Taylor's POV – 19 July 2011
I pull Gail close to me and just hug her, burrowing my face into her hair, my body touching in as many places possible, I need her goodness to seep into me, I need the goodness in the world reaffirmed to me but more than that, I need her to know that she is safe with me. With a wriggle, Gail is on her back and the space is too far for me but now her hands are wandering and I realise what she wants and am happy to oblige but I need her to understand that I will protect her with all my being and as I start to whisper, "Babe, you know that I will always .."
"Just kiss me and make me forget the evil Jason, just love me please…" she pleads and as my heart threatens to break out of my chest at her obvious distress, I catch her hands and start kissing her fingers, dragging my lips up her arms, sucking gently in that dip of her elbow as I spread her out under me. I take my time, exploring her body as I love to do and as she begins to squirm, it takes all my strength to just hover over her, honouring her and holding off my pleasure until I know she is good and ready, I don't want her thinking about anything but us.
I swirl my tongue along her collarbone, worshipping her skin, kissing her eyelids, gently nipping her ear lobe and then drowning out her moans by sinking my tongue into her perfect mouth as one hand tangles in her hair holding her to me and the other slips down over her beautiful perky breasts. Kneading and pinching her pebble hard nipples, I move my mouth down to lave them and one hand further to find her needy entrance, palpating gently I can feel her heat and her slick readiness. Her impassioned pleas fuel my fire and positioning myself, she arches her back, and with a hoarse cry I enter, her body pulls me in, my slow measured strokes build quickly as I can feel she won't last and with a thumb press of that magic button she is gone. I shudder to my own release a second after her as her walls ripple and hold me, milking me for all I'm worth and I could stay there forever.
Coming down from our high, her pleasure is reflected in the peaceful look in her eyes, the love that shines right from her soul drowns me as I pull her into my arms and her mouth gentle on mine says thank you without words. Snuggling into my body she is lulled to sleep and I know some of her demons have been laid to rest, the rest will need to be slayed another day, mine will take a lot longer as I think of the events of today.
I know I have seen some shit in my life but the revelations of the last two months and particularly tonight make me wonder at how the Boss has managed to survive with these demons in his head. I thought watching him when the initial revelations were made a couple of months ago that he was going to break and I wouldn't have blamed him but he realised he had Ana and going to her was his solace, worrying about her took his mind off himself and then hearing her story reduced his own pain. Tonight, hearing what Officer Maxwell had to say, him comforting her as she described what had happened to both of them and then when she gave him that book, she'd fucking held onto it for 23 years, no doubt wondering what sort of person he'd turned into, if it hadn't been for Ana, I say he would have ended up in the fetal position again.
Ana instinctively wrapped her arm around him, steadying him as he stared at the book, looking for all the world like he was going to burst into tears again, then training his questioning eyes on Officer Maxwell who simply said, "It was yours, I remembered you every time I saw it and I hoped you had a good life, I hoped you'd grown up to be a good man but more than that I hoped you were loved like you deserved to be loved, like you needed to be loved," she paused as Ana nodded while the Boss just stared at her as the unnoticed tears started trickling down his face.
"I am so glad to see that you are, I couldn't find you for so long because your records were locked and then one day in my relentless pursuit of Jack Hyde, I found that he'd been researching you and one of the photos was a very early photo of you and the Greys. It looked like you so I did a heap of research and found it was you and from that point I kept looking at published photos and you never had someone with you but you were doing good for others and of that I was proud, but you never looked happy and I worried that the past had left too great a mark on you. I am glad it's not true."
At which point the Boss snorted and taking a deep breath said with a voice laced with disgust and I know it was aimed at himself, "Oh Lisa, I am more than 50 shades of fucked up, it has only been this wonderful girl, Ana, coming into my life just over two months ago that has shone light where it has only been darkness for so many years. So many years." And he stood there shaking his head like he couldn't even begin to say what problems he has had over those years.
"Only now can I be touched and can I touch anyone and it still has to be someone that I can trust, that I can feel is good, like you just now, I couldn't have hugged you two months ago, I couldn't even hug my mother. Until Ana came into my life I'd never hugged my mother." At that statement Lisa gasped and looked like she would burst into tears too.
He acknowledged her feelings with a sad grimace and nod, "I know I am still fucked up, all these years I believed that I was a monster and not able to be loved, did not deserve the love that my parents, the Greys showered on me, I didn't feel I deserved it, I lived a dark life as it was all I understood, it was all that I believed I deserved." He shuddered as he ran his palms over his eyes, pressing down as if to relieve the pressure building there and he continued.
"Once Elena showed me control, I felt like I finally could manage some part of my life, I chose the darkness and the solitude as it was what I thought I could control but lately it had been starting to fall apart as I realised that my life was meaning less and less, feeling emptier and more destructive." He stopped as if the memory was particularly hard and then continued, holding Ana that little bit tighter, "Then by some miracle Ana fell into my office, despite all the hurt and all the darkness Ana has lived through, she has brought light into my life, she makes me want to believe that she is right, that I deserve to be loved, she showed me just by being her good self that Elena, who had supposedly been "helping" me was actually hurting me, that she was rotten to the core and from that has tumbled all this other evil. I have had no control over the evil, this darkness that keeps hurting Ana, I wish that the evil that surrounds and follows me had never tainted Ana, I know if she'd never met me, she would have been healthy and."
And Ana pulled away from him and literally stamped her foot saying, "Stop it, you are a wonderful man, you have shown over and over again that you are not evil, that you are not dark, you totally believe in those you trust and unfortunately you were grabbed by a pedophile when you were fifteen. Christian, you were fifteen! And hurting and grrr," and she growled. She actually growled!
If it hadn't been such a fraught conversation it would have been as sexy as hell and the Boss just stared, I'm guessing he's going to get her to do that again in private, but it did the trick and she'd pulled him out of his current darkness and she continued really angry, her cheeks red, her hands clenched, "I feel so very mad every time I think of that evil woman and what she did to you and to now know that Jack was beyond evil for all these years, that he hurt you even then as a baby boy, that he hurt Lisa so badly."
Her breasts heaving angrily, she stepped back towards him, so that she was looking up at him, "Christian, please don't ever wish that you weren't here with me because Lisa is right, I love you like you deserve to be loved, everyone that has your best interests at heart loves you, so many people have been standing on the edge of the shadows reaching in but you couldn't see them and they couldn't reach you. I'll take everything that has happened to me to have found you and to be the first recipient of your love was such an honour."
Without even realising it, as she finished she was standing there, her hands in his most forbidden zone and for those of us who have known him for a long time, that alone was a symbol of how much he has changed, the number of times I had to stop him beating someone to a pulp for daring to go near his no-go zones means I still inwardly cringe when I see anyone near him except for Ana. Pure surprise on his face, he simply pulled her into him, between his legs, folding her into his body as he kissed her head. "I'm working on it baby, I couldn't do this without you, I couldn't have done any of this without you."
They stood for a second simply emanating love and then something unexpected happened, he chuckled and she looked up surprised, kissing her on the nose he explained, "You have brought so many positive changes but I could do without the tears, I'd never cried, not as a child, Lisa never saw me cry." And Lisa nods with an obvious memory and look of surprise on her face, and he continues, "Mom had never seen me cry, I just didn't, my only real emotion was angry and I did that a lot but I never cried and since you've been in my life, I'm getting soft and I cry all the time," but even I could tell he didn't mind.
Cradling Ana again and looking for all the world like he'd run a marathon and was fast running out of steam, he looked at Lisa over her head and blowing out a gentle breath asked, "Lisa do you want to stay the night and we can continue this in the morning? I have more than enough beds here and you are welcome to stay, I… I just don't think I can manage any more tonight, it has been quite …. revelatory."
Lisa shook her head looking equally exhausted, "Thank you but no, I don't live that far away," she gives a tired laugh, "funny we all ended up in the same city and almost within the same city block, who would have thought?" The Boss nodded, it was strange actually, given that they all started in Detroit but maybe not, the Boss moved in, Hyde was chasing him and Lisa was chasing that scum and here we were just thinking we were living our lives.
Lisa continued, "Anyway I think I need the comfort of my own bed but if I can come back tomorrow or the next day, then we can square away the details and if you need extra legal representation it might be an opportunity to ensure that all the details are watertight so these scum can be put away. I will bring all the information I have and we can tie it all together, it doesn't need to be done tonight but it does need to be done perfectly. I still have a lot of information to tell you and there is more I need from you in relation to things that have been happening lately."
Putting Ana to the side just slightly, he pulled Lisa into a quick hug, "I'll clear my day tomorrow and we will finish it, I want them sent to hell but if that isn't possible, as close as possible within the rules," is what he said but I have Ray's words to Welch in my head as well as what I'd like to do and I must say, I am not against bending the rules a little.
We all dispersed and I sat in our room with Gail on my lap, needing to hold her close as I told her what had happened, her horror mirrored mine and then she started to tremble and as she said, "Oh Jack Hyde is simply evil personified, isn't he?" I realised that she was imagining what might have happened to her if Ana hadn't figured out the situation at the bank and I swore that the rules would be bent more than a little.
I'd used all my techniques to make her forget anything but the present and then asked her to go run a bath so we could relax together because I had one more thing to do and she'd gone off on shaky legs while I left a simple message for Welch.
"Hyde is still in general population, he won't be after today's information becomes available. Go."