Christian's POV – Tuesday 28th June 2011
I sit in the office thinking about what Jack Hyde was saying and wonder what would have happened to me if I hadn't been adopted by Grace and Carrick. Would I also have been shunted between foster homes, feeling completely unwanted and unloved, becoming more and more uncontrollable until I too ended up in juvenile detention? I know that I felt unlovable, not deserving of the love that my parents gave anyway, so I can imagine how he feels, it scares me how similar we are except for my success which I have to admit is due to Elena drawing me into line, I was well on the way to juvie with my drinking and fighting.
I just wish Elena had used methods other than humiliation, even the BDSM in a loving manner would have been fine, it was the sheer humiliation and the awful things she did to me which caused the worst damage. The fact that she played on the fact that I believed I was a monster and unlovable and I can only assume that is her MO and so she has used the same line with each boy she has molested.
Obviously Elena managed to sink her claws into Hyde as well as me and I am both appalled and amazed that somehow, everyone I seem to come in contact with who is damaged has something to do with her. What sort of evil web has she been spinning for the last 20 years or so?
The Mortons, Carla, Macy, me and now Jack and goodness knows how many untold others, did she have some sort of sensor that as soon as there was a moment of vulnerability she exploited it and the worst thing is, she has had a hold on everyone still. An evil puppet master with no conscience at all, oh I forgot, apparently Elizabeth too.
That reminds me that I need to speak to Barney and somehow, we need to find the link, why is she so beholden to Jack, what does she know that he is willing to have her killed, how evil is his reach if he is able to do that and will Ana ever be safe at SIP? All questions that burn my brain and have me dialling as quickly as I can.
And there is another link that is bugging me and it is Carla, why is she involved? We all know she doesn't care for Ana but why would she be complicit in trying to hurt Ana, surely she would understand that if I am brought down that it would hurt Ana or is she so jealous of Ana that she'd be willing to do that? I can't fathom a mother being like that but then again, look at what Carla and the crack-whore allowed to happen to us as young children.
That last thought has me completing my work as best as I can, firing off as many emails as possible, so that I can start planning my weekend with Ana, just the thought of her brings a smile to my face and so when she hobbles in with a cup of coffee for me moments later, I receive a quizzical raise of the eyebrow and a sweet smile in return followed by a quiet "You're happy."
"Baby, thinking of you makes me happy," I say as I reach up and pull her onto my lap and the giggle is my reward as I bury my face in her hair and simply inhale, there is no way I could ever get too much of Ana.
"I had just started planning the weekend." I say and Ana wriggles on my lap.
"What happens if the cast doesn't come off," she asks with concern.
"Well, I'll have another set of plans, I don't care, baby, as long as we are doing things together, I don't care if you are in a cast or not and you'll have to be careful anyway, once the cast is off, you know I am going to treat you like you are made of glass because I know you are going to overdo it…" and I am expecting the pout and eye roll and kiss her on the nose to mitigate her disappointment and any annoyance. "It doesn't matter baby, either way, I have plans and I need to get them in place and you aren't allowed to know so can I ask you to leave please? I promise, I will be out to eat in just over an hour, can I see your painting then?"
I feel awful kicking her out of my office but there are some things I need to do and I am running out of time but Ana doesn't seem to mind and says smiling as she has done every time I've asked, "Well, no, you can't have a look at the painting because it's your re-birthday present. Stop asking! And I'd better go back to it or it won't be finished in time."
One last cuddle and she is gone leaving me feeling like the air has been sucked out of the room, her presence the perfect reason for me to keep breathing and I shake my head at myself, pick up the phone and start putting together my plan, when I finish I blink my eyes at the darkness in the room and realise it is much later than I said I'd be finished but I am glad, the organisation is done, I just need to finish everything work related off by Thursday to make the weekend perfect for Ana.
Christian's POV – Friday 1st July 2011
We managed to attend the hospital and both of us came out without an additional injury, I still shake my head at what has transpired on earlier visits and the doctor was more than surprised at Ana's recovery. Most of the injuries have completely healed and his comment was that her martial arts training must have been at a high level for her to have such a level of fitness and her quiet smile tells me she hasn't told me quite how good she actually is although she has hinted a couple of times.
The doctor made a point of saying that while she can return to training it must be very carefully and preferably not for another couple of months for any sort of contact and Ana nodded, asking very specific questions and looking to me to ensure that I heard the answers and instructions too. The more general statements of how she should proceed, I noted and she rolled her eyes at my judiciousness but with a smile to accompany it showing that she fully understood that I was always going to do that with her.
At least I allowed her to walk out of the hospital without carrying her but my arm around her shoulders wasn't simply out of love but to support her and take the weight off that still tender and now very weakened leg. She didn't resist and when I lifted her up into the SUV she outright laughed at me but didn't say anything, just curling into me and nuzzling my chest and that in turn made me smile and my mother's glaze over with tears of love. I buckled Ana in and then turned and was simply enveloped by Grace's hug, it's still not easy but if I immediately think "Angel like Ana" then I can accept it and return it.
Grace whispers "Bye, I'll see you on Sunday, have fun now" as if she doesn't actually trust herself to speak aloud in case it isn't true and runs her hand down my face and leans in to give Ana a farewell kiss and a squeeze of her hand.
"Are you ready for the weekend of your life my lady?" I ask with a tilt of my nose in the air to attempt to replicate one of Ana's British literary heroes and she dissolves into giggles nodding her head as she reaches for and takes my hand in hers, she's still not close enough so I slide next to her and buckle in so that I can have my arm around her.
"Baby, first we're going shopping so that we can buy you some jeans and outdoor clothes," and while her face falls at the mention of shopping, it perks back up at the mention of the outdoors and I am so glad that my beautiful girl, who I'd have been happy to indulge if she wanted to buy the world wants to spend time doing outdoor things with me. With me. That thought alone makes me smile and then her next statement starts a chuckle that I can't repress.
"Oh, finally I can wear both shoes of my Snoopy Converse," she says, her face lighting up and I am constantly amazed at how little it takes for Ana to be happy. I intend to expand her collection of everything, hopefully without too much complaint.
"Baby, you can have Converse in every cartoon character style you like." I say indulgently and am met with a confused look and a quiet statement.
"I only like Snoopy, thank you I don't need anything else."
One day I will understand that possessions don't interest Ana.
Shopping is over quickly, what with Ana's reticence, her beautiful figure that fits into anything making it easy to find some clothes to wear and also to take home and my desire to reach our next destination, we are on the road again and sticking to my plan. The morning moves into another unknown realm confirmed by catching Taylor's inadvertent smile, when I ask him to stop the car to quickly return cradling a bucket of popcorn from a street stall that Ana had glanced and smiled at as we had re-entered Seattle. Her response being a smack on my arm was worth it to see her giggling as I tossed them individually to her attempting to have her catch them in her mouth.
"You aren't going to tell me a thing about this weekend are you?" Ana asks and I shake my head at her.
"I can tell you that we aren't far from our first destination, in fact, we have arrived," I say as we pull up and Ana gasps.
"Oh, I have always wanted to come here." She says turning her smiling face to me and excitedly unbuckling her seatbelt.
"Ana wait." I say as she is about to leap out. I quickly exit and help her from the car as Taylor opens the door for her. "Baby, take it easy please otherwise I will cancel the weekend."
It's not quite a growl but she tightens her grip on my hand and looks up at me, I can't help but lean down and kiss her on her forehead, I need her to understand I need to protect her. She visibly relaxes and quickly turns her attention to the entrance to the Pacific Science Centre and her face splits open in a grin as we are ushered through to the Tropical Butterfly House.
A warm, sunny 4000 square feet of exhibit where colourful butterflies are fluttering around us and despite the rules saying we are not to touch the butterflies, the most beautiful keep landing on Ana and so I am able to capture photos of absolute joy. My favourite being when a monarch butterfly lands on her nose and Ana stands perfectly still as it flutters its wings in what seems an homage to her goodness and then flutters off, around her head twice before it disappears into the tropical underbrush leaving Ana with shining eyes.
"Oh Christian, did you see that?" And words fail her as she comes towards me and I fold her into my arms.
"Baby, it felt safe to land on you, you are everyone's safe place," and she offers up her mouth, it feels so right and it is only when she stops shaking that we break apart and I say, "Babe, hold still, you have more butterflies in your hair, let me take a photo." Photo taken, I show her my phone, four blue Ulysses sitting on her hair like a halo, complimenting her eyes. That will be my computer background for sure, if not printed up and framed on my office wall.
After a very late lunch at a waterfront cafe, this time looking up at Escala, not down and out of her gilded cage, while walking along the waterfront like any other couple, obviously ignoring the security walking behind us, Ana has her hand in my back pocket just as I have mine wrapped around her waist and she states wistfully that she wishes she could be in shorts like everyone else but will have to make do with long skirts and jeans for a while because the casts have left her leg looking "so awful" and I decide that a little detour back to Escala is in order.
"Ok, plot twist, we are going back to Escala because I have something I need to do to you." I state knowing that last time I used those words, she was more than happy with the result and looking down at her, I can see she remembers too as her lips curl up into a smile and I think if the leg wasn't hurting, she'd have skipped.
As it looks like she is going to protest, I say "It won't change my plans detrimentally, don't worry" and I pick her up saying "You've done enough walking, and besides," and I lower my voice so only she can hear "I want to feel your body against mine" and the shiver runs through me too as she snuggles in closer without any further sound, any complaint dying on her lips…. Yes that memory is particularly sweet.
I don't have time to light all the candles to create the ambience of the previous time I used the room and I sit her on the couch, "Ok baby, I am just going to be quick but I want to attend to this leg of yours."
I watch her face as much as I can to see if she indicates any pain but she is so schooled in hiding pain that I really can't tell, only one grimace when I rub her calf muscle and then she hides it again. How I wish she had never had to learn to hide pain, my heart thumps extra hard in my chest as I work to slough off the dead wasted skin and moisturise it until it looks relatively ok and her smile couldn't be any sweeter and loving, I lift her up and slide her against me.
The only barriers between us, my straining jeans and her flimsy lace knickers are barely sufficient as my hands hold her delectable buttocks and she accidentally grinds against me when responding to my kiss. Once again, it is the knock on the door that has us breaking apart and then me pulling her back towards me and away from the door to hear Taylor say that we should be leaving and I respond to indicate that I have heard him.
"Well that was lucky, we might have lost the rest of the afternoon if you were intent on saying thank you like that," I say chuckling at her annoyed expression.
As we walk through the garage to the Audi R8 I say, "Ok, I have a strange request for you." My tone makes her stop and turn to me and I grab hold of both her hands, placing them on my chest. "Will you trust me? Where we are going next, will you promise me that you will not ask questions, any question, but you can make any comments and I need you to answer my questions, will you do that?"
She looks at me and I feel as I have so many times before, she seems to look right into my soul to make sure my motive is pure, and then she nods, "I'm sure it will be hard, you know me" and I smile and she continues, "but I promise and I trust you," and I can't believe her.
"You do? Thank you baby," and I pick her up and carry her the rest of the way to the car with her nose nuzzling my chest as her hands are wrapped around my neck, I can feel her fear but know that she has nothing to fear, nothing at all and smile into her hair.
As I drive, I cast glances at Ana sitting there, Mariner's baseball cap on, pony tail floating in the wind, glistening eyes, happy smile and can't believe my luck in finding her, my luck that one Katherine Kavanagh was indisposed and could not come to interview me, I really should make a point of thanking her on Sunday.
I have to reach across and squeeze Ana's knee and she slides her hand under my hand so that I have the control of the contact but we have the contact and steadfastly keeps her eyes on the road when I look at her but when I look forward, I see peripherally her glance and then as if she catches me, she says, "I hate it when the driver doesn't concentrate on looking ahead and looks at their passenger." And I know exactly what she's talking about as it is a pet peeve of mine and I smile, nodding, keeping my eyes forward.
I feel a bit bad about the no questions rule when I can see that Ana is dying to ask where we are going so I say, "We're nearly there babe" and she relaxes back against the seat. It isn't more than a few minutes later that we are pulling up at two ornate metal gates set in a high sandstone wall, I punch in some numbers into a keypad, driving through and ensuring that Taylor in the following car makes it through and then we are driving up a beautiful tree lined lane, a densely wood area on one side and grassland area on the other side full of wildflowers and grasses rippling in the wind. I look at Ana, her mouth is an O as she leans forward in her seat, tipping up the baseball cap.
"We're here," I say as we round the curve in the lane and continue along the sweeping driveway leading up to an impressive sandstone house, I watch as Ana sinks back into her seat, quietly taking off the baseball cap and fluffing her hair, saying nothing but with her eyes growing like saucers as she looks from the palatial house and around at the view.
As Taylor makes his way to open the front door, I leap out of my side and lift a still stunned Ana out, again holding her in my arms and am a little worried about her reaction until she whispers, "It's so stunning, it's beautiful."
As her eyes focus back on me, I can tell she is about to ask a question and say quickly, "No questions, remember," and it's only a quick dip of her eyebrows at me as I chuckle quietly.
With her arms around my neck again, I am worried that I may have tired her out this morning with the walking because she simply allows me to carry her, but her little contented snuggle has me thinking that perhaps she is liking the complete closeness and I squeeze her a little tighter. Carrying her across the threshold, she gasps at the crystal chandelier hanging in the foyer and then I say, "Baby, I am going to need you to close your eyes for a bit."
She nods and closes her eyes and I make my way through the main living room, up the sweeping staircase, carrying my precious girl, and then out onto a large stone terrace. As I set her on her feet, turning her towards the view, I whisper, "Open your eyes, gorgeous girl" and her hand flies to her mouth.
"Oh Christian, it is beautiful."
I point out to her that we can see Bainbridge Island, where we went for our day trip, the land beyond the Sound, the sunset reflections on the deep, still waters of the Sound and then bringing her attention closer, the jetty at the end of the expanse of lawn where a beautiful yacht bobs gently on the water. She points to the meadow and then turns to me with tears in her eyes and my concern flies through the roof until she speaks quietly with a voice full of emotion, "It feels like I am finally home, it feels safe" and I gather her in a hug and crush her to me, my lips needing to connect to her, to take her emotion and meld us together.
Her tears though are not happy tears and I can feel the tremor in her body and am now able to tell that this is not a happy cry, she feels like she is retreating while trying to fight bad memories and I have no doubt that they are of abandonment, of never having a home to feel safe, and I need to rescue her, "Baby, don't cry, see how the sunset shines on the water, you know the saying, always turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind. I asked you to trust me, will you trust me to make sure you are always safe?" and that seems to work, her shoulders go back and she nods and turns those glistening eyes back to the view.
We stand, me leaning against the wall, Ana leaning against me, my arms wrapped around her as the sun sets, leaving a range of darker colours swirling across the sky and my heart takes on a rhythm of its own when the last of the sunset's remnants disappears from the sky and the twinkling of the lights become a magic carpet of their own. It's time.
I squeeze Ana and she instinctively turns in the circle of my arms, her eyes on mine she doesn't even glance at the house now illuminated behind me and I take my courage from her and kiss her deeply, her response so loving that I am lost and moan against her lips, I can never have enough of her. I pull back and brush the hair away from her face and simply look at her, the smile creeping across my face, here she stands in front of me, no make up, messy hair, no fancy clothes, her favourite Converse and a smile of an angel and I have no doubts.
"Ana," I say as I lead her to the edge of the balcony.
Sitting her on the stone seat that rings the balcony, her eyes glance to the room behind me where she notices the hundreds of candles and breathes, "Oh that is so beautiful too," and then as she looks back at me, she shivers so I pull my jacket off and wrap it around her shoulders.
"Ana," I start again as I kneel in front of her, this time it's my hands shaking as I hold hers, "I have loved you from the minute you fell into my office, I knew when I saw you in the wreck that you meant the world to me already. Now after what we've been through, I know I cannot live without you, life has no meaning and there is really no point in living if you are not by my side. I know I'm not worthy but will you give me the honour of being your husband? Angel, will you marry me?"