The Visitors

by evitascarlett

A story from the Reflections/Redemption universe. Johanna Beckett receives a few visitors...the ghostly kind of visitors that is. Just a little Halloween-ish project in honor of the holiday; see authors note for more details. CastleHalloweenBash2016 entry.

8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks for your reviews!

Chapter 8- Spiritual Persuasion

"Are you getting sleepy?" Johanna asked as she glanced at her husband.

"Of course not," he scoffed; although his eyes told a different story. "Why would you think that?"

She shrugged. "Oh I don't know; probably because it's one-thirty and you don't stay up this late without the benefit of illness, stress or…romance."

He reached for her hand and took it. "Every moment with you is a romantic one, sweetheart; so really you shouldn't be surprised."

Johanna smirked. "Are you trying to woo me into submission with those sweet talking ways of yours, Romeo?"

Jim grinned. "I'm always wooing you into submission…tonight; however, since you've been sassy and naughty, I'm wooing you to be submissive in all areas."

"Naughty?" she quipped, her tone dropping an octave as her hand found it's way to his thigh. "You'll know when I'm naughty…and you haven't seen it yet tonight."

He moved closer, his fingertips falling against her bare knee as he skimmed a kiss against her neck. "See, talk like that gives me plenty of motivation to stay awake all night…your game must be slipping."

"Hardly," she scoffed. "That's just your wishful thinking."

"Don't think that I don't know what you're up to," he stated.

"And just what do you think that is?"

"You're trying to lure me with your feminine charms," Jim remarked.

Johanna laughed. "And what gave you that idea?"

He grasped the silky material of her red nightgown. "This," he said, giving it a tug. "This is your seduction nightgown."

"It is not!"

"It is too; that's your 'come and get it' advertisement."

Johanna shot him a look; trying to keep the amusement out of her gaze. "I do not advertise that type of service, Mr. Beckett."

"Yes, you do," he said with a nod. "I know when you're selling sex."

"Selling sex? You're calling me a prostitute now?!" she exclaimed.

"No! I'm just saying you're offering something in trade."

"Which is prostitution!"

He shook his head again. "I have never left money on your nightstand."

"It's a good damn thing," she replied.

"I couldn't if I wanted to," he stated. "I don't have enough money to afford the experience that is you…you're so gracious to give it to me freely."

Johanna gave a short laugh. "This is so wrong on so many levels."

"And yet it has a ring of truth," Jim declared. "You're trying to lure me with sex…you think it will make me forget certain things."

"Okay; number one, when have I ever lured you with sex; and number two, if I want you to forget; I'm certain I can wipe your mind clean of thought."

"Well, aren't we sure of ourselves," he teased.

She swatted his shoulder. "Answer the question, when did I ever lure you?"

"Do you have a notepad and a pen so you can make a list?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Just start listing, Clyde."

"Alright, Bonnie; let's go right to your biggest lure of all; you teased me with sex but wouldn't let me have my way until you got what you wanted which was a commitment."

"Oh, you did not go there," she laughed. "First of all, I did not tease you with sex."

"You did," he insisted. "You walked around in skimpy bikinis, short shorts, flirty little dresses and that witch's costume for Halloween..."

"Still dreaming about that disappointment, are you?" she quipped.

"It is one of the wounds I still carry upon my poor soul," he replied.

Johanna laughed. "You poor little thing…let's not forget the hickey you left on my neck that night."

He smiled. "That was a nice one…it's been awhile since I've given you one of those…one more weapon for the arsenal but I digress. You let me rub suntan lotion on you, you let me take liberties…one time you even let me take most of your clothes off and then…."

"Now wait just a damn minute! I had every intention of going through with it that night but your friend called and needed bail money so you don't even get to use that one, buddy boy."

Jim glanced at her. "He's your friend too."

"He didn't call me for bail."

"That's because we were in my room."

"He didn't know that."

"He did after I picked him up."

"You told him!" Johanna exclaimed, her hand smacking against his shoulder.

"A little," he admitted as he dodged her hands.

"Why would you do that!"

"So he'd understand why I hated him in that moment," he laughed.

"Oh my God," Johanna muttered. "What do you do, go out and brag to all your buddies when you score?"

Jim shook his head. "No…I don't have to brag; they can tell by how happy I am when I come to work."

She glared at him. "I told you to get your illicit smiling under control."

"It's not my fault you give so much to smile about."

Jim's phone began to play as it laid on the coffee table. "Maybe we better change the topic; our friend might not like hearing this," she remarked.

"Then she should go home," he replied as he quieted the device.

"I don't think that's going to happen and I'm deeming your first example of a lure as inadmissible in the court of Beckett," Johanna declared.

"Who said you get to be judge?"

"Me."

"Why?"

"Because I have a black robe and I look cute in it."

Jim laughed. "You do look cute in it…why don't you come a little closer so we can have a conference about these proceedings?"

"You're trying to lure me with sex now?" she asked.

"No way; that's your playbook. I was just offering…mediation about our disagreement of example one."

"Example one is moot because a woman has a right to withhold until a commitment is made, and secondly, you did some teasing of your own. In the end, we were both compensated for our troubles…I got a commitment, you got my bed; we all won."

"Okay," Jim said with a nod. "I'll agree on that one. There is the matter of a certain weekend in Pennsylvania."

"I did not lure you to Pennsylvania…your mother did."

"But you are the one who purposely said nothing when I took the wrong exit."

"I didn't know you took the wrong exit, and you can't prove otherwise, and besides, as I've reminded you before, you told me to shut up. Maybe if you hadn't been distracted by whatever sports game was on the radio, you would've known where you were going," she remarked.

"You say I can't prove it…but there's the matter of your extreme happiness, a bottle of champagne and your promise that I'd have more fun with you in the hotel room."

"As I've said before; I was happy not to spend the weekend with your mother and her sister Theresa. Champagne seemed like a fitting beverage and as for the fun…you looked like you had fun to me," she remarked with a saucy lilt in her voice.

He grinned. "Yeah…it was fun."

"See, I didn't lie."

"No, you didn't lie at all…that was a red-hot weekend."

"Yes, I know…I came back pregnant."

His grin widened. "Since our daughter makes it a win win for both of us, I'm going to withdraw the charge."

"Good idea."

"Okay; what about that time in my office?"

"That was you doing the luring, I resisted at first."

"Elevator?"

"You again," Johanna quipped. "You said it was life or death…in fact, you've used that excuse many times."

"All those times at the movies," he remarked.

"You…you were always in a hurry to move on to the end of the evening. I like to take my time."

Jim blew out a breath. "This isn't going the way I wanted it to."

"Those are the breaks, honey. I think my name has been cleared."

"No; I wouldn't say that…let's not forget what steak dinners are followed by."

Johanna sighed. "Okay; to show you that I'm a fair and impartial judge; I will allow any steak dinner occasion; with the exception of announcing my pregnancy, to be admitted as evidence of luring."

"That's good of you."

"I thought so."

"Are you ready to tell me about the ghost?"

"Are you?" Johanna asked.

Jim smirked at her. "Don't make me start pulling out secret weapons."

"I'm familiar with your secret weapons…I know how to handle them and use them to my advantage."

"That's just what I let you think."

"Sure it is," she quipped.

He grinned and dipped his head; finding the exact spot on her neck that he needed to concentrate on. "Don't do that," she murmured halfheartedly.

He laughed against her skin. "What's wrong; afraid you can't resist?"

"I can resist."

"I'm not stopping."

"We'll see who wins," she said as she tried to remain strong.

After a few moments she began to melt against him as his arm slipped around her. "Stop," she whispered, feeling his lips leaving fiery trails along her throat.

"Nope…you know you don't want me to."

"That's the problem," she muttered.

"There's a very easy solution," Jim stated.

"What?"

"Tell me what I want to know," he said before capturing her lips in a searing kiss. "And then we'll go upstairs and finish this."

"Admit defeat?!" Johanna exclaimed as she pushed him back. "Never."

His eyes narrowed at her. "I almost had you."

"You almost had me upstairs, but you didn't have the other thing."

"Why won't you just tell me about this ghost that's hanging around?" Jim asked. "Clearly I believe it's here so you shouldn't be worried about feeling weird or crazy for admitting it."

"Maybe it feels complicated," she replied.

"Uncomplicate it."

"Oh yeah; I'm so good at that."

"Jo," he sighed. "Just tell me what's going on."

"Nothing's going on."

"There's a ghost in the house; how can you say that!"

She shrugged. "She doesn't bother me."

"It doesn't bother you that we have a ghost who throws tantrums?"

"Nope; she seems harmless…and if she's family; well then, I'm used to it."

"Okay," Jim said with a nod. "We'll just keep sitting here until you're ready to talk."

Johanna smiled. "We might be sitting here for a long time."

"We'll see about that."

"I guess we will," she quipped.

---

"You know; you could just go to bed and we'll forget this whole thing," Johanna remarked later on as the clock hit two-thirty.

"And admit defeat? No way. What's the matter, are you getting sleepy?" Jim asked.

"I'm fine…you're the one who has to go to work; once you leave I can go on up the stairs to bed and have a nice little nap."

"That's cold, Jo; really cold."

"Cold but true."

"You always were ruthless in the courtroom," he replied as he stretched.

"You were known to be a little ruthless yourself…in fact, I remember a few times when you were ruthless with the colleague who had to work on a case with you."

Jim eyed her. "What are you getting at?"

"Oh nothing; I just that I remember those lectures about things being done your way because your name was on it…I got that lecture several times, and a few times you even had to bring up that 'I have more experience' line."

"Well I did have more experience than you."

"That didn't mean you had to be arrogant about it," she replied. "Every time you did that I just wanted to smack the hell out of you."

"I'm surprised you didn't," he laughed.

"Me too."

He breathed deeply and tried to stifle a yawn but failed, making his wife smirk in response. "Don't get smug, Sassy; I saw you rubbing your eye a few minutes ago."

"I had an eyelash in my eye."

"Prove it."

She smirked again. "Hey, you're the one yawning, not me. We could make a deal if you want."

Jim's brow rose. "A deal?"

"Yes…are you interested?"

"Maybe…is it going to be worthwhile?"

Johanna nodded. "If you accept the deal, we can go upstairs and go to bed."

"Tell me what the deal is first."

"The deal is; you tell me why you're so interested in Sarah all of a sudden…and if I believe your story, I'll consider answering your questions."

"That doesn't seem very fair."

"I think it's fair; I mean how do I know you aren't just making something up?"

Jim's phone began to play music and the TV turned itself off and on, a gush of cool air sweeping through the room.

"I keep getting the feeling that our ghost doesn't want to be talked about," Jim remarked.

"Or maybe she does…how do we know for sure?"

"I think you know a whole lot more than you let on, Jo."

She shrugged. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't…you won't find out unless you roll the dice on our deal."

He was getting tired, Jim mused; and maybe if he was open with her about his own experience, she would open up about hers. "Okay; I'm willing to take the deal; but I want answers after I tell my story."

"Start talking," she replied.

He blew out a breath. "I had a dream this morning."

"A dream?"

He nodded. "There was a woman…."

Johanna gave a small laugh. "You better hope it was a ghost woman because if you're lying next to me dreaming about other women, this night is not going to end well for you at all."

He chuckled a little. "It was nothing like that. I was in our office and this woman; she came to talk to me…she kind of looked like you; sounded like you when she said certain words. She said she was your family."

Her stomach flipped and she pulled her blanket tighter around her to ward off the chill. She had a feeling that her grandmother wasn't happy with Jim's announcement as a few of the books on the bookcase tumbled to the floor and the cordless phone on the stand, which had been disconnected months before, rang, making them both jump.

"Why did she want to talk to you?" Johanna asked; ignoring the tantrum that Sarah seemed to be gearing up for.

"She wanted to talk about you."

"What about me?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because this person must've had a reason to want to talk to you about me. Did she say who she was other than that she was my family?"

Jim nodded; a part of him hating himself for telling her all this when it felt a little crazy…but it had happened and he fully believed that the visitor in his dream was the ghost haunting their home. "She said her name was Sarah."

The office door could be heard being slammed shut and then open, the echo of the doorknob bouncing off the wall sounding through the house. The few plates in the sink in the kitchen were rattled, the lights flickering and the phones going off at full volume.

"Uh oh," Johanna said. "Someone's getting mad."

"Yeah; it does seem that way," he replied as he squeezed the back of his neck.

"So what did that Sarah have to say?"

"It wasn't 'that' Sarah," Jim remarked as he picked up the photo album and took out the picture of Sarah McKenzie again. "It was this Sarah."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I saw her as clearly as I see you…it was as real as you and I sitting here now. There was no denying the resemblance between you…the way she said the word 'not'...it's the same way you say it, same inflection. She was wearing a green dress."

"A green dress," Johanna repeated without meaning to, paling a little as she did so.

"Yeah…but it wasn't modern, it was old fashioned."

She shifted uncomfortably as Sarah continued to rage; she had a feeling that her grandmother didn't want her to know what she had been up to. "What did Sarah say? I notice you keep avoiding that question."

He squeezed his neck again and the gesture put her on edge as he remained silent. "Come on, out with it…I don't think you're crazy if that's what you're thinking."

Jim blew out a breath. "She wanted to talk about you working."

A small flicker of anger began to warm her veins. "What about it?" she asked.

Jim explained the conversation that had taken place in his dream, a tiny knot forming in his stomach as he saw his wife's jaw tighten.

"So let me get this straight," Johanna said; her voice low and even. "You didn't change your mind on your own accord. You only let me help you with your work today because of some dream."

He suddenly realized that he shouldn't have confessed the full extent of his dream; that his quest to push her to answer his own questions was only going to open up a can of worms and it wasn't going to be pleasant. "I didn't say that."

"I don't think you have to," she replied. "Tell me, when you went to bed last night, was your answer still no?"

Jim hesitated, his hand squeezing the back of his neck again. "The truth, Jim," his wife said firmly.

"Yes, my answer was still no."

"So you only changed your mind because of this dream?"

"I guess in a manner of speaking but I meant everything I said in the letter I left you, Jo; I swear I did."

Hurt and anger warred within her. "Why did some dream change your mind when I couldn't? When you were so adamant about your feelings?"

He shrugged. "I guess I felt like she made some good points."

"And I didn't?"

"Jo…."

"No!" she exclaimed; her voice trembling slightly. "I thought you made the decision on your own; that you thought about it and realized that I was still good enough and that there wasn't any harm to come from it. I wanted you to make up your mind on your own, not do it because of some stupid dream."

The lights flickered wildly and there were sounds of more crashes and more books fell to the floor from the bookcase.

"Johanna; what's the difference?"

"There's a big difference!"

"Why? All that matters is that I came around to what you wanted."

"What I wanted," Johanna repeated. "It wasn't just me that I wanted it for, Jim. I wanted you to want it for both of us, so we'd both feel like we were moving on from that fear. You don't really want me to work; you only did it because this dream made you feel like you had to, didn't it?"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Then what would you say?"

Jim sighed. "I'd say that, yes, it helped me make the decision but that I did it for you because I felt it was the right thing."

"But you couldn't see that on your own, you had to have some ghost spook you into it," she said tartly.

"Don't go getting bent out of shape about this," Jim said firmly as the spirit in the house continued to rage. "All that matters is that I gave you the work to do, I meant what I said in the letter, you did a good job and you enjoyed it. Nothing else matters."

"Maybe it does to me," she said softly as she threw back her blanket and got up from the sofa.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed," Johanna answered as she continued on to the staircase.

"But you didn't answer my questions; I thought we had a deal!?"

"You didn't listen to the terms closely; I said I'd consider telling you; and right now I'm not feeling very chatty."

"So you let me throw myself into the fire on purpose?" Jim exclaimed.

Johanna whirled around to face him. "How was I to know there was a fire to throw yourself in? It shouldn't surprise you; you've always been good at throwing yourself into fires and digging holes."

"What if I said I made the whole thing up?"

"You'd be a damn liar," Johanna said as she began to climb the stairs. "You can't make something like that up!"

Jim blew out a breath as she stomped upstairs; when would he ever learn to keep his mouth shut? His phone once again sprang to life, making a commotion as he fumbled with it and shut it off. The channels on the television flipped wildly and a cool breeze continued to fill the room. "Shut up, Sarah; you've caused enough problems," he muttered.

The room grew colder and he yelped as he felt like someone flicked his ear as hard as possible. "Stop it or I will call some of those paranormal people to run you out of here," he told the spirit. "Now I see where Johanna got her temper…and all these years I thought it came from Frank."

This time he felt a flick to his nose and he swatted the air in front of him. "You better knock it off," he stated. "You're the one who caused this trouble."

The comment set off another round of the spirit's fury and as the room settled he felt a flick to his other ear. "That's it," Jim said as he got up from the couch. "I'm going upstairs with my wife, who is angry with me thanks to you, but I'd much rather have her company than yours. Leave me alone and don't give me anymore advice and don't show up in my dreams because I'm not listening."

The room remained cold as he turned off the television and the lights. He gripped his phone and headed toward the stairs feeling like he could still feel Sarah's presence. "Clean up the mess you made," he said quietly. "My wife shouldn't have to clean up after your tantrums."

He was rewarded with another flick; this one softer and easily ignored as he climbed the stairs. If Sarah wanted to haunt the downstairs, she could continue to do so, he didn't care. He didn't feel there was any danger to be had from her, even if she did seem to get angry easily.

---

Jim entered the darkened bedroom and wasn't surprised to see that Johanna had her back to his side of the bed. He also wasn't surprised to see that she was as close to the edge of her side as possible. It was her usual tactic when she was upset with him; she tried to stay as far away as possible. He sighed and settled into his side and moved toward her.

"Don't," she said firmly but softly.

He ignored her and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her back against him despite her squirming in protest.

"Stop," he murmured as he kept his hold tight.

She stilled beneath his arm but the tension remained in her body. "You know that I love you," Jim said quietly. "And you know that if I do something, I do it out of love for you. Maybe the dream was why I changed my mind but it doesn't mean I lied about the sentiment or betrayed you somehow. I could've ignored the dream and stuck to my word but I didn't. I got up and I went downstairs and pulled a section of work that needed to be done and put it on your desk. I wrote you that letter and I meant every word that was in it…I wasn't trying to pull something over on you; I wasn't afraid of going against the word of some ghostly woman in a dream. I did it for you and that's all that matters. I'm sorry that I told you about that dream, I shouldn't have."

Her body relaxed slightly but he knew that she was still upset with him as her hand didn't seek his.

"It just feels like it means a little less than it did this morning," she whispered.

"It shouldn't."

"But it does…because knowing you didn't make the decision on your own, without outside influence, makes me feel like you still don't really want me to do it."

"God you're stubborn," Jim muttered before pressing a rough kiss against her hair. "If I didn't want you to do it, I wouldn't have let you do it. Why can't you just see that?"

"Probably for the same reason that you can never just understand how I feel right off the bat…you have to keep stepping in it until the light bulb finally goes off in your brain and tells the monkey which switch to flip."

He couldn't help but laugh at her analogy. "So all these years you've been sitting around thinking I have a monkey in my brain manning the switchboard?"

"It could've been worse…I could've said you had nothing in there."

His quiet laughter filled her ear. "I guess that's true…I'm glad you love me despite the monkey switch flipper…who apparently is sometimes slow."

"Mhmm," she muttered.

Jim loosened his hold on her, his hand caressing her side sensually as his lips brushed over her ear. "Can't we just make up, sweetheart?"

"Don't even think about it," she told him as she caught his wayward hand.

"Think about what?"

"About getting overly friendly with me because it isn't going to happen."

"Why not? It isn't like we have anything else to do at three in the morning."

"I could smack you if you're desperate for entertainment."

"That doesn't sound like the kind of fun I had in mind."

Johanna smirked. "I'm sure it's not; you're lucky I let you cross the center of the bed, don't push your luck."

"In all honesty, I had a feeling that plan wouldn't work but I thought you might think less of me if I didn't at least try," Jim quipped.

"I guess the monkey's working one switch tonight."

His body shook with laughter as he held her tightly once again.

"Go to sleep, Jim; you're getting loopy if monkey jokes are getting to you that much," Johanna said as he continued to laugh.

"What do you expect, it's three in the morning, I have an angry ghost downstairs, an angry wife in my bed who's shunned my advances; that monkey is only person on my team at the moment."

Johanna patted his arm. "That's right honey; just you and monkey."

"Should we name him?"

"Oh my God," she muttered as she turned to face him. "Are you serious?"

He shrugged. "Why not?"

"Fine, we'll call him Jackass."

Jim grinned wickedly. "But sweetheart; that's your pet name for me."

She gave him a soft kick under the covers. "Only when you deserve it!"

He laughed. "I think the monkey needs a good name."

"Call him Clyde."

He pondered that for a moment. "Can't use that, Clyde is my road trip name, Bonnie."

"How about you forget the monkey and go to sleep before I wham you with a pillow?"

"Still feeling feisty, huh?"

"Jim," she said sternly. "Kiss me goodnight and go to sleep."

"Well at least you're allowing me one privilege," he said with a smile before he captured her lips in a long slow kiss.

When their kiss ended, Johanna caressed his face. "Sleep now."

"You'll forgive me in the morning?"

"Yes, dear…I always do."

He kept his arm around her, encouraging her to snuggle up against his chest as she always did. He hoped she'd always forgive him for his missteps…and he hoped one day she'd tell him the truth about Sarah.

---

"I thought you said you'd forgive me this morning?" Jim said as he looked down at the breakfast Johanna had out before him.

"I forgive you," she stated as she sat down across from him.

"My plate doesn't look like it."

Johanna arched a brow at him. "What are you talking about? You have a perfectly nice breakfast; pancakes, sausage and scrambled eggs."

"There's no bacon."

"You don't get bacon every day; you know that."

"But when you forgive me, I get bacon despite having it the day before."

She smiled. "No honey; you get extra bacon when I want you to forgive me."

He thought about that for a moment and then nodded. "My wires are probably crossed from sleep deprivation…but extra bacon is always a good forgiveness gift no matter the occasion."

"I'll keep that in mind."

"I am sorry if I hurt your feelings somehow."

Johanna shook her head. "Let's just forget about last night, okay?"

"I just don't want you think that I don't believe in your ability to do the job or that I don't really want you to have the opportunity because that's not true. I do believe in you and your skill and you're already doing a good job with the part I gave you…I know I made the right decision and I'm glad I made it, because I'm sure I'd regret it if I hadn't."

She reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze. "I appreciate that and I forgive you; let's just put it behind us."

"Alright," Jim replied; although he knew there was still a part of her that was stung by the thought that he hadn't reached his decision entirely on his own. "I love you."

"I love you too," she told him, a soft smile on her lips. "Eat your breakfast; everything is fine."

"You're sure?"

"Positive," she assured; although she was still highly annoyed with a certain ghost.

"I might have more for you to do after you finish up what you have," Jim remarked as he picked up a bite of his breakfast.

"That's fine…and if you don't have anything, that's fine too. I won't be offended or angry."

"I know," he assured. "I was just letting you know that there could be more."

Johanna managed a smile for him. "We're fine, Jim; please don't worry."

Jim returned her smile; she wanted to let it go and it was probably in the best interest of both of them if he allowed it to fade away as she wished. He'd bring her a rose after work and finish smoothing things over…and if he had anymore dreams, he'd keep them to himself.

---

Johanna debated calling for her grandmother later that morning as she sat at her desk but her annoyance with the spirit made her hold her tongue. Maybe it was best if the woman stayed away. Sarah McKenzie was a meddler. She proclaimed that she was trying to help but her tactics felt far from helpful. She had thought that Jim had come to his decision on his own about letting her help with his work…but knowing that he had only changed his mind because Sarah had popped into his dreams and badgered him made the gesture less meaningful in some ways. It stung…and she was somewhat angry in addition to her annoyance. No, she wouldn't call for her; she had probably exhausted herself anyway with the way she had carried on all night. She felt the temperature of the room dip and she groaned slightly; apparently she wasn't going to be spared her grandmother's presence after all.

Sure enough, Sarah appeared in the room, her usual smile missing, her green eyes somewhat regretful and stormy as she approached the desk. Johanna glanced at her and then dropped her gaze back to her papers, ignoring the woman before her.

"You're angry with me," Sarah stated.

"Yeah; I guess I am," Johanna replied tartly.

"You weren't supposed to find out that I paid Jim a visit."

"You see how that worked out for you."

Sarah sighed. "How was I supposed to know that he was going to tell you? I thought he could keep things like that to himself."

"Oh, Sarah," Johanna said somewhat condescendingly. "He's a man; men can be led into telling anything if you do it right, you should know that. For God's sake, all women know that after the wedding you start undoing the programming of their mothers and program them the way a wife is supposed to! I've been married for thirty-five years; there isn't much he can keep from me!"

"I suppose that's true…although I didn't have nearly as much success with your grandfather's training…I wonder what I was doing wrong."

"You were probably a victim of your era is some respects, but that's not what we're discussing. We're discussing your meddling!"

"I wasn't meddling!" Sarah exclaimed.

"If you weren't meddling, then why didn't you want me to find out what you did?"

"Because you'd misunderstand and act like this," she said with a wave of her hand. "Your father always says you're a real McKenzie; he's so very right about that."

"Don't go there, Sarah."

"I don't know why you're so upset, dear."

"I just told you why!" she exclaimed as she took off her glasses and dropped them onto the desk before surging to her feet.

"I didn't meddle."

"Then what do you call it?"

"Doing what was best for both of you," her grandmother said firmly. "If you won't do it for yourselves then someone has to intervene."

"Did you ever consider that maybe he could just stew on it for a few days and come to his own decision about giving in?" Johanna asked.

Sarah scoffed. "Now why on earth would he give in when you stood there in that kitchen yesterday morning and gave him a pretty speech about being resigned to your career being in the past and apologizing for bringing it up in the first place. Really, dear; it was quite disappointing to hear and it made me glad that I had a word with him before you gave him your little talk."

"I meant every word that I told him," she shot back.

Her grandmother regarded her with a raised brow. "And yet you were so very pleased to hold your law degree in your hands once more…after you mentioned how it was just a piece of paper and you didn't know where it was. He gave it to you and you relished the feel of it. He gave you work and you quite enjoyed doing it; you were engrossed in it…not once did you sit down in front of those talk shows and listen to what they were saying about you or your family or your situation. Not once did you go looking at that page that you've been watching as you try to bait the person behind it. You were focused, you weren't worried, you weren't suffering from any paranoia about who might be lurking outside, you weren't staring at a phone that won't ring and show your daughter's number on the screen; now were you? You were doing the job you were always meant to do and you were enjoying it, you were being yourself, and it felt good, didn't it?"

"Wow," Johanna said sarcastically. "I didn't have you pegged for having a bitchy side, Sarah."

"Well maybe someone has to get bitchy with you," her grandmother retorted. "You weren't very receptive to your mother's tough love tactic. I did what I felt was right for you and I won't regret it or apologize for it. I'm your grandmother; I know what's best for you."

"Oh you do?" she asked. "That's why you didn't let me handle this on my own?"

Sarah gave a sharp nod. "Exactly; because you wouldn't handle it, Johanna; you'd cower and I can't bear to see it. You're my beautiful, strong, brave, sassy granddaughter and she does not cower because other people can't let go of their fears. She overcomes; and when she won't, then someone else has to take the step to make her! You can be mad at me all you want but I'm not sorry and I'll never be sorry. Those stacks of files on your desk are just what you need and we all know it!"

"I wanted him to come to the decision on his own," she said through clenched teeth. "Don't you see; it meant something to me!"

"It still can. All I did was tell him what he needed to hear…you're so desperate to have control…."

"You told me to get control!"

"The right kind of control," Sarah said sternly. "Control of you, of your feelings, of your life. People aren't always going to make their decisions regarding you on your terms."

"Yeah, no kidding; I hadn't already learned that," she said sarcastically.

"Johanna Elizabeth McKenzie Beckett," the spirit said sharply. "You are spoiling for a fight and there's no call for it. I told your husband what he needed to hear because I love you and I want you to be happy. You don't do him any favors bending to his will all the time…you never use to and you shouldn't start now. You're still so afraid that if you don't stay in line that he'll leave you. He's never going to walk away from you; you need to let that fear go and you'll both be happier."

"Everyone's so good at telling me what to do," she said tartly. "When do I get to tell someone what to do?"

Sarah eyed her. "When you open your mouth and do it like you always have. Now you settle down and behave yourself."

"What if I don't want to?" Johanna asked.

"I'm your grandmother; when I tell you to settle down, you settle down."

Johanna hated herself for it, but reflex at the stern maternal tone had her dropping back into her chair and closing her mouth.

"That's more like it," Sarah remarked. "I don't like to get rough with you but damn it, you provoke it sometimes."

"Such unladylike language," she quipped; her tone still carrying an edge.

Sarah pointed a finger at her. "You save your attitude for the people who need it, kitten; don't sharpen your claws on me. You got what you needed and wanted because Jim needed an extra shove and I gave it to him…although I didn't expect him to have a big mouth about it. I wasn't trying to hurt you or meddle and if you'd stop being stubborn for five seconds, you might see that."

"Maybe we don't have much to say to each other today," Johanna remarked. "I'm not some little girl who needs someone to go get her what she wants."

"You may not be a little girl but you're not good at getting what you want lately."

"Why don't you just go on your rounds and let me be," she retorted.

"My, my, kitten; you're cranky when you don't get enough sleep. I'm surprised you didn't stay in bed and let Jim fend for himself this morning."

"I try to be a good wife even when he makes me mad."

"You don't need to feel angry; you got what you wanted and Jim let go of a fear. Everyone is better off because I intervened."

"Uh huh."

"It's true and you know it."

"It might be true but that doesn't make it sting any less."

Sarah rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. "Fine, darling; have it your way; I'm throwing myself on your mercy. I'm eternally sorry that I stepped on your toes. Please except my humble apology or I may never know a moment's peace again."

Johanna smirked. "That wasn't so hard, now was it?"

"Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

"I suppose I can forgive you; God knows I don't want your suffering on my conscience. See, I'm capable of getting what I want."

Sarah McKenzie narrowed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at her.

"That wasn't very ladylike either, Grandma."

"Well maybe I don't feel like being ladylike. Maybe you've provoked me into bad behavior."

"You've been behaving badly since last night!"

"Yes, I know. I rather like a good tantrum. It feels so good to be bad sometimes; and I did clean up the mess as your husband asked me to before he went to bed."

"I'm so glad this has been beneficial for you, Sarah," Johanna replied lightly. "Are my visits over? It's been a few days."

Her grandmother shook her head. "You'll be having a visitor very soon."

"How soon?"

"I can't tell you that."

"I guess you still can't tell me who it is either?"

"Nope; can't tell you."

"You're infuriating," Johanna stated but the affection in her tone dampened the statement.

"Yes, I know; I quite enjoy it. Being this type of hands-on grandma is really a lot of fun."

"I'm glad you're enjoying it."

Sarah smiled and opened her arms to her. "Come, let me hug you."

Worry coursed through her. "Are you going away? Am I not going to see you anymore?"

Sarah shook her head. "It's nothing like that, dear. I just want to hug my granddaughter."

Johanna rose from her chair and approached her. "How come I'm allowed to touch? I didn't think you could touch a spirit."

"Sometimes you can and sometimes you can't…and the times when you can; well remember, ours is not to question why, darling. Come here."

She hesitantly stepped into the embrace of her grandmother, marveling once again how she felt as whole as any being. She could feel the difference though this time; the embrace was tight, the love and affection felt; but there was no warmth to be felt. She held on to her tighter, trying to make her own warmth felt even though she wasn't sure that was possible.

"I feel it," Sarah murmured as she read her thoughts.

Tears sprang to her eyes for some unknown reason and she squeezed them shut to hold them back. "Don't be sad for me," her grandmother whispered. "Things might not have turned out the way I wished a long time ago; but I've still gotten to be a part of my children and grandchildren's lives; not in the way we all would've liked, but I've been there…I'm always here. I'm getting to have this time with you and I cherish it so very much."

"I do too," she whispered.

"I know you do…that's why I know you'll always forgive me for my little bouts of so-called meddling."

Johanna gave a soft laugh. "That's true."

Sarah pulled back from her, her hands moving to cup her granddaughter's face as she pressed a feather light kiss to her forehead. "That's from your Grandpa."

"Tell him I love him."

"I will, darling. I have to go now; I have my rounds to make as you mentioned; but don't worry, my hug wasn't a goodbye. I'll still be popping in when needed or when the mood strikes me. I just wanted to be a grandma who gives hugs."

Johanna nodded. "I'll see you later."

"Until later," Sarah promised with a smile and a nod. "You get some work done."

She gave her a smile of her own and returned to her desk as Sarah vanished, the scent of Chanel perfume clinging to the air and she suddenly remembered that she had often smelled that same scent in her grandfather's house. Her grandmother was right, she had never really left any of them; she stayed as close as she could. She breathed deeply and turned her attention back to her work, doing her best to ignore the dull headache forming behind her eyes. Jim told her she didn't have to hurry with the work, but she didn't want to take too long either and with that thought in mind, she did her best to ignore the ache and set about her task.

---

By eleven that morning, Johanna was lying on the couch, the television turned down low and the blinds closed in hopes of keeping her headache from turning into a migraine. She pulled the blue throw around her more tightly as she closed her eyes, thinking that maybe a small nap might do the trick and banish the ache in her head. She breathed deeply and exhaled slowly, willing her body to relax enough to sleep, but before she could drift off, she felt the room grow cold and she groaned. "Not now," she muttered.

"Is that any way to greet me?" a lightly Italian accented voice stated.

Johanna's eyes opened and she bolted upright. "Grandma," she exclaimed, a smile coming to her lips as she caught sight of Sophia Calabrese sitting in the chair across the room.

"That's more like it," her grandmother stated, a warm mischievous smile on her lips.

The instinct to rush into her grandmother's arms as she had always done as a child came rushing back and propelled her to her feet before reality caught up with her and her steps faltered. She froze in place for a moment, an ache spreading across her heart as she forced herself to sit back down.

Understanding flickered in Sophia's eyes, the soft smile clinging to her lips as she rose from the chair and crossed the room to the sofa. She sat down and opened her arms to her granddaughter. "Give me a hug," she demanded warmly.

Johanna shook her head. "It won't be the same."

"No, not entirely…but if you feel it with your heart it will be."

With that thought in mind, Johanna accepted her grandmother's embrace; sinking into the arms that always soothed her when Naomi couldn't. Lilac scented perfume filled her senses and she breathed deeply as her eyes closed; her hold as tight as possible. A feather light kiss brushed against her hair and then Sophia pulled back and studied her. "You're still my beautiful girl," she stated.

"For a woman my age?" Johanna couldn't help but ask lightly.

"Pish," Sophia said with a wave of her hand. "Age is nothing but a number, cara mia; I thought I taught you that."

"You did," she said with a nod and a smile.

"Good; don't ever forget it. I've heard you say that you don't feel your age and I hope you never do."

"I hope the same thing."

Sophia continued to study her, a cool finger reaching out and rubbing across Johanna's forehead. "You're a little pale, Bambina; do you still have those nasty headaches?"

"Yes; but it isn't one of those today; just a normal headache so far. I wish you had your purse though; your bag of tricks would save me a trip upstairs to get whatever over the counter pain reliever is available in the medicine cabinet."

Sophia laughed. "Everyone liked to talk about my purse but it sure was called upon a lot!"

"I loved your purse," Johanna replied. "It had everything you could possibly need. I was so glad you had those tea bags in there during Colleen's rehearsal dinner."

"Me too," she declared. "That was a hell of a night, wasn't it?"

"Sure was; the memory is still lingering all these years later."

Sophia gave a soft laugh. "Memories like that never fade; that was a rough time between you and Colleen…and you're still having a rough time with her."

Johanna sighed, her gaze dipping to the floor before darting back to her grandmother. "Is that why you came to see me? You want to talk about Colleen?"

"No; but we may as well discuss her since she's been brought up."

"What's your lecture going to be about?" Johanna asked. "Maybe we want to get through it first."

"I'm not here to lecture, sweet girl; I'm not going to dredge up your pain. You know all about that and how it's affected you; and by now you should know that everyone understands what happened and it could never change my love for you. You know that, right?"

She nodded. "You're probably the one person I never thought would be disappointed in me."

"That's right; I was never disappointed in you and I never will be. Remember; my arms were the first to embrace you when you came into this world, Bambina."

"I remember."

Sophia smiled. "Your Nona loves you always…and she knows that what you don't need is lectures; you just need some love, understanding and advice…and just an ear to bend about whatever comes to mind today. So you get comfortable and let's have a nice visit."

""I'm so glad to see you, Grandma," she murmured as she settled more comfortably in the corner of the couch.

"I'm glad to see you too darling; although I do watch you from afar as do the others; but seeing you like this is a nice treat indeed," Sophia remarked as she tucked the blue throw around her granddaughter.

"It's been a long time since you tucked me in," Johanna stated as she watched her grandmother's hands tuck the blanket around her.

Her grandmother smiled. "I can't have my girl being cold, especially when you're fighting a headache. Do you remember when I'd come sit with you when you were sick when your mother had to go run errands?"

She nodded. "Yes; you always made me hot chocolate with marshmallows…you told me they were magic marshmallows and that they'd make me feel better."

"And didn't they?" Sophia asked.

"Yes," she laughed. "I wish I had some now."

"I wish I could give you some…I wish I could make all of your troubles go away for you."

"I'm afraid no one can do that…although Sarah seems to be sticking her neck out in some ways," Johanna remarked.

Sophia laughed and patted her granddaughter's knee. "My dear, you're going to have to bear with Sarah; you see, she's held the title of grandmother for a long time, but she's new at being a hands-on grandma. She wants to do a good job; she gets a little over eager, but she does it with love."

"I know she loves me…I love her too."

"As you should," Sophia agreed.

"It just felt like she meddled in my marriage a little."

"Well," her grandmother said; "The argument could be made that she did a little meddling…but that's part of a grandma's job description sometimes. Don't be too hard on her, she's still finding her way."

"I won't be…I have forgiven her twice now, you know."

Sophia laughed. "Yes, I know; Sarah and I are good friends."

"Are you?"

"Of course; we share grandchildren; we have a lot in common."

"It's nice to think of the two of you being friends."

Her grandmother smiled. "It's the truth, I wouldn't lie to you."

"I know."

"We mentioned Colleen earlier."

"Yeah; we did," Johanna replied. "But there isn't much to say…I've seen her once since I've been home and…."

"And what?" Sophia asked.

"And it wasn't pleasant."

"I think you can use stronger words than that."

A tight smile appeared on her lips. "She was a total bitch."

Sophia gave a nod. "She was a pain in the ass, wasn't she?"

"Yeah, she was…she's got a lot of nerve talking about what I did to people when she's so inconsiderate and uncompassionate. I had to stay away from my daughter for thirteen years and I would've given anything to be here with her…and Colleen disowns her daughter because she's allowed Paul to convince her that they don't approve of Samantha being a single mother. Who does that? I thought the dark ages were over; for God's sake the girl isn't in high school; she's a grown woman with a job, a vehicle and an apartment; she's taking care of herself and her baby. How can she just throw her child away like that? She talks about me? I didn't leave my child by choice and I'd never disown her. Katie could come home right now and tell me she was having a baby and I wouldn't give a damn that she doesn't have a ring on her finger; my concern would be nagging her into letting me in the delivery room when the time came…and believe me, she's letting me in if I have to cry and beg and guilt trip."

Her grandmother laughed. "Darling; I have no doubt that you will wheedle your way into a delivery room one day; but you see, that's the difference between you and Colleen. You always wanted to be a mother; you have a desire to be a grandmother. Colleen, well, I think we both know that she didn't want to be a mother, let alone a grandmother."

"I know…she didn't want kids, she told me that herself."

"That's why it doesn't bother her too much to send one away," Sophia remarked. "And while I believe that you are truly outraged that your sister could be so callous to her daughter and grandchild; I think there's a part of you that feels the same way Samantha does…abandoned. You and Colleen were close growing up; when she started to crawl, she started following after you, you were a little mother hen to her like she was one of your baby dolls. You always wanted to help take care of sissy…and you took care of her for a long time. You babied her just as much as Naomi did; you fought her battles against Frankie, you helped her with her homework, you helped her make the cheerleading squad, you put up with her meddling in your love life, you put up with her wedding hoopla. You did your best to teach her to cook, you babysat her children, you always gave her a shoulder to cry on. You did everything you could to be the best sister possible to her…and she rarely ever gave you anything in return, did she?"

Johanna squirmed slightly. "I wouldn't say that."

"You wouldn't?"

She shrugged. "Colleen's…well…she's just different. Sometimes she was there when needed, other times she was very self-involved, but it wasn't really bad between us, except that year of her wedding."

"Are you making excuses for her?"

"No; why would you say that?"

"Because I think you are. You think that Colleen has earned the right to treat you poorly and so you push aside your feelings about that and only allow yourself to be outraged at the treatment she gives her daughter…but Samantha isn't the only one she's turned her back on. She turned her back on you…and you so badly wanted to see your sister again, to sit and gossip about silly things as you two used to do…to make her birthday cake with the white icing because Naomi isn't here to do it and she still doesn't know how to do it right…because she didn't see a reason to learn when you made them for her once your mother couldn't. You just wanted to be a sister again."

"I am a sister; I have a brother…you remember Frankie, don't you?"

Sophia swatted her. "Don't be a smart ass; you know what I mean; and of course I remember your brother; and I'm so glad that Frankie has stepped up to be a good brother and that he's here for you as he should be. Colleen should be here too…but that girl…she's allowed her head to be filled with such nonsense, she stays under Paul's thumb most of the time and she's so deeply concerned with how everything affects her that she can't take a moment to think about how her daughter feels…how her sister feels…."

"That's her prerogative I guess; I hurt her, I have to take consequences for that."

"You didn't hurt her on purpose," Sophia stated; "And she knows it. She wants to make it all about her. She's a miserable person and she wants everyone else to be miserable too. You're allowed to be disappointed in her treatment of you. You're allowed to be angry that she's too thick skulled to get it. The next time you see her, you give her a piece of your mind…because she needs it, she needs it in a lot of ways and you've always been the one to serve her an ass kicking when she needs it; and believe me, darling; your sister needs her ass kicked up one side of the street and down the other."

"Why don't you do it?" Johanna asked.

"I've been trying to haunt her but she keeps brushing me off as a result of indigestion."

Johanna burst into laughter. "How many packs of Rolaids has she gone through?"

"Enough that she'll never have to worry about calcium loss."

"You know, every once in awhile I'd look at her and think she was kind of stupid but then I'd feel bad and tell myself that she wasn't stupid, she was just lazy…but I think maybe she is a little stupid."

"There's no shame in acknowledging that your sister has a deficiency when it comes to intelligence, we all know it. And you need to know that you're allowed to be angry with her…it doesn't mean you don't still love her; it just means you're not going to be the doormat she wipes her feet on."

"I thought this wasn't a lecture."

"It's not," the spirit replied. "It's advice from your grandma."

"Seems similar to a lecture."

Sophia shook her head. "Grandma advice is wrapped in love; lectures are wrapped in stern language."

"I'm glad you cleared that up for me," she quipped.

Her grandmother smiled. "Since it's been cleared up; do you think you can admit how you feel about your sister?"

Her fingers curled into the blanket. "It hurts me," she said softly. "It hurts me a lot…because if the situation was reversed, I'd just be thanking God that she was alive and I'd want to be there as much as she'd let me, helping her get through it, helping her pick up pieces…I'd be there."

"What else?"

"I'm frustrated; because she won't listen to reason…a lot of people won't. They seem to think I enjoyed what I did and that's so far from the truth that it isn't even funny."

Sophia nodded. "And?"

"There's more?"

"I think you know there is."

Johanna exhaled a heavy breath. "I guess I'm angry in some ways; not just at Colleen but at a lot of people."

"Including Katie," Sophia remarked.

She gave a slight nod. "But I don't have a right to be and I know that."

"You're wrong; you do have a right. You can't keep holding all that down, Bambina; it'll eat you alive and you don't deserve that. Get mad at her; yell at her, push back, do as your mother-in-law suggested, remind her that you're the mother and she's the daughter; not the other way around. You show her what you're made of and even out that scale again. She doesn't get to own the market on hurt feelings and wounds that are scabbing over; you have your own and they're just as important as hers. Stop being afraid; you're brave…remember; don't you still have your bravery stone?"

Johanna smiled a little. "I think there's still one around here somewhere."

"You need to find it and carry it with you; just like you did when you were a little girl starting school."

"I'm trying to do better, Grandma."

Her grandmother smiled. "I know you are, dear; there is something you need to do though."

"What's that?" she asked.

"You need to have some fun, sweetie; you're not having any fun and you're in desperate need of it."

"I have fun," Johanna protested.

Sophia's brow rose. "Oh you do? When?"

She smirked at her. "With my husband…we have plenty of fun."

Sophia laughed. "I mean the kind of fun you have to keep your clothes on for."

"This coming from a woman who once told me, in front of a man I brought to dinner, that I needed to have more sex."

Her grandmother shrugged. "Well you did need to have more, and as for the man, he wasn't bothered by it…he did marry you after all."

"You also told him that night that you needed more grandchildren and encouraged him to make that happen with me."

"He's a good boy; he listened…although it took a little longer than I expected," Sophia remarked.

She laughed. "If it makes you feel any better, he did proposition me that night since you basically gave him permission to."

"I'm sure you said no…although why, I don't know; God knows you both could've used a little fun, it might have sped things along."

"I said no because I didn't want to take the chance of an unplanned pregnancy…I guess you should've dug into your bag of tricks and gave him a parting gift before we left your place that night."

"If I had known you needed some help in that area, I would've made you sure you had what you needed."

"Oh my God," Johanna exclaimed. "You're my grandmother; you're not supposed to say that!"

The older woman laughed. "Oh don't be a prude; you started it by talking about having fun with your husband…and I say good for you; you have that kind of fun as often as you can, it's good for you. You do need to get out more though; I know Jim's working more than he was but you two can make time for more outings."

"I think he gets tired of my worries about being followed," she admitted quietly.

"Or maybe he's just trying not to pressure you so much."

"That's possible too," she agreed. "But believe me; I'd love for us to have a fun, worry free date night."

"Then have one," Sophia encouraged. "You know how to plan an outing. You know how to be spontaneous."

"It's hard for me not to worry though."

"I bet it can be easier than you think."

"How so?"

"You concentrate on what's important instead of what isn't…you concentrate on you and him, not the people around you."

A smile touched her lips. "I guess I could try."

"Of course you could."

"I have a new dress…."

Sophia smiled brightly. "You best find an occasion for it then…you don't want it hanging in the closet being neglected."

"We wouldn't want that," she agreed. "It has been quiet the last several days…we might be able to try our luck."

"Go for it, Bambina; go have a good time with your husband."

"Maybe I could think of something for tonight…before I lose my nerve."

"That's my girl; you just hang on to your courage and focus on what I told you."

"I'll do my best," she promised.

"Now, while I'm glad that you want to have fun with Jim outside of the house; the fact remains that you do need to get out more even if it isn't with Jim as your company. You need to have fun; you need to enjoy yourself."

"It's hard to go out and have fun when you don't have any friends, Grandma."

"Don't say you have no friends; you have Jim."

"Yes; and he's my best friend…and while he does take me on the occasional shopping trip; I don't want to subject him to it too much. Besides, I believe you were implying that I needed to have fun with other people as well."

"Yes, that's true; I just hate to hear you say you have no friends."

"I know…I guess I can't say I have no friends at all…it's just that I don't have any girlfriends. The only friends who have really accepted me are Jim's friends; and while I've known some of them for as long as I've known Jim, it's…."

Sophia nodded. "It's not the same as having your own set of friends."

"Right. I don't really have anyone to do girl stuff with. Val and I went out shopping once. I met up with Sharon once…and that didn't go well. I don't really like to go out by myself too much right now."

"Take Katie."

Johanna scoffed. "Katie doesn't like to come out and play too often. She rarely comes around just to visit."

"Why do you think that is?" Sophia asked.

"Because she still has some anger. She resents me for the media intrusion in her life. I annoy her by being emotional and not living up to the rosy image she convinced herself to have of me."

Sophia eyed her. "What else?"

"Isn't that enough?"

"No; there's something else…something that you can't claim the blame for," her grandmother replied. "Come on, say it; you don't have to hide it from Nona."

"I think you already know."

"Say it anyway; I think you need to."

Johanna sighed. "But I hate to say it…I feel bad even thinking it."

"There's nothing wrong with it, just say it."

She took a breath. "She has her head too far up Rick's ass. I hate saying that; I like Rick; he's a good man and he does his best to suppress any bad feelings he has about me. Once in awhile they slip but I don't hold it against him. I just get so sick of her using that relationship as her excuse to shun people. My God, sometimes I want to ask her if they're capable of breathing without the other one knowing how long the breath lasted. It's like they have no life outside of their relationship. It sounds terrible of me to say but it's true; even Jim's mentioned it and if he's mentioning it, it's bad. He likes to meet up with her for lunch every once in awhile and when he can get a yes out of her, he has to specify that she come alone because he knows if he doesn't, she's going to bring Rick with her; and while he has nothing against Rick; he likes him; he just wants to see his daughter alone sometimes. Hell; I'd like to see her alone sometimes but it rarely happens; he's always right there behind her or out in the car or occasionally offering commentary on her phone conversations. It's like they can't function separately."

Sophia laughed softly. "It does sound like she has a problem with balance."

"Yeah, and the problem is, she has no balance at all…because the other end of the scale got so tired of dangling in the air all the time that it finally just fell off. I don't say anything to her about it; God knows I have enough problems without pissing her off further by talking about her lack of thought about anyone else…but sometimes I'd just like to slap her upside her head and say 'hey, do you remember who you are without your relationship status attached to it? Are you still Kate or are you just KateandRick now? I sound like terrible mother, don't I?"

"No; darling; you sound like an honest one. You feel like she's losing herself and it worries you."

"It does," she admitted. "Maybe that's just how it's done these days, I don't know…maybe I'm old fashioned. I keep looking back at the beginning of my relationship with Jim, trying to see if we were like that but I don't really think we were. I mean, sure we spent a lot of time together; we spent our weekends together at his place or mine…but I still had time for my family, my friends, I had time to myself. Jim went and seen his family; he did things with his friends, he had time to himself. I don't feel like I'm putting on rose colored glasses about that, am I?"

Sophia shook her head. "No, dear; I really don't think you are; your habits in regard to me didn't seem to change once you were with Jim. You still called, you still came and visited, you came and took me on my errands when your mother couldn't. You'd bring Jim with you when I'd invite you both to dinner, but other than that you always came alone; that was our time together. I know you had dinner with your parents on Sundays, unless there was a squabble, you did other things with your mother as well; you spent time with your sister, you had meals with Frankie and Valerie; babysat Greg. I'd say you kept yourself balanced back then; I never heard any complaints, and believe me, if Naomi had felt that you were neglecting her, she would've been on the phone crying to me about it and asking me what to do about it."

Johanna sighed softly. "I wish I knew what to do about it…I wish I didn't feel afraid to say things to her, but I am."

Her grandmother's hand closed over hers. "Don't you dare let her have that power, Johanna. If you let her think she can shove you in a box and silence you with fear, she'll keep doing it and it's not good for either one of you. So what if she gets mad; she'll come back when she gets over it. You've already been striking back in a small way by not being the one to bend where phone calls are concerned. You have to keep fighting back; she doesn't get to have all the power; you take back your share."

"It just kind of came as a surprise, you know? We got so much closer while I was staying with her and now she's backed away again and I feel like Jim's suffering too because of that balance issue she has," she said with a soft scoff. "Everything is Rick; his family sees her more than we do…his mother sees her more than her own mother. I gave birth to her but Martha gets more of her time than I do…seems like she saves the best for other people's mothers and the hell with her own. I was just the one in labor for twenty-two hours but hey, it was nothing, right?" she laughed. "And technically, it was more like twenty-two hours and forty-five minutes…and I felt every single one of those minutes, but sure, give all your time and kindness to someone else's mother."

"Now we're getting somewhere," Sophia declared as she clapped her hands together. "Is this bond between Katie and Martha one of the reasons you don't make much of an effort at pursuing that budding friendship with Rick's mother?"

"Martha and I talk once in awhile; she's always busy and I understand that. I don't make demands on people."

"But you feel like she's taking your role in your daughter's life."

"I don't feel that way…I don't feel like she's 'taking it', I feel like my daughter is giving it to her freely. They have family dinners; Katie goes to her events. You know, Katie told me, back when I was staying with her, that we'd go to the theater together and we haven't gone…but she went with Martha and Alexis…I wasn't invited."

"And it hurt your feelings," Sophia remarked.

"Yeah, it did," she replied tartly. "And I don't care if it sounds petty; she's my daughter, not Martha's. I don't have anything against Martha; I like her, I think she's wonderful…but she's not her mother. I have no doubt that one day she'll be Katie's mother-in-law but she doesn't need to suck up to her that much. You're supposed to give your best to your own mother, not your boyfriend's mother. I want us to rebuild our bond; I'm not naïve enough to think it's going to be the same as it was years ago but I don't think I should be made to feel like I can only be her mother when it's convenient for her. What the hell is wrong with her?"

Sophia smiled. "She doesn't have her priorities in order…she thinks about herself a lot…in a small way; she's like Colleen in that respect."

"I know," she whispered. "I hate to say it…but I see it…just like I see shades of Frank McKenzie in her, and shades of Elizabeth Beckett. I feel like seeing those things in her means that I'm seeing her in a way I don't want to and it scares me sometimes. I don't want us to have troubles all the time. I want things to be good between us again…we got so much better only to have these setbacks and I just keep trying and trying…and I don't feel like she tries at all. I'm just a burden she has to carry and I hate it."

"Then fight back," Sophia remarked. "Reclaim your place by fighting back. Show her that you can do to her what she does to you…don't jump every time the phone rings, don't let her walk on you; every time she shoves you, you get up and shove her back. If you want to be her mother, then you get up and adjust her attitude like you always did before. You remind her who you are…you show her. When she gets a taste of her own medicine, she might open her eyes and pull her head out of the sand…or that young man's backside and realize what the hell she's doing. I love that girl with all my heart, Johanna; but like your sister, she may need a good ass kicking herself to put her back on the straight and narrow."

"She thinks because she's got a badge and gun that she's the boss of the world," Johanna replied. "It's her excuse just as much as Rick is. She has so many excuses…and me to blame it all on when she needs a scapegoat."

"Quit letting her to do it; she can only treat you this way if you allow it. You need to find balance with her as well…you let her get away with far too much. Stop it; you're not doing either one of you any favors."

"I know…and I don't like feeling afraid; but I missed her for so long and I don't want to lose her just when I had her back…because I know Katie wouldn't have any qualms about walking away from me and not looking back. She knows I'm alive, the threat has been removed, she doesn't need me to be her cause anymore…she doesn't seem to need me for anything when you get right down to it. It wouldn't bother her to walk away…it would bother me though."

Sophia squeezed her hand. "If she walks away; she'll come back when she finds her way, I promise you. I know it's scary, but you have to fight back, you have to be the woman she knows you are deep down inside and that woman is a fighter…she has a temper and unleashes it, consequences be damned."

"I've got to do better," Johanna agreed. "I've got to get back some control."

"Yes, you do…and you've got to get some fun back in your life to help battle these dark clouds that chase you now and then, Bambina."

She smiled. "You know, I really do feel like putting that dress on tonight and having a good time…just letting everything go tonight."

Her grandmother smiled. "Then you should; I bet Jim will be surprised."

"I'm sure he will be…date nights have been left up to him so far…I need to get back in the game."

"Atta girl; you go out tonight and have a good time, no worries…just the two of you, nothing else matters."

"I like the sound of that…and even though I feel bad for some of the things I've said about my daughter, it did feel good to say them."

"Of course it did," Sophia replied. "You're allowed to be frustrated with her; your mother was frustrated with you at times and I was frustrated with your mother at times. That's the way of life, darling. And you do have someone else you can say those things too…Valerie will listen, she'll understand; you don't have to hold it in."

"You're right, I could confide in Valerie more about those feelings."

"That's right…and give it a try going shopping with her again. Even if someone is out there taking your picture, it'll be alright, you both can handle it and if you feel frightened, help is only a phone call away."

"I'm going to try to do better, Grandma; I promise."

"I know, Bambina," she said warmly as she cupped her cheek. "You're going to be okay; you just have to find your way, and you always do; and remember, I'm always with you and I'm always proud…I love you always."

"I love you too," she whispered as tears stung her eyes.

"I'm going to have to be going," Sophia said gently.

"I'm not ready for you to leave yet…can't you stay a little longer? I have other things we need to talk about."

"Like what?"

"I still can't make that damn bread like Nona made," Johanna admitted. "You have to stay and tell me what I'm doing wrong."

Sophia smiled and held her gaze. "You're kneading the dough too much; you're not letting it sit long enough to rise properly and you need to quit opening the oven door to check on it."

"That's it?"

"Yes…the bread requires patience. Take your time, sweetheart, you don't need to rush."

"That's what Mom used to say about the piano."

Sophia nodded. "You get in a hurry to make things perfect…sometimes you just have to stop and smooth out the kinks. It's not always a pleasant task, but you'll like the end result better."

"I think I get it," Johanna murmured.

"Good, you keep it in mind…and you be brave…and have fun."

She smiled. "I'll do my best."

Sophia reached for her and embraced her once more. "No tears when I leave…I'm not really gone. I'm always watching over all of you and I pop in your dreams from time to time."

"You can pop in anytime, especially like this, if you want," Johanna replied, her throat tight with emotion as she tried to hold the tears back.

Sophia kissed her forehead. "Have a good time tonight…and remember, bear with Sarah, she's still learning the grandma game."

"I will…I love you, Grandma."

"I love you too, Bambina. We'll talk again…no tears."

She gave her grandmother a nod, forcing herself not cry as Sophia pulled away and faded from sight. It wasn't an easy promise to keep but she kept her tears at bay as she focused her mind on the thought of going out that night, and as she did so, she realized that her headache was gone…it felt like Sophia had brought a cure after all.

---

"Jo," Jim called out as he walked through the house late that afternoon when he got home from work.

"Upstairs," she answered.

Jim took his briefcase into the office and left it on his desk and then headed upstairs to find out what his wife was doing and to give her the rose he had brought home as an extra peace offering in regard to the dream he shouldn't have mentioned. He didn't smell dinner cooking so he figured she had ordered out or that she was debating it. He didn't mind if she wanted a night off from cooking; she deserved it.

He stepped into their bedroom expecting to find her lounging on the bed as she watched TV but she wasn't there. His eyes scanned the room and found her seated at her vanity, her makeup strewn across the top instead of neatly tucked away in her shiny black makeup bag.

"Hey," Johanna said with a soft smile as she glanced at him. "You're a little early tonight."

"I finished things up a little earlier than I thought I would today," he said as he approached her and held out the rose he had in his hand.

She smiled as she accepted it. "What's this for?"

"I figured the one in the vase on your desk probably needed a friend given last night's less than stellar conversation."

Johanna shook her head. "It's okay…sometimes I'm just sensitive."

"I know…but sometimes I'm insensitive."

Her lips curved upwards in an amused smile. "We're quite a pair."

"Always have been," he quipped as he reached out and caught hold of a loose curl. "You curled your hair; do you have a hot date tonight that I don't know anything about?"

"As a matter of fact I do," she said lightly as she rose from the bench.

"Oh? Anyone I know? I don't want to shoot the wrong person."

She gripped his jacket and brushed a kiss against his lips. "It's you."

"Me?" he asked.

"Would you rather it be someone else?" she asked quizzically.

"It better not be anyone else!"

"Well then don't look so surprised," Johanna laughed.

Jim looked at her oddly. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing; I just thought it would be nice if we went out tonight."

"Out?"

She eyed him. "You didn't hit your head today, did you? You're repeating keywords for some reason."

"No, I didn't hit my head. Are you feeling okay?"

"Obviously," she remarked.

"You're volunteering to go out?"

"Yes."

This seemed somewhat odd to him; after all, he usually had to be the one to bring up the idea of date night and while she enjoyed their outings as much as she could given the circumstances at times, he knew she was somewhat leery about venturing out when it got dark.

"What brought this on?"

"I thought it would be nice."

"I thought we had plans to go out tomorrow," he replied.

"We do but it was my understanding that it's a daytime outing and I didn't see any reason why we couldn't go out tonight too."

"We don't have any reservations."

"There are plenty of places to go in this city that doesn't require a reservation," Johanna remarked as she smoothed the skirt of her dark red dress. "I'm sure we won't have a problem finding somewhere to eat and something to do afterwards."

"Like what?" Jim asked.

"I don't know," Johanna said as she threw her hands up in exasperation. "We live in New York City; there's bound to be something to do."

"It's kind of last minute."

"It's called being spontaneous," she retorted. "We used to be that way once upon a time."

"We're still spontaneous!"

"I meant outside of the house."

Jim raked a hand through his hair. "It's just kind of sudden to decide to go out," he told her. Not having to coax her threw him for a loop and he'd had an aggravating day at the office and wasn't sure he felt up to it.

She frowned, disappointment flashing in her eyes. "You don't want to go?"

He shrugged. "I just wish we had talked about it."

"I just thought it would be a nice surprise…but you're probably tired from work and neither one of us got a lot of sleep last night. I guess it was a bad idea for tonight. I'm sorry," Johanna said as she stepped out of her heels and pushed them under the vanity bench.

"It's not a bad idea…we just don't have any plans."

"There was a time when we didn't need any," she said softly. "We just got in the car and drove away for two weeks."

"Yeah, but we're not going on a road trip right now; we're talking about dinner."

A small smile touched her lips. "I know. I better go get dinner started; you're probably hungry. I'll find something that doesn't take too long."

Jim watched her hurry from the room and then squeezed his eyes shut and berated himself. She was dressed up, her hair and makeup done; volunteering to step out into the world for a few hours even though darkness was quickly approaching. What was wrong with him?

"I'll tell you what's wrong with you," a feminine voice stated. "You've got peas for brains."

Jim's eyes opened, seeking out the owner of the voice…a voice he was pretty sure he had recently heard in his dreams. Sure enough, the spirit from his dream stood in the room with him, her hands perched on her hips and a glare on her face that reminded him of his wife when she was perturbed.

"What are you doing here?" he asked; wondering if maybe he was losing his mind.

"I'm here wishing I had a skillet so I could wham you one," Sarah remarked. "And no, you're not losing your mind…although at the moment I'd say you don't have much to work with."

"That's not very nice, Sarah…it is Sarah, isn't it?"

"You know it is."

Jim nodded. "I was under the impression that ghosts can't hurt people."

"Sometimes we make an exception," she quipped; her chin jutting upwards, making him smile in response.

"You're definitely related to Jo."

"I don't believe I ever denied it."

"Why are you haunting my house?"

"I'm not haunting; I'm staying close to my loved ones…and I love my granddaughter very much."

"How could you not?" he asked; his tone softening.

"Don't try to sweet talk your way out of this; you already made me mad!"

"Does Jo see you like this? Is that her big secret?"

"If she does, and I'm not saying she does, that's her business to share, not mine. Quit trying to change the subject."

Jim sighed. "What did I do now?"

"You know what you did."

"I had a long day."

"She's had a string of long days…and this day she decided to take another one of those baby steps. It's something you've been wanting her to do…it's another step in the journey of her feeling better and moving on."

"I know…."

"So what's the problem?"

"It just seems like it's happening kind of fast, I guess."

"She's been struggling for months," Sarah reminded him. "It's time she takes small steps. Going out tonight doesn't mean she's going to want to run wild; she just wanted to go out and have a nice time with you…to surprise you with the fact that she came up with the idea on her own. She looks so lovely tonight, don't you think?"

He smiled as he nodded. "She always looks beautiful."

"Yes; but even more so when she takes a little extra care just for you…and she does do it for you, you know?"

"I know."

Sarah eyed him. "Don't you think that maybe you could indulge her…and that maybe in the course of that, your long day might be soothed and forgotten?"

"I suppose it could be."

"I think you know it could be…your father said he didn't raise you to know so little about women, especially when it comes to a woman you've known for nearly four decades."

Jim's head jerked toward the spirit once more. "My father?"

She nodded. "I know Robert very well…and he's always with you…and he's never stopped being proud of you; so those moments when you harbor that thought; you just rest assured that it isn't true."

He smiled a little; it was a comfort to know such things. "He'd tell me I better get my ass downstairs and take her out like she wanted."

Sarah's brow rose. "I'm telling you to get downstairs and take her out…and for God's sake, keep your mouth shut about our little chat this time. I could've just throttled you last night…and if you let this cat out of the bag in an untimely manner again, you will have no peace for a very long time, I assure you."

"Noted," Jim remarked. "She's probably already starting dinner though and I need to get ready."

The spirit before him smiled. "Oh don't worry, dear; I'll take care of that. Run along and do what you need but don't take too long."

Jim began to move across the room to the door but Sarah's voice made him pause once more.

"Your threats of ghostbusters don't scare me and they can't get rid of me so you may as well save your breath on those threats."

He smiled. "But then you wouldn't feel like family."

"Don't sweet talk me, young man; you're still walking a fine line with me."

"This is bizarre," he couldn't help but comment as he continued on his way to the door.

"You're still not losing your mind; I assure you, spirits are roaming everywhere."

"Good to know…I guess you'll be around."

"Count on it."

---

Johanna punched the buttons on the microwave for what she knew was the fourth time and still the damn thing wouldn't work. Frustration flooded her veins and she popped the door open and took the bowl of vegetable soup out and set it on the counter. She'd just have to heat it on the stove, she thought to herself as she got out a pot and sat it on the burner. She dumped the soup into the pot and turned on the burner but it didn't take her long to discover that the burner didn't come on. Her brow furrowed; what the hell was going on?

She turned on the other burner to see if it worked and discovered that it wasn't functioning either…none of them were. She turned on the oven but it didn't begin its pre-heat cycle as it normally would…it remained cold. It made no sense; her kitchen was perfectly functional that afternoon when she made tea and that morning when she made breakfast. The refrigerator was working…but not the stove or microwave.

"Jim," she yelled. "My kitchen's broke; get down here and fix it!"

Jim had just reached the bottom step when he heard his wife's plea and he couldn't help but smile; their ghostly friend hadn't lied…she had made sure that dinner couldn't be cooked.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked when he reached the kitchen.

"The stove isn't working and neither is the microwave…fix it; fix it now; I can't live like this," she declared.

He laughed quietly. "I'm sure it's nothing and we'll worry about it tomorrow; we're going out tonight."

Johanna shook her head. "You're tired; we'll go out tomorrow like we planned. Now fix my kitchen or I won't be able to sleep tonight."

"The breaker probably needs flipped; I'll do it when we get home."

"If it was the breaker, shouldn't everything in the kitchen be off?"

As soon as the words left her lips, the kitchen plunged into darkness. "There you go," he said. "It's definitely the breaker; I'll take care of it later."

"Now."

"Jo; I want us to go out like you planned," he said; wishing Sarah had left them with a little light so that he could see her face.

"You're just afraid of hurting my feelings," she murmured. "And I promise you're not."

Jim tugged her along with him and out of the kitchen so that he could see her in the light from the hallway; grateful that Sarah hadn't plunged the entire house into darkness. "I want us to go," he said as he held her gaze. "I had a long day and the perfect thing to cure that feeling is an evening spent with you…and if you want your kitchen fixed, you'll agree that we're going as planned or I'm not lifting a finger to fix it."

Johanna smiled. "I definitely want my kitchen back to working order so I guess we're going as originally planned."

He hooked a finger beneath her chin and pulled her closer for a kiss. "I'm proud of you," he murmured.

"For what?"

"Just because," he told her. "Go put your shoes back on and get your coat and your bag; I'll go flip the breaker."

"There's soup on the stove that needs put away."

"I'll get it when I come upstairs," Jim assured. "Let's get a move on, I'm hungry."

"We could've already been on our way if you had made up your mind sooner."

He smiled. "It's good to see that you're having fun already, sweetheart; I know how you enjoy pointing out the error of my ways."

Johanna pressed another kiss to his lips. "I do enjoy it a little. I'll finish getting ready and be down in a minute."

"I'll be waiting," he told her; smiling as she hurried up the stairs. Suddenly his day didn't seem so bad after all.

---

Johanna was feeling perfectly warm and content later that night as she and her husband moved slowly to the sound of an old love song on the radio. There was no need for words, she mused; there rarely ever was after those first few songs when they'd dance in the kitchen. All that was needed was each other; the closeness between them as they moved together, soft kisses and touches along the way. She closed her eyes and nuzzled against his neck, breathing in his scent and soaking up his warmth. She could stay in moments like this forever, she thought to herself as his arm tightened around her. The evening had gone so well; they had gone to a quiet restaurant for dinner and then found a nice little club geared toward their generation to hear a cover band that was playing. They had even strolled the sidewalks a little bit; entering a few stores and browsing before finally landing at the coffee shop they had gone to the night of their first kiss. They had talked and laughed and had fun…there were no worries, no paranoia about being followed. It had just been them, back in their bubble, enjoying their time together. Dancing in the kitchen was just the thing to top off their night, she thought to herself…not that she had to ask twice, he'd been more than willing to indulge her.

Her phone rang as it laid on the counter, startling both of them and causing them to pull back a step from each other although Johanna made no move to grab it.

"Aren't you going to get that?" Jim asked quietly.

"No," she breathed as she moved closer again, looping her arms around his neck. "I'm busy."

Jim was close enough to the counter that he was able to pick up her phone and see the identity of the caller. "It's Katie," he told her, part of him hating himself for looking because surely she'd want to answer now and their little bubble would be burst. It was selfish of him to feel that disappointment, knowing how unsteady things could be between his wife and daughter…but tonight when everything seemed so perfect, when she seemed to be free of worry and care, he didn't want to share her…not even with Katie.

Johanna shook her head. "Not tonight," she whispered as she took the phone from his hand and hit ignore.

Shock flicked across his features. "But you've been waiting for this; for her to call…."

She put the phone back on the counter and wrapped her arms around him once more. "I can wait one more day," she murmured. "She can call back tomorrow…when it's convenient for me for a change."

"Are you sure you don't want to call her back now?" he asked as he nuzzled her hair; berating himself for even asking.

"I'm sure," she said softly before capturing his lips in a kiss. "I just want this tonight…I just want you."

Jim smiled and held her a little tighter. "She can wait," he agreed.

Her eyes gleamed with a mixture of love, sassiness and seduction. "I just feel like being incredibly selfish tonight," she remarked; her fingers slipping into the hair at the nape of his neck. "I just want to have exactly what I want."

Desire rushed through his veins, making him dip his head to catch her lips in a passionate kiss. "I'm fully encouraging that behavior, sweetheart."

"That's good to know," Johanna murmured, her lips skimming his. "I wouldn't want you thinking less of me."

"Never," he replied with a shake of his head; an amused twinkle in his eyes. "Curiosity begs that I ask you what exactly it is that you want tonight."

A sly smile spread across her lips as her hand slid down his chest in a caress. "How about you make sure the house is locked up and then come upstairs and I'll tell you all about what I want."

He grinned. "Will there be demonstrations?"

Johanna kissed him. "Wouldn't be much fun without demonstrations, now would it?"

"No, not at all."

"I do have a rule for the rest of our evening," she said warmly as she toyed with a button on his shirt.

"Name it."

"My phone is being left down here on the counter; if you bring yours upstairs, it must be turned off once you cross the threshold of our room…I don't want any interruptions."

Jim gave her a smile and pulled his phone from his pocket and laid it on the counter with hers. "As far as I'm concerned, I don't even own a phone at the moment."

"Good boy," she quipped, pressing another kiss to his lips before stepping back from him.

He chuckled quietly. "What got into you today?" he asked, unable to stop himself from pulling her close once again, his hands roaming over her sensually.

Johanna shrugged, her eyes sparkling in the dim kitchen light. "I just felt like having fun…I thought we both could use it…and I'm not ready for it to end."

"This is a lot…" Jim began to say and then trailed off before he could say the words 'better than last night'."

Johanna eyed him in amusement and kissed him once more. "The monkey flipped the right switch just in time; good job."

Jim laughed. "I had a talk with the monkey; he's going to do better at flipping switches faster."

"That's good to know," she replied. "I'll be upstairs…don't keep me waiting for long."

"Believe me, I won't," he told her as he gave her a gentle swat on her backside. "I'll be there in a minute."

Johanna gave him a smile and grabbed her discarded shoes from the floor and left the kitchen; leaving him to his nightly routine as she headed for the stairs. A flicker of light down the hallway near the office doorway caught her eye and she turned her head to catch sight of not just one grandmother but two. Sarah and Sophia were standing there smiling, giving small claps of approval. She waved her hand at them in a shooing motion, "Get out of here," she whispered; her tone lacking the bite the statement probably needed. "I'm busy."

The spirits giggled. "Oh we know," Sophia said wryly. "Good for you. You see, you listen to your Nona, I know what's best for my bambina."

"We," Sarah interjected. "We know what's best."

"That's right," Sophia replied. "You listen to both of your grandmas."

"Yeah; I will; I love you both now get out of here before you kill the mood."

The spirits laughed and disappeared into the office, leaving Johanna to shake her head as she climbed the stairs. That was all she needed, two cheerleaders in the house cheering on her chosen method of fun tonight. She shook her head again, dislodging that thought as she walked into their bedroom and moved to the dresser, finding the box of matches so that she could light the candles. Tonight there would be no worries, no fears, no ghosts…just fun, freedom and love…and tomorrow could take care of itself.