Fourteen hands of poker later, the five people around the table found themselves drowning in laughter and on the verge of falling out of their seats with drunken revelry. Jay watched in horror as Holly J bobbled from side to side in her folding chair, her eyes half-lidded and oblivious to the fact that her bright orange top had come slightly unbuttoned. In her hysteric inebriated giggles, she remained unaware of what Jay could see clearly: the other boys whispering with dastardly grins as they pointed toward her and the purse on the table.
"Hey, lemme have another shot," said Holly J, propping her head on her hand sleepily. "I'm thirsty."
Kody laughed and refilled her shot glass. Jay sighed.
"How about I get you some water?" Jay suggested, concerned at what the other guys were thinking now that Holly J had let her guard down. Well, down was an understatement. Holly J's armor had been essentially tossed out the window, several tequila shots deep. "You haven't even played your hand yet; no need to waste tequila on non-game drinking, am I right guys?"
"Ah come on, let the girl have a shot," bellowed Kody.
"Yeah, Mom, lemme have a shot," Holly J said gleefully as she slammed the glass. She closed one eye as she focused on the hand in front of her. "Alright, ladies, let's wrap this up before I get in trouble for being up past my bedtime."
She opened her purse, spilling out make-up and sticks of cinnamon gum as she fumbled to find a wad of money.
"Holly J," said Jay, slightly quietly. He couldn't believe how easy she was making it for them to take advantage of her. "Those are all your tips from tonight. Don't be stupid."
"Oh, don't worry, doll, you're being stupid enough for all of us. Now are we playing cards or are we playing cards? I'm all in."
The boys grinned at one another as Holly J sprinkled her wadded cash onto the middle of the table. As they eagerly reached into their pockets and met her bet, Jay grew more and more uncomfortable. What, he wondered, would Holly J say the next day, when she realized she'd thrown her money away on a drunken poker game? He wasn't sure which would be worse, her broken heart or her merciless rage.
"Ooh!" she added, reaching to remove the shining earrings from her lobes. "And these. They're real pearls. I love pearls."
"That's it, I'm out," said Jay, slamming his cards down on the table in frustration. "And so are you, Holly J. This is crazy. Do you even know what you're doing?" Underneath the table, Kody stomped on Jay's foot to stop him from intervening.
"Of course I know what I'm doing, Stinko!" Holly J leaned closer to Jay, whispering at a volume that was anything but a whisper. "Psst, hey, are spades worth more than cloversss—whoops!"
In the next moment Holly J had stumbled out of her seat and crashed to the ground, flailing like a wet cat. The other boys only laughed wildly while Jay attempted to lift up her limp body. He tried to lead her away from the poker table, but she bit his ear and smacked him away.
"Get off my case already and let me play already!" she snapped at Jay, straightening her hair as she returned to her seat with what she thought was elegance. "I'm one of the boys now. Right, boys?"
The boys cheered and nodded enthusiastically, ready to swindle the money she had carelessly thrown on the table.
Holly J beamed. "Right then. Show 'em."
In turn, each of the boys laid down their hands, the best of which belonged to a boy named Brandon, who had a pair of kings.
"Oh no," Holly J said sadly, tears beginning to well in her eyes. "You've got kings." She sniffled. "All I have are queens."
Brandon was already reaching for the pile of cash on the table when Holly J placed her cards on the table. He froze in mid-grab as a hush fell over the room. Everyone stared at Holly J's cards, their mouths hanging open.
"Um, Holly J…" Jay began slowly, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "You have four queens?"
She nodded, still looking sad.
Jay laughed, placing his hand warmly on Holly J's shoulder. "Well slap my ass and call me Susan… You pulled it off, snickerdoodle."
Holly J's drunk, droopy lips curled into a cheeky grin. "You mean I win? I can't believe it, I--" Just as she stood up, bouncing in her glee, and began to scoop up the pile of money from the table, her bright smile faded and she clapped her hand over her mouth. At the speed of light she took off running for the bathroom, clutching her mouth and stomach in agony.
Once she was gone, the dumbstruck group of boys began to bask in the humor of Holly J's quick descent from glory to the toilet. With scheming eyes, Brandon began reclaiming the money of the pot.
"Hey, what's the idea?" Jay asked, placing his hand firmly on Brandon's wrist.
Brandon rolled his eyes. "Come on, dude, she's obliterated. She won't even notice."
"No way, man," said Jay defensively, still forcing Brandon's greedy hands away from Holly J's winnings. "You can't just fuck her over like that. She won fair and square, get over it."
Brandon seemed genuinely confused by Jay's chivalry. "Dude, who cares?"
"I didn't bring her over here so you guys could take advantage of her."
Brandon blinked. "You didn't?"
"No, asshole," Jay said firmly. He stood up and collected all of the money from the table, shoving it into Holly J's purse. "She's my friend."
The boys laughed loudly at such a statement, but as they realized the resolve in Jay's eyes wasn't fading, their laughter puttered out. Jay grabbed Holly J's purse and scurried towards the back to check on her. She was exiting the hallway from the bathroom just as he was approaching it.
"Are we gonna play again?" Holly J slurred, leaning her head against Jay's chest.
"No," Jay answered impatiently, shoving the purse into her hands. With one swift heave, he scooped her tiny frame into his arms and carried her out the door.
Not a second after the door had shut behind them, Holly J erupted in laughter.
Jay sighed. "I'm sure this is all very funny to you, Holly J, but it's pretty goddamn annoying for me. I just had to stop you from getting robbed and possibly violated back there."
"Jay Hogart, you're my hero," Holly J said sarcastically. Jay immediately noticed a change in her demeanor. "Now put me down for god's sake, I can't stand the dramatics."
Slowly, Jay lowered Holly J's feet to the ground and peered suspiciously into her eyes, which suddenly appeared sharp and alert. "Wait a minute. Are you… sober?"
Holly J grinned smugly. "Well, I'm buzzed at best."
Jay threw up his hands, stunned. "You mean… you were faking it the whole time?"
"Of course I was. It's a called a hustle, dummy. Isn't that supposed to be your forte?"
Jay was too shocked to form words.
Holly J continued. "You all already assumed I was naïve… so I decided to play it to my advantage. Slur some words, play dumb, tumble out of my chair… and voila! A ripe opportunity to switch a few cards and snag the unexpected win at the last minute." The giddy blonde sighed with contentment. "Man, I impress even me sometimes."
Jay's jaw was hanging open. "You.. cheated?"
"Um, yeah, duh. Four queens? You think that was luck? I make my own luck, chief." Jay said nothing, choking on his gasps of surprise. Holly J's smile widened. "I really had you fooled, didn't I? Aren't you supposed to be, like, this huge con man? Guess you've lost your edge, old man."
Jay shook his head in astonishment. "I mean… how could you throw back all those shots?"
"Please. I spit the shots back out into my chaser. Oldest trick in the book. You didn't really think I was going to get drunk around those Neanderthals, did you? Do you take me for a complete idiot? Do you think I would honestly give into petty peer pressure just to impress those stains on society?"
Jay shrugged with a slight meekness, soaking in the shocking genius of Holly J's rouse. "Well, you do fit the type, shortstack. You talk like all the other bimbos, you dress like all the other bimbos…"
"Tuh! I dress better than all the other bimbos, thank you."
Jay scratched his head. "But if you weren't drunk, then why'd you run out of the room to go puke? You must have known you couldn't trust those guys alone with your money."
Holly J smirked and patted Jay's shoulder. "Yeah, well… I trusted you. And since it was pretty obvious those slimeballs were drug dealers, I figured I'd have a poke around the back, and just look what I found."
Holly J reached into her pockets and pulled out another handful of cash.
Jay snatched the money from her hands and stared at it incredulously. He glanced intently at the money, and then at Holly J's smug and remorseless face. "So let me get this straight. You cheated at poker and robbed drug dealers?"
Holly J nodded with a sly grin. Jay suddenly grabbed hold of her and pulled her into a dramatic embrace.
"Ugh! What's your problem?" Holly J snapped, wrenching herself free of his grasp.
Jay just beamed and wiped away an imaginary tear. "I'm just… I'm just so proud!"