CHAPTER 39: HARBOR

Spring moved forward and stretched into the heat of summer. Tifa wondered if Midgar's weather in the tepid months of the year would be similar to that of Nibelheim. Like home, the air was thick with moisture, but compared to the generally breezy mountain summers, the city heat was unbearable at times. The muggy humidity couldn't be swept away by a late afternoon thunderstorm and the air constantly felt stagnant and suffocating.

Head resting on her pillow, she lay staring at the alarm clock beside their tiny bed. The red electric digits were glowing brightly against the darkness: 4:12 AM. A rare, merciful breeze brought the caress of moving air and the thick smell of exhaust into the room from the small window above the headboard. There were small sounds as Cloud shuffled about in the bathroom: showering, brushing his teeth, blowing his nose—she had long since memorized his routine. Next, he'd come in and bid her goodbye before leaving her for the day. Tifa pitied him for having to wake up so early every day. To make ends meet, her husband frequently volunteered himself for overtime, leaving in the wee hours of the morning and returning past supper time. He'd come home so tired and drained that Tifa didn't have the heart to ask him to go out into the city with her so she could get out of the apartment for a little while. The truth was that she was scared to go out and about without him.

Midgar was fascinating and terrifying. During her first few weeks in her new home, Tifa was more than happy to stay shut away in the little apartment, protected from the unfamiliar alien planet in which she had found herself. She had occupied herself with scrubbing the dirty living space from top to bottom, mending broken door knobs and uneven furniture legs, and trying to make the place homey with the little that they had. Now that they had settled in, she longed for more. There was only so much that a teenager could occupy herself with in a sparse apartment and Tifa felt as if she'd go mad if she spent one more day trapped in this little place. Most of all, she was lonesome.

The light from the hallway flooded the room as Cloud quietly opened the door and she counted the soft boot steps as he approached the bed. She felt his fingers reach out to brush her bangs aside, tucking a dark lock of hair behind her ear before leaning in to kiss her temple.

"See you later, Tifa."

"Mm."

Smiling, she rolled onto her back to look up at him. Her prince mirrored her expression, blue eyes laced with fatigue as his lips curved upward. She cupped his cheek with her palm and let out a small gasp of surprise.

"Oh! Cloud, your chin is prickly!"

He blinked in surprise, withdrawing to feel the scant stubble dotting his jawline. "Huh. I guess the others were right when they said that being in the military ages you."

"Don't get old too fast." Tifa sat up, gently ruffling his blonde mess. "The best SOLDIER candidates are young men, aren't they?"

Cloud snorted. "Well, I guess I don't have much to worry about then. I'd never get in—I don't even qualify to audition for the physical tests."

Half of her heart felt relieved; the other half felt selfish and wicked. Making SOLDIER was her husband's dream, even if she wasn't entirely comfortable with it. What kind of partner was she to secretly hope that Cloud wouldn't succeed in his ambitions? As his wife, it was her duty to protect his dreams and do her very best to encourage him to achieve them. How could she fulfill her marital vow to commit herself to his happiness if she wished with all her might that he'd abandon ShinRA and work for a less controversial organization?

"You're still growing, Cloud. Give it some time, and you'll see."

"I'll need a miracle."

"According to your mother, you are a miracle." She smiled at the blush that crept across his cheeks, freckles barely visible in the dimly lit room. "Besides, it's a miracle in itself that Zack passed the academic requirements!"

Tifa hadn't known Zack for very long, but in the handful of visits he had paid them in the past few weeks, she could tell he was a man of street smarts. Academic matters seemed to go right over his head, whether it was calculating his share of the restaurant tab or answering Cloud's questions regarding military strategy and the science behind mako enhancements of SOLDIER members. It was plain to Tifa that the raven haired man was a walking weapon, and although he was incredibly friendly and charming, her unease around him had never completely left her. However, Zack was an unwavering companion and inspiration to her husband and for that she was incredibly grateful. Cloud had never had male friends in Nibelheim. Now, he had finally had a peer to relate to: someone to help her lift his spirits and boost his confidence. Though he was an indirect enemy to her mother's family, Tifa would make sure that Zack always felt welcome in their little home.

"Maybe there's still hope for someone like me." Cloud said, letting out an amused chuckle.

He ran a gloved hand through her hair once more and she leaned into his chest in a lazy embrace. "I love you. Good luck today."

"Thanks, Tifa. Get some sleep." He coaxed her down onto her pillow. "I'll see you tonight."

One more kiss and she pretended to go back to sleep. Tifa listened until the front door clicked shut before she threw the blankets back and slid out of bed. This was how it was every morning. Cloud would insist she rest, but it was hard to fall asleep without the warmth of his body snuggled beside her as the pair shared a bed meant for one. Besides, she felt lazy and unproductive snoozing the hours away while her husband worked hard to provide for them. Shouldn't she be working hard, too?

Everyday life had taken on a sort of mundanity that left Tifa restless. She felt her muscles getting weak and lazy without her daily martial arts training, but practiced and exercised as best as she could in their cramped living space. There was a lot to get used to. Everything was powered by electric energy—from their little alarm clock to the ice box (which Cloud said was called a 'refridgerator'). After months with the luxury of machines and purchased food, Tifa began to feel unsure of her role as a housewife.

Mama had always worked hard. Growing up, Tifa had always risen long after her mother had in the mornings. She often woke with the first rays of the sun, rolling fresh dough for breakfast and setting the dirty clothing to soak. Between making soap, scrubbing the laundry, mending clothes, tending the garden, fixing meals and cleaning the house, Mama had little time to herself. Any time she had a spare moment, she had made sure she spent it playing with her daughter. When Cloud had proposed, Tifa felt very sure that she knew what her daily duties as a wife would entail. But in Midgar, she felt totally lost. Everything was so much faster in the big city with its technology and convenience. Cleaning clothes was a breeze with the washing machine (after one small mishap where she used soap instead of something called 'detergent'), making meals was a relatively quick endeavor with the rarity of fresh produce (everything was canned and pre-cut), and there was no garden to tend. She had no children to take care of, and because Cloud was gone for much of the day he never left much of a mess to clean up after. How could she fill up her days and aid Cloud at the same time?

She made the bed, pulled on an airy sundress, and set out into the kitchen to fix herself breakfast. Despite being a little unsure of the proper conduct of a city wife, Tifa felt that she had been adjusting rather well to her new surroundings and life with Cloud. Sex had been a bit painful at first, but was becoming more pleasurable with time and experience. It was an exciting and new layer to their relationship that they had just begun to explore and it left her feeling more bonded to Cloud than ever before. She felt safe and loved and free to be herself now that she lived with her husband in their own little home. The neighbors weren't very friendly and had replied with a grunt when she tried to introduce herself, but Cloud had seemed unfazed and she did her best to mimic his apathy. He had been here long enough to know better. It didn't matter—they wouldn't be in the city for long, anyway. One day, they'd move far away to their house by the sea. For the first time in a very long time, Tifa felt unguardedly happy. Sure, things in Midgar were less than perfect, but as long as she had Cloud nothing else mattered. She made sure to repeat that to herself like a mantra whenever homesickness pulled at her heart.

After the days spent in the quiet of the apartment had almost driven her mad, Cloud had come home one day with an old radio for her to listen to when he was gone. The music and news reports would drown out some of Midgar's ambient sounds of traffic horns, shouting and the occasional gunshot. It helped for a short while, but as the hours would tick by without much to do other than clean and re-clean the same three rooms, Tifa realized that she was desperately lonesome. She missed Zangan, his instruction and his kindness. She missed her daily visits to Claudia, who taught her so much about life, integrity and the importance of kindness. Tifa longed for the freedom she had taken for granted: the ability to walk outside in the pine groves and feel the warmth of the sun whenever she wanted. Here, she was too frightened to go out alone. When Cloud would come home and take her out for a walk or to pick up some supplies, they never lingered anywhere for long. The city streets were dark and grey and filthy, but the air didn't hurt her lungs as much anymore and anything was better than being cooped up in the apartment.

Tifa curled up on the couch with her bowl of oatmeal, staring at the heap of scrap wood on the floor the living room. The kitchenette was much too small for a table of any kind, so Cloud had come home one day with his arms full of salvaged wood and the idea to build them a little coffee table. This way, they could sit on the floor and have a proper place to put their dishes as they shared meals. The couple had spent the rest of Claudia's monetary wedding gift on bed linens, pillows, kitchenware and other home necessities. They hadn't had enough gil left over for a table, so building one seemed to be the next best option. Lately, Cloud had been so tired after work that his project had gone neglected. Perhaps she could continue his handiwork today as she waited for him to come home?

She chewed a mouthful of oats as she glanced at the calendar on the nearby wall, the blank spaces filled in with Cloud's chicken scratch. Despite his messy handwriting and the way his dirty clothes never seemed to make it to the hamper, her husband was actually a very organized person. He had marked the patrol routes he had been assigned for each day of the work week and noted the exact hours he would be on duty. Bright red marker circled a particular date, drawing her eyes to it. In the little square for August 11th, she had written Cloud's 16thBirthday in bold letters. That was only five days from now. Cloud had blocked off August 9th through August 13th with a black marker, indicating his short deployment for a mission in Junon. Her heart sank when she realized that her overworked spouse would be gone during his birthday. He had told her right away when he learned that he would be leaving for a few days, but Tifa had done her best to put it out of her mind. She was so lonesome during the day. How could she deal with Cloud being gone for so long?

Breakfast dishes washed and drying, Tifa tied her fraying apron behind her back and flipped the wooden top off of Mama's recipe box. If Cloud was going to be working on his birthday, they'd just have to celebrate it early. She'd bake him the best cake he'd ever eaten! Wine colored eyes searched as she quickly flipped through the handwritten cards.

"Aha!"

Vanilla Butter Cake
3 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 eggs
2 sticks butter
2 tbsp cinnamon
1 tsp salt

There were only two eggs left in the refrigerator, but she was sure they had everything else. Maybe the cake would still be alright if she only used two eggs? Maybe she could cut the recipe in half? If she wanted to surprise Cloud with the sweet treat, she couldn't wait until he got home to escort her to the market. Tifa stood there and stared at the little card, wondering what to do. She had never gone out into Midgar without Cloud before. He hadn't forbidden her to, but she felt insecure without his protection and guidance. The market was just a short train ride away; she had been there a dozen times and was certain she knew how to get there and back. It would only take half an hour, and it would be so worth it! Cloud was exhausted and she was lonesome. A delicious dessert and some time together were much needed.

Sucking in a breath, she made her decision.

Tifa laced up her boots and grabbed her train pass and the small amount of gil Cloud had left her, then stuffed her leather fighting gloves in her apron pocket as an afterthought. Just in case. Apartment door locked securely behind her, she put on a brave face, left the apartment building and stepped out into the bustling slums.

She was careful to remember what Cloud had told her to do when she was walking around in the city. Don't look anyone in the eye. Keep your head down. Stay alert. Keep your hands in your pockets so no one steals your things. Don't answer if someone tries to talk to you. The streets were dark even though it was morning. They were always dark, even in the middle of the day. Even though she had been in Midgar for almost three months now, she still had trouble getting used to the lack of sunlight. The disruption of her day-night cycle had made it hard to sleep sometimes. The train station was only three blocks away, but her anxiety made it feel as if it were ten blocks away. It was busier than usual, being the morning rush hour, and Tifa was immediately overwhelmed by the sea of people moving to and fro. By some small miracle, she was able to squeeze into the right train and get off at the correct stop. Buying eggs at the grocer's shop was simple enough. Ignoring the clerk's comment about her accent, she thanked him and scurried back out into the streets. Grinning at her small victory, she trotted back toward the station. Cloud was going to be so happy!

Clutching the paper bag against her chest, she weaved her way through the crowd to reach the station's platform. When the train pulled up, the car was filled to the brim with passengers. Tifa hesitated to enter, thinking she'd wait to see if there was more room on the next one, but she felt herself suddenly get pushed forward into the car by the surge of people. The door shut behind her. Eyes wide and lips nervously pressed together, she stood as straight as possible to avoid touching the other people crammed into the overstuffed car. Behind her, the man who must have pushed her into the train was pressed up against her. Tifa tried to creep forward a few precious centimeters to get some space but he followed, his presence a firm pressure against the small of her back. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him: a dark haired man in a business suit. It was hard not to feel anxious as she felt his burning gaze on the back of her head. Swallowing, Tifa tried to calm the rising fear. It's alright, it's a short train ride. Everything's okay. You're just paranoid.

Suddenly, she felt his hands snaking up the back of her thighs—under the modest skirt of her blue sundress. They stopped to cup her backside and she began to tremble, feeling the calloused hands through the thin layer of her underwear. Slowly, the man worked his hands around to the front of her thighs, pressing his body into her behind. Desperately, she looked at the other passengers, silently pleading for help. No one bothered to look her way. Say something, Tifa! You're a martial artist! Shove him, elbow his chest, anything! But she was frozen.

Long seconds ticked by as electronic announcements fluttered by on the overhead screen. Tifa inwardly cringed as one rough hand snuck upward to cup one breast through the material of her bodice. She tried to let out a cry for help, but nothing came out. The heavy weight of the leather fighting gloves in her pocket called to her, a reminder that she could crush this guy's windpipe in a millisecond. So why wasn't she moving? Why was she paralyzed? Shaking with shock and fear, Tifa closed her eyes and held her breath. Mercifully, the train finally pulled into Sector Three and she exploded forward, pushing past the other passengers and into the crowded chaos of the station. She had to get away! What if he was following her? How foolish she had been to go out on her own. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Fearful tears had transformed the world into a swirl of grey and black and brown as she stumbled forward, scurrying through the crowd as fast as she could go. Tifa was tempted to turn around to see if the man was pursuing her, but she was afraid. Would she have to defend herself? It had been a while since she had practiced her martial arts. Cloud would've made a decent sparring partner but he was always so tired after work and their apartment was much too small to allow for any rough housing, anyway. Tifa hoped she'd be able to avoid a confrontation and lose him in the rush of people hurrying about the square.

Speeding forward, she suddenly collided with a passerby. Off balance, Tifa's ankle rolled and she heard a pop as she plummeted to the ground, egg carton pitching forward and spilling out onto the concrete. Adrenaline allowed her to get to her shaky feet, but shooting pain from her ankle made each step agony. Not one person stopped to ask if she was alright. No one batted an eyelash at her obvious distress. No one even looked in her direction. Abandoning the ruined dozen of eggs, Tifa limped and dragged herself until she got to the station wall, eyes wild as she watched for any sign that her attacker had followed. She slumped against the stone wall after long minutes of watching, waiting for the man to appear. She let out a small cry of relief when he never did, but she knew that she was far from safe.

Why had she been so foolish to leave the apartment? How was she supposed to get home with an injured ankle? Cloud came through this station on his way home from work. Would he see her? Maybe if she just rested for a while, her ankle would start to feel better and she could manage to limp the rest of the way back to the apartment.

But as hours passed, her ankle swelled as the crowd thinned. Frightened, she curled herself into a ball and hid behind an overflowing trash bin. Tifa tried her best not to make eye contact with people as they passed, knowing how vulnerable she was. Fighting gloves equipped, she sat helpless in the grime and dirt. Once upon a time, Tifa had thought she was brave and strong. She was the student of a world class martial artist: strong in mind, body and spirit. Without fear, she dispatched horrible monsters with her fists. But it wasn't until now that Tifa realized that people and their cruelty were what she feared most in this life.

It wasn't until the station clock chimed at 5:00 that Tifa picked up her head. She was hungry and tired, frightened and embarrassed, but a new hope had bloomed in her heart. Cloud would pass through here soon. If she could manage to find him in the sea of commuters, he could help her home. Leaning halfway out of her hiding place, she carefully watched each train unload its passengers. Train after train passed with no sign of her husband. She was just about to lose hope and wonder if he had decided to pick up some more overtime when she spotted it: that unruly head of flaxen spikes. She had never seen a more beautiful sight in all her life.

"Cloud!" she called at the top of her lungs as he disappeared behind taller passengers. Desperate, she got to her feet and started limping forward, biting back whimpers as she put weight on her injury. "Cloud! Wait!"

She continued to call his name, convinced that he wouldn't be able to hear her over the crowd. Still about four yards away, Cloud froze. The fatigue on his features was chased away by the sound of her voice. Tifa wanted to cry in relief, but continued calling him instead until their eyes met over the noise. She watched as startled blue found her familiar face amongst the flood of strangers.

"Tifa!" His expression showcased his bewilderment as he ran towards her outstretched arms. Pale eyes widened in alarm when he realized she was injured. Cloud held her tightly when they crashed together. "What happened?"

How could she tell Cloud about what had happened to her? Should she? He'd be furious and blame himself for bringing her here. It was no one's fault but her own: she had told Cloud she wanted to marry him and come to Midgar; she had decided to go out into the city on her own. Her poor husband was so stressed out about work lately that it didn't seem worth it to burden him with the consequences of her weakness and inability to handle city life. After all, she was still in once piece, wasn't she? A little ice and her ankle should be back to normal in a few days. She'd had worse injuries while training with Master Zangan.

Cloud always wanted to hide his weaknesses. Was it okay for her to do the same?

Tifa buried her head into the blue fabric of Cloud's uniform so she wouldn't have to put on a brave face. "N-nothing happened. I was careless and hurt my ankle when I got off the train. You're being deployed for an assignment soon. I went to get eggs from the market so I'd have enough to make you a birthday cake."

Although his embrace comforted her, she was still so rattled by the day's events that it was all she could do to keep from trembling. When Tifa finally raised her head to look at him, she hoped her smile didn't look as fake as it felt.

"Oh, Tifa…" He returned her uneasy smile. "Let's get you home."

Cloud turned and prompted her to lace her arms around his neck. He bent so she could lean onto his back and looped his arms behind her knees, picking her up to piggy-back her home. Testosterone pumped through his veins as his protective nature surged into overdrive. Once Tifa was holding on securely, Cloud pushed forward through the crowd, eyes constantly scanning his surroundings for any further danger. Strands of black hair tumbled down his right shoulder as his wife gently pressed her face into the side of his neck. The feel of her soft breaths against his skin dissolved some of the doubt that always seemed to worm its way into his heart. Maybe he could do this. Despite having the odds stacked against him since his birth, perhaps he could be a good husband. He could protect Tifa; she depended on him. He'd do anything to make sure she felt safe.

"Thank you," Tifa whispered into his hair.

She breathed in his scent and tried to let relief replace the dread and anxiety that gripped her heart. Inhaling deeply and telling herself she was safe did little to get rid of the panic in her heart. Instead of ebbing away, anxiety rose and rose inside her with each passing car, with each of Cloud's steps, with each flashing light. Tifa was so preoccupied with keeping her feelings at bay that she barely realized it when they passed the threshold into their apartment building. By the time Cloud had climbed the steps to their floor, her heart was pounding so hard in her chest that she was certain he felt it. It was too much; it was just so overwhelming. Tifa's breaths quickened and she stifled a whimper as he turned the key in the lock. If Cloud felt her start to tremble as they crossed the into their apartment, he didn't say anything about it. He hurried to the bedroom and gently placed her on the bed.

"Let's take a look at your ankle. I can get you some ice, and—"

She broke. Tifa barely caught a glimpse of his eyes before an unstoppable whimper escaped her control, breaking the dam that held back a tidal wave of anxiety, fear and sadness. With a broken noise, Tifa began to sob, bringing her head down into her hands. She had never wept so openly in front of anyone before, let alone Cloud. But she was so frightened: this place was so drastically different from her sleepy mountain home and she was having so much trouble emotionally adapting. She used to think that living anywhere would be better than Nibelheim, but she had been naive and foolish. Was her father right after all? How could she ever make it in a place like this? It felt so strange to be expressing negative feelings so freely, and she found herself desperately trying to stop. The more Tifa tried to find a way to regain control, the more it eluded her and the harder she cried. Papa would have told her to quit blubbering and to stop embarrassing herself. Would Cloud be disappointed in her for being so weak?

Tifa felt Cloud's gentle arms wrap around her, encouraging her head to rest on his chest. Her husband was never one to be eloquent with words, but every movement of his body seemed to communicate what was in his heart. Silently, he held her. His hand cupped the side of her face, thumb delicately stroking her cheek and wiping away any stray tears. Cloud rested his head upon hers and curled his body protectively over hers, sheltering her in his warmth. The desire to inhale the comfort of his scent helped Tifa to eventually still her breaths, the steady rise and fall of his chest prompted hers to find a smooth rhythm.

A long time ago, she had wondered why her mother had acted so strangely when she said she was homesick. Tifa had worried about how she would ever bring herself to fly away from her childhood home. This was so hard. How could she ever stand the harshness of this place? Weren't there any friendly faces in this oppressive, scary place? She missed the sun. She missed the 'how-do-you-dos' as you passed someone on the street. She missed the freedom of being able to go where she wanted to whenever she felt like it without fearing for her safety. She missed morning fog, the clean air and the gentle sound of the babbling brook.

Ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump.

Ear to his chest, she listened as Cloud's heart pumped slowly and steadily. His scent was familiar and comforting—reminding her of how he had always a beacon of hope and security, even before her life went spiraling out of control after Mama's death. Tifa continued willing herself to calm down as her husband ran his hand through her dark tresses. Here in Midgar, they had each other and that was all. No matter how hard and daunting life was in this dark and dangerous place, the fact that she had Cloud meant that she had a reason to push forward. After a while, this homesickness would pass, right? Time would stretch forward and she'd adapt, just like she always had.

When her mother died, Tifa realized that one had as little control of the world around them as an autumn leaf decides its path in the wind. And so, the wind blew and she adjusted. It was just easier that way. The overwhelming changes of getting married and moving to Midgar had blown her about until she was too tired to get back on her feet. Her eyelids grew heavy as she focused on Cloud's warmth and the evenness of his breathing. She wasn't alone anymore. Tifa had worked so hard to adjust to this life that she was finally collapsing under her own fatigue and heartsickness. But just as she was about to fall, Cloud was there to pick her up again.

She had only been married for a handful of months but she supposed that maybe this was one of the greater rewards of marriage. It was really difficult for her to learn to let her weaknesses show and to convince herself that Cloud would still love her, even when she couldn't stand on her own two feet. Everything would be alright with Cloud by her side. He brought vibrant color into her life, a shock of hope in the grey whir of the slums. Lacking the money and circumstances to escape to a better life outside the city, they were forced to do their best to thrive in the oppressive atmosphere of the slums. Tifa felt as if they were two little flowers trying to bloom in the snow, with no one to adore the brightness of their petals. But one day, it would all change and they would shine all the brighter.

This was all temporary, just a passing phase. The comfort of that thought and the warmth and protection Cloud provided let her exhaustion pull her into the oblivion of sleep.

...

A/N: Poor Tifa is learning just how awful people can be, but that's only the beginning for our poor little lady. Her huge wake up call has begun! Cloud is such a sweet little gentleman, isn't he? :3

By the way, it's looking like this story is going to end up being 53 chapters if my outline is correct. I hope you're enjoying this enough to follow it to the end!