Fifty people have this fic on review alert! And I just can't seem to get more than twenty reviews in one chapter! (And even that much, I only got in one chapter) But anyway, enough of my ranting, I'm actually pretty happy right now because you people seemed to like my previous chapter. So here you have the follow up. A little thing on Bonnie and other characters, but the main focus keeps being Damon. You'll learn more about him, about the consequences of the stupidity he made (you know what I'm talking about) and maybe get some more insight on why and how he is who he is (at least as far as I, and this fic, are concerned).

Hope you'll like it. Here comes the romance!

And the best is yet to come!

Chapter 9. Realizations

Bonnie was holding a hand above her heart as she entered her Grams' home that afternoon. She was there to get the dress for the dance, as it was that night, what she wasn't expecting was to be swept in another flash right as she was arriving to her Grams' house. She'd very nearly crashed against the oak tree in her front lawn.

'And such an awful memory…' she thought, depressed.

She honestly had a hard time thinking of something that could possibly be worse than hearing the man you love tell you you're nothing but a child and that he's already in love with someone else. And then it had to be her…

For a second Bonnie wondered if she could possibly have a chance, now that Damon knew Katherine didn't care for him, probably never had. She squashed the idea as soon as it entered her mind, there was no hope for that, there probably had never been.

"I wonder if this means he's always remembered…" Bonnie mumbled thoughtfully to herself. "After all, I'm pretty sure I didn't see neither hair nor hide from him for three years, and then he returned, just a week before the comet…" she shook her head. "But if he remembered, wouldn't he have demanded I did as I said I would, that I open the tomb? Unless he noticed that I somehow lost my Power, maybe he was even involved in that…"

So many possibilities were giving her a headache, and they weren't changing anything in the slightest, she decided. So she ought to be thinking of something different, something better. She focused as much as she could on the Winter Dance, determined to enjoy that last 'normal' celebration before going to meet her destiny.

.---.

Stefan was buttoning his forest-green shirt when he saw his brother practically dash through the house till he reached his own room; this confused him, never had Damon let go a chance, any kind of chance, to either taunt or laugh at Stefan, and yet in that moment he seemed to be too focused in something else to even see anything or anyone.

'Something is defiantly going on…' he thought.

For a brief moment Stefan considered going after his brother, try and find out exactly what was going on, until he took a glance at the clock on his desk. It was late, the flower shop was about to close and unless he hurried he wouldn't be able to buy Elena a blue rose like he had been planning to.

Damon's strange attitude would have to wait…

.---.

In a way Stefan was lucky he hadn't gone after his brother; because if Damon usually had a short temper, in that moment he was too far gone. All the stress the sudden flashbacks and the content of those journals caused him had finally pushed him to the edge; a little more and he would fall, but whether into full insanity or hope, not even he knew.

"That can't be true." He hissed at himself as he paced from one side of the bedroom to the other. "I can't have ruined everything with my Little Witch for a bitch I don't love!"

His Little Witch? He could hardly believe he had just said that, especially out-loud, and yet he knew that it was totally true, she was his Little Witch, his and no one else.

And…Katherine…

"I don't love her…" He whispered out loud, marveled at the sudden discovery. "I really, truly, don't love Katherine." A lopsided grin adorned his face. "I love Her. Bonnie Bennett…I love my Little Witch…"

And right as he came to that realization, he also found out it wasn't the first time he had:

***Flashback***

It had been a week, seven long and tortuous days, since he'd seen his Little Witch for the last time; and not for lack of trying. She had been evading him.

He had really tried everything: looking for her after school, in their meadow, outside her dad's house, in Tituba's home; it was useless, the Little Witch was nowhere to be found. Or more precisely, nowhere to be seen, at times he was sure he'd found her, but then she would turn and leave before he could actually reach her.

The worst part was that he knew that were it any other woman, had this happened just a year before, he wouldn't have cared! He probably would have mocked the woman for not wanting him, saying something about all the other women to whom he'd given 'a great time', he'd have wanted to hurt her to keep his own dignity, would have found great fun in doing it too.

Yet right now that was not the case, he didn't care how many other women he may have had through the years, because in that moment he only wanted her. And he didn't want to attack her, he wanted to protect her, to cherish her, never hurt her in any way…and yet that's exactly what he had done, he'd hurt her, in the worst way possible.

It took him a very long time, but eventually he found her in the last place he would ever have imagined she would be, and yet it was also ironically obvious…the ruins of Fell's Church.

"Leave."

He hadn't even finished shifting back into 'human' form and she was already sending him away, and her voice sounded so hard, so cold, so unlike her.

He realized, with a pang, that this wasn't his Bonnie, this wasn't his Little Witch, the spark in her eye, the fire in her soul, they were gone. And it was his fault…

She was standing there, in the ground right above the tomb, one hand to the earth, connecting with it; in the other she held a pen with which she kept making notes on a notebook.

Coming close enough to read over her shoulder he realized she was making notes about the energies in the place, and even a sketch of the underground.

"How…" He could hardly believe what he was seeing.

"You forget I have two main elements, not one." She told him in a very clipped tone. "And while I favor fire, earth yields to me as easily."

"You're amazing." He was still in awe.

"I'm a witch, simple as that." She said, indifferent. "I told you I would do this for you, and I will. Even if you have to wait a little over three years for my level of Power to be right, that doesn't mean I can't begin planning for what I'm gonna do."

"Little Wi…" He began.

"Before you ask, no, I can't see each vampire specifically, I can only sense where one of them is." Bonnie interrupted him. "I'm still trying to think of a way to pinpoint a specific vampire though, it would be preferable…rather than risking freeing over two dozen vampires."

"Little Witch…" He began again.

She kept ignoring him, as she separated her hand from the dirt, dusted herself, straightened up, put her materials in a knapsack and then secured said knapsack over her shoulder; it was until she was about to leave that he finally found the will to move.

"Little Witch stop." He called with as much strength as he could.

He wasn't compelling her, not really, but something in the tone of his voice, in the feeling of his aura, made her stagger on her step.

He took this chance and hurried to her, though still holding back to pretty much human speed. He reached the young witch from behind and held her by the wrist before she could even think of moving again. He was about to say something else, but she beat him to it.

"Please don't do this…" She mumbled.

Her voice was barely above a whisper, but with his vampiric senses he was able to hear her perfectly, and just like that he was also able to notice how her voice was about to break.

"Don't do what?" He asked, honestly confused.

"This." She explained pulling softly at her own wrist, never turning to him. "Acting like you actually care, like I'm something more than means to an end…"

That made Damon snap, in half a second he was standing before her, her wrist still in his hand, he was holding her hard enough that it would probably leave a bruise.

"Never, never so much as insinuate that you're anything of the sort." He hissed. "You are not means to an end, never have been, never will be."

"Yes, yes I am." She insisted. "And that's alright, you know. It was nice while it lasted…"

"While what lasted?" He honestly had no idea what crazy things might be going through her mind, he only knew they couldn't be good.

"The dream." She answered. "The idea that someone like me, that a witch, could actually have friends. Someone who knew the truth, who knew and didn't care, who actually liked me for being me, Bonnie Bennett."

"But I…" He began again.

"You don't have to give me any explanations. I don't blame you for anything. I'm a freak, something like this was due to happen sooner or later. And I'm fine with it…" She took a deep breath. "And don't think I've forgotten the promise, I will get her out of that tomb for you…"

That was what it was all about…how stupid could he be? It was worse than he thought it would be. It was one thing for her not to love him anymore after the stupidity he had told her; but to actually believe he'd never actually cared for her, that all along he'd only wanted to use her for her magic…that was something he wasn't expecting.

Ever since he'd met Bonnie for the first time, when she was just a baby, he'd seen a fire in her eyes that had hooked him. Now that fire was gone. For the first time ever he was seeing the little girl hidden behind the powerful witch; she was small, vulnerable, and very much afraid.

Damon could have staked himself right then and there. He'd done that, he'd broken her; it was all his fault, and he'd no idea how to make amends.

"Damon!"

It was the exclamation of his name that finally got him out of his funk, never before had he heard her say his name, he'd always been 'Dark Angel' for her. To think that for so long he hadn't approved of that nickname, he never imagined it would hurt so much not to hear her voice calling him that anymore…that, if nothing else, showed just how much he'd screwed up.

"Damon, please let me go!" She called to him in a louder voice.

"No." This had gone far enough already. "No, I'm not letting you go until we talk."

"You've said enough…" She began.

"I haven't said anything." He corrected her. "Not something that really mattered at least. You've spoken, and now you're gonna listen to me, because this is important."

She didn't even try looking away from him, or coming up with some witty retort; that was another signal for Damon of just how bad things were.

"You Are Not Means To An End." He stressed each and every word as he spoke. "And I do care about you, very much so…"

"But…" The tears were beginning to fall, finally.

"And I'm an idiot." He added as he looked away, heartbreaking grief shadowing her blue eyes, making them dark, almost black. "I'm a foolish idiot. I've spent so long alone, with no one to trust, that even now I won't allow people to get close to me."

"But you allowed me…" She began.

"No I didn't not really." He admitted. "Even though I let you physically touch me, though I let you see the real me, someone no one had in so long…I never actually let you in, into my heart, into my soul…I couldn't allow that." He sighed. "Because each and every time I've done that, I've ended up worse than the time before."

"I would never hurt you!" She cried out, offended.

"I know that now, I guess a part of me always knew, but the rest refused to see it. You're too young L…Bonnie, too innocent to know the kind of darkness I've been through. The kind of pain and suffering…"

"But I thought you loved being a vampire!"

"I do, very much so. I love the Power that comes with being what I am. What I don't like is how I became what I am, everything that was ruined, everything I ruined, in that process." He shook his head. "Then there's the fact that you're good, you're pure, you would never hurt a fly unless it hurt you first, and even then it's likely you would forgive it. I'm not like that, I wasn't taught to be like that: I'm forceful, vengeful, brutal; I've spent the past 142 years hunting and killing and never felt even an ounce of regret, never until I got to know you. And even then, when these feelings began, I hated you, I hated you because I thought you were trying to make me feel human…"

"I don't…" She didn't even fully understand, and still she was trying to apologize.

"I know it wasn't your intention. And though it took a while, I eventually realized that wasn't really what you were doing. You don't make me human Bonnie, you make me better, a better person…better vampire, whatever. But no matter how much you may change the present me, the past is still there, it'll always be. All the crimes I've committed, all the people I've hurt, the lives I've ruined. That's why I found it so hard to believe when you learnt the truth of who…of what I am, and yet still wanted to be my friend. I hadn't had a true friend in a very long time you know? Even before I was turned. But while it was hard enough to believe you would be my friend, my mind just couldn't process the idea of there ever being anything more. When you said you loved me…I guess I just couldn't deal. So I did what I tend to do when I can't deal with something, I lashed out. I know that I've ruined everything now; that you don't want to ever see me again, and I promise I'll leave and never appear before you again…I just wanted you to know the truth before. I do care about you, very much, more than I've cared about everyone in a very long time; and I'm sorry, deeply sorry for hurting you."

With that said he kissed the back of her hand, of both of her hands and in an almost martial manner went to leave.

And he would have, except this time she was the one holding him back. She had snaked her arms around his body, and was holding onto his wrists tightly, unwilling to let go.

"Don't leave." She whispered against his back. "Please, don't leave me…"

"Bonnie…" He didn't know what else to say.

It was true, for the first time in his whole life (and unlife) Damon Salvatore was at a loss.

"It's true you hurt me, deeply." She admitted, "But you didn't mean it, and you've apologized, and I forgive you. Don't leave, please."

"Why would you even want me around after what I've done?" He asked, confused.

"Because even after everything that's happened, you're still my very best friend."

Carefully he loosened her hold on him, just enough so he could turn around and face her.

"I don't understand, how can you still want me here after I hurt you?"

"I told you already. You're forgiven, you're still my friend, and I want my friend with me. Why do you find that so hard to believe?"

"I told you that when I can't deal with something I lash out, that I've ruined things because of that. I lost my brother because of that…"

"Your brother just needs a chance to get to know you, the real you."

"I don't think it'll be that easy…"

"Trust me. It'll be, and I'm gonna help you. Hmm…I think maybe we should do that soon, just in case, you know?"

He knew without asking what she was talking about.

"Forget about that." He almost ordered.

And for additional emphasis he fished the notebook out of her knapsack and threw it away.

"Hey!" She called. "Why did you do that?

"You won't be opening that tomb." He ordered. "I won't have you risking your life like that."

"But before you said…" She was confused, again.

"Forget what I said before." He spat. "Did you listen to anything I just told you. I care about you, more than I've cared about anyone for a very long time, both my life and unlife. I think the only two times I've ever cared this much about someone, were my mother and my little brother. So, with you that makes three people." A ghost of a smile appeared on his face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You see what I mean? She isn't on that list."

"But you told me you loved her…"

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't." He shrugged. "I don't really know. Maybe I was in such a hard time in my life I just needed a lifeline, and somehow I made her into that, and things went downhill from there. I don't really know, neither do I care."

"You can't just suddenly don't care about someone Damon. Maybe I couldn't see it before, because I'm so young, or naïve, or whatever, but I see it now, she wasn't your lifeline just then, she's continued being it for the past 143 years. Even while trapped in that tomb…she'll always be that important to you."

"Not anymore. Maybe she was that lifeline, maybe I held onto her this long, too long…maybe I just don't need her anymore. Bonnie, you fill a space in me I didn't know was empty, you're in me, and I don't want, I don't think I can let you out. In these years I've known you you've become so important to me…and that thrills me and frightens me at the same time. Lord, I truly am pathetic."

"You're not." She shook her head. "You just…are in love?"

"Is this love? Because I'm not sure, I'm not sure if I've ever actually known what love is."

"Then we'll find out." She assured him. "Just give it a little time and we'll find out."

"We will Bonnie…"

"Little Witch." She interrupted him, at the same time she hugged him tightly. "I told you I would always be your Little Witch. Just like you're my Dark Angel."

It was as if she had said some magic words, suddenly everything was right again, even better than it had been before. She was still his Little Witch, as he was her Dark Angel, the rest they would work out in time.

***End of Flashback***

Damon could hardly believe everything he'd just seen, had just remembered. It was just so shocking, if he didn't know it was absolutely impossible he would actually consider the possibility of someone bewitching him.

But he hadn't been bewitched. That memory had really happened. Bonnie Bennett, his Little Witch, had really, truly, loved him. The question was, did she still? Or had he done something even more stupid after she'd forgiven him that time, something that finally made him lose her? He wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to that particular question.

But in the end he wasn't a very patient person either and, hurriedly moving through the pages, ignoring the notes concerning the six weeks that happened from his most recent flashback to the end, he went straight to the last entry of the journal and began reading:

September 23rd 2007

So much has happened in the past several days. And most of it was so bad…but I'm not gonna write about that here, because the things that happened are too dangerous for the knowledge of them to be handled lightly. That's also why, once I'm done with this entry not even I will remember, it what's best for her.

I know my Little Witch doesn't like it, that I have to leave, and worse of all, that we won't remember each other, or everything we've been through. I don't like it either, I don't like that I'll be losing so much, not just my memories, but the things I've learnt, the ways I've changed. I'm no fool, I know the kind of man I was before I met my Little Witch, I know I was a monster; I know that's exactly what I'll go back to being once I don't have her anymore, and that scares me. More than the fact that I nearly died a few days ago; the prospect of one day seeing my Little Witch again and not knowing her, not knowing how much she means to me, but specially, the possibility of hurting her. And I know I could do that, once I go back to being the bastard I once was.

Which is why I had a very serious talk with Tituba before I came to write this last entry. She's a witch, and a powerful one at that, she'll find a way to rescind my invitation from this home, as well as Bonnie's. I don't actually know how useful it'll be, if I someday come back and actually become a risk for them; but at least it will be a safety measure. I also told her to forget me, what she knew me to be like. I know that for all intents and purposes once this is all over she'll be the only one to remember, and while a part of me feels happy that at least someone will remember I wasn't always a monster, I don't want her to lower her guard around me. She needs to understand that from tomorrow on I won't be the Damon Salvatore she's known for the past decade. True, there'll still be that deal I made with Emily, the oath to protect her lineage, but I will no longer be her friend, I will no longer remember I ever had friends.

The Little Witch didn't stop crying all day, not until she finally blacked out. I hate seeing her like this, her suffering hurts me as if it were my own. I have to keep telling myself how I'm doing all this for her own good, or I might change my mind. But I know I cannot do that, no matter how much I would like to. She needs to be safe, and that'll only happen if I'm gone, and what kind of angel would I be if I weren't willing to make a sacrifice to ensure her safety?

Right now I can only try and hope, hope that one day some miracle will bring me back right here, to her. I don't care how long it takes, or what I have to go through before, as long as I get to see her again, to love her again someday I'll be happy.

So, if by some accident or miracle you someday read this Little Witch, while you most likely won't know who I am, always remember this: With memories or without them, I'll always love you.

Damon Salvatore – Your Dark Angel

And say you'll hold

A place for me

In your heart.