Christian's POV - Monday
Well, I screwed that up completely, Ana's upset with me and now scared and doubting that she "can do any of this" and I don't want today, Independence Day to be the day she decides that it's all too hard and walks away, gaining her own independence. Hang on, am I taking that away from her? Is that the problem? How is it that I keep forgetting that she has made all her own decisions for years and always struggles when I make the decisions for both of us without any consultation, especially when pretty much every time she's made a decision, I have agreed.
There's one option and I am giving her the control over what happens next and hopefully I can retrieve today. "Baby, it's still early, can we restart today and enjoy it as the last day of this long weekend, I still have plans for it and I'd like to finish the weekend on a high, we obviously lost yesterday and I had it all planned out?" I say as I look down into those blue eyes brimming with tears and feel her trembling again.
"Yes please. I'm sorry Christian, every time you do something wonderful, all I see is that I disappear a bit more, I lose a bit more control, I can't keep doing that, there will be nothing of me left ,that gilded cage is closing around me again but it's more than that, I am just plain scared. It's all too much, too fast and I don't know what it all means. I love the house on the Sound but I don't want it in my name, doing that makes me feel like you are giving something to me that should be ours, not mine, it's like some sort of acknowledgment that the marriage will break up and I "get to keep the house"."
As she pauses to take a breath, I open my mouth to disagree but she puts her hand against my chest and then lifts a finger to my lips, I kiss it and she rolls her eyes but the side of her mouth twitches and I lean forward and kiss her on the forehead and nod for her to keep going.
"Please know, please understand, it's not that I don't appreciate what you have done and what you have given me, and keep giving me, it is amazing and generous and …" and I know that's not her problem, "It's all just plain huge, I am just trying to understand what is happening in my life, I'm only young, I don't know how to do anything and I'm not you, I… I… I don't have the confidence to do anything like what you are expecting me to do, how can I possibly do it when I have no idea? It's too much all at once, I have no idea what I'm doing, I can't do it."
Again I start to open my mouth and she shakes her head and finishes with a rush, "And really, my track record on character judgement is appalling, I thought my mother had some sort of love for me but she wants me dead and may well be helping someone try to kill me and while I didn't trust Jack, I still ended up being attacked by him because I was stubborn and kept working for him against your suggestion, how many other bad judgements will I make?"
"Oh Baby, you have such a heart, you have always looked and found the best in people, look what you have done with me, you have every right, like everyone, to expect your mother to have your best interests at heart, I love that you still had hope for it even though she has been so evil. Baby, please don't beat yourself up, you will always draw the best out of people and that is a skill that will be wonderful in business but don't worry, we will talk about SIP another time, now isn't the time to talk about it."
I sit against my desk so that I am at eye level with her and lift her chin so that she is looking at me, "I won't let you fail, we'll figure it out, what you want to do is the important thing and I will support you, no matter what you do. I don't care if you want to start at the bottom but I own SIP, I won't apologise for that, it is a good business decision and now that we are engaged and once we're married, I can make sure you're protected. You are more important to me than anything and by marrying me, you are at risk, if something was to happen to you, my life isn't worth living, so you are a target for every crazy out there, I'm sorry, but please don't run."
She shakes her head and takes a shuddering breath, "I won't run, I promise, I'm just scared, especially about the crazy people trying to kill us, apparently one of them my mother and who knows what's going to happen when the news is released about our engagement, then every beautiful woman in Seattle will be trying to kill me as well because I am a plain Jane who has stolen you from them."
At that I just laugh, "I'm sorry Baby, I have never seen as beautiful a woman as you, to me you are perfect, you are my perfect and I don't care, I will protect you from all those claws. I love you Baby, please don't ever think of running on me, I know I am going to keep doing things like this because I am used to making decisions and everyone following them but I can see you're scared, please know I am never going to let you fail and I'm sorry, I can see all your abilities and I want you to understand how amazing you are but I can wait, I'm sorry I have rushed you. As to the house, not only is it something I want to do but it is good business sense to put the house in your name, if something happens to my businesses, we'll have a house to live in because it is not in my name."
I can see her contemplating what I have said and I decide I'll take advantage of her calming and stand, picking her up in one movement and even as she gasps, I throw the lock and carry her back upstairs to our bedroom. I need her and I need her to forget the last hour or so, I promised last night I'd look after her and all I have done is worry and upset her since, so much for my promises.
Unwrapping Ana out of the dressing gown feels to me like unwrapping my birthday and Christmas presents all at once and I run my hands over the silk pyjamas, grateful that she is calming and here with me. I pull her into my body as we curl back up in bed and I pull the covers back over us, the feel of Ana curled into me, her heart rate slowing and while I would love to play, suddenly the lack of sleep hits me and I relax. Ana turns and nudges me gently so that I am lying on my back, with her head on my shoulder, her hand on my chest, her leg across my groin, I pull her in tight and remarkably fall asleep as she nuzzles into my neck, a small smile on her face. A smile, maybe I haven't ruined it completely.
When I wake again, I haven't moved and Ana is fast asleep against my chest, I lie here contentedly watching her, the little v on her forehead just asking to be kissed, her hair sprawled across both of us and then spying the creamy swell of her breasts peeking out of her top my body responds immediately and her hand resting on my groin is nudged aside. The movement enough to have her start to wake and I kiss her forehead, the v disappearing and her face relaxing, "Good morning Gorgeous, gorgeous fiancée," I whisper into her ear as she rubs her eyes and without opening them, lifts her mouth for a kiss while moving her body onto mine as she does so.
Her eyes fly open though as I pull her up to thoroughly kiss her and by doing so I position her in such a way that she knows what is happening next and her resulting wiggle and giggle sets the scene for the next hour until my phone rings and I reluctantly burst our little bubble.
"Baby, let's shower and then we have to be up, we'll have breakfast on the way, it's a special treat, but not something fancy," I hasten to add and she shrugs and smiles broadly when I say, "Just jeans and comfortable top for today."
Ana's bemused look and quizzically raised eyebrow as we walk into the IHOP has me smiling and I have to explain that while I haven't been to one in years, it's a happy childhood memory, Carrick used to take us when Grace was working and we were never supposed to tell her and Ana squeezes my hand and shyly says, "It's one of my favourite places to eat too, Ray used to bring me."
What could be better than sitting in a booth like teenagers and eating pancakes with my girl, her hand on my lap distracts me from the ogle of the server. When our breakfast arrives, I'm looking at our fluffy pancakes, bacon and syrup and my mind drifts off to the things I could do with syrup and it's only Ana digging her nails into my leg that brings me back to the present and I order my coffee while looking guiltily at Ana who has a grin on her face.
"Eat up Babe, we've got things to do," I finally manage while tearing through my own, I wonder at myself, over the last couple of months, I have changed so much and I think I like the new Christian and the anticipation of today is easing the still aching muscles of my body.
As though she senses my thoughts, Ana asks again as she has every time I have moved, "Are you ok, how are you feeling?" and pulling her to me, knowing that she feels guilty for me feeling sore for having saved her, I breathe my answer into her ear while having a wandering hand under the table, the quivering response I feel is enough to make me wish we weren't sitting in IHOP right at this moment.
My, "One day I'll book a private room, have Taylor standing at the door and pancakes and syrup will never be the same," has her gasping at me and blushing possibly the deepest red I've seen for quite a while and she pulls away looking guilty when the server returns and maintains a distance but with a smile on her face, until we leave.
Pulling into the house at the Sound, I watch Ana's face visibly relax and I am finally sure of one thing that I have done right. This is home and here Ana can be happy, the one thing that has become more important to me than anything else will be possible here and it is with a very light step that I greet Elliot as he pulls up a minute later.
I can now tolerate Elliot's hugging of Ana as I can see that every time he does, he looks at her with a look of gratitude and something else, almost like he is in awe of her and what she has done for me, for our whole family, and while he doesn't say it, I know he is grateful beyond words that Ana is in our lives.
Wandering around the house, Elliot has some great ideas for minor ecologically sound changes and agrees that he'll be able to make the changes we've requested within the month, which fits within my timeline of moving in and if I had my way, we'd be moving in as a married couple.
Once Elliot has gone and we are alone again, Ana turns to me and says simply, "Thank you," as she puts her arms around my neck and I don't know exactly what for but anything that has Ana in my arms is fine with me.
The rest of the afternoon is spent having a picnic in the meadow, lounging on a picnic blanket, hidden from view by the long grasses doing as we please although a lot of is spent with Ana lying next to me, tickling me gently with a wildflower as we discuss our future, our plans, how magnificent the house is and how beautiful the setting.
Discussing what I want to do with SIP has me pulling her into my lap and massaging her shoulders to calm her down but once we start talking I realise that she thought I would simply install her at the top without any experience and expect her to run it, I can understand her panic and still hesitant response, although that is not something that I had envisaged. It is only when I state that I will organise it that she has a mentor at every level that she starts to relax and apologises unnecessarily for over reacting.
"Baby, given what you'd just heard, I'm sorry I dumped it on you, I thought I was telling you something wonderful as I was really happy with my plan, but I didn't tell you the plan and no wonder you were scared."
My vision is that everyone will know that I own the business and that she is being trained to run it, she will start where she was and only progress to the next level when she is happy about her knowledge. I don't care what other people think, if they know their position is not under threat and that by helping Ana gain her knowledge, they will be looked upon favourably, I hope that everyone benefits and is supportive. I know some won't be and this exercise will be a good way to learn the characters of the staff at SIP and Ana finally seems comfortable following that path.
"Christian, we have to go back now." Ana finally says after another convincing conversation stopping exploration of her body has us lying back on the blanket, sated, soaking in the sunshine and each other's love.
"Why, I could stay out here all day. Who knew I could relax without an engine, rushing water or air going past me." I say lazily placing a piece of straw between my teeth as I rest my head on my crossed arms.
"'Cause I have to pee," she finally says as she blushes, "and while I'd go behind the bushes when fishing with Ray, I really don't want to do that here, it's a little…um… exposed and …. the house is just there…"
'God, you're beautiful. Sure, let's go." I say with a chuckle, standing up and pulling her up in to my arms, "I really must take you and Ray fishing if you were willing to do that." I am happy to go as Taylor has just texted to tell me that the next part of the planning has been completed and we are expected back at the house anyway.
Walking towards the house, I am once again so glad I managed to lay hands on this property, a lovely family home previously owned by a beautiful old couple who'd raised their own children and then hundreds of foster children with love and care, taking them out of circumstances much like those I was born into ensuring that they were loved and cared for in a manner that would set them up for life.
I had met the couple several years ago at a Helping Hands event and mentioned in conversation that one day I'd love to live on the Sound. I couldn't believe it when I received the call last week that they were about to put their house on the market as it was too big for them now, it was in the hands of a realtor but they were offering it to me first in case I still wanted a house on the Sound. Having paid them market value plus half that again as a thank you on behalf of all those children, the house was ours and since Ana's reaction was so positive, I couldn't hope for a better house on the Sound, one that was already full of love.
Knowing what's about to happen, I hope Ana's need to pee isn't too extreme as I don't want to be responsible for puddles. Thankfully, while it appears to be urgent, as we enter the house, she darts off to a little restroom off the hall near the entrance way that I'd completely forgotten about and I am able to speak quietly to Taylor and ensure that all is ready, he assures me that all is as planned and I thank him, his look of surprise a sure indication that I don't thank him enough, yet another thing that Ana is much better at than I am.
At that thought, she appears looking even more beautiful and relaxed and laughing as she smacks me lightly on my arm, "You didn't tell me I had straw all through my hair," and I pull her into me for a quick kiss as the hall echoes with my laughter.
"Baby, you looked so happy, your eyes were shining, your hair glistened in the sunlight, the straw just finished off the picture of pure happiness and anyway, I didn't see it until you walked off to the bathroom, now, enough talking and let's get upstairs, I have something to show you."