A/N: Thanks for your reviews!
Chapter 7- Puzzle Pieces
"Is something wrong?" Johanna asked Jim as she watched him check his briefcase after they had finished breakfast.
"No, nothing's wrong," he answered; although in all honesty he had still been thinking about the visitor who had invaded his dreams that morning…and the very real proof of her presence that Sarah had left behind in the office. "Why do you ask?"
"You just seem quiet this morning," she answered as she grabbed the bottle of orange juice to put it back in the fridge.
"It's nothing, sweetheart. I was just thinking about what I need to do today."
Johanna gave a small nod of acceptance as she turned away from the refrigerator and approached him. She laid her hand over his as he went to grab his coat off the back of the chair. His gaze met hers and she gave him a small smile.
"I really am sorry for last night," she told him. "I don't know what got into me. We had such a good talk the night before and we were in a good place…and I had to taint it with foolishness. I'm so sorry. All day I'd been waiting for you to come home so we could pick up where we left off that morning and then I had to go off on some stupid rant."
Jim shook his head. "You didn't do anything wrong; there's no need to apologize."
"I feel like there is," she replied. "You were right; we agreed that I'm retired from the law and I'm not going to go back on that. I understand your feelings about it and I'm not going to put that worry on your shoulders. I guess sometimes I miss that part of my life…I see you working on things and you're so focused and engrossed in your task and as silly as it sounds, I get a little jealous because I miss that feeling of putting something together and figuring out all the pieces. But that part of my life is in the past and I should be used to that by now. My law degree has been collecting dust for a long time now and it can continue to do so. Hell, I don't even know where it is," she said with a soft laugh. "And it doesn't matter where it is, I have no need for it. It's just a piece of paper. I have what I need and I'm sorry I brought all that up, I shouldn't have."
Her words only made him feel worse for how he had handled the conversation. He knew it wasn't her intent; her apology was sincere; she meant every word she had said…and he could see her locking away the thoughts she had unleashed the night before. "Happily suffocating herself"; the statement Sarah had made in his dream came rushing back. She was suffocating the side of her that still wanted to function as an attorney in a small way in deference to his feelings. It didn't make him feel good. Jim took a breath and clutched her hand tightly before releasing it. "Can you wait here for a minute?" he asked.
Johanna looked at him oddly. "Yeah."
He gave her a small smile. "I'll be right back," he told her as he moved away from the chair and left the kitchen.
She sat down at the table, wondering if she had smoothed things over or made them worse; sometimes she couldn't tell. Sometimes he was good at hiding what he was thinking or feeling. In the quietness of the house she could hear his footsteps on the stairs and she wondered what he was up to as his steps paused soon after reaching the top of the stairs. Her fingers drummed upon the surface of the table; analyzing his reaction to her apology…or lack thereof. He hadn't given her much…maybe when he came back downstairs he'd let her know that she had his forgiveness.
A few minutes later, she heard Jim's footsteps on the stairs once again and she rose from her chair. When he appeared in the kitchen he was carrying a small box that he sat on the table. Without a word, he lifted the lid and reached inside, pulling out a frame. He looked at it for a moment and then met her curious gaze, giving her a smile as he handed it to her. "There it is, sweetheart."
Johanna glanced down at the frame in her hands and saw her law degree from Columbia. She sucked in a breath without realizing it, her fingers moving gently against the glass over the words Johanna Elizabeth McKenzie. It had been so long since she had seen it; this piece of paper that had once been an everyday part of her life; a staple on her office wall that she barely glanced at once the newness had worn off. She had wondered where it had ended up but hadn't wanted to pick at any raw feelings by asking Jim or Kate what had happened to it. She hadn't thought it mattered…but holding it in her hands again, it brought something small back to life within her; something that she was sure would have to be squashed as her career was over, but she felt it just the same.
"The box was on the shelf in the hall closet upstairs…it got pushed off to the side," Jim said as she continued to stare at the frame she held.
Her gaze lifted away from her diploma and met his; a smile on her lips. "Thank you, honey," she said softly. "It's nice to see it again."
He gave a nod and reached back into the box. "Here's your undergrad degree," he said handing her another frame.
She kept her law degree clutched in one hand and reached for the frame that held her undergrad degree in Political Science. It was yet another piece of paper that had hung on her wall for years that she barely glanced at. She had barely even glanced at it when she first received it, her eye already on the next step, her law degree closer by the second. It had just been a steppingstone for what she really wanted; but having it in her hand now, she appreciated it a little more; it had done its job at preparing her for the course she had chosen; she had worked hard to obtain it and she should've taken more than a moment back then to bask in that first accomplishment. It felt good to have both degrees in her hand; the proof of hard work, of accomplishments…of finding those pieces of herself again. She clutched them to her chest, knowing her husband would probably find it odd but she couldn't help herself. Something that had been missing had been found.
"Thank you," she murmured once again as she forced herself to lay them down on the table.
"You're welcome," he replied; his eyes lighting up with pride that he had given something back to her that she had been missing.
"What else is in there?" Johanna asked; a touch of hesitation in her voice.
"Your awards and certificates," Jim said as he pulled out a few smaller frames and plaques.
Her breath caught, seeing the evidence of her career being taken out of storage. Every day when she walked into the office, she saw all the things that used to adorn the walls of Jim's office at the law firm. His degrees, his accolades, they were all displayed on the walls on his side of the room…and her side only held a few pieces of artwork; a print of Sargent's Carnation, Lilly, Lilly, Rose; a Victorian print displaying a mother and daughter in a garden by a virtually unknown artist; another Victorian era print showcasing a young couple on a porch swing, looking out over a serene property that reminded her of the cabin Jim owned in the mountains; and lastly, even though it looked out of place among her other offerings, there was a print of Van Gogh's Starry Night. She had loved the painting since she was a child…and Jim had bought her that print for her birthday one year. She loved her small collection of art work…but when seeing Jim's career on display, there was always a part of her that wished her career was displayed too.
"Here's something you'll like," Jim said; lifting another frame from the box and handing it to her.
"Oh," she breathed, looking down at the frame she now held. Behind the glass was a piece of drawing paper and upon it was a childish drawing of a butterfly; brightly colored with Crayola crayons. Her heart thudded; tears stinging her eyes. 'I love you Mommy' was written in purple at the top of the page, in the neatest handwriting her daughter had been able to muster…the result still slightly messy. Her eyes glanced down at the corner of the drawing 'Love, Katie'.
"Here's another," Jim said; handing her another frame.
A smile touched her lips as she looked at yet another Crayola masterpiece that had adorned the wall of her office; this offering a stick figure family that Katie had drawn for her in kindergarten. "Do you still have the ones she drew for you?" she asked as she glanced at Jim.
"Of course," he said with a nod. "But she'd kill me if I hung them up at home…she couldn't believe they were still hanging in my office when I retired."
She laughed softly; swallowing back the lump of emotion. "She'll understand one day."
"The pictures you kept on your desk and on the shelves in your office are in there too," he told her, pushing the box toward her.
Johanna laid aside the framed drawings and reached into the box; taking out the smaller frames. There was one of her favorite wedding pictures of her and Jim; one of her favorite baby pictures of Kate. One of the casual poses from Kate's senior photo collection; a family photo that had been snapped by Valerie; another photo of just her and Jim…and one of her and her mother…and one of her with both of her parents.
"I had almost forgotten about these," she murmured.
"I would've given them to you sooner, but the thought didn't cross my mind," Jim replied. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't even think about it when I dug out those boxes of papers that you and Katie wanted to go through."
"It's alright," she assured. "I wondered about my degrees…I just didn't want to upset anyone by asking."
"Don't be afraid to ask for what's yours, Jo," he told her. "They're your belongings; you have every right to them."
She smiled and picked up her law degree, clutching it to her once again. "Thank you for getting them out for me."
Jim crossed the room and opened the junk drawer and took out a few packs of hooks. He carried them back to where she stood and laid them down on the table. "Why don't you hang those up in the office today…that's where they belong…and then you'll always know where they are," he told her.
"Really?" she asked.
He nodded, a smile touching his lips. "You'll have plenty of room; you won't even have to take down your prints."
Johanna laid down her diploma and moved into his arms, embracing him tightly. "Thank you."
"You keep saying that," he said with a quiet chuckle as he held her. "It's not necessary; they're your things, they should be on your wall...they're a part of you."
She captured his lips in a lingering kiss. "Now I have my project for the morning after I clean up from breakfast."
Jim gave her hip a gentle squeeze. "You get to work, Mrs. Beckett," he said warmly. "I better get going; I'm going to be late. I'll see you later."
She kissed him goodbye and then watched from the door as he pulled out of the driveway. She hurried to clean up the kitchen and then carried the box to the office and set about hanging up her degrees and awards…and the two framed pieces of Katie's artwork. She smiled as she straightened the butterfly drawing; her daughter could get mad at her all she wanted for hanging up those drawings, but they'd stay on the wall; she'd have to get over it. The smaller photos that had once decorated her desk and shelves at the office found new homes on various shelves of the bookcase.
With her task finished, Johanna turned to her desk and noticed that her paperweight that had been missing the night before was back on her desk. She also noticed that her laptop had been pushed to the side and a small stack of files set in the center of her desk; a piece of paper folded on top of them. She'd been so set on her task of hanging up the mementos of her career that she had ignored her desk completely and was now caught off guard by the sight. She moved to her chair and sat down; staring at the items as if they had the power to cause more harm than a paper cut. Jim hadn't said anything about leaving something on her desk…was this some offering from him or more of Sarah's mischief?
Her fingers trembled slightly as she reached for the folded piece of paper. She unfolded it and was greeted by the site of Jim's handwriting.
Sweetheart,
You know I've never been good at making apologies, the words always seem inadequate; I usually let a rose say it for me, and believe me, you'll have one when I come home tonight. I wish I had it now; I'd go out and try to find one but it's early and I don't want you to wake up and find yourself alone in the house; you'd worry and torment yourself until I came back and I don't want to put you in that position.
I was wrong last night; worse, I hurt you. I hate myself when I hurt you and yet I have a history of doing it easily, without much thought or effort. I'm a lucky man that you forgive me as often as you do. I'm sorry, Johanna. I'm sorry for the things I said; the way I reacted, for hurting your feelings. I let my fears rule me; I don't want to lose you again. That fear makes me hold onto you tightly…it makes me want to be the one who makes all the rules and calls all the shots…which I suppose makes me seem like a caveman by modern standards…and that's not the kind of man you married. I know if I was saying these things directly to you, you'd say you understand…you're probably thinking those words right now; but understanding doesn't mean it's right for me to do it. If I want you to feel better and get back to completely being yourself; if I want you to let go of your fears, then I have to let go of mine a little and stop being a hypocrite.
I love you, Johanna; I've always tried to make sure I tell you that as much as possible. I try to show it in every possible way I can. I try to prove it by making you happy. I do my best to give you the things your heart desires; date nights, weekend getaways, candy, jewelry, flowers…new shoes. I give you all of me, my heart and soul; I give you my credit cards and tell you to have fun. I buy you things you don't ask for just because. I give you whatever you want…and yet last night you asked for something and I denied you. I denied you something that you want; something that would make you happy, and that was wrong.
I know, I told you why I don't want you involved with law work, and again, I know you understand…but it's selfish of me to make you carry my fears; to hold you back when what you asked for wasn't unreasonable. You weren't looking to be on the front line; you weren't even looking for acknowledgement; you just wanted the work. I said hurtful things to you; I implied you were no longer capable of the job; that it had been too long and your skills were probably deteriorated. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things especially when I'm sure they're not true. You practiced law for over twenty years; you taught law courses on and off at Columbia for years, and more recently you spent over a decade teaching law. The law is a part of you; you're more than capable; more than qualified. I'm sure your skills are just as sharp as they always were.
I know I hurt you with those words and I regret it. I could've told you all this when you woke up but I figure it'll be harder for you to refuse the work I left on your desk if you don't find it until after I've left for the day. If we were doing this in person, you'd turn it down, you'd insist with an indulgent smile that you didn't want it, that you didn't need it; you'd pretend it didn't matter because you'd worry about my feelings. I don't want you to worry; I'm fine.
Inside the top folder you'll find the details of the case and what I need you to look for in these records and documents. If you have any questions, call me; but I'm sure you'll do just fine. Take your time, you don't have to finish it today or even tomorrow; there's no rush at the moment. I'll see you later…maybe sometime today you could have a talk with your 'friend' and see if you can straighten her out, I don't want to have to call ghostbusters on one of your relatives…I have a feeling we don't want to open that can of worms.
Love, Jim
Johanna breathed deeply as she glanced at the letter once more. Her husband didn't often write her letters; he was a man of actions and spoken words; he didn't like to write anything other than legal papers. Oh she had a few short, sweet notes tucked away and sometimes he'd write a loving line or two in her birthday or anniversary card…but never anything of this length. I wasn't a love letter…and yet it felt like one to her. She carefully folded it and slipped it into the desk drawer and then regarded the files stacked before her. Her fingers reached for the one on top and then pulled back; a multitude of feelings washing over her. There was a feeling of relief that her husband had changed his mind, a shimmer of excitement at diving back in, a feeling of energy as she thought about the work to be done…and then there was fear.
There was a flutter of nerves in her stomach and she allowed her hands to fall into her lap as she stared at the files. She had no doubt that she could handle whatever task Jim had assigned for her…she just couldn't help feeling a little nervous about it. It had been a long time…what if he was right and her skills had deteriorated? The real thing wasn't quite like the mock cases she walked her students through…if you screwed up the real thing; cases fell apart and damages were incurred. She blew out a breath and tried to quell her nerves. This feeling wasn't new to her; she had felt it before…on her first day at Stanford, Roche and Myers. But that had worked out alright, hadn't it? Not only had she met Jim that same day but she didn't blow anything that cost her her job…she was with the firm for nine years and had only left due to downsizing, not because she had been bad at her job. She had spent the rest of her career in the law firm two of her colleagues had started…there hadn't been any complaints about her work, and as she suddenly recalled; she had been nervous her first day there as well…technically she had remained nervous for the first few months until she felt like she was back on her feet.
It was just first day jitters, so to speak, Johanna told herself. She was just going over files, everything would be fine. She didn't even have to jump in at that very second; she could allow herself a few minutes to get used to the idea…and Jim had requested in his letter that she have a talk with her 'friend'…if he only knew, she thought. She glanced at files and then the clock, her gaze then straying to her paperweight, which although it had been returned, wasn't sitting in the correct spot.
"Sarah," she called out. "Are you here?"
Recalling that her grandmother had told her that she required several minutes to arrive, Johanna moved the files to the side of her desk and pulled her laptop forward to check her email while she waited. Five minutes later, her grandmother hadn't appeared and she frowned. "Sarah, I think we need to talk so you may as well show yourself."
She knew her request for an audience with Sarah McKenzie had been granted when she felt the room start to cool and the lights flickered. Her grandmother walked into the room from the hallway, Johanna's reading glasses in her hand, a somewhat sheepish smile on her lips as she approached her granddaughter's desk. "You called?" Sarah asked.
"I did," she confirmed. "What are you doing with my glasses?"
"I got them off the nightstand for you," Sarah replied as she laid them down on the desk. "I thought you might need them."
"Thank you," Johanna said as she continued to eye the spirit; taking note of how Sarah's gaze wasn't remaining on her as it usually did. "That was quite a tantrum you threw last night," she remarked.
Her grandmother nodded. "It was a very fine effort, wasn't it?"
"Couldn't have been any better," she replied. "I didn't appreciate the cold water in my shower though."
Sarah glanced down at the floor. "I'm sorry for that."
"Jim didn't appreciate it either."
"I'm sorry for that as well."
"Why did you do that, Sarah?"
Sarah shrugged. "I thought you both needed some cooling down."
"I don't like cold water in my shower unless it's a hundred degrees outside," Johanna remarked.
"It won't happen again," her grandmother promised. "I was…a little angry with both of you."
"We noticed; between the phones, the lights, the TV and the door being slammed into the wall, we didn't stand a chance of not being aware of your anger; and what's the big idea with taking my paperweight?"
She smiled. "I wanted to annoy you."
Johanna had to give a concentrated effort not to smile. "You did a very good job of it."
"Good; then maybe you'll think twice about having an attitude with your grandmother."
"I had an attitude because you meddled in my marriage."
"I did not meddle," Sarah said firmly. "All I'm guilty of is encouraging you to express a desire you have; the desire to do some law work again. There's nothing wrong with encouragement."
"Your encouragement was a frosty look, a flick at the back of my head and a few sharp pokes in my back."
The spirit nodded. "Yes, but it's not my fault you required more than just a look; really darling, it's your fault that I had to be rough on you; you weren't cooperating."
"I didn't feel the topic needed explored further at that moment; I was looking forward to enjoying my evening with my husband…things were very good between us that morning, as you know."
Sarah waved her hand dismissively. "The two of you can fall into bed together anytime; I'm sure it won't be a long wait."
"It wasn't about…that," she retorted.
Her grandmother's brow rose. "Oh no?"
Johanna's cheeks warmed. "It was only part of it…that's not all we do you know; we enjoy all aspects of our marriage."
"I know, dear; I was just pointing out that there was an amorous note in the air yesterday."
"There wasn't after dinner," she quipped.
"That's not my fault," Sarah replied. "You needed to say what was on your mind and I…nudged you along. I can't help it that he got angry and forgot what century he lives in with his 'I'm the husband; I make the rules' remark. That one really pissed me off…that's why I kept pushing his files on the floor; setting off his phone and doused him with cold water."
"I don't think you have any room to talk about my temper anymore after last night; your temper is just as bad or worse," Johanna told her. "All of these years I was thinking it came from Dad; apparently it comes from you."
Sarah rocked back on her heels, her chin lifting with an air of arrogance. "I wouldn't count out the Italian side of your gene pool, dear. I have met your mother's side of the family."
Johanna's brow rose. "What of it?"
Her grandmother smiled. "Sophia Calabrese has quite a temper when provoked…so does your mother. I saw her throw a coffee mug against the wall once."
"Only once?" she asked. "Mom broke several mugs that way over the years…and then there was the great dinner roll war of 1969 when a fight broke out at Thanksgiving dinner and they were lobbed as weapons…in fact, she threw the first one…at Dad…bounced right off his forehead; it was beautiful," she laughed.
Sarah giggled. "Oh yes, I did see that…your grandfather got nailed by a roll as well."
"They never made any comments about her rolls again."
"Sometimes they only had to learn a lesson once," Sarah replied warmly. "But I guess the point is, your temper comes from many people. You come from two very feisty heritages, we're not sedate people…we just don't have it within us; although some of us have more self-control then others in this family."
"I don't think you're in that group, Sarah; not after that tantrum you had last night."
"I'll have you know that it's been a long time since I've had a tantrum!"
"Oh? How long has it been?"
"Years…many years. I had a tantrum in your father's garage once."
"Really?"
Sarah nodded. "I knocked an old shelf off the wall…and kept pushing his tools onto the floor…turned the lights on and off…he wasn't a happy camper."
"I don't remember that," Johanna remarked.
"The two of you weren't speaking at the time, dear."
"I see," she replied; wondering if she should ask for details or just allow it to pass without comment.
"It was the summer of 1975," Sarah said; clearly reading her thoughts. "I'm sure you can fill in the blanks."
"Yeah; I know those blanks all too well," Johanna replied; thinking about the distance she had put between herself and her parents that summer due to Naomi's nagging during Colleen's wedding planning and the big blow up she'd had with Frank after her grandfather died.
Sarah continued to eye her. "I couldn't let him go unpunished for his behavior during that time. He wasn't happy when that shelf came down…it had paint cans on it…and wouldn't you know that they came open and spilled all over the floor?"
A hint of a smile touched her lips. "He probably curled your hair with his cussing."
"It wasn't anything I hadn't heard before."
"Aren't you going to sit down?" Johanna asked, wondering why Sarah hadn't pulled the piano bench over in front of the desk as usual.
"No, not this time."
"You're not staying for awhile?" she asked.
"No, not today; you have work to do, dear," her grandmother said as she tapped a finger against the files.
"Yeah," she said softly; a flutter in her stomach as she glanced at the files.
Her grandmother studied her intently for a moment. "What's wrong, darling? It's what you wanted, isn't it?"
"Yeah…I'm just…"
"Just what?"
"Nervous," Johanna admitted.
Compassion swept across Sarah's face. "Oh, Josie; you don't have to worry, no harm can come from this. You're perfectly safe."
"It's not really that," she replied quietly. "Although it's good to know."
"Then what is it?"
"I'm just…worried. What if Jim's right? What if I don't have the skill anymore? It's been a long time…I don't want to let him down. I don't want to do something wrong. What if…."
"Stop," Sarah interrupted; her tone soft as her hand raised as if she could halt the flow of words from her granddaughter's lips. "You still have the skill," she stated gently but firmly. "I know it's been awhile but it's still there. You still use it…you used it when you and Katie went over the case in detail, remember? It was you who saw that the wrong time frame was being focused on…and that was the key you needed."
"I remember," she murmured.
"See, it's still there. I understand you're nervous…Jim's words made you doubt yourself but he didn't mean those things. It was just his fear talking."
"I know…but once it's in your head, you can't help but think about it."
Sarah gave a nod. "I understand, but you'll be fine once you get started. You can't back out now, not after he gave in after saying no."
"I wonder what made him change his mind," Johanna replied.
Her grandmother's gaze darted away for a split second as she shrugged. "You know how men are, darling; sometimes they just have to sleep on it."
Johanna eyed her curiously. "Did you do…"
"I should get going," Sarah stated, cutting off her flow of words. "You need to get started on your work; but don't worry, I'll be around."
"What about my visits?" Johanna hurried to ask. "I don't want to start and be interrupted; maybe I should wait."
Her grandmother shook her head. "No visitor today; you have something more important to do…but you're not off the hook. Your next visitor will be around in a day or two; this person doesn't mind waiting while you take care of some business."
"It's good to know I haven't inconvenienced anyone in the other realm," she replied, a touch of lighthearted sarcasm lacing her words.
Sarah giggled. "We're an easy going lot."
"Your tantrum suggests otherwise."
"You're not going to let me forget that, are you?"
Johanna smiled. "Nope; I'm not going to let that happen."
"Very well," Sarah said. "The outcome was positive so I won't complain."
Before Johanna could respond, her phone sounded. "It's your husband," Sarah announced before she could even look at the screen.
"How did you know?" she asked as she gave the phone a quick glance.
"Just a hunch; answer it before he worries."
Johanna accepted the call and brought the phone to her ear. "On a coffee break already?"
"You know me too well," Jim answered; a quiet laugh detectable in his voice.
"Is everything okay?" she asked.
"Yeah…you know I call and check in when I can."
"I know; I wasn't saying there was anything wrong with you calling…it's just it's a little earlier than usual."
"I know," he breathed. "I just…miss you."
A small smile touched her lips and Sarah was polite enough to move to the other side of the room to examine the frames on the wall on Jim's side.
"I miss you too," she murmured.
"Did you hang up your stuff?"
"Yeah; I just finished a little while ago. You were right; I didn't have to take anything down."
"That's good…I guess I could've done it for you when I got home tonight, I didn't think about that until I was driving to the office."
"I'm capable of hanging things on the wall," she said with a soft laugh, knowing they were avoiding the elephant in the room. She decided to be the brave one this time and broach the subject in a small way. "I'm sitting at my desk right now."
There was silence on the line for the space of a heartbeat. "Did you get my note?" Jim asked quietly.
"Yes…you should write me love letters more often."
"I was under the impression that it was a letter of apology," he replied.
"It's that too," she murmured. "You do have a way with words, you know, counselor."
He scoffed lightly. "You're the one who has a way with words, sweetheart; not me."
Her voice dropped an octave. "Then why have you been able to talk me into so many things I initially said no to?"
Jim gave a soft laugh. "Luck and irresistibility on my part and low resistance on yours."
A smile slid across her lips. "If that's what gets you through the night, honey."
"Getting me through the night is your job, sweetheart."
She laughed softly. "See you're a smooth talker."
He chuckled lightly. "I have to impress you once in awhile."
"You always do."
Jim took a breath and decided it was probably time to take her cue that she had thrown out earlier. "So…I guess if you got the note, you got the files."
"Yeah; I have them."
"I wasn't calling to check up on the work," he hurried to say.
"I know."
"You do?"
"Yes…you called to make sure I was okay."
"And because I like to hear your voice."
"I like hearing yours too…I haven't started the work yet."
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"No…I'm just a little nervous."
"Why, sweetheart?"
Johanna worried her bottom lip. "I don't want to do a bad job."
"You won't; why would you think that you would?"
"Because…it's been a long time…what if I'm not good at it anymore? What if my skill has deteriorated?"
Jim breathed deeply. "I ruined your confidence. I put that idea in your head."
"No; I'm sure it would've popped in even if you hadn't said anything. If I really had the confidence I thought, it probably wouldn't have stuck in my mind. Maybe this isn't such a good idea."
Sarah whirled to face her; her eyes wide and a stern expression crossing her face. Johanna cringed, seeing her grandmother's distaste and hearing her husband's silence. She should've stayed in bed that morning.
"I didn't mean what I said last night, Jo."
"I know."
"You're going to be just fine; you know how to do this, you have too much experience for it not to be second nature, sweetheart. You'll settle in once you get started."
"It seems foolish to be nervous about opening a file, doesn't it?"
"No," he replied. "It's just first day jitters. You'll be fine, you can do it. Just do what you've always done; you remember, you always read and take notes, re-read and dig further, double check and go over it for a third time; that's always been your routine…and sometimes the third time was followed by the fourth and fifth time because you're very methodical; you don't leave any stone unturned. You've got this, there's no doubt in my mind."
She took a breath, doing her best to let his words wash away her jitters. It didn't work completely, but she'd do her best to push the feeling away. "I'll do my best for you," she said softly.
"I know you will," Jim told her. "If you need anything, call me…but I'm sure you'll be fine once you get started."
"I'll get started now," Johanna replied as she pulled the files forward.
"Alright, I'll let you go so you can do that and I better get back to work too."
They said their goodbyes and Johanna ended the call; setting her phone off to the side before her gaze flicked to Sarah as the spirit made her way back to her.
"I'm glad to hear that you aren't backing out," her grandmother stated.
"I'm still nervous…but I have to do it," she replied.
"You'll be fine. I'll be around, dear; don't worry."
Johanna managed to give her a smile and then when Sarah had vanished, she opened the top file and took out the pages of notes about the details of the case that Jim had printed off that morning. She took another deep breath and exhaled slowly; forcing herself to push away negative thoughts and to concentrate on the task at hand. She read over the details twice and then repeated the same process while looking over the list of things that Jim wanted her to look for. When she finished, she took a legal pad from one of the desk drawers and slipped her reading glasses on and got to work.
The house was largely quiet when Jim got home late that afternoon but he didn't feel worried as he normally would have. The television was on in the living room, but his wife was absent and he had a feeling it was only on to provide noise that would softly drift into the office where she most likely was still at her desk given her text requesting that he bring dinner home. He smiled as he carried the bags of food to the kitchen and sat them on the table, along with her apology rose; she must've overcome her fears if she was engrossed enough to have him bring home takeout. With the food on the table, he made the trek to the office, his briefcase in hand.
Another smile touched his lips as he stepped inside the room, his gaze falling on his wife as she sat her desk, her head bent over her work, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. She was deep in concentration, her brow furrowing as she read over something that she then checked on the pad that was full of notes. "Jo," he said quietly as he approached her desk, not wanting to startle her.
She flinched at the sound of his voice despite his efforts but she smiled as she looked up from her papers. "Hi, honey…I'm sorry I lost track of time and didn't get dinner started."
"That's alright, sweetheart; you're entitled to a day off from cooking. I didn't mind picking something up. I put the bags in the kitchen. How are you doing?" he asked with a nod at the work in front of her. She had called him once to ask a few questions and he had gotten the idea from them that she might be on to something.
"I think I'm doing alright," she replied. "I think I've found some inconsistencies."
Jim sat down his briefcase and rounded the desk. "Show me."
Johanna set aside the file she was currently working on and pulled forward the ones she had marked with sticky notes. She opened them up and reached for her notes. "I notice that there's more consistency with the handling of business under one person than the other," she stated. "This person, identified as S. Anderson, is much more consistent with the logs of correspondence, the figures, keeping track of what's coming in and going out; everything from that person's handling is documented in what I've gone through; there are no discrepancies in Anderson's handling so far. But then when you look at this person identified as C. Highland, things get sketchy."
"How so?"
Johanna flipped through a few documents and pointed out areas where she had found discrepancies, explaining each one as she went.
Jim listened intently, making note of everything she was saying, but he couldn't help but feel a burst of warmth spread across his chest as he listened to her talk; she was so focused, so into her task, a glimmer of excitement in her eyes that she had caught on to a pattern, the look of pride and accomplishment. She may have been nervous starting out but she certainly wasn't now and he couldn't help but feel so proud of her…he liked seeing her back in her element, the stress eased from her shoulders for a day. The work was doing her good at the moment; he had done the right thing.
"Who's signing off on these things?" Jim asked.
"The person I called to ask you about, George Frankenberry. You said he's the higher-ranking person over these ones who are responsible for logging, transferring, ect."
"That's right; and he was signing off all this even though things weren't adding up?"
"Yes; and I notice that the first time around when Highland was being shifty with the money, he must've gotten caught and a check was logged as being 'lost'; but then Frankenberry starts signing off on them and it starts happening more and more. They try to cover their tracks with unexplained 'business expenses, and by the looks of it, even some fake entries for checks."
"So they were trying to cover it up in small ways but not doing a good job at it."
"Right; but it's not really noticeable unless you're looking for it. The bigger amounts that are missing always have some explanation attached to it like the business expenses I mentioned that he signed off on so people weren't going to bat an eye about it. By May, they're skimming more and more but apparently are coming to the conclusion that they need to replace the money somehow in effort to avoid suspicion."
"What makes you say that?" he asked.
"Because according to your notes; late May is when people start complaining about being charged late fees and other bogus fees that they shouldn't have been charged for. I have a feeling that when the accountant you're using goes over the figures better and in more detail than I can do, he'll see that the money was being used to cover up the fact that they were lining their pockets."
Jim nodded. "That's a logical theory; but we have to prove it…and proving it would help with the other parts of this case."
"I don't think there's going to be too much of a problem with that; they had to have an accomplice in the billing department, because every piece of mail that comes in is logged, which means the payments are logged as soon as they come in even though they haven't been processed yet. That's the file I'm working on now, and I'm seeing a trend of payments being received well before the due date but not being processed until days after the due date…someone was holding them back; and why would someone do that unless they wanted to be able to charge fees? Late fees on these accounts are fifty dollars and up depending on what else gets tacked on; it adds up fast when it's being applied to multiple accounts all the time."
"Do the logs say who was holding back the payments?"
"The person is listed as A. Denning…but there's no A Denning on the employee list you emailed me this afternoon."
"Son of a bitch," Jim muttered. "So it could be anyone in the billing department."
"Yes…someone smart enough to try to keep from being caught unlike the other two. You double check everything after dinner to make sure I'm right…but I've been over it twice already on that first angle."
"I'll look it over for your peace of mind," he told her before pressing a kiss to her temple. "You did a good day's work, sweetheart."
She smiled up at him. "I felt a little unsure of myself going in, as you know."
"I know," he said with a nod. "But now you know there was no need to worry, right?"
"Yeah," she said softly, the smile still clinging to her lips. "Thank you for letting me have the chance."
Jim dipped his head and captured her lips in a kiss. "Your rose in the kitchen with the food," he told her. "Why don't you close up shop for the day and we'll go eat and you can get your usual apology offering."
Johanna gave a nod. "Sounds good; just let me mark where I left off so I can get back to it tomorrow."
"Go ahead; get things settled. I'll put the food on the table tonight."
"I'll be there in a minute," she told him as she caught his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
He brushed a kiss against her temple and then left the room, leaving her to her task.
"He's so proud of you," Sarah murmured warmly as she appeared at her side.
Johanna glanced at her in surprise. "You think so?"
"I know so," she said with a nod. "You see, this is not only good for you; it's good for him…he gets to see that you can take back this small piece of your professional life and that you're fine, that it helps you heal…and that helps him heal too."
"Is this your 'I told you so' lecture?" Johanna asked softly.
Sarah smiled. "Maybe it is. You should always listen to your grandmother, she knows best."
She finished marking the file and separated the rest into piles of what had been done and what wasn't. "I'll try to do better," she quipped.
"You do that," Sarah said with a wink. "Go on now; your husband is waiting."
Johanna gave her grandmother a smile and then moved away from the desk; more than ready to spend the rest of the evening with her husband.
"Any sign of your 'friend' today?" Jim asked casually as he and Johanna settled down on the sofa after dinner to watch TV.
"My friend?" she asked, trying to deflect the topic.
"You know, the one who was angry with us last night," he replied.
"Oh…she's been around," Johanna answered, her gaze shifting to the television as she tried not to squirm.
"Is she still mad?"
"No…she seems to have settled down."
Jim was quiet for a moment as he recalled the dream he'd had that morning...and how Jo had said Sarah's name when the phone started to play music. He noticed that the old photo album from Sarah McKenzie's box was lying on the coffee table and he picked it up. He flipped through the pages, looking for a photo of Johanna's grandmother and when he came across one, he studied it intently. Her face was instantly recognizable, and not just because of the resemblance to his wife…there were similarities between them but also differences, Johanna had Naomi's nose, and the shape of her mouth. Where Sarah was concerned, Johanna had her eyes, the color and shape; she had her chin and her cheekbones, her hair color…a perfect blend of the two women Frank McKenzie loved the most, his wife and his mother…although his love for his mother had turned to a hatred that he used against his daughter, Jim thought to himself, frowning as he did so.
There was no mistake though, the woman in the picture was the woman from his dream…the woman whose spirit he had a feeling was lurking around the house and he was certain Johanna knew it. "How do you know when she's here?" he asked.
Johanna shifted in her seat a bit. "I just…feel it."
"That's all?"
She shrugged. "My paperweight is always moved and I know you're not doing it…and there are those other things we've both seen."
"Why do you think she's around all of a sudden?"
"I don't think it's sudden," Johanna replied. "We always have people watching over us; I've even told you I felt things before."
"I know," Jim answered; "And I believe that too that we have loved ones who watch over us and I know you and other people have felt things before…but this seems different…it's more…upfront, for lack of better words. Like this person wants us to know she's here."
This was heading into what felt like dangerous waters, Johanna thought. "Well, honey; you know how the people in my family are; we like to be loud sometimes."
He gave a quiet laugh. "Why are you so certain that she's your relative?"
"I just know."
"Who is it? Do you have any idea?" he asked; trying to keep his suspicion out of his voice.
She squirmed slightly. "I have a few ideas."
Jim glanced back to the photo of Sarah as he thought about how to proceed.
"Have you seen her?"
Johanna was growing more uncomfortable with this topic. "What do you mean have I seen her?"
"I mean have you seen her?"
"In what sense?"
Jim eyed her. "Are you trying to be deliberately difficult?"
"No!" she exclaimed. "I'm just trying to figure out why you have me on the witness stand."
"Because there's clearly something going on around here," he stated.
"What?"
"Jo," he said firmly. "We clearly have a ghost in this house. I know we were just joking about it a few days ago…or at least I was; but it's become very clear that we have a guest…last night was a prime example. It was like being back at the Balfour."
"Okay, so we have a ghost," Johanna replied. "I never denied it."
"No, you haven't denied it; but you have made claims that you have knowledge of this ghost. You claim she's a female relative of yours."
"What's your point?"
"The point is, how do you know it's a woman and how do you know it's your relative?"
"I just know."
"How?"
Johanna sighed. "I thought we were going to watch TV."
"We always talk while we watch TV."
Before she could reply, Jim's phone began to play music and she couldn't help but laugh as she felt as though Sarah was trying to help her.
"She's trying to help you out, is she?" Jim asked; his words mirroring her thoughts as he silenced his phone.
"Maybe she doesn't like you talking about her…maybe it's her way of saying, here I am, tell me to my face."
"I haven't said a bad word about her…I just want to know her identity."
"Does it matter?" she asked.
The question once again snapped him back to his dream. Sarah had also asked if it mattered what her identity was. The similarity made him recall that many years before when Johanna's grandfather had been dying, he had constantly mistook her for his late wife and the doctor had asked her to play along to keep the man from being agitated. It became a bone of contention between Johanna and her father, especially when Johanna had apparently made comments that he remembered his mother making. Jim could well remember the day of Patrick McKenzie's funeral when Johanna called him and asked him to pick her up at a nearby diner because Frank had put her out of the house after a huge blowup. The man clearly hadn't been able to accept that Johanna's comments had been the sort of statement that anyone might have made and not a sign that she was somehow possessed by his late mother's spirit. She had inherited a portion of Sarah's looks…and apparently some of her personality…and quiet possibility a healthy dose of her temper judging on what he saw last night.
"Maybe it does matter," he stated.
"Why?"
"Maybe I want to call her by name."
Johanna shrugged. "Name her if you want."
Jim caught her eye and held her gaze. "Maybe I'll call her Sarah."
She tensed but she tried to keep her expression neutral as a feeling of panic swept through her. "That's as good a name as any," she replied; a slight tremble in her voice.
He gave a slight nod. "I think so too…after all; it is the name you said this morning when my phone started to play music."
Her tongue tied; she didn't recall Jim's phone going off that morning or saying her grandmother's name. "I…I don't know what you're talking about."
"My phone went off this morning, playing music like it has been doing the last several days. You were still asleep but it broke through enough…you said 'stop it, Sarah."
Johanna's eyes closed for a second as she tried to keep this odd secret from being revealed. "You must've misheard, or you were dreaming yourself."
"I was awake," he said firmly. "I heard you say 'Sarah', you said it in regard to my phone. You've been saying that the spirit we seem to have lurking around here is a female relative of yours…and it just so happens you have a female relative named Sarah…isn't that correct?"
She bristled at the lawyer like edge in his tone. "Well I don't have a male relative named Sarah."
Jim smirked at her barbed comment and gently pulled the photo from the page of the album he held. "And this is your Sarah, right?"
Johanna glanced at the picture, taking in the smiling image of her grandmother. "Yes, that's her."
"She's your grandmother."
"You know she is," she retorted.
"You mean like you know she's our ghostly visitor?"
Her brow rose. "What makes you say that?"
He held her gaze. "Because I think you know she is."
"How would I know?"
"Because I think you've seen her," he stated. "I think you know something you aren't telling me…and I think it's that you've seen her."
She stayed quiet, her gaze never leaving his as his phone began to play once again.
"Behave, Sarah," Jim stated as he quieted the phone. "You've seen her, haven't you, Jo?"
Her lips pursed in refusal of answering, reminding him of Naomi McKenzie when she hadn't gotten her way or had gotten flustered in the heat of a moment. She didn't answer, but her eyes narrowed slightly as the lights began to flicker, the channel on the television turning.
"It seems like I've hit a nerve with both of you," he remarked as his wife remained silent and the spirit occupying their home set off his phone again, the lights flickering every few seconds, and the channel on the TV turning again.
"Maybe you've angered her," Johanna said; her tone quiet and even.
"Is that your confession?" Jim asked as he heard a thud coming from the office and assumed that the folders on his desk were once again on the floor.
She licked her lips nervously. "I'm not confessing anything."
"Why don't you just tell me?" Jim asked. "You don't have to be afraid to admit it; I'm not going to think you're crazy. Just tell me the truth."
She stayed quiet, the magazine on the coffee table sliding to the floor.
"You want to make her stop her tantrum?" he asked.
Johanna shook her head. "She's not bothering me."
Jim smirked at her. "So you're going to play it that way, are you?"
"And what way might that be?" she asked.
"Tough girl," he replied. "You used to play that game a lot back in the day."
"I am a tough girl," she retorted.
"I never denied that you were…it's just that you build it up a bit at times…playing up the bravado; you want to be tough as nails, unbreakable, unbendable, completely in control."
Her green eyes turned cool as they narrowed. "That's called being a McKenzie, darling," she said, a slight edge in her voice as she raised her chin a bit.
Jim smiled; there was a part of him that liked to rile her. "Yes; that little jut of the chin has always been the sign of McKenzie arrogance. You look like Frank when you do that."
Her jaw dropped. "I do not!"
"Yes, you do. Frank used to do that all the time and so does your brother. The three of you are definitely related."
"I don't look like my father," Johanna said tartly.
"You do when you jut that chin up…and just so you know, you most definitely have his chin."
"I do not! I have my grandmother's chin," she stated hotly.
"Where do you think Frank got it?" he asked with a laugh. "Compare the pictures, sweetheart; the truth will be right there in front of you."
Johanna glared at him. "I hope our friend torments you all night."
"Answer the question," Jim demanded.
"What question?"
"You're being obtuse."
"And you're being exasperating…you better watch that, Jimmy boy; your Elizabeth Bradley Beckett is showing…you get that from her, you know."
Jim smirked. "That's cold, sweetheart."
"Just playing the game you started, honey."
"Johanna," he said firmly. "Tell me what you know about this ghost that's lurking around. Is it Sarah? Have you seen her?"
Johanna eyed him, a flicker of suspicion in her eyes. "Why do you want to know? Why is it so important? Have you seen her?"
His wife had turned the tables on him and he momentarily lost the ability to speak as his words deserted him. A smug gleam was lighting up her eyes as she assessed the victory she was sure she had just claimed. He had to regroup quickly, he surmised.
"I asked you first," Jim stated; disappointed in his own efforts at the regrouping he had just thought about in regard to strategy.
"And I asked you," she replied; not giving an inch of wiggle room.
"Jo," he said; his tone somewhat tight as the lights went off completely and then came back on. "I want an answer…now."
She held his gaze, stubbornness written across her features as Sarah continued to make her displeasure known by playing with the lights, television and phone. "What answer do you want?" she asked.
"You know what I want. I want to know about Sarah. I want to know what's going on around here…and neither one of us is going to bed tonight until you tell me."
Johanna settled back into the corner of the sofa and grabbed the throw to lay over her as Sarah's presence created a chill in the room. "Staying up all night is going to bother you way more than me," she replied. "I've always been a bit of an insomniac…and then I became a mother…and let's not forget that your contribution to Katie's late night wake up calls during the first few months of her life was to nudge me and say 'Jo, the baby's crying' and then you'd go back to sleep. I've got this, won't bother me at all to sit here all night. You; you'll be down by two...three the latest and then you'll be dragging at work tomorrow. You'll see that you came into battle ill equipped and without a proper case. Go ahead and forfeit, darling; have your good night's sleep; this really isn't worth all your effort, especially when I was feeling so loving toward you."
Jim smiled and leaned back against the couch. "You're good, sweetheart; closing arguments are still your arena…but I'm afraid I won't be conceding despite your blatant attempt to woo me with your charms. You have forgotten, in your haste to declare yourself the victor, that when it comes to you, I view everything as a challenge…and believe me, Sassy; I have ways of making you talk…and by the time the sun comes up; I'll not only have my answers, I will reclaim those loving thoughts of yours and have you right where I want you."
She laughed. "You're so adorable when you're delusional. You don't stand a chance."
"We'll see," he said good naturedly despite being serious about demanding certain answers.
"I guess we will," Johanna replied. "It's going to be a long night."
"It doesn't have to be…you can tell me what I want to know…you are incriminating yourself with your silence."
Her brow rose as she eyed him. "Maybe that's just what I want you to think."
Jim shook his head. "No; I know you know what's going on…and I want to know what it is no matter how crazy you think it is."
"You know, you're forgetting one thing."
"What's that?"
"The ghost seems to be on my side tonight…that makes it two against one," Johanna remarked. "You're not going to win."
"That's what you think…I'll break you."
She scoffed as she held out her hand for him to shake. "I wish you luck; I'll be sure to wake you in time for work."
Jim took her offered hand. "Who is she?"
Johanna pressed her lips together and turned her gaze to the TV as her hand slid from his.
He sighed; his phone misbehaving again. "Can you at least ask her to cool her heels with the temper tantrum?"
"No, I'm not feeling inclined to do that," she replied. "It works to my advantage and proves my claim that she's my relative."
Jim suppressed a sigh; he had forgotten just how formidable of an opponent his wife when she was firing on all cylinders. He wanted his answers…but he also liked seeing her fire…that peddle to the floor blaze of glory that could flood her veins within moments. He could feel a subtle change in her…something small snapping back into place and it calmed a small portion of his worries…but he wanted to know what the hell Sarah McKenzie had to do with it; and Johanna was going to tell him.