CHAPTER 47: KINDLINESS

It wasn't just the one time.

Goat's milk was almost impossible to find in Midgar, and when Barret could finally track down a vendor, he wasn't always able to afford it. Fortunately, Marlene had taken to it incredibly well. She ate heartily without getting sick and seemed to be in a better mood, now that she was feeling better. The little girl had gained a little weight in the past few weeks and color had returned to her chubby cheeks. It filled Barret with relief. He was clueless at how to care for a child, but he was learning, and Marlene was finally starting to behave and look like a normal baby. He and the dark haired waitress had worked out a schedule: they'd meet at the pub's back door that led to a narrow alley twice a week for the milk at 8 o'clock sharp. Barret felt like he was doing something right, at least. He had been leaving the baby with his reluctant landlord's daughter during his long hours at work. He paid the girl what he could, but Barret knew he'd have to find someone else to look after Marlene eventually. Letting a stranger care for the baby made him uncomfortable and he worried about his little angel while he toiled away, but at this point he had no other choice.

Glancing at his watch, he strode down the busy avenue with Marlene against his shoulder. Her little head was up and alert, big brown eyes glancing out at passersby. Barret knew that he and the baby stuck out like a sore thumb in the crowd: a large, dark-skinned muscle man and a tiny, pale little girl in pink. But he didn't mind. He'd do anything for her.

"Ready to pick up yo' milk? The nice lady is gonna meet us soon."

The baby babbled with a smile, wrapping her chubby arms as for as they could reach around his thick neck.

One good thing he had going for him was his job. He had settled into his construction gig over the past month and it felt good to make some money, even if it was a pittance. But now he had enough to put a roof over their heads and food in their mouths, which was enough. With some careful management, he was even able to put some gil aside in savings. He knew quite a bit about structural support and design, due to his background setting mine shaft frames. With the plate looming overhead, sometimes the only way to expand living space was to dig underground: his specialty. There was a surprising amount of requests for this sort of thing in the slums, leaving Barret feeling secure in his employment when he felt insecure about everything else. He adapted quickly to the slums, despite being born and raised in a rural area. He spent nights memorizing maps and seeking out ShinRA's vulnerable areas, like reactors and corporate buildings. If he wanted to cripple this company, he'd have to know every in and out of this city: escape routes, trooper patrol schedules, and even areas of interest to the Turks, ShinRA's specialized force that carried out their ugliest business.

Most of his coworkers were young men. At thirty one, Barret wasn't old, but the teenagers and twenty-somethings under his management made him feel ancient. Few took their job seriously, slacking off when no one was watching or teasing Barret about his gun arm, which he threatened them with in order to get them back to work. Barret quickly came to realize that this sort of job was tricky with one hand. As a supervisor, it was his job to give direction, but he still helped with the manual labor when he could. His wound (and subsequent grafting of the large weapon) was only a few months old and it still ached often. The boys would ask him why on earth he had a huge Gatling gun for a hand, and he'd answer truthfully without elaboration: revenge.

His burning rage against ShinRA had all but consumed him. The company had left him and Marlene without a family, without a home, without a hope for a normal life. They stole his wife, his friends, his confidence and his hopeful spirit, replacing it with anger and a thirst for vengeance. Not just for him; Barret wanted restitution for the baby as well. Her mother and father were gone, and now she was stuck with him. His fumbling attempts at fathering her were barely enough, and she'd never be able to grow up with the safety and security of her family. ShinRA had stolen it from her helpless little hands and it broke him to know there was nothing he could do about it. Marlene deserved so much more. What kept Barret from despair was realizing that if he didn't do something about it, ShinRA would destroy this planet before Marlene reached adulthood. They were pumping life out of the earth so quickly that in mere decades, there was likely to be nothing left. Didn't anyone else see this? Wasn't there anyone else who had a problem with the dead end the planet was racing towards?

Barret found hope over the handful of weeks in a young guy who preferred to be called by his surname. Jonathan Biggs, who typically laid wood floors and placed insulation and sheet rock, had been put on Barret's team during this latest project. He was a friendly, lively kid with a dark side that only crept out when they'd grab a beer after work. He knew he'd be friends with Biggs when he didn't even blink when Barret had met him at the bar one night with an infant. But he knew right away they'd build a deeper sort of bond when they got on the topic of ShinRA. Biggs was young and seemed carefree, but he had grown up in the slums as the eldest of his six siblings, working hard to help his mother make ends meet. At the tender age of ten, his father—a ShinRA employee—had been killed by a stray bullet on his way home after work. The company never paid the family any of the allotted amount from his father's life insurance plan, forcing Biggs and his mother to take any job offered to a tired mother and a prepubescent child. He was angry at ShinRA, but hid it much better than Barret, whose face seemed to constantly be contorted in some sort of frown.

News reports concerning terrorist attacks on Junon were how Barret had first heard about the ShinRA resistance group, AVALANCHE. He hadn't thought much of them until after his life had turned to ash. Immediately after his displacement by ShinRA, full of hatred and thoughts of justice, he had asked everyone he knew in the surrounding villages about what they knew of AVALANCHE. Barret even travelled with little Marlene to Cosmo Canyon, AVALANCHE's birth place, before settling in Midgar. He had heard the original group had fallen apart after two of its founding members had been captured and sentenced to death in Junon a year or so ago. Maybe with the help of people like Biggs, AVALANCHE could be reborn. Maybe he didn't have to fight against ShinRA alone.

Upon reaching Bailey's Pub, he ducked around the back to stay out of sight at the far end of the alley, waiting for Tifa to emerge from the tiny door. The waitress was a sweet little thing, though quiet and a little sick looking. She reminded Barret of a mouse, timid and always seeming like she was ready to run at the drop of a hat. Uncertainty screamed from her delicate features and she very rarely met his eyes, making the man wonder what had damaged her so much that she seemed like such a mess. But then again, broken people were a common sight in the slums. In fact, it was almost impossible to run into a person down here whose life hadn't been ruined by injustice, anger, poverty or desperation. Like the rain dripping between gaps in the plate, all sorts of ugly people fell through the cracks and ended up here in the dark, collecting like puddles of waste and ruin. What made this girl different was that, despite her circumstances, she still had some kindness to spare. Barret certainly couldn't see how giving Marlene nourishment was of any benefit to her, and the thought had made him suspicious at first.

The baby jumped in his arms when the door rushed open and clattered against the concrete wall with a BANG. Hiding behind the corner, he rubbed Marlene's back while he peeked his head around the wall. There was the waitress, being dragged out into the alley by the large bartender who gripped a fistful of her dark hair.

"Thieving rat!" Bailey bellowed. The girl cried out as he yanked her head, tossing her to the gravely pavement. "You came in here begging for a job and I gave it to you! I even let you come back after you lied to me and this is how you repay me?"

Tifa didn't move from her spot on the ground, kneeling on bloody knees. Wrapping scraped palms over her arms, she curled into a protective ball and hung her head, face hidden by long black hair. Barret almost couldn't hear her quivering voice as she whispered apologies and begged for forgiveness.

"I was t-trying to help someone. Please-I have nowhere else to go!"

"You're not my problem anymore! Get out of my sight!" Enraged, he kicked the debris beside her, showering gravel and bits of plastic against her curled back. "Don't you ever show up on my property again or I'll have you arrested!"

With that, Bailey turned and burst back through the back door of his pub, leaving her alone in the alley. Tifa heard him turn the heavy lock behind her, finalizing her exile from her workplace. As soon as she thought she was alone, the girl slumped forward, letting out a pitiful sob. She belonged here, in the trash and dirt and broken glass. Deep inside, she had always struggled with her worthlessness, and now life had showed her the undeniable truth. She was nothing. Tifa never thought she'd end up here. She and Cloud were going to get out; they were going to escape where they'd be lulled to sleep by the sound of the waves and the caress of the ocean breeze. But her dreams had evaporated like a morning fog, displaying with clarity the truth of her situation.

Before, the feelings of despair and sadness and anger had been so loud within her that they'd nearly drowned out everything else. But here, alone in the alley, everything swirling within her had come to a temporary stop. Tifa had been spun out so far from her old self that she didn't know if she could ever return to that happy child who sang nursery rhymes with her mother and tickled her Papa's beard. She had gone from her husband's cherished wife from the mountains to an angry, miserable slum rat in rags. There was no way out, no matter how hard she searched. There was nothing left of yesterday. Tifa had to be out of her apartment in two days' time and she now had no prospects for a place to stay. She had been hoping to ask Bailey to rent out a room to her, but that was no longer an option. Homeless and hopeless, Tifa would grasp at any thin thread of hope.

When she had first arrived in Midgar, she and Cloud had passed by the red light district of Sector Six on their way home from picking up some goods from Wall Market. There were a cluster of houses along dimly lit avenues—sad houses that smelled like sweat and sadness. When she expressed her curiosity, her husband had bashfully explained what kinds of things went on in that area. Tifa had wrinkled her nose in disgust, wondering what woman would choose to sell her body to a man. She had been too naïve to realize just how far desperation could push a person. Prostitution was not a rare occurrence in Midgar, especially around Wall Market. Had those girls surrendered to that life because they were trapped, like she was? Was it all worth it in order to have a roof over their heads and food to eat? Her heart bled at the thought of lying there, day after day, letting herself be taken and violated and used. What would Mama have thought of her? Would Cloud have felt betrayed? Tifa didn't know if she could ever sell herself to that life, no matter how hard things got.

She winced at the pain in her palms, where little shards of glass were embedded, thinking that this wasn't the only time she had sat in the dirt of the slums. Last time, Cloud had been there to save her from where she had injured herself at the train station. This time, no one would come to her rescue. There was no hope for better days, no safe place to rest her head. Her eyes stung and she hung her head. There simply wasn't anything else to do.

"Tifa!"

Barret would never forget how she looked, a thin, forlorn little figure in the dark and filth. Her head spun toward him, eyes wild with fear and heavy with despair. Barret tucked Marlene close against his body and hurried toward her. He knelt beside her, looking over her injuries.

"Damn! What happened? Are you aw'right?"

She stared at the ground, looking exhausted and hungry and hopeless. For a minute she said nothing, her silence throbbing with pain. Barret reached out to grasp her wrist and she finally raised her wine colored eyes to his face, filled with silent panic.

"S'alright, Missy," he spoke, trying to banish the frightened silence that had made a wall around her.

In her eyes, he saw the same look of brokenness and defeat as he saw in his own reflection, when he was too exhausted to be angry. Feeling the tension fade from her muscles, he turned her hand over to reveal her marred palm. With a grunt of displeasure, he shook his head before trying to pick the debris out of her skin. Tifa didn't flinch, despite the blood pooling in her palm and dripping to the pavement. Awkward, fumbling attempts at comforting words fumbled from Barret's mouth. He wasn't used to this sort of thing. His wife had been tough as nails, and he hadn't yet had enough practice with Marlene. What in the world was he doing here, kneeling in an alley with a girl whom he knew nothing about aside from her name?

Blissfully unaware of the seriousness of the situation, Marlene cooed and babbled happily. She pawed at his stubbly beard as he picked out each piece of glass, one by one. He wiped Tifa's palms with his handkerchief before glancing at her face, which was fixated upon the baby.

"He wouldn't let me sell it to you…" she whispered, eyes dropping to her lap as she slowly pulled a mason jar of milk out from her apron. "But she needed it, and—I couldn't just let her—he found out and—"

"You stuck out your neck for me? For Marlene?"

Tifa kept her head down, the fringe of her bangs cloaking her eyes. Barret sat back for a moment, awed by how far a stranger would go to help a gruff person like him feed his dead friend's orphaned child? It didn't make sense. Midgar was full of selfish, corrupt people who would do anything to avoid being involved in anyone else's problems. How was it that in his two months in this city, he'd come across the one person in the slums that gave without thought of return? Maybe, he could repay her for her trouble, even if in a small way.

"C'mon, lemme walk you home."

"No, it's alright. I haven't anywhere to go anymore." She whispered as she shook her head, black curtain of hair swaying. Tifa studied the gravel as she held the milk bottle out to him. "But please, take this for her."

Barret knew that sights like this weren't totally unusual in Midgar. Orphaned children roamed the streets, surviving by pick pocketing or being rounded up by local traffickers for illegal labor or prostitution. This girl wasn't his responsibility, but she had lost her job to help Marlene and he was endlessly grateful. He couldn't leave her here to be swallowed up by the slums. Barret gently turned her chin upwards and she slowly met his gaze with weary eyes.

"Tsk…" Barret's expression went soft as he studied her face. This miserable little creature seemed so young to be so lost. His exterior was rough, but his heart was soft. He sighed at the depth of the sadness on her features. "You jes' a baby."

It was then that Tifa realized that she hadn't been a child in many, many years. How long had it been since she had skipped merrily to school with her lunch pail and books? Had it really been a lifetime ago that Papa had pushed her to and fro on the tire swing? The concern in Barret's eyes was too much to bear and to her horror, fat tears welled up in her eyes and spilled over onto her cheeks. She bit her lip to stifle a whimper and pulled her head away. She wanted her mother. She wanted Cloud, Claudia, Zangan, any familiar face and comforting set of arms to hold her as she sobbed. Tifa had failed. She had failed to protect Cloud from ShinRA, failed to give life to her daughter, and failed to survive on her own. There were so many ways to die in the slums, but she knew that when it finally came to find her that it wouldn't really matter. There was no one left to miss her, was there? She'd curl away in some hidden place and wait to die. At least then, she could see her loved ones again. She could cross over the mountain and finally see what was on the other side.

"Up you go," Barret said, gently tugging Tifa's arm to help her to her feet. "Come with me, I'll take you to my place."

Her legs were shaky as she stood. What did this man want with her? Would he harm her? Would he sell her to one of those sad houses full of girls in the red light district? Tifa didn't want to go. The thought of letting someone else close enough to hurt her held her rooted to the ground, even as Barret gently tried to encourage her forward.

"N-no, please…I can't."

"Look, you don't havta stay if you don't want to." Barret released her wrist and turned to face her. He sighed, rubbing his temples as Marlene sucked loudly on her fingers. "But lemme feed you at least, since you've been feedin' her all this time. And if you're interested, I got a job for ya."

She continued to protest, but her heart pounded its own yes. It wasn't until he mentioned the baby that he had her complete attention.

"I need someone t' watch her while I work during the day. I can't pay ya much, but I'll feed you." Barret ran his big hand over his short black hair. "An' you can sleep in her room if you want. Like a nanny or somethin'."

She collected her thoughts one at a time, carefully and gently, before coming to a resolution. Nervous, Tifa wrung her hands. The rational side of her screamed in defiance and shouted warnings into her ears: this was a man she didn't know, taking her to a place she had never been. But her emotions swirled and toiled in their own chaos, sending forth waves of keening hope. She was being offered somewhere to stay when she had no place to call home. Her arms still ached to hold a baby, even after two months without little Aria.

"Thank you." She scrubbed tear tracks from her cheeks. " I'll take good care of her, I promise."

"I know."

She slid the mason jar of milk into his hand before following Barret out into the noise, hoping to find the strength to meet any approaching storms on her horizon.

… … …

Tifa felt so out of place. Upon waking, her unfamiliar surroundings reminded her that she was an intruder in Barret's private life. Wrapped in a worn comforter on the floor, she wondered if the man would know she was awake if she moved. Tifa hoped there wouldn't be questions, for she didn't feel much like talking.

It was with relief that she realized there was no longer warmth beside her. The noises in the nearby kitchen told her that he had gotten up for breakfast, taking the baby with him, and the girl was grateful for a few minutes alone to take in her situation. It was embarrassing to have no home to return to and no people to call loved ones in her life. Somehow, she knew that her loneliness and misery we no one's fault but her own—a sort of punishment for always being insufficient in some way or another. In her heart, Tifa wanted so badly to stay here. Something told her that the man wouldn't hurt her, and she radiated toward any small act of kindness like a moth to a flame. But fear spread across her heart like a winter frost when she realized how rash her actions had been. What was she doing? Tifa had put herself in a very vulnerable position, lying here in a stranger's apartment. When she agreed to follow Barret and Marlene here, she had been so apathetic and drunk with despair that she was convinced there was nothing left to lose. Tifa supposed that what brought her here was not only her desperation for shelter and a sense of purpose, but the little baby who had slept between her and Barret the night before.

Today was the day that she would be evicted from the apartment she used to share with Cloud. After she watched the baby for Barret, she planned run back to Sector Three to retrieve any belongings worth keeping. Eyes closed, she could count on one hand the things she would take with her: Mama's recipe box, her fighting gloves from Master Zangan, a few pairs of clothes, and Aria's blankets—both the one from the clinic and the one she had knitted for her. She supposed that was all she could carry with her, anyway. Anything else would stay. This way, if Barret still decided she was worthy enough to stay in his tiny home, she wouldn't clutter the small space they shared. If he wanted her to leave, it would be easy to pack up her life and be adrift once again.

Tifa wanted to get up and thank Barret for his kindness in giving her somewhere to sleep, but shyness held her in place. It had been such a long time since she had shared space with another human being simply because they wanted to be near her. She'd woken up alone for half a year, only to slave her days away around people who couldn't be bothered to care if she lived or died. What if she went into the kitchen only to have Barret change his mind and kick her out? What if during the night, he had realized what the others had: that she wasn't worth his time, resources and heart? Tifa sat up and slowly folded the blanket as she gathered her courage. With apologies waiting on her tongue and her ears prepared for rejection, she gently stepped out into the hall and made her way to the kitchen. Barret spotted her in the doorway immediately.

"G'mornin, missy! Have a seat."

"Good morning…" Tifa blinked in surprise at his happy tone, but did as she was told.

There were only two seats for the tiny table and she took the one closest to the doorway. There were two plates on the table, with eggs and a small helping of steamed potatoes. Tifa couldn't help but almost salivate over the food. It had been so long since she had a decent meal that it took all her restraint to be polite and stop herself from digging in. A baby bottle sat on the edge of the table, halfway filled with milk. She was happy to see the man had a proper bottle to feed her with, instead of just a dropper. Marlene prattled on from her spot on the floor. She was lying on her back in a small bundle of blankets while Barret was busy at the stove. Tifa found herself smiling as she watched Marlene chew on her toes.

"Here y'go." Barret slapped a piece of toast on each plate before taking the vacant chair and digging into his breakfast. "So, what's this about havin' nowhere t'stay? Aren't your parents gonna be upset if you ain't home?"

"My parents are gone." Tifa whispered, head down and eyes on her lap. Was it dangerous to admit that she was alone? "I-I'm getting evicted from my apartment today."

"Why's that?"

"I can't afford it. Well, I can't afford anything, now. But even before yesterday, I didn't make enough to keep it."

"Why did you get something so far out of your price range?"

It occurred to Tifa that she could spill out her entire story now, but she couldn't find the strength. Talking about it would make her relive each horrible detail and she couldn't face it all again, not when she was so weak and lost. Letting Barret into her world so completely wouldn't be wise, for she didn't really know much about him at all. "My situation was different when I first got to Midgar and it changed pretty quickly."

Barret watched the girl shift in her seat. She seemed uncomfortable but he wanted to know as much about her as possible if he was going to trust her with Marlene. "Where are you from? Yo' accent tells me you ain't from 'round here."

"A small village in the mountains out west."

"Hmph. How'd ya get all the way to this hell hole?"

"My husband was working in the city, so I moved here with him after we got married."

"Bullshit! You're too young t'be married!"

Shaking her head, she pulled the chain around her neck out of her shirt, revealing her wedding band. "I'm not married anymore. H-he died in October."

"Sorry to hear that." Startled, Barret let it fall silent for a few moments. He studied the defeated spirit before him, saddened by the fact that she wouldn't look him in the eye for even a second. "And I'm sorry you lost your job givin' me milk for Marlene."

Tifa let her gaze wander to the little girl, giggling and rolling in her soft playground. "It was worth it."

Barret made up his mind as he watched her stare lovingly at the baby. He'd be taking a chance, but if this worked out he wouldn't have to worry about Marlene's wellbeing when he was away.

"Alright, listen up." He said, gaining Tifa's attention. "I work six days a week from eight in the morning and should be back by six in the evening. I can't pay you much but I'll feed you and let you stay 'till you get on yo' feet." He stuck his open hand across the table. "Deal?"

Tifa stared at his hand for a moment before grasping it and shaking. "Deal. You have my word, I'll do my best for her."

"Good." Barret said, satisfied. "Now eat, you boney thing! I've gotta get going. Marlene's already had her breakfast."

He stood, collecting his dish and utensils and setting them in the sink. He cooed at the baby as he stooped to put on his boots, and Tifa watched how wide Marlene made the man smile. Barret had learned a little about her, but she still knew almost nothing about him and this little girl. She didn't feel like it was her place to ask her new employer about his personal life. She was to do her assigned duties as best as she could and be thankful that he had saved her from complete destitution. Besides, what better job for her than to spend each day caring for a little one? Isn't this what Tifa had been dreaming about since before she had found out she was pregnant?

She watched as Barret placed a kiss on the baby's tiny head before standing and fishing out his keys. He started toward the door and paused once his hand touched the knob. He looked back at her, still frozen in her chair. "After I get back, we can get your stuff from your apartment when you give your key back. You'll be alright 'till then?"

"Yes," she nodded, looking him straight in the face for the first time that morning. "Barret?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you..."

… … …

The week passed in a blur, and Tifa wasn't sure what she had done to deserve all of this.

There was always food in her belly, light for her to see by, safety from the streets and a warm place to sleep. But most importantly, she had finally found an escape from her crushing loneliness. She would awaken every day in the bedroom she shared with Barret and Marlene. None of them had a proper bed yet (though Barret said that would change soon), so they all slept in blankets on the floor for now. The first few nights, she had slept away from them with her back to the wall. Tifa hadn't been sure if she could trust Barret despite all of his generosity, and she definitely didn't feel like she belonged. But each night, she'd rest her head a little closer, until eventually Marlene was nestled happily between them. The man never chastised her for being shy and withdrawn, but encouraged her whenever she took a step forward in making herself at home.

Even now, the old social rules of Nibelheim burned in her brain. Was it right to move in with a man who wasn't her father, brother or husband? How scandalous this would seem back at home! But she wasn't home. Nibelheim was gone. Tifa was quickly learning that there were no rules here in Midgar, just one necessity: survive.

Tifa had lived so much of her life in isolation that she relished Barret's positive attention. He'd greet her in the mornings with his smile and light chit chat and would return in the evenings with food to eat and stories to tell. His booming laugh eased her heart and his tenderness toward her and the baby made her feel like she might actually be safe here, with a complete stranger. While she wondered just how long her happiness here could last, Tifa began to thrive in the company of the others. The color had returned to her skin and life had filled up her eyes once again. Every night, as she chased after the freedom of sleep, she wondered just how long it would be until this particular happiness was swept away for her. If Tifa had learned anything in her life, it was that tomorrow is never guaranteed.

Despite Barret's kindness, nothing quite soothed the ache in her soul like holding the baby. In her first days alone with Marlene, Tifa had wept as she slept in her arms, overwhelmed with the memory of Aria. She fought to keep her mind from focusing on what could have been. Instead, Tifa studied the perfect features on the little girl in her lap and ran her fingers gently over feather soft brown hair and round little cheeks. Many times since she had met Barret, she wondered about his relationship to Marlene. He acted like her father, but never verbally confirmed that he was. Even if the baby's mother was light skinned, Tifa doubted any baby of his could be this fair. Who was this baby's mother, anyway? Where was she now? Would she be angry that Tifa was looking after her daughter?

She turned over all of these things in her mind as the days passed. As curious as she was, she could never ask Barret such things. If he didn't volunteer the information, Tifa knew it wasn't her right to ask for it. He wasn't hiding something awful from her, was he? What if he kidnapped this child? Was there a dark side to him that she didn't see? If there was, it really wasn't her business. She was here to take care of the baby and that was all.

But until she could be sure, Tifa would sleep with one eye open.

...

A/N: Thank God for Barret! He and Tifa seem to be just what the other needed, hm? However, it'll take time for friendship and trust to grow between two damaged people. I've always wondered how the creators of FF7 intended for Tifa and Barret to meet. I hope that the remake sheds some light upon how Tifa survived alone in Midgar after Zangan left her there, and how she came to be with AVALANCHE and own Seventh Heaven. The odds were stacked so high against a country teenager alone in a foreign city that they better have a good explanation!

Thank you for reading, please be kind and share your thoughts! :)