Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot. More like it's the other way around… I've come to realize that THEY own ME. :)
The roads were slick, but passable, and Kurt gripped the steering wheel with both hands as he drove on through the gathering darkness. He supposed it could have been worse, all things considered. He could have had to clear away the snow in the darkness, as the temperatures dropped even farther after the sun had set. And yes, it would have been worse if they'd been stuck in the car overnight, especially since sleeping lowered your body temperature, which would have meant they'd have had to try to stay awake all night and then would have been exhausted on top of everything else.
He allowed himself to glance at Jane for a fraction of a second, then forced his eyes back to the road. She was still asleep, her head still leaned against the seat so that she faced him. It was strange that she was so far away. After the last few hours, it was strange to have any space between them whatsoever, and he had to admit that in a way, despite the whole 'danger of freezing to death' and possible hypothermia and all that, he almost missed the forced closeness with her. Never mind that it had yet to be twenty-four hours since the party had even started back at the NYO, before which they'd had almost nothing to say to each other that hadn't been work related… a lot sure had happened in those less than twenty-four hours.
The landmarks leading up to Clearfield began to appear in the shadows, though most were obscured by a thick blanket of snow. Of the few times he'd made this trip since he'd left for good while still a teenager, this was the first time he'd ever felt even a little bit glad to be nearing his destination. There were a complicated jumble of feelings rising inside him, to be sure, but at least they weren't all negative. After all, he was looking forward to seeing Sarah and Sawyer. It had been strange without them living with him these past months since Sarah had abruptly decided to move to Portland.
Besides seeing his sister and nephew, however, he was mainly looking forward to arriving safely at their destination, being inside a house where he knew that they would have the basic necessities and that, if another storm blew through, they wouldn't be in danger of freezing to death. That possibility only a few hours ago had been a little too close for comfort.
And yet, it would be a lie if he said that he wasn't the least bit grateful to Mother Nature. While yes, being stranded in a blizzard, relatively short though it had been, had been scary, and things could have easily gone badly with only a few changes in their circumstances, those few hours together in the car had undoubtedly changed the relationship that he had with Jane. It had brought them closer, no questions asked.
At least… there was no doubt in Kurt's mind that it had brought them closer together. From what he knew of Jane, and how she'd acted, he was assuming that she at least hadn't hated sharing a sleeping bag with him. He smiled at the thought of the last few hours that they'd spent pressed together, and of the kiss that she'd initiated. Yes, it was safe to assume that he did know how she felt about him.
Really, the main reason why he felt impatient to arrive at his dad's old house was that he wanted to be out of the car and to be able to get closer to Jane again, even if that simply meant standing next to her. After all, he didn't want her to think that he only wanted her that close to him when they were in danger of freezing to death… and after they'd been pressed so close together, even the small distance that was now between them felt like a vast ocean.
For a moment, he contemplated how much things had changed since the last time he'd made this drive. When he'd last driven to Clearfield, with Sarah in the passenger seat, he'd been more than a little bit out of his mind. His father's deathbed confession had still been ringing in his ears – that he had, in fact, killed Taylor Shaw, and that he'd buried her "under the fort."
Kurt shivered as he thought back to that night, to how absolutely overwhelmed he had been, emotionally overloaded and far past his breaking point. It had hurt to think about that night for a long, long time, but little by little, in random moments here and there since he had finally learned the truth about Jane, he had begun to unpack the emotions that had surrounded the events that had unfolded far too quickly back then. He was in no way finished doing so, and maybe he never would be. It was only now that he realized that Sarah may have been right. Maybe one last stay in the house where so many things haunted him would help him finally be free of the childhood that haunted him to that day.
Maybe.
Jane stirred and opened her eyes about five minutes before they reached the house. They were just passing by the sign at the edge of town that read Clearfield.
Her eyes widened as they saw the sign, and she was suddenly completely awake. "Are we there?" she asked, sitting up straight and peering into the darkness outside the car in an attempt to get a look at their surroundings. In the dark, however, it was hard to make out more than shadowy shapes in the light thrown just beyond the road by the car's headlights. Everything was snow covered, and it was obvious that the plows hadn't worked as hard here as they had on the highways. Creeping slowly down a slippery road, they made careful but steady progress, approaching a neighborhood that had clearly been around for thirty or more years. Newer developments had been built up around it, but when Kurt slowed the car at a stop sign, turning right off of the main road onto a street of modest homes, Jane felt herself getting nervous. They were almost there.
She was excited to see where Kurt had grown up, and yet nervous at the same time. Kurt's childhood was so very intertwined with the now larger than life Taylor Shaw, and it was hard to separate the two. After spending so long thinking that she was Taylor, the fact that Bill Weller had actually killed the girl twenty-five years ago couldn't quite erase the way Jane felt when she heard that name. There was a mix of so many emotions, none of which she felt like she actually had a right to – after all, it wasn't her childhood, it was Kurt's. She had never been there, hadn't known him back then… even though she had heard so many stories and seen so many pictures, she felt like she'd been there. Even though so many people had worked so hard to convince her that she'd grown up there.
They pulled up in front of a smallish sized house that looked a lot like the others on the street. Two stories, a garage, the exterior of the house having seen better days. The front porch light was on, which set it apart from most of the other houses on the street, which had been blanketed with a thick covering of snow and were completely dark. Kurt turned and looked at Jane, who was looking out the window on her side at the house. His eyes traveled slowly to the house as well, and he swallowed a lump in his throat. The last time he'd been here…
It doesn't matter, he told himself. You're here now. You're not that person anymore. Neither of you are. You know the truth…
"Hey," he heard Jane say, and he looked at her to see that she was focused on him intently. "You okay?" She reached out her left hand toward him tentatively, just barely laying it on his right arm. He had to think about it for a second, to consciously clear his mind in order to know whether he was okay.
"I'm glad you're here, Jane," he told her, which both was and wasn't an answer to her question. He hadn't said either yes or no, so in a way he hadn't answered her question. At the same time, his words told her more than she'd expected. She knew very well that coming back here wouldn't have been easy for him. Nothing associated with Clearfield or Taylor Shaw or any part of his childhood was easy for him. That much she knew for sure. At the same time, because of their shared past and the effective job that Sandstorm had done of convincing both of them that she was Taylor Shaw, Jane had become almost like a bridge between his past and his present, someone for him to hold onto for strength when faced with the situation, even while, in a way, she was part of what made the whole thing so complicated in the first place.
She watched him for a few long seconds, her eyes searching his. Despite what might have been lingering awkwardness, she felt none – only the warmth of his gaze, their eyes holding each other steady. They heard a noise and the front door opened, revealing two silhouettes, Sarah's and Sawyer's, framed against the warm light behind them in the house, their faces illuminated slightly by the dim porch light.
Jane turned back to look at Kurt again, suddenly feeling a little nervous about being there. She was at his house for Christmas… what did that say to his sister and nephew? She bit her lip, feeling unsure, and of course he caught the change in her expression right away.
"Shall we?" he asked, his smile widening. "Or… would you rather stay in the car?"
"Very funny," she replied, rolling her eyes. "The car, not so much. Though I'm not one hundred percent against the sleeping bag," she told him mischievously. He couldn't help but chuckle at that.
"We'll just have to see how it goes, I guess," he told her, shaking his head at her as he pulled his heavy jacket back on. It had mostly dried out from earlier, and after all, they'd only be outside for as long as it took to get their things out of the car and into the house. Putting his hand on the door handle, he asked, "Alright, ready?" She nodded, and they both pushed on the handles on their doors at the same time. The difference, however, was the Jane's door could only open about six inches – the car was pulled too closely up against the snowbank at the edge of the road.
Kurt was climbing out of the car when he saw what had happened. "Oh, sorry, Jane," he called with a chuckle. "Let me move the car." He started to climb back in." But Jane had already closed her door and was attempting to pull herself feet first over the console in the middle, towards Kurt's side. Seeing that she was having a little trouble, he bent down and reached his hands out to her, to pull her through. She took them gratefully, thinking that it was a nice excuse. After all, it had been too long since he'd had an excuse to hold onto her.
When he took her hands to help pull her gently over the console, she once again felt the electricity begin at her fingertips and radiate through her body within a few seconds. Because of that, she couldn't help the goofy smile on her face when he finally pulled her up to stand, finally out of the car and suddenly standing close in front of her.
"Hey," he said, looking into her eyes and smiling, steam escaping from their mouths as they talked or breathed as a sign of just how cold it was outside.
"Hi," she replied, equally transfixed.
"We should get the bags and get inside," he said, reluctantly letting go of her hands as she nodded, knowing it was the truth but hating it anyway. She nodded and stepped around him, opening the back door to begin taking their things out, as Kurt leaned across the front seat to get Jane's bag from the floor on the far side. With their arms full of bags and bedding, they closed the car doors, carefully making their way towards the front door up a very narrow path that had been shoveled in the mounds of snow several feet tall that covered the driveway. It looked like Sarah's car wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
Kurt walked first up the path, Jane behind him. After so long in the car – the sleeping bag, mostly – she felt the foot or two that stretched between the two of them acutely. When they reached the porch, the outer door flew open and Sarah practically flung herself at Kurt. "Oh my God! I was so worried about you!" she exclaimed, holding onto him tightly for what seemed like an eternity. The only thing he could think, besides the fact that he was equally thankful to have made it to safety, of course, was that he wished he had an excuse to hang onto Jane that tightly, and for that long. No, for longer, he thought as Sarah finally released him.
Jane watched the exchange from behind the Weller siblings. It was bittersweet, she supposed, because as beautiful as it was to watch an exchange that was so genuine and heartfelt after living through the very real possibility that they would freeze to death, she only felt colder and more alone, standing there behind him.
"Come in, come in, you two," Sarah said quickly, releasing Kurt and nearly pulling him, and then Jane, into the house. Closing the door with lightning quickness against the cold outside, Sarah had Jane in a tight hug before Jane had a chance to consider how to greet her. Kurt's sister had leaned forward with and pulled her in much more tightly than expected. "I'm so glad you guys are okay," she said breathlessly. Jane found herself looking over her shoulder at Kurt, her eyes wide with surprise and her face revealing just how very unexpected this was. Jane wasn't panicking, exactly, but she also obviously wasn't comfortable. Kurt just grinned at her, and as she focused on him, she felt herself relax slightly. It also helped that Sarah released her, and she could step to the side, out of the way, wishing that she could fade into the background. Then it was Sawyer's turn to hug his uncle, which was really more of a body slam that ended with the boy's arms wrapped around Kurt. It was obvious that the two had missed each other.
"You guys must be freezing," Sarah gushed, leading them down the hall and into a small kitchen. "Sit down. The water's hot. What can I get you to drink? Coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate?"
"What's good here?" Kurt asked Sawyer, his face completely serious. Despite the fact that he could easily have rolled his eyes and claimed to be too old for his uncle's jokes, Sawyer beamed at him, laughing.
"Hot chocolate, of course," he told him with a laugh and a shake of his head.
"Okay, then, hot chocolate it is," Kurt replied, then looked at Jane.
"Jane?" Sarah asked.
Jane was standing back against the wall, once again attempting to be invisible and out of the way of this family reunion. She was watching Kurt with Sawyer, and had just been thinking once again about how good he was with his nephew, how lucky he was to have family, even if theirs was a small one. She was also thinking of what a relief it was to be out of the car and not to be freezing, while simultaneously feeling like somehow, she missed being in the car. It was crazy, she knew, except that at least in the car, Kurt hadn't felt like he was so far away from her, like he did now. Across the room might as well have been across the galaxy.
Jane focused her attention on Sarah, smiling gratefully. "Oh, anything is fine," she said with a shake of her head. "Whatever's easy."
"Do you want to have hot chocolate with us?" asked Sawyer excitedly, turning his attention to Jane.
She smiled at his infectious enthusiasm. "Sure, that's a great idea," she told him.
Kurt was watching her carefully, despite conversing with his sister and nephew. He could see that she was tense, even though she was working hard not to show it. When she looked up at him and their eyes met, he suddenly felt like there was some sort of magnetic power that was trying to draw him back towards her.
"Sit down, everyone," Sarah said, herding them toward the same old wooden table in the middle of the room where Sarah and Kurt had sat as kids.
Sarah was already pouring steaming water into mugs, and then stirring the contents. Kurt looked up at her warily, wondering if her hot chocolate making skills were any better than her cooking. Surely it wasn't possible to mess up hot chocolate…
Sawyer plopped himself down in a chair and looked up at his mom eagerly. Kurt saw that Jane was hanging back, and he stepped closer to her, putting his hand gently on the middle of her lower back to steer her toward the table.
"Come on," he whispered, sensing her hesitation. As soon as he did, she felt herself leaning into his touch, and felt the pressure on her back increase. He steered her toward the nearest chair, across the table from Sawyer, and stood slightly behind her and to the side. As she settled into the chair, she felt him lay his hand gently on her shoulder, and she breathed deeply.
What's happening to me? she wondered. She couldn't remember ever feeling so… What was it, anyway?
Sarah set the mugs down in front of Jane and Kurt, and then Sawyer, who blew into his mug excitedly, before sitting down in one of the two remaining chairs. Of course, she noticed how close her brother was staying to Jane, and the fact that his hand was on her shoulder. Interesting, she thought. I guess things are finally better between them. She said nothing, however. From the looks of things, it was still pretty early for them. So for now, she simply smiled. It was about time, after all.
Kurt felt Sarah watching him, and knew that the fact that his hand was on Jane's shoulder had not escaped her attention. He reached over and pulled the one remaining chair towards him, momentarily letting go of Jane. However, once he'd settled, he reached for her again, this time his left hand landing to the right of her left shoulder, so that his thumb rested on the back of her neck.
She felt herself blushing, feeling far too much like the center of attention. The hot chocolate was still too hot to drink, and despite how warm the house was or the fact that she'd opted to keep her fleece on, she shivered.
"Uncle Kurt, I was afraid you were going to miss Christmas Eve!" Sawyer exclaimed.
"We thought for a while maybe we were going to miss it, too, buddy," Kurt told him. "But a little snow wasn't going to stop us."
"A little snow, huh?" Sarah scoffed, and Kurt chuckled.
"Yeah, well…" he started. He wasn't about to tell her how close he'd come to hypothermia, of course. Feeling Jane shift toward him just the tiniest bit under his hand, he increased the pressure on her shoulder, rubbing his thumb against the back of her neck. "It turned out fine."
Sarah was shaking her head at them. "Thank goodness, you guys. You scared me," Sarah told them, her eyes widening and she shook her head. Jane took a sip of her hot chocolate, trying not to make eye contact. She admired the way that Kurt just smiled at her calmly.
"Sarah, we're fine, okay? We did what we had to do, and we're safe." Even though he'd been referring to pulling the car over, and had been directing the words at Sarah, he immediately regretted his choice of words as he felt Jane tense up under his fingers.
We did what we had to do. The words echoed in Jane's head. Of course, what he'd said wasn't wrong. They had had to do what they did – to climb into the sleeping bag together to stay warm – and yet, there was something about hearing it said that way that stung, that negated the rest of it… because there had been more to it, more than just what they'd had to do. Or at least… she'd thought that there had been. She felt herself stiffen, even though she told herself that she was being ridiculous, even though she felt his grip on her shoulder tighten slightly and his thumb moving on her neck.
Nice one, Weller, he thought in annoyance at himself. Way to put your foot in your mouth. He tried to think of an excuse to talk to Jane alone for a minute, but they were all sitting and drinking their hot chocolate, and nothing came to him.
"So, what can I make for dinner?" Kurt asked, hoping to save them from an evening of Sarah's cooking while also changing the subject. "Or did you guys eat already?"
"Nope, we waited for you," Sarah replied. "I think Sawyer has some thoughts on what he wants to eat…" she added.
"Spaghetti!" he exclaimed excitedly.
"He's been talking about your spaghetti since we moved," Sarah explained, rolling her eyes.
"Sorry, but you just don't make it right, mom," Sawyer told her apologetically.
Kurt snorted in amusement, all the while keeping up the steady movement of his thumb against Jane's neck. Jane said nothing, simply sipped her hot chocolate and watched the conversation unfold around her. She felt both part of the group and also completely separate from them, and it was hard to reconcile the two feelings. Really, she didn't know what to feel.
"Alright, well, if it's okay with your mom, I'll make spaghetti for dinner, if you make sure everything around here is cleaned up. Including that room you're sleeping in – which I'm guessing is your mom's old room, right?" Kurt asked him. Sarah flashed a grateful smile at him.
"I've been trying to get him to clean that up all day," she said, "so that would be great."
"Okay, okay, I'm going…" Sawyer said, suddenly slowing down and acting more his age than the excited younger kid he'd been acting like since they'd arrived. Kurt and Sarah both grinned as Sawyer dragged himself dramatically from the room.
"And I have a few things to finish wrapping, so I'll leave you two to it for a little bit," Sarah said, smiling devilishly at her brother. If she didn't know better, she'd think that he looked relieved at the mention of being alone with Jane. She couldn't begrudge him that, though. Something was obviously happening between them, because up until yesterday, there had been no plan for her to come with him. "Be good, you two," she grinned as she left the room, following Sawyer towards the stairs.
As soon as she had walked upstairs, his hand left her neck and he used both hands to turn her chair around to face his. "Jane," he said seriously, "that came out wrong. You know that, right?" She nodded, but didn't reply. Even though she did know that he hadn't meant a single thing by what he'd said, and that it had been factually correct to say that they'd done what they'd had to do, she also knew exactly why he was apologizing, and she appreciated it. She'd been feeling like the bottom had dropped out of her stomach ever since then, even though she'd told herself a thousand times already how silly that was.
Leaning forward until their foreheads touched, his hands went up to her cheeks. His thumbs moved gently back and forth against her cheekbones, and he simply listened to her breathing for several minutes. "It's been quite a day, hasn't it? Or, a couple days, really?" he asked.
Her eyes had closed, as a conflicting mix of emotion had overwhelmed her, and she simply nodded gently between his hands.
"I'm sorry," he whispered urgently, then felt her head shake from side to side.
"Thanks," she replied quietly, "and I know that you didn't mean it that way… but it did sting a little. Then again, I don't know how to feel about anything right now…"
"Fair enough," he said, slowly lifting his forehead off of hers and kissing the spot where his head had been a moment before. His hands slowly left her face, dropping down to her hands in her lap and clasping them gently. "I'm going to make some spaghetti for us, okay?" he asked. "Do you want to help?" When she smiled up at him uncertainly, he added in a whisper, "Spaghetti is one of the easiest things in the world to make. Only Sarah could manage to ruin spaghetti." She couldn't help him laugh with him then.
"Okay," she replied, smiling shyly at him.
"Let's go see what she was in the way of ingredients, if she even has what we need," he said quietly, looking into her eyes. He pushed his chair back and stood up slowly, tugging her up with him and then only very slowly letting go of her hands. As she stood up to follow him, she picked up her hot chocolate, and carried it with her as she followed him toward the refrigerator.
As he opened the door and peered inside, she leaned against the counter, taking another sip from her mug and holding it with both hands, still trying to absorb as much warmth as she could. She felt like she might never be truly warm again.
Kurt turned back toward her holding a package of hamburger, setting it on the counter next to a package of spaghetti noodles that had obviously been put there for this very meal. Opening a lower cupboard out of habit, left over from the knowledge of where pots and pans had been kept when he was a child, he took out both a skillet and a saucepan. He set the skillet on the stove, and walked around Jane to the sink with the saucepan, filling it with water and walking back to the stove. He turned on two of the burners, then opened the package of meat and emptied it into the skillet. Again reaching into a drawer simply out of habit left over from his childhood, he pulled out a spatula and began to break up the meat, adjusting the temperature down slightly and then laying the spatula down for the moment.
"There," he said, looking at her and smiling, "time for a break." When she looked at him in confusion, he added, "There's nothing else to do until the water boils and the meat is ready to be stirred, which will take a few minutes."
"Oh, okay," she replied. She was watching him carefully, and once their eyes locked onto each other, there was no looking away. He stood and watched her from in front of the stove for several seconds before realizing that he didn't have to stand so far away from her. Then again, he didn't know how close she wanted him to be…
Yes you do, the voice in his head told him. Try going closer and see what happens… because it seems pretty unlikely that she wants you farther away…
Deciding that his inner voice probably had a point, he took a few slow steps toward her, his eyes not leaving hers, and then, not wanting to go too close too fast, he stopped. There were still at least two steps left between them.
The closer he got to her, the stronger the pull she felt between them. Now that they weren't forced into such a tiny space as the car, or, even tinier, the sleeping bag, she didn't know what to do with the space between them. She didn't like being so far away from him, but she didn't know what to do about it… after all, she didn't know what they were to each other, or what he was thinking…
You're overthinking it, the voice in her head assured her. It doesn't have to be this complicated. Still, she stood and stared at him as he stood in front of her, so close and yet still so far away.
The loud sizzling sound of the meat broke the trance they both seemed to be under, and Kurt was the one to break eye contact first. He realized only then that he needed to double back to the stove to stir the meat in the pan, and he cursed himself for having stopped short of her. Looking into her eyes, he thought that she felt the same way as him, but it was impossible to be sure. The look on her face seemed both peaceful and desperate at the same time, a combination that didn't seem like it would have made sense. With Jane, however, it did.
He stepped back toward the stove and picked up the spatula, pushing the meat around the breaking it into smaller pieces. "Ready to help?" he asked, looking back at her with a calm smile.
It was official – she didn't know how to act around him anymore. Yesterday at work things had been what had passed for normal recently, meaning that they'd barely spoken, at the party they'd acted almost like a couple, then in the car, well… and now? Now that the various situations that seemed to make some kind of sense were in the past, what did she do now? She just didn't know. The only thing that she did know was that felt like there was a million miles between them, instead of four or five steps across the kitchen of his childhood house.
Slowly she stepped forward in his direction, not wanting to look as eager to be close to him as she felt. Looking down, suddenly self-conscious, she took two more slow steps, only looking back up at him when she took the last step to close the gap between them.
She didn't know why she was suddenly nervous – his eyes were just as kind as the Kurt that she remembered from back at the beginning of everything, the same one who had suddenly re-emerged the night before… but maybe that was what made her nervous, because he could turn from this Kurt into the one who had arrested her, who'd sent her to be tortured, who spent weeks acting as though she didn't exist…
No, the voice in her head intervened. You have an agreement with him not to do this. Focus on now. Nothing else.
He watched as a troubled look seemed to pass across her face as she paused halfway through the last step she was taking toward him. Unsure what to do, he hesitated to see if it would pass on its own, not wanting to push her. It was only a few seconds before her smile returned, however, which made him smile as well.
"So?" she asked, now standing close to him, but so far both of them had their hands at their sides. He held the spatula straight up in the pan, passing it to her.
"There you go," he told her, "it's all you."
"But what do I do?" she asked, holding the spatula nervously, slightly panicked. "What if I ruin the spaghetti? Sawyer may never forgive me."
Kurt just chuckled at the thought. "Well," he told her, "so far you're doing exactly what I do, so just stick with me, and you'll be fine." She smiled at the thought of "sticking with him," moving the spatula slowly in the pan and glancing back and forth between the food and Kurt.
"Good, the water's boiling," Kurt said, looking at the saucepan to Jane's left. He walked around to the counter on the other side of her, once again very close but not touching her. It was as though suddenly they had both turned shy.
He opened the box of noodles, tilting it to dump them into the boiling water carefully, so they didn't splash. Once he'd gotten all of the noodles submerged in the water, he turned to look at Jane's progress with the meat.
"Looks good," he told her, finally leaning close enough to make contact. His right hand intertwined with her left, and he squeezed slowly. Almost immediately, her left shoulder leaned softly against his, and she relaxed noticeably.
"You okay?" he asked her.
"Better now," she told him quietly, smiling self-consciously and looking down at the meat in the pan. She was very much enjoying the warmth from the pan in front of her, because try as she might, she still hadn't managed to stop feeling cold. And of course, she was enjoying the warmth she felt inside from standing beside Kurt, too.
"Looks like the meat is almost done," he told her, reaching up to turn the heat on the burner down with his left hand, keeping his right hand in hers.
"Now what?" she asked, looking up at him a little less shyly now.
"Sauce," he replied, turning slightly toward the refrigerator on the other side of her, only then realizing that he was going to have to let go of her hand again to get the sauce. He felt her try to hold his hand in place when he let go, but he put his left hand on her left shoulder, which distracted her enough for him to pull his hand away, chuckling as he walked past her.
"Wait, what…?" she asked in confusion as he walked around her, narrowing her eyes at his back when she realized that he'd tricked her. He pulled the sauce out of the refrigerator, turning around to see the look on her face and couldn't help but laugh. He opened the sauce and walked towards her, pouring it into the pan with the meat and shaking it slightly to be sure he got as much out as possible, then replacing the jar on the counter and fighting to contain his laughter. She was staring at him, still looking shocked that he'd pulled his hand away from her. She looked too cute.
She was still holding onto the spatula in the pan loosely with her right hand, and he put his right hand above hers, stirring the meat and sauce to mix them together, while she looked back and forth from the food to him once again. Finally, he lay his left hand over her right on the handle of the spatula, slowly taking it away, and then laid the spatula down so that the end of the handle sat against the stove.
"We don't need to stir it anymore," he told her quietly, his eyes flicking to the timer that he'd set for the noodles, "and there's still four minutes left for the noodles to cook, so…"
"So…?" she asked, looking up at him, her pretend shock slowly turning into a shy smile.
"So we just have to stand here and wait for four minutes," he told her, slowly winding his arms around her upper back and pulling her close to him once again. He felt her inhale slowly and deeply, and then exhale the same way.
She was trying not to overthink things, but it was impossible. "So, um… what are we… uh…?" she started, but didn't quite finish her question, at least as she'd intended to ask it. She noticed that her arms had wound around him just as easily as his had gone around her, perhaps even more so, since she hadn't noticed herself doing it.
"I told you," he said calmly, leaning his cheek against hers, "whatever you want." She took a few more deep, quiet breaths, feeling herself calming down just standing there with him. "Okay?"
She nodded against his shoulder, and he felt her relax against him. Just then, the timer beeped beside them, and he released his right arm from her shoulders so that he could reach up and press stop, also turning off the burner.
"I need to get the noodles, so we can have some dinner," he told her, leaning back so that he could look into her eyes. She smiled up at him and nodded, dropping her arms from him hesitantly and stepping back. "Do you know what I think the best part of this weekend is?" he asked her as he bent down to get a colander out of the lower cupboard.
"Not freezing to death in a blizzard?" she asked jokingly, raising her eyebrows.
He looked thoughtful as he stood up and walked around her to put the colander in the sink, and then walked back to the stove to get the noodles, taking them to the sink and dumping them to drain. It was only then that he turned back around and looked at her, taking a step forward so that he was close to her, but not quite close enough to have put his arms around her. "You know what? I have to be honest… that was the most fun near death experience I've ever had," he said seriously, looking into her eyes. "And I've had quite a few." She rolled her eyes and chuckled, shaking her head at him as she felt herself blush. At the same time, she got the feeling that he was serious.
"Well, that was a lot of fun," he grinned, "but my favorite thing about this weekend is that it only just started." She stopped to think about that, the fact they would be there for at least another full day and into Monday, and that was if good weather held out. She was fairly sure that they wouldn't be venturing back towards home if there was even a whisper of snow in the forecast. She smiled and nodded her head, momentarily speechless.
"Alright, time to get this food on the table," he said, taking plates out of one of the cupboards. "Hey, looks like Sarah has some wine over there," he added, pointing toward the other end of the counter, where a bottle and three glasses sat ready. "I think we definitely deserve that after the day we've had."
"Yeah, that's for sure," she agreed, walking over to the bottle to take a closer look. Not that she knew anything about wine, of course. When she turned around a minute later, there was spaghetti on all four of the plates, three large ones and one smaller, for Sawyer.
"You want to grab the glasses?" he asked, and she nodded, bringing them to the table, along with the bottle, in two trips. He grabbed silverware, handing it to her to put on the table while he grabbed a glass of milk for Sawyer. When it was all set up, he walked over to her where she stood beside the table, threading his arm around her waist from beside her and leaning his chin down on her shoulder. "We did a good job," he observed. "Thanks for your help."
She snorted and shook her head, turning to look at him over her shoulder. "I didn't do a thing," she replied with a smile.
"On the contrary," he told her quietly, "I couldn't have done it without you."
"We should go and get the other two before the food gets cold. It'll be way less impressive then," she told him, giving up on deflecting the credit from herself, since he seemed intent on sharing it with her.
"Very true," he told her. "Come on." His hand slipped off her waist, and she immediately felt the loss of it against her as she followed him to the door of the kitchen where it opened into the living room and then the hall that led upstairs. "Hey Sarah! Sawyer!" Kurt called. "Dinner's on the table!"
"Spaghetti!" Sawyer yelled almost immediately, flying down the stairs past them, which made Jane laugh, leaning into Kurt to get out of the way and avoid being trampled. Sarah emerged from the master bedroom a moment later, closing the door behind her and shaking her head at her son.
"Thanks for making dinner, Kurt," she said as she came down the stairs. "I'm almost done wrapping everything. I may not be up half the night, for once." She grimaced as she thought back to Christmases of past years.
"It was a team effort," Kurt replied, taking Jane's hand, and making her smile in embarrassment.
"Well thanks, you two," she said, "And I'm sorry to put you to work so soon after your ordeal today…"
"We're fine, Sarah," Kurt repeated for what felt like the hundredth time.
"We're happy to help," Jane told her sincerely as Sarah rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs.
"Well, we'd better get in there before Sawyer eats it all," Sarah told them, going on ahead into the kitchen.
Kurt pulled Jane to a stop beside him, leaning closer to her. "How are you?" he asked. "Ready for family dinner?"
"Why not?" she asked with a smile. "It has to go better than the first time, right?" Both of their minds flashed back to the first time she'd gone to dinner at Kurt's apartment with Sarah and Sawyer, back when they'd all thought that she was Taylor. She hadn't even lasted two minutes at the table before she'd freaked out and made a beeline for the elevator.
"Right," he said with a wink, looking into her eyes for a few more seconds before deciding that they needed to get to the table before Sawyer really did eat all their food. "Come on," he said with a smile, tugging on her hand. "Before the food gets cold."
"Don't say the c-word," she told him, shivering involuntarily. He smiled at her and shook his head, tugging her back toward the kitchen. This had already been a very memorable Christmas Eve.