Christian's POV – 12 July 2011
"Baby, can you tell me what your nightmare was about?" I finally and carefully ask, I don't want to ruin the day before it has even started and as I thought, I immediately feel her tense in my arms and she shakes her head.
"You remember but you won't tell me or you don't remember?" I ask gently trying to coax it out of her, I know what it's like to not want to talk about nightmares, talking about them makes them real and gives them life which is the last thing I want to do. Again she shakes her head and before she can retreat, I lift her face, searching her eyes, I decide it isn't worth asking any further so I lean in and kiss her, at first gently and then as she responds, letting go and am rewarded by her equal hunger and finally the chaise is christened too.
A leisurely relaxing shower having taken away the last of the angst, we are sitting quietly eating breakfast at the bar when Ana says calmly, "Yesterday just after you left me at GP, I went with Sawyer to the security room, he wanted to show me that I was well protected." She pauses as she looks at me, "He showed me all the cameras and while I think they are a gross invasion of everyone's privacy, I understand why we need them at the moment. Given what Jack was able to do to me when he worked here and no-one saw it, I actually feel safer knowing that they are there."
She stops and as I am about to open my mouth and admit having the feed coming to my desk as well, she continues, " I assume the security guys are watching them constantly, are you watching them too?" She's looking at me with a questioning look, no anger, no disgust, no mortification, nothing that I thought she'd feel and would have been valid reactions and am shocked at the realisation of how scared she was that she is ok with me and the security team watching her every move.
"I was, I'm sorry, it was a creepy thing to do but .." I start apologetically and she puts up her hand.
"Yes, normally I'd have been really mad, really really mad at you but you know when I called you yesterday saying I felt like I was being watched? I already knew about the cameras and thought you might be watching and it wasn't them. I felt like I was being watched by someone evil, a feeling of impending doom… it…it was a strange eerie feeling." Ana is now wringing her hands and the distress is obvious on her face.
"I'd still like to apologise because I should have told you," I start to say, trying to assuage the guilt I feel for having breached her trust and she just shrugs.
"I figured you were watching me because you sounded guilty about something and knowing that you have been doing that here for the last week and having seen the bank of screens in the security office, if that's what you were guilty of, then you know, I didn't actually care, in fact, it made me feel safe knowing you were watching, I knew that if something happened this time, you would see it straight away."
My heart leaps when she says, "There was just something wrong, I don't know what it was, it felt like something like the Jack incident was about to happen again or something like the feeling I had before Stephen Morton attacked me, it was the same sort of intuition. Every spidey sense I possess was on high alert, my hairs were standing up on the back of my neck and I just couldn't concentrate. I calmed down a little after speaking to you and it was only once Sawyer stayed right by me that I was rid of that feeling, something changed and the imminent threat was gone."
There is something definitely very wrong as I don't doubt Ana's intuition, she is less paranoid about her safety than I am so for her to be feeling like this, there must be something going on. I need to have Barney check all the tapes from yesterday to see exactly who was in and near the building and have everyone checked again, somehow I have a feeling that the security intelligence is correct, someone is planning something and then I notice Ana looking at me, her eyes wide.
"You know something don't you? Did the security cameras go in before Elizabeth left? Does she know that they were installed? In fact, why wasn't she arrested for putting all those cameras in your Aspen house? What do you know? Please tell me, please don't leave me in the dark, especially if you know something that is going to affect my safety or yours." The words are just tumbling out and I know she is about to panic, her breasts are heaving and as appealing as they are, all I can see and can't stand, is the pain in her eyes.
"Calm down Baby, it's ok," I start, hoping that maybe I can gloss but something about Ana's face stops me. If the nightmare was triggered by her fears, given that we didn't talk last night by the time everyone had left and exhaustion had claimed her before we had a chance to speak. She deserves to know what we are up against and then hopefully with a better idea of the shadow we're dancing with at the moment, she might be able to calm her mind, the alternative is that what I am about to tell her is going to trigger even worse reactions and I am torn as to what I should respond and I hesitate.
"You know if you don't tell me what you know, I will just imagine so many awful things than can happen," she says hoarsely, like she is barely able to say the words and it decides me.
Taking her hands in mine, I hope I am conveying some sort of strength and not the confusion and anxiety I am actually feeling, "I don't have any information at the moment, what I can tell you though is that just like before your accident when Taylor had some fleeting evidence that there was an issue, we have the same situation, a fair bit of scattered intelligence but we can't piece it all together at the moment. I have no doubt that Elena is brewing something as well as Jack, perhaps together."
I feel her shiver through my hands and I wish I could take all the fear from her, "As to your question, Elizabeth wasn't arrested as we didn't want to alert whoever is masterminding their actions that we knew she was involved and the cameras went in over the weekend after she left. Both Jack and Elizabeth are just minor minions and I don't even think it is Elena pulling the strings. I am sure she thinks she's pulling the strings but I have a feeling there is someone above her, she's just a puppet."
The look on Ana's face is of pure fear and then I see it, she pulls her shoulders back and says slowly, like she needs me to understand the importance of what she is saying, "Christian, I need to know what you know, another set of eyes and ears can help, remember Aspen?" On that she has a point, she was the one to identify Elizabeth and then she floors me when she says in a calm steady voice with a touch of something that I've never heard before, "I can shoot straight, very straight, Ray taught me, I never miss, remember that."
"Ana," I'm so shocked that I don't even attempt an endearment, "I can't stand guns, mom has put too many people back together from gun shot wounds. You are not having a gun."
Ana jumps up from her stool, puts her hands on my shoulders as I automatically wrap my hands around her waist and smiles at me, "I don't want a gun, I don't particularly like them much myself but if someone messes with anyone I love, especially you and I have access to a gun, no-one will be patching them up." With that, she kisses me on the nose, turns out of my hands and walks off towards the bedroom without looking back and I notice Taylor standing to the side with a slight smile on his face looking after her.
"She can't have access to a gun." I state directly to him, "I can't let anything happen to her."
"Sir, with all due respect, Ray showed me some footage of her shooting, she'd have a place on my team in a heartbeat but I agree, hopefully we'll be able to do our jobs and she'll never have the need."
"Hopefully?" And I can't squeeze any more incredulity into my voice as I try to keep my anger and anxiety in check. "Did you hear her say that she was ok with me watching the security cameras? Normally and validly, she'd have had me by the throat over that breach of trust, you were here last week, you heard her then but instead she feels that someone evil is watching her, she feels like something like the two prior attacks on her is going to happen again. Can we make sure that every staff member is examined with a fine tooth comb for a third time, can we check all surrounding buildings, the last thing we need is for someone to be on an adjacent building…. Oh god, a sniper type situation…" and my brain goes into freefall with images of a stand-off between Ana with a gun and some sniper and me stuck in the middle unable to get to her as she bleeds to death.
"Sir… Sir, come back to me Sir, if she had line of sight on the sniper, she'd have the shot through the middle of his forehead, don't trouble yourself about Ana's abilities with a gun but as she said and as Ray told me, she doesn't like them but he was determined to ensure that she could protect herself in any situation. Had Cecilia taken her on in any way other than by causing a car accident, none of this would have happened," and Taylor walks away leaving me shaking my head and wondering what else I don't know about Ana.
Ana comes flying back into the room, "Come on Christian, we're going to be late," she says as she skids to a halt in front of me and I grab her around the waist to stop her slipping under the stool.
"Baby, slow down, your pelvis isn't going to like those heels and especially not if you fall down," and she giggles at me as she leans forward to kiss me again.
"I can't believe you are telling me not to wear high heels given that you bought me a closet full and nor can I believe that I am actually wearing them but can we hurry please otherwise I'll be running in them and that is just asking for trouble," given how much trouble she has simply walking normally still, I agree and for once wish she wasn't wearing the gorgeous shoes.
Mia in the meantime is still sleeping, unaware of the heavy discussions that we've already had and I'm glad she hasn't surfaced, I don't think I could have dealt with her and especially now that all I can see is Ana covered in blood in my mind's eye. I ask Ryan to accompany Mia today in the hope that she doesn't lose him like she has every other CPO and we head off to work.
As we drive to work, I have to ask, "Do you want me to have the monitor on and keep an eye on it? I won't be in the office for most of the day as we have meetings all over town but when I am in? To be honest, I will take any opportunity to look at you baby, just watching you calms me down but if you'd rather I didn't…."
"As I said, I actually feel safer with all of you watching, lucky for last week," and while I wish she wouldn't keep bringing it up as it feels like a little rub of salt into the wounds, the kerfuffle that ensued last week when she realised that her every movement was being tracked had her almost threatening to call off the wedding as she called me all sorts of names under the sun for not trusting her and for trapping her in that damn gilded cage.
One upside of that awful day was that it did bring my need for security to a head and allowed me to outline to the whole family, not just Ana, my concerns. The next day, I had called a family meeting inviting Ashley, the head of security for Carrick's firm to come along as well and had explained to everyone that basically by being related to me, they were under a constant threat of being kidnapped, especially now that that the world had seen that I was engaged and therefore had some ability to love.
Apparently prior to the existence of Ana, in the public's eye I was perceived as a rather cold, hard bastard and without anyone that I obviously loved, then there was unlikely to be a kidnap target other than myself. Now however, with the whole world having seen that I loved Ana, she was a prime kidnap target, it hurt to say it out loud because it solidified the fear for me but there had already been a number of attempts intercepted by the security team and the link that was being drawn was that if I loved my fiancée, then I might well love some other family members and be willing to pay for their return as well.
So effectively, the outing of me as a real person with a heart made my entire family as well as Ana a target for every lazy good-for-nothing, get-rich-quick criminal. I didn't even mention all the weird stuff that had been happening with Jack and the glider crash but obviously they were playing on my mind as an immediate threat, over and above the new level of crazy that has been hitting the security team.
The paparazzi who were annoying us, were adding an added level of difficulty as they were looking for every angle on the "reclusive Christian Grey" and trying to dig up anything on any family member. Even with an agreed interview, the annoying paparazzi are still an unruly mob following us around and in amongst them, how do we know there isn't someone with additional nefarious intentions.
Dad and his team had nodded, taken the advice and had stepped up security around their offices, Mom can't really do much about hospital security and we already know how lax that is, so I have added a CPO for her which she absolutely refused to have on ward but accepted in her office and as an escort to and from work. What she doesn't realise is that the new Clown Doctors that have started in the Paediatric Ward are all trained covert security who will be looking out for her without scaring the children, well, any more than normal clowns.
Elliot baulked for himself but agreed to home security and for Kate who harrumphed but was mollified by being able to choose her own CPO, she actually seemed able to understand the craziness that had been unleashed and as she'd extensively researched me, knew my business worth and it's attraction to criminals. Despite this understanding somehow neither she nor Elliot have listened in relation to wanting to organise bachelor/bachelorette parties prior to our wedding, even though they are an obvious security nightmare and the fact that neither of us want one, so I do wonder how serious either are about security and am considerably annoyed with them, I will need to speak to Elliot tonight.
Mia was a piece of work entirely, she didn't want a CPO and when everyone finally shouted her down, convincing her it was necessary, she wanted the "hottest" ones and since then has delighted in escaping from them at every opportunity. She is treating it like a game and I am afraid it makes her the perfect target except for the fact that she is quite erratic and since unlike everyone else she doesn't have a routine that a criminal can track easily, the gym being the only place that she visits every day, I hope that the secret security guards I have there will be enough to protect her.
Ana had sat there quietly, the whole time watching me with doe eyes that looked more and more scared and at the end of it had simply taken the hand I'd offered her, her grip tight and she'd still said nothing to me, hugged everyone good bye and then turned to me and said quietly, "I didn't know, not telling me pertinent information means I make bad decisions and say things I'd never say if I had the information. Is this fair on everyone? Are we going to have to deal with this all our lives? Would it be better…" and I'd stopped her there, no way was I going to let her utter that sentence when she looked so scared, when her existence in my life and her happiness are the only things that make my life worth living.
Pulling her into a tight hug, my face in her hair just near her ear as we stood looking out over the city, I tried to convey to her that my love and my security will do everything to protect her. "Baby, I am used to security, I've had it so long that now I don't even notice it, you'll get used to it too and honey, nothing is going to stop us getting married. We are so much better together than apart, please don't think anything else, without you, life isn't worth living. I promise you right now that I will protect you forever, I don't need to wait to say those vows and I will take on all the crazies in the world to make sure you are by my side. Do you believe me?" And she'd nodded her head, said nothing but nodded.
"You need to tell me why you are doing things and what you are doing, yesterday and all the sadness that came out of it could have been avoided if I'd known why you were scanning everything before I touched it, tracing who was calling, watching where I was, it was overkill for the paparazzi so I assumed it was just you being overbearing and controlling and quite frankly, a bit nuts." Ana had said as she'd turned in my arms, her eyes scanning my face, her words trying to get through to me.
She was absolutely correct, touching on what had triggered the whole meltdown, "Oh, I am totally nuts… about you."
Ana giggles, "You know how silly that sounds coming out of your proper mouth," and I was glad that she had started to relax but I had to acknowledge and agree with her.
"Yes, I am a jealous fool but it's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust anyone else, you are gorgeous and giving and you would help anyone, I just have to work out how you can do that safely, securely and freely and still keep those that are trying to get to me, away from you." Ana had nodded her head and obviously taken the information to heart but at what cost?
Now, as we pull up outside GP, I am hoping that the stresses of the last week are the reason for her perceptions of danger but in my heart, I know that isn't the case and I hold her closer, tighter than I would normally. It is with a touch of truth that I say after I kiss her deeply, and have to adjust myself as she accidentally brushes me, "Hmmm, maybe I should just move GP into the GEH building and keep you safe there, right where I can see and touch you at any time."
"Well…." Ana taps her chin, "You do have a soundproof office…" and with a giggle she steps out of the vehicle, leaving me open mouthed staring after her.