Here we go, chapter nine! Thanks to everyone who reviewed, as usual. This chapter starts five months after the masquerade. Yes, that's right...welcome to season three.

Chapter 9

"Hi. I'm here to visit a patient."

I've always hated hospitals. They're too white and too clean. They're impersonal, is what they are. Even though I'm sure the bright lights and white tile floors are supposed to seem open and inviting, they make me feel like I'm going to suffocate.

I've only had to go to the hospital once, when I was seven years old. Mona dared me to climb to the highest branch of the big tree in our backyard and I wasn't going to take the ego hit of refusing. I did it, too, and it would have been very impressive if I hadn't fallen on my way back down and broken my arm.

I remember crying from the pain, but I also remember crying harder when I first walked into the hospital. I felt like I was never going to come out, like the hospital was so bright and sterile that this must be where you go only when you're about to die.

Apparently mental hospitals are no different.

I've been aware of Radley Sanitarium my whole life. With its looming architecture and the huge metal fence surrounding it, it's hard to miss. It's right outside of Rosewood, just about a five minute drive from our house.

Despite that, I had never set foot in there in my life, and never planned to.

Until five months ago.

I go a few times a week now, especially since I got my driver's license and with it, a new car. It's nicer than I was expecting. My parents probably felt guilty.

I go more than they do, now. I'm better at it. My parents don't know what to say, how to act. Whenever all three of us go together, my dad usually sits in an uncomfortable silence and my mom cries while I jabber on forever about nothing.

The first time I went, I basically went nuts. I yelled and cried and threatened and did everything you are not supposed to do to a mental patient. The nurse made me leave and told me that I will be banned if I ever do that again.

I've been more composed since then, though I feel a swell of anger every time I so much as walk through the doors. I just manage to keep it on the inside, now.

Most of the nurses here know me by name, but the one at the desk this morning is new. She looks up, studies me for a second, and slides the registration book over to me. "Sign in and give me your name for a visitor's pass."

I know the drill. I sign in with my information and tell her, "My name is Viola Vanderwaal. I'm here to see my sister?"
The nurse turns to her computer and types for a moment. "Mona Vanderwaal?" I nod, and she hands me a visitor's pass, which I clip to my shirt. "Come with me." She pushes a button on her desk and the doors behind her buzz open.

She leads me down a long hallway, through a door, and down another long hallway before we arrive at one specific door that I could easily have found myself. But whatever. Protocol and all.

"Go on in," the nurse instructs, opening the door for me and walking away.

I take a deep breath, fix a big smile on my face, and step into the room. My sister sits on the edge of the bed, staring straight ahead as usual. "Hey," I say cheerfully. "It's just me today. I asked Mom if she wanted to come, but she really wanted to get some gardening done today. It's really nice out."

She would not know this, because there are no windows in this room. The walls are gray stone, and all that's in here is a cot that is barely passable as a bed, a desk and chair, and a small dresser filled with identical drab hospital gowns. There is a small bathroom off to the side.

The second time I came here I asked the nurse if I could thumbtack some paintings or photos or something to the wall. She asked me if I really thought it was a good idea to give thumbtacks to a mental patient.

I saw her point.

I wander aimlessly around the room, fiddling with my hands. "You know, I really wish you'd snap out of it long enough to tell me what you do in here all day. Or, I mean, what most people do. It seems pretty boring to me."

It does not appear that Mona has even noticed that I am in the room. She is still staring straight ahead, right at the door, barely even blinking. It's a little scary. I keep telling my mother that they really need to change her meds, because is being catatonic really better than being nuts? But she cries every time I bring it up, so I've stopped.

I clear my throat and keep talking. I've gotten very good at these monologues over the past few months. It's basically like talking to myself. "So I've been thinking about this whole 'hyper reality' thing. Is it, like, genetic, do you think? Maybe I have it and I don't even know. I wonder if I should get, I don't know, tested or something."

It occurs to me too late how horrible this sounds. I am not sure if she can even hear me, but just in case, I immediately change tactics. "Oh my god. That came out wrong. Actually, it sounds pretty cool. Like, most mental disorders sound awful and scary, right? But living in an adrenalized hyper reality actually sounds more like a super power. So you're pretty much a superhero."

I sound like such an idiot. I want to hit myself in the mouth. Instead I shake my head hard to try and bounce out some of the stupid, pull up the little chair, and sit down across from her. "Okay. So I've been getting to know this guy recently. I think he might really like me."

I am not talking about Justin, even though I kind of wish I was. Ever since the masquerade ball, he has avoided me as much as possible. We're still partners in gymnastics and still talk to each other and are friendly, but it seems like any chance of romance between us is gone.

I can't really blame him. I mean, he has no idea why I ditched him that night, the night he finally kissed me, and I never bothered to try and explain. He probably thinks I'm a total bitch. And I probably am.

As far as I know, he has no idea that my sister is certifiably crazy now. And I would prefer to keep it that way. Maybe eventually we can build our relationship up again.

But that doesn't mean I have to stay single until that happens.

"You know him," I go on, smiling. "He's in your grade. I always thought he was a jerk, but I've seen him at a few parties over the summer and he's pretty cool, actually. Noel Kahn."

I have been coming here for five months and Mona has neither spoken to me nor looked at me. But as soon as Noel's name leaves my lips, her eyes focus on mine and her voice comes out in a monotone. "Stay away from Noel."

I jump so badly that my chair squeaks on the linoleum floor. I lean back in my seat and gape. Out of all the things I have said today, this is what she chooses to respond to? I feel like I should get the nurse and tell her about this breakthrough, but then I remember that the doctors always seem to say that when this sort of thing happens, the best thing to do is treat it like it's totally normal.

And if I go and get the nurse, that means I won't get any information.

So I frown and say, "What? Why not? I mean, I know you kind of had a thing with him last year, but come on. That was only for, like, two weeks. It's not a big deal."

She is looking at me so intently that I start to squirm, and says again, in that same strange voice, "Stay away from Noel."

I wonder why, out of all things, she seems to care the most about me dating her old boyfriend. Then it occurs to me that, as "A," she probably learned more about people than I realize. I shudder a little and ask quietly, "Why? Did he do something?"

"Stay away from Noel."

"Mona," I say gently, reaching out and taking hold of her wrists, "you are really starting to freak me out. What is going on? What are you talking about?"

She opens her mouth again and I hold my breath, hoping for something other than that same stupid sentence, but then she catches sight of something over my shoulder and smiles.

I let go of her hands and whirl around in my chair. There is nothing behind me, but now I am officially chilled to the bone. I rise from my seat, sling my purse over my shoulder, and say shakily, "I have to go. I'll see you in a couple days, okay?"

I return my visitor's pass to the front desk and head out. As I'm walking to my car, I pull out my phone and send an impulsive text to Noel: I don't think this is going to work out. I'm sorry.

His reply comes as soon as I pull into my driveway.

Crazy must run in the family.

…

It is within the first five minutes of gymnastics class the next day when I realize that I need to tell Justin the truth.

It's not like the idea dawns on me from out of nowhere. I've known this for a long time. It's not fair that he thinks I totally ditched him that night for no good reason. As much as I'm afraid that he'll think I'm insane, he needs to know.

The first hour of class ticks by painfully slowly. Finally, 3:59 turns to 4:00 and Beth calls for break. Justin stands from his mat and heads for the vending machine. I rush after him and grab onto his arm. "Justin. Wait."

He flinches and turns. "Hey. What's up?"

I notice the same flat tone in his voice that he's been using with me since the night of the dance. "Can we talk? Somewhere private? There's something I need to tell you."

He looks like he gets it as he follows me to the hallway leading to the bathrooms. "This is about the masquerade, right?"

"Right," I exhale, relieved that he knows what I'm talking about. "I never explained to you why I ran out of there. You deserve an explanation."

He raises his eyebrows and leans against the wall, gesturing for me to go on. I take a deep breath and begin.

"Okay, it's kind of a long story. Back around the beginning of last school year, I got this anonymous text from some person called 'A.' They threatened to expose my biggest secret. I found out that a couple girls a year older than me were getting them, too, but way worse."

"So cyber bullying?"

"Pretty much. I wasn't so bothered by it until I found out that the person behind the whole thing was my sister. The girls she was targeting had bullied her pretty badly back in junior high, and this was her way of getting back at them."

He interrupts and snorts. "That sounds mature."

I roll my eyes, smiling despite myself. "It gets better. I kept her secret because I honestly thought she was just trying to give those girls a taste of their own medicine. But then the night of the masquerade, my sister took one of the girls to Lookout Point. You know it?"

Justin's eyes are wide. He nods slowly. "That huge cliff, right?"

I gulp, the memories of that horrible night coming back to me. "Spencer – that's the name of the girl – video called one of her friends. That's what I was doing when you came up to me. My sister was driving her and she was…I don't know, it's like she had a mental break or something. She was acting completely…psycho."

He stares at me, at rapt attention. I hear Beth back in the gym, calling for the end of break, but neither of us moves. "So I went with the other girls up to Lookout Point, and Spencer and my sister got into a huge fight. My sister…fell."

Justin's mouth drops open. "Off the cliff?"

"She's fine," I say hastily. "I mean, physically. They diagnosed her with a personality disorder and she's been in Radley ever since."

I cough and go silent, watching his reaction. There's silence between us for a few long moments. I feel my heart sink. He probably doesn't even believe me. He probably thinks that I'm crazy. I never should have told him all of this.

But then he reaches out and pulls me to him in a hug. "God, Viola, why didn't you tell me that months ago?"
I'm so surprised that it takes me a minute to respond. "I don't know. I was embarrassed, I guess. Not everyone has a sister in a mental hospital."

Justin releases me and sighs, raking a hand through his hair. "My uncle committed suicide," he says matter-of-factly. "When I was ten. He was depressed for most of his life. So I get it. I'm no stranger to mental problems."

Now it's my turn to hug him. "Oh my god, I'm sorry."

He pulls back and smiles. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I've been acting like such a jerk to you since then. I just figured…" He trails off and laughs a little. "I figured you were so freaked out by the kiss that you couldn't get away fast enough."

"No!" I exclaim earnestly. "Not at all! I actually really liked you. I…still like you."

"I like you, too," he replies, and my heart lifts. "But maybe we should start out just being friends. We'll take it slow, like we did before."

I would much prefer to jump right in and start dating, but I'm aware that this is the more rational solution, especially considering I have a lot else going on right now. "Yeah," I say just as Beth appears around the corner, yelling at us to get back in the gym this instant, "that sounds good."

...

Be sure to let me know what you think, as always! I'm going to try and put up a chapter of "What Keeps Us Close" today as well. As for this story, in the next chapter, it's the start of a new school year and Viola must finally deal with the girls for the first time since the masquerade.