Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot. More like it's the other way around… I've come to realize that THEY own ME. :)
"Jane," he whispered beside her ear, "Are you okay?" He couldn't see her face just then, he only knew that she was now clinging onto him tightly. Not that he didn't like it, but since he couldn't see her face, he wanted to be sure. He himself felt elation at that moment, and the only thing he didn't like about that moment was that it seemed to be ending.
She nodded against him slowly, then turned her head just enough so that he could hear her reply, "How can we get that song to play again?" She felt him chuckle, since they were still pressed against each other from the dance, which was now slightly awkward since the music seemed to have turned back to Christmas music, albeit a relatively slow song.
"And here, you didn't think you wanted to dance," he whispered teasingly into her ear in a low voice. She laughed softly at his teasing, still not moving back from him even a little bit. He smiled at the happy glow that had wrapped the two of them in the moment, still holding onto her just as tightly as she was holding onto him, though conscious that he was going to have to let go of her very soon. Within seconds, even. He'd already located Patterson, Reade and Zapata watching them from across the room, grins on their faces, and, in Patterson's case, tears of happiness shining in her eyes. If he wasn't mistaken, Zapata appeared to be cheering while the others attempted to quiet her down. Kurt wondered how much she'd had to drink, and he chuckled slightly once again.
"I don't think that song was a coincidence," he said into her ear, and she turned her head enough to look in the direction that he was facing. Seeing the others across the room – at which time Zapata waved enthusiastically – Jane chuckled as well, while simultaneously blushing with embarrassment, looking back at Kurt and holding her face just far enough away to be able to look into his eyes, but no farther. For those seconds, she was speechless.
"There's no one else dancing anymore," he told her softly. When she glanced around quickly, she saw that he was right, and couldn't help but sigh, her eyes going back to his.
"So, we have to… stop?" She asked softly, hoping that he would tell her that she was wrong.
Even though he knew that neither of them liked the answer, he nodded. "Yeah," he replied, but still didn't move away from her.
She let the side of her face fall against his again, no longer swaying to any music, simply unable to make herself move away from him. And then suddenly, they had company in the form of Patterson on one side of them, and Zapata and Reade on the other.
"You guys!" Patterson was squealing before Jane even knew what was happening, and then she quickly pulled the two of them into a group hug, squeezing Jane and Kurt just a little bit closer together, which neither of them was about to complain about. When she let go and stepped back, her face was flushed with excitement and happiness. Kurt couldn't help but think that it was by far the happiest he'd seen Patterson in quite a while – since before Borden had been discovered as a Sandstorm mole, for sure. Thankfully, Patterson had enough sense even in her excitement to know that Jane and Kurt really had no idea what was going on beyond the fact that they were standing pressed against each other, so she didn't try to pry details out of them.
Their attention then turned to the other side, where Zapata and Reade stood. "About damn time," Zapata mumbled, standing with her arms crossed but with a sly smile on her face. She was grinning at them more enthusiastically than she would have without the alcohol in her system.
Reade leaned down over Zapata's shoulder, from where he stood slightly behind her, and said, "Be nice, Zapata."
Looking over her shoulder at him in mock annoyance, she replied quickly, "I am being nice. These two have taken way too damn long to get to this point. I just wanted to make sure they knew it." Kurt chuckled as Reade looked back at him over Zapata's shoulder, shrugging and giving a look that said, slightly apologetically, I can't explain her behavior, but at the same time, that he didn't disagree with her. After all, while Zapata may have been the only one saying it, they were all pretty much thinking it.
"Come on, ladies, let's go get a drink," Reade said to Zapata and Patterson. "Water for you, missy," he said to Zapata, and then took a swift step to the side, correctly anticipating the swing that she was about to take at him. Because of this, she failed to make contact with him and her arm simply swung in the air. She didn't appreciate this, and she let him know it as they walked away.
Just as they seemed to be gone, Zapata swung back around, her eyes shining excitedly. "Oh, hey Weller! Jane!" There was absolute delight in her face as she exclaimed, "Look up!"
Kurt looked up and stared at the small plant that was suspended from the ceiling in awe, wondering if it could possibly be a coincidence, or if they had somehow organized that as well, and had somehow made sure that he and Jane ended up underneath it. Jane was looking up, confused, and then looked back down to him. "Why is there a plant hanging from the ceiling?" she asked.
"It's… it's called mistletoe," Kurt said, slowly looking back down in her direction. "I don't know where the tradition started, but people put it up around the holidays and if you're caught standing under it, you…" He paused, and if she didn't know better, she would have said that he was blushing.
"You have to kiss!" Zapata yelled in delight from across the room, the grin on her face a mile wide. Reade's eyes grew wide at her outburst and he grabbed her by the shoulders, attempting to spin her around and drag her back with him.
"Damn, Zapata, how much did you drink, anyway?" he growled at her. And yet, the three friends had stopped moving and were now watching Jane and Kurt in anticipation. This was even better than they'd hoped for.
Jane had blushed bright red, and was staring at Kurt in disbelief. "Really?" she asked, as he looked down at her slowly, nodding.
"I swear I'm not making it up," he told her sincerely.
"Just kiss already!" Zapata yelled again impatiently, Patterson and Reade both looking mortified to be standing beside her.
Jane was trying to take all this in in the few seconds since Kurt – with a little help from Zapata – had explained the tradition. You stand under a plant and that means you had to kiss? That was… weird, she thought. And yet…
Don't pretend you haven't dreamed about kissing him again, the voice in her head reminded her. And not just once. You've had that dream many times. It's not quite the same thing, but don't pretend you wouldn't like it… you liked kissing him the other times, after all… And just like that, after looking between Zapata, who had clearly been drinking a little more than usual, and Kurt, suddenly she smiled. Because… why not kiss him? It seemed like as good an excuse as any other.
Kurt chuckled nervously, shaking his head, about to tell her that they didn't have to… but something in Jane's face had changed in the past few seconds, between when she'd looked over at Zapata, then back at him… she was looking him square in the face, no longer seeming shy, and with the heels that she was wearing, she was almost exactly his height. She didn't lean all the way forward, but she was definitely standing much closer to him than she had been a few seconds before. Now he was more than a little confused.
"So, what's wrong, Weller, you shy?" she whispered, leaning slowly forward with a grin on her face. He smiled the same smile that Jane had missed so much in all the time that had passed since the last time they had stood this close, when they had kissed in the locker room that day.
"Well, when you put it that way…" he whispered.
And then, leaning forward, he met her halfway. After that, there was no more talking, and just for a few seconds, their lips met. The sensation was familiar, and Jane wondered how she could have ever given it up for anything in the world.
Oh right, she thought somewhere in the back of her head, I didn't. It was just one more thing that was taken from me… because I would never give this up.
All too soon it was over. After all, this was the middle of the office and there were many eyes – and security cameras – on them. They leaned back, away from each other just enough that their eyes could meet. She could feel herself blushing, and thought that just maybe he was blushing as well under the face full of scruff.
"If we keep standing here, is Zapata going to tell us we have to kiss again?" Jane asked in a whisper.
Kurt chuckled, then leaned closer to her to whisper, "Are you asking because you're hoping the answer is yes, or no?" She looked away for a second, and he swore she looked just a little bit embarrassed. "We can talk about that later, okay? Maybe not in the middle of the office?" he asked her, raising his eyebrows and grinning innocently.
How could she not grin at him? She couldn't help it, or course. They both chuckled, now leaning back again to look at each other, finally admitting that the song was over, and that they couldn't continue to pretend to dance – as much as they may have wanted to.
"That was so much better than our first dance," Jane said with a shy smile. "I didn't even think that was possible."
Kurt chuckled, nodding in agreement. "Just don't let Rich Dotcom hear you say that," he replied, raising his eyebrow at her in amusement. "He may take it personally."
"Well, I don't mean it personally about him," she replied.
"Oh no?" he asked her teasingly. "Who should be taking it personally, then?" She bit the side of her lip, attempting unsuccessfully to hide the grin that sprang to her face as soon as the words had left his mouth, while looking away and blushing a deep crimson all over again. That only made him laugh harder, and he wound his arms around her once again and hugged her tightly as he laughed, right there in the middle of their office party, not caring who was watching. It was the happiest he had felt in… well… maybe ever, or at least since the age of ten. This was almost impossible to comprehend. Once again without giving the action a second thought, he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.
Jane felt like her heart might explode at that moment. Thinking back – unintentionally, but doing it nonetheless – to the days when she thought she'd never in a million years be able to make up for what she'd done to them, her team, but mainly to him, she couldn't help but think about how lucky she was to have made it to where she had.
"Did you see all the food over there?" Kurt asked, tipping his head toward the buffet that was set up at the far end of the room, as his arms slid back down from her. His hands went from her back to her shoulders, down her arms, and then reluctantly dropped to his sides, self-consciously. However, he stayed much closer to her than usual, and much closer than he would have stood to anyone else.
Jane just shook her head in response to his question. She hadn't been there very long before she'd attempted to escape, which was when Kurt had caught up with her, and she hadn't paid any attention to the food or drinks – as hard as she knew that Patterson had worked to put everything together, she just couldn't focus on those details when she had felt so out of place to start with.
He was watching her carefully again, his mind obviously working. "When was the last time you ate, anyway?" he asked her suspiciously. She'd been afraid that he would ask her that as soon as he'd mentioned food. She really hadn't been eating much, despite the fuss the doctors had made about her being malnourished after her time at the black site. Really, she couldn't make herself worry too much about it. She was still standing, after all, and she'd made it this far. Strangely she really didn't get hungry very much anymore. Deep down she knew that what she was doing wasn't healthy, but even as her relations with the team had improved, she somehow hadn't changed her new eating habits. She wore baggy clothes that covered her completely anyway, and she just tended to either act as though she'd just eaten or avoid the group altogether around lunch time – she was avoiding them a lot of the time anyway, so this wasn't difficult – so no one seemed to be the wiser. Until now, that is.
Knowing that he was about to get upset with her for what she was about to say, but seeing no way around it, she sighed and shrugged. She wasn't going to lie to his face, that much was for sure. "This morning, maybe?" she replied tentatively. Consulting his watch, he saw that it was after seven o'clock, which meant that they were probably talking about at least twelve hours. The way Jane had shrugged and avoided his eyes when she'd answered, he wouldn't have been surprised if it was longer ago than that.
As expected, he sighed heavily, shaking his head and staring at her. A lecture had already taken shape in his head, but he didn't even bother, knowing that it wouldn't help. She was just as stubborn as he was, after all, and telling her that it was important to eat wouldn't solve the underlying problems. Besides, she was an adult, and she knew that it was important to eat. This was Jane choosing not to. He wondered if this had to do with how powerless she'd been feeling and an attempt to exert control over her life, or with some other problem that he had only recently begun to understand as things had improved between them.
His eyes narrowed at her in frustration, leaning forward slightly as he asked in a low, quiet voice, "So I'm going to have to monitor your eating habits now?" His face was serious, and she knew that it was a threat of a sort, but for some reason, it made her smile. As she grinned at him, he couldn't help but be completely confused, because why in the world was she so happy about his frustration? Hadn't he just said something serious to her? As he waited for an explanation, he couldn't come up with any reason for her behavior.
There was a tug at her heart, and for a second she wanted to cry with happiness. This was the same Kurt who had brought her a muffin on the morning of the second day they'd known each other, because after leaving her at the safe house the night before, he'd known first hand that there was no food there, and that she wouldn't have thought to ask anyone about breakfast any more than anyone else would have thought to get her any. In a way, they were back at the beginning once again, the part before everything had gotten so complicated, when the connection between the two of them had felt unbreakable… When she had known without a shadow of a doubt that he cared about her. Well, maybe there would be a shadow of doubt for a while this time, because they had a lot of baggage to work through, but they also knew each other so much better now, it almost made up for it.
She knew that he was still waiting for her to explain why she was smiling, and she wanted to, but it was hard to know exactly where to start. At this point, he was beginning to look a little worried, in addition to confused. Taking pity on him, she decided to do her best. "I know that you meant that as a threat," she began, still trying to figure out the best way to say what she was thinking, "but it's a threat made by someone who cares… and I…"
Looking away quickly, suddenly overpowered by her emotions, she found that the rest of the sentence got stuck in her throat. She took a deep breath and told herself to try again. "After… everything…" After everything with the CIA and that whole torture thing, her eyes told him as she looked up sadly into his, "I couldn't even have made that threat to myself, because…" The pause was painful, because he had a feeling he knew what was coming. "…Even I didn't care about me."
Slowly, she looked back up at him, and he read in her eyes exactly how badly she had wanted not to have to tell him that. Nodding slowly and feeling his heart break for her for perhaps the thousandth time, he had to work hard to contain his emotions. Having watched her behavior since she'd been back, it wasn't hard to believe that she hadn't cared about herself… And now it hurt to realize that his own attitude and behavior toward her had played a part in this. He, Kurt Weller, who had spent his entire life as a model of professional control, up until the day when this woman had come into his life... was once again overcome by his feelings. Not just his feelings, but his feelings for her, and his feelings that came from the ways that he felt that he had failed her. His eyes closed for a second, because he simply couldn't look into her eyes just then without feeling his heart shattering. It was too much.
But it's not too late, the voice in his head reminded him. Despite everything, she's right there in front of you. Somehow, you managed to get another chance to make it right.
Steadying himself, he opened his eyes again, once again looking into hers. This time, however, he smiled – despite slightly watery eyes. "You're going to, though," he told her, as if he were simply stating a fact. When she looked at him in confusion, he added, "To care about yourself." They both had so many emotions swirling around in their heads, making so much noise, she'd momentarily forgotten what he was talking about. "You just need to remember how," he continued. "Luckily…" he paused, watching her looking back at him and almost forgetting to finish his sentence – that's how lost he got simply looking into her eyes. "…You have me to remind you."
"I do?" she asked, sounding surprised. While he didn't like that the fact that she had him, whatever that might mean to her, seemed to surprise her quite so much, he supposed that it was fair. The road back to where they were now – standing so close together in the middle of the FBI holiday party, all the while feeling like they were the only two people in the world – had been anything but easy. Hell, it had been beyond hard. It had been impossible.
And yet, here they were.
"If you want to," he told her sincerely, in a voice that was barely a whisper, feeling himself holding his breath. Because… what if she said no?
"More than anything," she replied quietly, leaning forward until her forehead rested against his.
He'd instinctively leaned toward her when he saw her doing the same, and as their foreheads rested together, he drew one arm around her. Stepping closer, he glanced at the people around the room whose presence he had completely forgotten about since almost as soon as he and Jane had rejoined the party. People were scattered throughout the room in pairs in small groups, talking and laughing together, having fun. The only people in the whole room who were watching them were the three members of their team, who sat at a table at the opposite end of the room, acting casual but grinning. He smiled in amusement at them, winking, then turned his attention back to Jane.
"Come on," he said, "we're going to go get a little something to eat, and then we'll go sit down."
The fact that he had not phrased it as a question was not lost on her. "I don't suppose you mean in the stairwell? Because it was really peaceful out there…" she asked hopefully as she lifted her head off of his forehead.
Chuckling, he nodded toward the buffet, and they started walking slowly in that direction. "No, Jane. I was thinking of sitting at a table with you," he told her. They reached the buffet just as she sighed dramatically, pretending to be exhausted by this idea. He just grinned and shook his head at her as he picked up a plate and began filling it with small amounts of various different foods. Thinking that maybe he had abandoned the idea of making sure that she ate – even while knowing that it was probably too good to be true – she said nothing about the fact that she hadn't taken anything, simply walked alongside him.
When they reached the end of the row of various foods, however, he turned to her and handed her the plate he'd just filled. Looking back at him in confusion, it was only a few seconds before understanding dawned on her, and she narrowed her eyes at him. She thought he'd been taking food for himself, but really he'd been taking samples of various dishes for her. Without a word, he turned and walked back to the other end of the long table and took another plate, filling it with similar, though not exactly the same, quantities of some of the same foods he'd put on her plate as she simply stood and watched him, still in disbelief.
He put some food on a plate for you, her inner voice observed coolly. It's not as though he wrote your name in sky writing or something.
Except that as far as Jane was concerned, he'd done exactly that. After having been sure that there was no one in the entire world who cared even a little bit about what happened to her, it was a relief to be proven wrong. As he walked back to one of the tables with the candlelit centerpieces, it was all she could do to follow him. Never mind that there was no way she could eat half of that food. It was the gesture behind it that meant so much to her. They sat down at a large, round table across from two young agents who appeared to be discussing something that was intensely important. They barely looked up at Jane and Kurt when they sat down, and it wasn't too long before they'd disappeared from the table completely.
Jane picked at her food slowly, knowing that Kurt was watching her like a hawk and keeping close track of how much she had eaten. She did her best, and the food was delicious – by far the best that she'd had in a very long time – but she simply couldn't make herself eat more than a little bit of it, afraid that after eating so little over such a long period of time, all she'd do would be to make herself throw up. Glancing up at Kurt apologetically as he finished the food on his plate, she prepared to hear him tell her to eat more than she had.
Instead, he nodded at her progress as he pushed his own plate away from him, then scooted his chair closer to hers, until the legs of the chairs were touching. "Done?" he asked looking at her without a hint of judgement. When she nodded yes, he took her plate, stacking it with his, and then looking back at her fondly. "I gave you too much, I know, but… it was a good first attempt."
"Thanks," she replied shyly as she watched him pulling closer to her, scooting to the edge of his chair, in her direction. She wasn't sure what he was going to do when he stopped moving, and she found herself frozen in place, waiting to find out. Sensing her hesitation, he stopped moving toward her, leaving a few inches between them. Since this was significantly more room than had been between them earlier, he hoped that it would be enough. He sat and looked into her eyes and tried to read her thoughts, just smiling at her.
It was going to take her a while, maybe a long time, to get used to this attention from him. She'd thought she'd been imagining that he was watching her more closely lately, but after tonight, she decided that she'd been exactly right. It wasn't that she disliked it. On the contrary, she'd been dreaming about having him in her life again, for goodness sake, and more than just sitting beside her. It was just going to take some time to get used to it being more than a dream. After all, she could depend on the dream to end, as much as it hurt her every time. As for the reality, well… it would take a while for her not to be afraid that it was about to end as well, that he wasn't just going to disappear. But he certainly seemed to be real at that moment. With that thought, she looked up at him and smiled.
They sat close beside each other, watching the others laughing and joking and simply taking it all in, for quite some time. Little by little, he began to notice that she was moving closer and closer to him, until finally, when the clock told him that the party was almost over, she was suddenly leaning against him gently. Realizing what had happened, she looked up at him and blushed slightly. Thanks to the smile on his face that was radiating pure happiness at that moment, however, she didn't move, even when he slowly put his arm around her shoulders and tugged her gently toward him. It seemed that sitting near him had felt awkward, but when she leaned against him, somehow she felt herself relax, which seemed completely backwards… but that was exactly what had just happened.
I should have leaned against him again sooner, she thought in wonder. While she couldn't see her own expression, she wouldn't have been surprised if the smile on her face matched the blissful one on his.
And like clockwork, the other thoughts began to arrive. So what happens now? That was a whole other question. She wasn't looking forward to going back to her safe house alone, but the only alternative to going back to her safe house alone was not going back to her safe house alone… which meant either not going back there at all (and then, going… where?), or going back there with… Kurt? Yikes. Why was this so complicated?
Not now, she told her thoughts. I'm going to sit here and be happy where I am for a few more minutes.