Twilight…not mine (sigh).
Chapter 168
BPOV
The next day, I woke up at the same time as Edward. I needed to shower since I was going to the doctor and going out with his co-workers. For the most part, Edward let me handle everything myself in the shower. He was just the muscle to help me in and out of the shower stall. I was self-conscious of him seeing my scars. Yes, he'd seen them before, after my mental breakdown in the hospital in Portland, but the next time I wanted him to see me naked was when we made love again.
I didn't know when that was going to happen because I was still freaking out about even kissing him. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to kiss me, but the mere prospect of doing anything besides what we'd been doing: cuddling, holding hands and snuggling, freaked me the fuck out. It's one of the many things I'm trying to work on with Irina. She was the one who gave me the suggestion that I give myself a goal with Edward.
By my birthday, I want to be able to kiss him.
I want him to kiss me.
Dressing in some black sleep pants and a stylish top, I felt somewhat human. "Bring some jeans," Edward said as he tied his tie. "You're getting this off." He knocked on my cast. "You can wear jeans afterward." He turned and went into the closet. Most of my casual clothing was in there. Edward didn't have much clothes, even with the stuff I bought him while he worked for us. His walk-in closet was practically barren. My side was stuffed to the gills, thanks to Emmett picking up my clothes for me. Edward picked up a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans. They were stylish but loose enough that I could fit them over my swollen leg. Edward even handed me a single, bright red ballet flat. Crouching down, he put it on my foot and gave me a crooked smirk. "There, Cinderbella has her slipper."
"You're such a cheese," I giggled, running my fingers through his hair. He shrugged before kissing my knuckles
"Rose and Alice will be there at eleven, they said," Edward said as he stood up, adjusting his suit. "Emmett is going to hang out with Charlie while you're gone. He has a few questions about the club or something. I should be home at the usual time, but I'm going to be at the courthouse, so I'm not sure."
"Text me when you leave?" I asked.
"Of course, Little One," he said as he leaned down to kiss my forehead. I inhaled deeply, relishing in his clean, masculine scent with a touch of cologne. I wanted to push my limits today. So, I turned and pressed a kiss to his neck before falling back onto my wheelchair. It didn't work. Like a bat out of hell, I left him in the bathroom and I slunk into my dad's room. I tried to calm myself from the building panic attack and thankfully, managed to do so. My dad, who was dead to the world, didn't even know that I was inside of his room as I rolled out of there to scrounge up some breakfast. Using my crutches, I made Edward an omelet and some toast. I felt badly about running away. "Bella, you shouldn't be up, yet."
"I wanted to make you breakfast," I said, my voice wavering slightly, putting the plate on the counter. "You've been amazing, Edward and…" Tears welled in my eyes. I felt unsteady and I fell heavily into my wheelchair. "I wanted to do something nice for you since you've done so much for us."
"Bella," he said as he rolled me out of his kitchen and into the dining room. "I did this for you because I love you and because it's what's right. You don't have to do anything nice. Your job right now is to heal, physically and emotionally. And don't think that I don't know that you went to hide out after you kissed my jaw." I blushed and looked at his navy tie. "I liked it, Bella," he whispered, gently guiding my face to look at his. "It's a step in the right direction. Be proud of that."
"Edward, I freaked out. My heart was about to jump out of my chest," I hissed.
"Did you calm yourself down?" he asked, arching a brow.
"Yeah," I said. Sighing, I twisted my bracelet from Edward. I was wearing it to hide the scars on my wrist. "I just hate this. I want to be better. I don't want to be afraid of the most random shit, like kissing you. I'm terrified about going out today without you."
"If it's any consolation, Rose and Ali are our two of our best marksmen in the office. Well, after me," Edward said smugly. I rolled my eyes. "Bella, I'm not a psychologist but what you went through was traumatic and it's going to take time for you to regain that sense of security. It all snowballed after our fight. You had that rug pulled out from underneath you with the reveal of my true identity and then you were taken prisoner by Aro and his crew. I'm shocked you can even look at me without running away screaming."
"Can't exactly run," I muttered, gesturing to my leg.
"Figure of speech, Bella," he deadpanned. "I know that you don't think you're improving, but you are. Each day, you're growing physically stronger. You don't have to sleep all day like before. Emotionally, you're doing well, too. Hell, you're doing better than me. I still can't handle touch besides yours or my mom's."
"Edward, I can't sleep. I still have nightmares. I feel ugly. I'm afraid that Aro is going to get out and come back to finish the job. I close my eyes and all I see is that room. I'm cold and I hurt. Everywhere," I sniffled. "Mostly, I hurt here." I pointed my chest where my heart was broken. "Edward, I love you so much, but I'm afraid of losing you. Of losing me. Of losing everything."
"I'm not going anywhere, Little One," he said. "I've told you that." He stared in my eyes and I held his gaze. Tenderly, he cupped my cheek and ran his thumb across my lips, just like before he kissed me the first time. I didn't flinch. I actually leaned into his touch. "Not yet, baby. You are getting better. Don't you see that?" I nodded and kissed his palm. "I love you, Bella. I always will." I held his hand, blushing as I looked up at him.
Edward was right. I was getting better. I just wished that I was getting better at a faster pace.
A/N: Okay, I lied. Bella/Ali/Rose bonding time will be coming in this upcoming chapter. Then, we'll switch to Edward in the following chapter. Leave me some!