaaaagiiiiiiiiic...*slowly hides behind Reevee21*
Da heck?
Shulk: I'M NOT MAGIC.
Reflect: *Pops back out* AHA! Italics! THE SIGN OF MAGIC!
Shulk: I'M NOT-
Robin: Yes you are.
Shulk: I'M REALLY NOT-
Reflect: MORE ITALICS! It must be the Ether in him!
Robin: Good observation, strange feminine clone of mine!
Shulk: No one ever said you weren't feminine.
Robin: *double take* OKAY HOLD ON THERE-
AND AWKWARD CUT BACK TO THE ACTUAL POINT! Like what we were supposed to be doing...!
Reflect: So much magic...
Shulk: I'M RAELLY NOT MAGIC AND I'M RAELLY NOT FEELING IT!
Reflect: BUT YOU ARE!
Percy: EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP-
Reflect: MORE MAGIC?!
Robin: I'M NOT A GIRL-
Shulk, Reflect, Percy, and Robin: I'MNOTMAGICYESYOUARETHEREISSOMUCHMADNESSIHAVEA WIFEJUSTBECAUSEIHAVEETHEREVERYONEINTHISROOMISMAGICHOWDIDYOUALLGETINHERE EVERYONEBEQUIETI'MTRYINGTOTHINK-
KABOM!
Everyone: *Looks over to where Reevee21 has stabbed the door*
...now that I have everyone's ATTENTION, how about we get on with the ACTUAL chapter, alright?
Everyone: Okaaaaaay...*slumps into chairs*
One long, hard conversation later...
"Okay, we haven't even sat through our first show and I'm starting to think that handing you a wheel of the worst without any knowledge of what's available to stream was a bad idea." Light snarked.
Reevee21 looked down in disappointment due to the appointed episode not being present.
"But we must persevere with a brand new wheel to torture ourselves with. The Rosario + Vampire episode Body Measurements and a Vampire, The My Gym Partner's a Monkey double whammy of Aint too Proud to Egg and The Two Jakes, Walt Disney Pictures' third animated classic Fantasia, The Wheel of the Worst Classic known as Let's Rap: Fire Safety, Other Wheel of the Worst Classic Tree Stand Safety - solely because that cover belongs in a museum- Saint Zearth episode six: Lust, and a new physical challenge since youngins are reading this and could be scarred for life by the old one. Here's how the challenge is gonna roll: Teams of two Pokémon combine into a single human being and they have to spend three chapters in that form before it wears out, the catch: touching the dewitchery diamond disqualifies the team in question: Longtime Readers of El Goonish Shive-the webcomic whence it came-will understand why."
"I hope I don't land on Rosario + Vampire because, well... that's rated MA, mom's never gonna let me watch it!" Reevee21 moaned. "Though it does sound interesting, I'll give it that." And with that, she spun the wheel. Round and round it went until finally...
"Hey!" Serperior chimed "It landed on My Gym Partner's a Mankey!"
"Wow, that was a really funny pun you said there!" Reevee21 complimented. "I bet Pit came up with it."
"HOW'D YOU KNOW?!" Pit shouted from the narrating platform.
"Okay, so here goes!"
"ALRIGHTY THEN!" Zoroark shrieked with her jaws full of popcorn, sending kernels into the faces of an annoyed Charlizard.
"It's Charizard..."
Charlizard's funnier.
Watching My Gym Partner's a Monkey: Two Jakes with imaginary creatures~! ...oh Palutena above I'M SO ALONE...
~After the...title song, I don't know what else to call that...
"GEE, I WONDER what it's called!" Flygon groaned.
"I think...it had something to do with an animal last name, right?" Serperior squinted.
"Hey look, a narwhale!" Frogadier gasped.
"What is - HEY! That monkey better have not been cheek-slapping! This is a Y-7 show!" Charizard hissed.
"How did this terror wind up on Nickelodeon?!" Marco complained
"Uh, Viacom pulled its shows from Netflix a few years ago, it's Cartoon Network." Reevee21 stated to Marco.
"Huh." Marco sighed.
"Interesting...continue," Zoroark tapped her claws together.
"What the F-"
~"Alright class, can anyone tell me what this is?" a rhino said, holding up an egg.
"A rock," Flygon drawled boredly.
"Is that a rock?" Serperior asked.
"That is a pretty small egg," Frogadier squinted.
"An egg, definitely an egg." Marco comments.
"Great comment on the education system, though." Cress added.
"You humans are loco. Who gives birth to a flower sack?" Lupe asked after some somewhat funny gags.
"Well actually-" Serperior offered.
"No. Just no," Zoroark interrupted.
"Okay, that was actually kind of funny!" Cress chuckled.
~"Dibs on mom!" Jake chirped.
"...dibs on mom for what, exactly?" Flygon raised his head slightly off his claw. As you can tell, he's slowly becoming more involved in this... "I mean, I get that they're both guys, but...what?"
"Maybe Jake's just like our neighbor, Mr. Slave?" Reflet replied.
"Ew." Marco peeped.
~At the sight of the school...
"HOLY COW!" Frogadier gaped.
"Wow! Forget what I said about the school system!" Cress exclaimed in awe. "Why can't ALL schools look like that?! That looks awesome!"
"Probably all the water pipes and indoor rivers, eh?" Charizard asked.
"Well yea, but-"
~"Or 'responsible'. Or 'dedicated'. Or-" so on and so fourth.
"He sounds like Treecko for some reason," Shaymin offered.
"When did you get here?"
~a few more seconds in to the accountability thing~
"Make it stop!" several of them groaned.
~Sight of Windsor rolling the egg down Ingrid's neck-with added sound effects.
"...why," Flygon grumbled.
~"Oh, no...I've become my father"~
"SYMBOLISM!" Cried Mathew 'Film Brain' Buck from afar, gaining brief glances across the room from a few of the Smashers.
"What the heck was that?!" Cress piped.
Robin then sighed to the group: "Well, Whatever it was, at least it wasn't-"
~Third time around with the whole 'responsible', 'accountable', etc.
"NOOOOOO!"
"AGAIN?! REALLY?!" Charizard roared. "WE GET IT!"
~Mr. Hornbill is giggling in front of Adam~
"...that's, uh...that's a creepy Rhino," noted Marco.
"...I need an adult." peeped Cress.
"Hey look, there's a book about eggs on the counter," Frogadier noted. "...I still wanna go to that school."
"Do you want a college fund, too?" Zoroark stated sarcastically.
"College would be nice, yea," Frogadier nodded, the words flying way over his head.
~Windsor baby-talking the bird...which is taped to Ingrid's neck.
"Huh. He either really hates the bird or is going through something," Flygon noted.
"Tape? He used TAPE?!" Serperior shrieked. "...also, does that snake look pretty cute to anyone else?"
"Oh jeesh, she's got a crush on a kid's show character," Zoroark face palmed.
~Facepalm sound effect
"Whoa. That sounded...beautiful," Frogadier gaped.
"Sums up our feelings towards this show so far." stated Flygon. "Just a big, fat, dumb slap to the-"
~FOURTH. TIME. WITH THE ACCOUNTABILITY THING.
"SHUT! THE! FRUG! UP!" Reflet barked.
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHGHG!" Flygon face-desked multiple times before breaking out of the room via crashing through the rooftop.
...you're going to pay for the damage, right?
"I'll fill in for him!" Shulk offered, exhausted of the magic argument going on upstairs and sliding into Flygon's empty chair like a BOSS.
~Jake kisses self in mirror after greeting locker suspiciously like I greet objects.
"Really, Reev? Really?" Charizard face-clawed.
"Hey look, his tail formed a heart," Frogadier noted idly.
"Why are there pictures of women in his school locker...?" Serperior trailed.
"...I need an adult again," Cress shuddered.
~Principal Pixiefrog pulls out standardized tests-
"AAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGH ARCEUS!" Serperior shrieked, jumping into the raftors.
"AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FO DAT!" Zoroark yelled, hiding behind her chair.
"NO! NOT THE TESTS! THE OFFICE IS AWESOME, JUST NOT THE TESTS, MY ONLY WEAKNESS!" Frogadier wailed, collapsing onto the floor.
"Really...?" Fennekin grinned ominously in the doorway.
"...I have no idea what's going on," Shulk stated.
"Lucky," Cress muttered from under his seat.
~"I have what you would call...a clone," Jake whispers dramaticly.
"So what?! So do I!" Dark Pit hollered from the hole being fixed in the roof. Yea, that's right, I send angels to do my bidding...I'm Palutena!
"Hey! I'M the original!" Pit argued, showing up as well.
"Kirby has a clone. Mario has a clone. Really, clones are kind of a thing nowadays," Charizard offered.
"And Smash is populated by hundreds of clones!" added Robin. "I myself have a clone!"
"HEY!" Reflect argued from above.
~"We are SO busted if Principle Pixiefrog finds out we brought clones to school!" Jake warned.
"That name is just...wow," Shulk chuckled. "Wow."
"Did they draw that name out of a hat or something?" Zoroark huffed. "Jeesh."
~"I've gotta admit...I'm feeling more relaxed already!" Adam sighed.
"Neat book, that ol' 'Surviving Extinction 101'. I've read it before," Frogadier noted.
"So THAT'S how you live through Fennekin's shenanigans?" Serperior asked.
"Yup."
"Cool."
~"The whole school's talking about you dudes and your naked antics!" Slips smirked.
"He has hair? Why does a reptilian have HAIR?" Zoroark asked, turning to Serperior. "...Serperior?"
"Huhhhhhhhh...he's soooooo cute," Serperior swooned.
Charizard face-clawed.
~"Yup. They're teenagers!" Adam confirmed.
"...are kids our age really all that bad?" Frogadier turned to Zoroark. "Besides, you know, falling in love with hairy snakes."
Zoroark sent a quick glance to the still-swooning Serperior and answered, "Well, they also post crazy fanfics and sleep a lot, I hear..."
"That's all just stereotypical," Shaymin offered.
"Aw, well, that just agecist!" Marco yelled. "What about you, Shulk, how do you feel?"
"...I'm eighteen."
"…Wait, what?"
~Nurse Gazelle pulls out awesome-styled grenade-launcher net-shooting...thing -
"HOLY COW!" Serperior gaped.
"Whoa, going naval, I see!" Shulk noted, eyebrows raising.
"That thing could catch a stampeding Tauros!" Shaymin shrieked. "I'M OUT OF HERE!" she shrieked again, darting out of the room and leaving a few floating petals behind.
"Eh, there's only about a minute left," Charizard shrugged. "...thank goodness."
~Jake sliding on the board-thing while the credits roll.
"Heh. That could make a good GIF," Frogadier noted.
"What a way to end twenty-five minutes of our life." Marco moaned.
"Twenty-five minutes we aren't gonna get back!" snarked Cress.
"...what am I doing with my life?" Charizard groaned.
And that's that! THANK HEAVENS *Faceplant*.
Zelda: I think you took it rather well.
*Raises head* WHY oh WHY are teenagers like me vandalized into being lazy, hungry idiots?! ~If they looked closer, would they see a poor girl? No siree...they'd see meeeeeeee...~
Agumon: ...*sets claw on shoulder*
...ANYWAYS! Thanks for reading, guys! And special thanks to The One Named Light, for the idea of this chapter!
The One Named Light: You are welcome, Buddy! If there's something on the wheel you want to subjugate our motley crew to, hit her up in the review section and we'll see what we can do. And It's not the only thing I'm doing for Reev, There's also 'Dairantou Saint Zearth' My Fanfic featuring the cast of Heirlooms among several other characters. Feel Free to check that out if you want more of my nutty antics.
Hey, and look up Heirlooms too, while you're at it! Hug an Eevee and I'll see you next chapter! BYE!