Taylor's POV

The Boss finally relinquished Ana to me and only to me, to bring her to hospital while Dr Flynn stayed, to talk and watch that nothing else happened to him. Just before we left he said he was hungry and Gail started making him some chicken noodle soup, with the appropriate healing quantities of various ingredients according to Dr Grace and we were on the move to the hospital.

I hope for everyone's sake that Ana is just bruised and hasn't sustained another injury otherwise I will hire a security staff member who is medically trained, well actually, that might not be such a bad idea given Ana's track record. If I make her female, I can ensure that she is Ana's CPO for those times we all hate, the shopping trips, the bathroom trips, the girl's nights out, ha, what is the likelihood of the Boss allowing Ana to have those?…. Yes, that's decided, I'll get Welch onto it straight away.

I relay to Dr Grace that Gail has informed me that the Boss has eaten the whole bowl of soup and she visibly relaxes, thanking me and shaking her head as she looks at Ana. Ana meanwhile is steadfastly looking out the window and tearing up the tissue in her hands, I think without even realising it and she looks as nervous as the rest of us are feeling.

"Ana, honey, it will all be ok," I hear Grace say and Ana simply dissolves into silent sobs, it was obvious that she'd been holding on, keeping it in until Grace showed her concern and that opened the floodgates. I come to a halt outside the hospital and Grace slides over and holds her, patting her hair. "He's a healthy boy, he'll bounce back quickly, it's you I'm worried about but I want you to know that even if something happens between you two, you must come to me and let me help you, you are as much a daughter to me now..." It's obvious that Grace wants to know what happened but that's not something to tell a mother, I can understand why the Boss and Ana haven't said anything.

Ana's sobs get louder and I wish Dr Grace hadn't gone there, the only one that seems able to calm Ana down when she is this upset is the Boss and the gasps she's making as she tries to draw breath worry me, please let her not have re-broken those ribs. I curse myself, I should have kept a hold on the Boss and then we wouldn't be sitting at the hospital, her injured and us, waiting for her to calm.

I climb out to open her door and as I do, I ask her gently, "Miss Steele, would you like to speak to Mr Grey?" while she shakes her head, the effect is immediate, she hiccups and sniffs and starts to calm down although she still buries her head in her hands.

"He'll, he'll, he'll just worry. I'm ok, sorry," she apologises, bringing herself under control and I roll my eyes, if anyone has the right to be upset, it's her. She catches the eye roll though and it elicits a tiny smile, ah yes, the Boss isn't here!

As Ana reaches for her crutches, I shake my head, "Dr Grace will take those, I am carrying you until we reach a chair," I don't care, the Boss isn't here and there is no way I am going to be responsible for any more damage to this precious cargo and Ana looks at me sharply and then resigns herself to the process.

"It's not your fault," She says while looking down at her hands, "But thank you," and then she looks at me with those clear blue eyes that see right through me, "for everything."

Christians's POV

"John, I don't want to talk about it, I fucked up royally and if I have to apologise to her for the rest of my life I will, I just need to have her here with me and I am never going to let her go again. You can see that everything is working fine and by tomorrow I'll be able to get back on with my life if Ana is here with me."

"Don't you think that's a bit obsessive? What if Ana doesn't want to stay here?" John asks and I cringe inside but outwardly shrug.

"Then quite frankly there's no point in living, I need her in my life more than I need food and water. I spent the last four days thinking of nothing but Ana and what she's gone through in her life and with me, how she interacts with me, hell with everyone, I would take whatever she gives me but I want the lot, I want to go to sleep with her, I want to wake up to her and I just want to be with her." I don't know how else to say it to him.

"What did you do to make her run away," John asks, curiosity showing on his face like never before, I know that is the burning question from everyone but I am not going to tell him what happened in the red room, that's between Ana and I. "She mentioned that you scared her and hit her." Ok, so he isn't going to leave it alone.

"Damn, it's none of your business what happened in the room but maybe you can help me with why we ended up there." I say conceding finally that I need help, "After the fire you know I woke up choking Ana and then in the early hours of Tuesday morning, Ana woke up again with me effectively attacking her and she suggested we go into the Red Room so that I could regain my control. Her interpretation was that since her accident I have progressively lost control without my normal coping mechanism and she wanted to give that back to me." I can't believe how generous Ana was and I shudder as I go back through what happened and how I abused that, became an abuser as bad as any that had abused her previously.

John doesn't say anything and I continue, "First I thought there was no way I would bring her in there, for goodness sakes, we haven't even discussed what I used to do in there and she had never seen the room. Then, as I thought about it, I thought I would just control her pleasure and that would be enough and I would recover my feeling of togetherness but I didn't consider the fact that I look and act different when I am a Dom. It scared her senseless so that everything I did after that point Ana saw through a filter of fear and then I mistook her response as defiance, my brain had gone into Dom mode so she was acting as a disobedient sub instead of as my gorgeous scared girl and so I punished her. I fucking punished her."

I can't look at him, hiding my face in my hands as I try and control my body's reaction and John moves the strategically placed bowl closer to me, he's not a minute too soon as my body relives the horror of my response to Ana's reaction and relieves me of the soup that I have just eaten.

"I basically turned into yet another person that has abused her and I don't know if she can truly forgive me for that, I know that I won't ever forgive myself. The only thing I can do is put myself in her shoes every time I do something with her, make sure she is happy before I do it or make sure she understands the reason I am doing something." I stop and John looks at me with astonishment.

"I do believe you have finally truly found empathy." He shakes his head, "Do you understand why Ana asked to be taken into the room?" and I think I do but I wait for him to continue "She was empathising with you, she could feel how out of control you were, she put herself into your shoes and the only thing she could think of that she didn't truly understand but must have worked in the past was the playroom. I have been trying to explain to you over the years the concept of empathy, it is the most important thing to have in a relationship."

"But have I broken any chance of Ana trusting me again in the future?" I ask, it's the question that was on repeat since the incident.

"Is it possible that you will ever do that again? Lose control and not take account of how she is feeling and scare and hit her?" John asks with genuine curiosity and concern on his face.

"I don't think so, I have spent the last few days going over everything and I couldn't do that to her again, I couldn't live with myself and perhaps she's forgiven me this time, I don't know really, she might just be concerned for me like she's concerned for anyone that isn't well. I don't know if you know but her first words were "Poor Cecilia" when she heard about the fact that Cecilia had perished in the fire, so even in that circumstance and with all the awful things she'd done to Ana, Ana was still thinking about her. So she might just be concerned about me as another human being….oh, my, god, what if she won't stay with me, I don't deserve for her to stay with me, but I can't live without her, I don't want to live without her." And I start to hyperventilate, "Ana must hate me and she'd be right not to forgive me, I kept telling her that leopards don't change their spots when I was talking about her mother so how is she going to believe that I would never scare her and abuse her again?"

"Christian, calm down!" John places his hand on my arm carefully, "Don't presume anything with Ana, she has surprised you and even me at every turn. You are right, she should be wary of believing that you have completely changed but if you put your own rules and security measures in place, there is no reason why she can't trust you and go forward. You are right though, I think that was your one and only fail and chance, from this point on you need to be vigilant about your behaviour. Ana does not deserve any more abuse from anyone ever again, that poor girl, you know exactly what she's told you and that's more than I know but I'd bet she hasn't told you everything. Take this opportunity if she forgives you and work very hard to ensure that nothing ever happens like that again. You have my number, call me, even Rhian would prefer that you call me in the middle of the night than do anything to Ana again, no matter what Ana says."

When I've calmed down, John says "Well, I think some honest communication between the two of you is more than overdue and I assume Ana will want that room removed before she'd consider staying with you," and I am about to cut him off and decide, he really doesn't need to know what Ana said, it can be a secret between Ana and I. "More importantly, can I suggest not rushing things too much, allow Ana to heal," and this time I do cut him off.

"I want her here and I will take her however I can get her, she gets to call the shots from this point forward but I am not letting her out of my sight."

"You do realise that isn't going to happen? She will start work soon and you need to concentrate on your business, that's one of the things that was worrying Ana. Aim for balance and normality, give Ana the freedom to do as she wishes and you'll find that she will be more receptive to your plans for her. The time you spend together will then feel all the sweeter for the absence during the day."

Normally he doesn't dictate to me but this time I know he's trying to get me to hear what he's saying and while I don't want to hear it, I can see how Ana will baulk at staying here or with me…. That damn gilded cage that I'd like to put her in is very real and I have to begrudgingly nod, Ana was very clear about going to work and there is no way that I am going to argue with her and risk her walking away.

My phone rings and John picks it up and holds it so that I can see that it is Ana meaning I snatch it with much more force than I would otherwise, and am all thumbs as I answer it without a decent greeting, "Baby, are you ok?"

She sounds like she is crying, "Baby, tell me you are ok," I whisper urgently, heartbroken that she is crying and I am not there for her.

"I, I was ringing to tell you that SIP just called me and I have the job, I start on the 13th." I can hear the happiness in her voice and I realise that she must be crying happy tears and there is no way I want to rain on her parade.

"That's wonderful news baby, that's the one you wanted wasn't it?" and all I can think is that I have one more week of having her to myself and then I am going to have to share her with the world, as much as I don't want to and I have to work out a way of protecting her at SIP.

"But how are you? Have you been checked yet? What are they waiting for? Why are you still there?" I fire the questions at her.

"Well if you let me get a word in edgewise," and I can hear the smile in her voice although the sniffle is still there and I wish I was there to wipe her eyes and give her a cuddle, my arms feel so empty and I can't wait for her to return so that I can kiss the cheekiness off her face. "We're just waiting for the results but I think I'm ok, just a bit bruised and battered but I broke my cast." At my gasp she continues, "It did its job and protected my leg, I'm ok."

"What about your pelvis? If the jolt to the cast was so bad that it cracked..?" I can hear the dread in my own voice, Ana's unsupported cracked pelvis is the biggest block to doing anything as it is the most painful of her injuries that can't really be healed unless she rests and lets it heal. It would heal faster if she was on bed rest and actually stayed in bed, not moving but that is something she has not done since being released from hospital. What with one thing or another, Ana has simply not just rested and goodness knows what she did while she was away from me, for all I know she slept on the couch, I know I couldn't go to bed and feel her presence missing.

"It didn't crack because of the jolt, it cracked where you landed on it, apparently the weight of your body, concentrated on one point, being your knee, as you crashed into me, cracked it. It's ok, that didn't jolt upwards to the pelvis although landing on my back didn't help it." I know she's just telling me what the doctor has said but it's killing me that it was me that has caused this extra pain and then she tries to make me feel better saying "It could have been worse, your knee could have hit me in the pelvis so don't worry, it's just going to be a patch and we'll be back as soon as that's done."

"Why are you still there?"

"Well, the technician isn't allowed to tell me anything about the scans, remember, I have to wait for the doctor to compare the original scans and the current ones to see if there is any extra damage but it's getting better so I think it's just muscle damage from your weight landing on me. Although you have lost a lot of weight, how are you feeling now?" I can't believe she is deflecting back to me, asking how I am.

"Baby, I am fine, I'll be better when you are here with me though," and I hear her breath catch and in case I don't want to hear what she is going to say I continue quickly "And so you can heal, you will be on bed rest for the week until you start work so that your pelvis has a chance to heal."

I realise I may have made a misstep when I hear simultaneously, John clear his throat next to me and Ana take a deep breath, and decide to cut her off at the pass and hopefully lighten the mood, "But we'll discuss that when you are here and you can argue with me in person so that I can otherwise persuade you."

"You know I might just say "echidna" and pout and ignore you." Comes Ana's cheeky voice over the phone as she realises that I have conceded.

"I have no doubt you will but I hope to enjoy trying to convince you," and I try to squeeze as much innuendo into that little sentence as I can, completely forgetting that John is in the room until he coughs and walks out, and I drop my voice to a whisper, "And you know what I'd like to do to your pout…" and the gasp and tiny giggle is all the reward I need to put a silly grin on my own face.

"I have to go now, I'll see you soon," Ana says quietly and I press a kiss on my phone and hear her intake of breath.

"Bye Baby, see you soon," and I sit there looking at my phone.

I am a changed man.

Hopefully I have changed enough for Ana to give me a chance and I drift off into an uneasy sleep only to dream of unmentionable things happening to Ana at my hands and I wake sweating to see Ana's face peering anxiously at me as she shakes me.

"Christian, it's ok, I'm ok, you're ok, calm down," and I can see the tears in her eyes again, and filthy or not, I don't care, I need to know that we're really ok, I don't deserve her but if she is willing to accept me again, I'll take what I can get and I crush her to me, pressing my lips into that little space behind her ear that drives any woman crazy and just melt when she moans and lifts her head up to give me greater access.

Finally Ana says, "Dr Flynn said you'd been sick, are you feeling better?" lifting her hand to brush the hair from my forehead, as I nod, "Your mom wants to check you over and if you are ok enough, you can have that shower or bath." And I don't let her get any further as I realise a major oversight.

"What did the doctor say for you? Are you ok? How are you feeling? God, I'm sorry, I haven't asked, should you even be moving around like this? How are your ribs? What about your pelvis? Can you join me in the shower or bath?" I say frantically looking at her face, searching for any sign of pain and all I can see are her eyes smiling at me and I am flooded by a feeling of love as she laughs.

"Woah, slow down cowboy, I'd forgotten about the pain, thanks for reminding me!" but it's said with a pretty over exaggerated pout and I wonder once again at her strength. "I just jolted and jarred everything so if you really want to know, my back hurts, my ribs hurt, my leg hurts and the stinging fire pain that has been in my pelvis since day one has only ratcheted up a notch. Otherwise, I'm all good, ok?" she says casually as if she was saying "I went for a walk today."

It's the last line of the pain catalogue that has me staring at her "and the stinging fire pain that has been in my pelvis since day one" seers into my brain and has me gulping like a goldfish, "Baby, why haven't you ever mentioned that pain before, the 'stinging fire pain', why are you in any pain? What about the pain killers? Have you not been taking them?" And she looks away guiltily and shrugs.

Before I can say anything there's a knock on the door and Ana sings out "Come in," obviously desperate to conclude this particular conversation and I see my mother coming in.

"Mom, is there something that Ana can take for the pelvis pain that I can monitor for her?" And Mom to her credit looks between my face and Ana's guilty one and nods but says nothing more, just pats Ana on the shoulder and continues onto me.

"I'll deal with that later, I need to know how you are feeling. You're obviously talking easily which is good. Dr Flynn indicated it was a distress reaction for you to regurgitate the soup so I have some comfort that you can take in food but that you need to reduce stress for a couple of days at least to get your strength back so you are lucky it is the weekend."

She checks the monitors and looks progressively more pleased and then declares, "You're good to go to have a bath, I wouldn't risk standing in a shower just yet and I will help you there." It isn't an offer, it is an order and I know my mother enough to not bother arguing and she walks off to start the bath.

"Baby, will you come in with me?" I ask tentatively and she blushes a shade of pink.

"But your mom is here." And I break into a hearty laugh for the first time since Sunday but I try to temper it as Ana looks so embarrassed.

"Oh honey, mom would happily carry you in there, surely you know she adores you," I lower my voice, "And, she knows my body is wrecked, baby, please? I've missed you so much and I just want to hold you. I need to know you forgive me."

Again Mom breaks the mood by walking in carrying two robes, "Ok both of you, get ready to go in, Ana, even though your cast was repaired today, because it is made of fibreglass, you are good to go. Christian, I want to help you into the bath and I am putting your phone in the bathroom so that you can ring Taylor if you need help getting out at the end. Ana, do not attempt to assist him, your injuries need to heal, no more silly stunts from either of you please."

Mom helps me into the bath and then goes back out to get Ana who steadfastly won't look at her but thanks her quietly, and Mom smiles at her and then says "I am going home now as it has been a long day, I'll see you tomorrow, bye darlings," and she kisses us both and closes the door.

The door has barely closed and I reach for Ana, I need to feel her and she smiles and shakes her head and my face must drop as she raises her finger to her lips, "You need to be clean first," and reaches for the body wash and gently starts her ministrations but I can't have her so close and not touch so I grab her wrists and pull her in tight.

There's plenty of time for cleaning but she shakes her head again and says "Please let me, you don't realise how bad you look and how awful that makes me feel. I suggested we go into that room and it was me that ran away and wouldn't take your calls, so it's all my fault that you have ended up feeling and looking so bad."

I gasp, "Oh Baby, this is so not your fault, you must not EVER take the responsibility for what happened. You can't say that." I desperately need her to understand that none of what happened was her fault, there were so many places that if I'd stopped, we'd not be in this position. "Baby, yes you suggested we go in there but you did that with such bravery because you didn't even know what it entailed, you keep giving and giving and you don't even see it, do you?" I pause and take her chin in my hand, turning her face towards, "Baby look at me," and I wait until she lifts her eyes to mine.

"You gave me control and I took that power and used it badly, the whole "absolute power corrupts absolutely" concept, I didn't see you were scared because I didn't want to see it, when I thought about every second in that room during the intervening days, I realised that everything, absolutely everything from your stance, to your eyes, to your face, to how you held your hands showed you were scared but all I was thinking about was what I could do to you. Trust me I was building up to give you an orgasm that you would never forget but then I stupidly mistook a whole range of fear responses as defiance and decided to go down the denial route and when you wouldn't kiss me and denied me that kiss, I was angry."

Ana's lip trembles, "Ana, baby, it was all wrong, I can see that now and I don't blame you for how you reacted and I can even rationalise why you didn't say a safe word, I know you were trying to give me control but the first rule and really the only rule in the play room is that I obey a safe word. If you had said it at any point I would have stopped. I have never had anyone in that room without a full contract and without experience, I am an idiot, I broke the cardinal rules and as I have spent these days thinking, I had to admit, if you never wanted to see me again, I deserved it but.." and the tears roll down her face and I don't know what that means yet.

"But if you leave and you are free to go if you think I will ever treat you like that again, I will cease to exist, I need you like I need air and apparently fluid. Quite frankly without you I don't have anything to live for.." and I am unable to continue talking as Ana sobs and throws her arms around my neck, pulling my lips down to hers and as I slide deeper into the water, I hold her tight against me, moaning into her mouth.

When we finally break apart, I move my lips to gently kiss the tears from her cheeks and reposition her along my body to support her, "Anastasia, I love you with my whole being, you are everything I could ever want, will you stay with me, move in with me, let me love you back to health and make it up to you? I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you if I have to, will you forgive me please?" I really want to ask her to marry me but I don't deserve that honour so I bite my tongue just before I say it and hold my breath waiting for her response.

It's a tiny whisper but it has the power to break or make me, "Yes" with the shyest smile and I bury my head in her shoulder, this time it is my tears mingling with the bath water as she gently rubs little circles on the back of my neck.

"Honey, the water is getting cold and you still need washing," she says, bringing me back by pouring the body wash onto the cloth and lovingly stroking down my body, stopping short each time and I realise that making love to Ana is going to need some major trust issues resolved, never mind her body which is still healing.

I accept that, I broke something beautiful and now I need to show her and make her understand that my love will be the glue to put it back together again and move us forward.