Oh, no! Another Clichéd Love Story!

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'Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot your revenge.'

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2. The Revenge Spree

Cassie wasn't average. She was plain S-T-U-P-I-D. A person with even the slightest brain matter in their skull would never ever kiss Artemis Fowl. In front of an entire class.

Maybe her IQ points were along the lines of minus infinity.

The nurse hadn't realized that she was awake. Cassie was lying perfectly still. She inhaled and exhaled in a slow rhythm. She didn't want to leave the school clinic and face reality. Why did God create reality again? Why couldn't people roam around in their dreamlands, be who they want to be, miles away from a certain scary ravenhead?

Maybe she could just run to her dorm and hide in her bathroom forever.

Cassie felt lost. And upset. And tired. And angry.

Humans were complex creatures. She couldn't imagine another species capable of having the urge to tear the skull off someone while wanting to listen to a sad song and cry at the same time.

Artemis wouldn't walk into a girl's bathroom and try to kill her now would he? Who knows. All he would have to do was wear a wig and no one would ever suspect he was a guy.

"I know you're awake." Speak of the Devil. Well, technically it was think of the Devil- never mind.

Her pulse rate probably increased tenfold but she did not say anything.

"For an hour I thought I should sue you but then I remembered how much I disliked the law. Emotional torture is more like my style." He could feel him near her ear. "I searched a bit about you, and guess what I got my hand on? A footage of 'that' Christmas night."

Cassie immediately sat up. "The one with the squirrels?"

"The one with the squirrels." Fowl nodded.

"How? I thought all the copies were deleted!"

"You're stupid. You forgot that link on MySpace."

"What do you want?" The words almost came out as a whisper.

"Nothing. You are so completely useless I can obtain nothing from you."

"I can be your slave."

"No. You're a klutz. You will only create more problems for me."

"I could be your girlfriend."

"What? Why?!" He looked exasperated for a second.

"Well, you know, maybe your mom suspects you to be gay and you want to stop her from nagging about getting a girlfriend so you are searching for a chick who's willing to be your fake girlfriend-"

"You read too many romantic novels. My mother is not interested in my love life. I'm sure she knows I'm too young to be in any kind of relationship with a girl-"

"Or a dude."

Fowl massaged his temples. "Every second I spend with you I lose a certain amount of IQ points. What I came here to say is that I'm unleashing that video on the school site. You can do nothing about it. I came here to tell you beforehand so that you can feel horrible about being so helpless about your hopeless doom. Be miserable. "

"You're doing this because I kissed you?"

"You tarnished my reputation." His voice raised a bit.

"So you'll tarnish my life?!"

"Yes."

"You are a Drama Queen, with a capital D and Q."

Fowl glared at her and left the clinic.

For a few minutes Cassie's popularity sky-rocketed. She became the 'Girl who kissed Artemis Fowl'. If you ignored the last two words, that nickname was quite romantic. Then it sunk like the Titanic after everyone saw the video and she become the 'Crazy Squirrel girl I wouldn't touch with a ten-meter pole.'

The oven bell rang and Cassie took out the blueberry pie with her oven gloves on.

"It looks tasty, Miss Mess. No one can beat the Mess in the kitchen." The Home Science teacher seemed completely impressed. "Mind if I take a bite."

Cassie didn't say that blueberry pies were the only thing she could cook.

Cassie was not a Home Science student but the teacher was a huge fan of her father's, so it took little persuasion to get the permission to use the school kitchen.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Figgins, I made it for someone special." Cassie gave her brightest smile. The tone she used to say the last word was sickeningly sweet.

"It's totally okay. I know girls these days." Mrs. Figgins winked. "They always got someone special."

The school bell rang.

"That's my cue. Thank you so much, Mrs. Figgins."

The hallway was pretty crowded. Cassie didn't trip over anything as she walked through the sea of students with a blueberry pie on one hand.

She noticed him. Unconsciously, the hallway parted for him like the Red Sea.

Perfect opportunity.

"Fowl?" He turned around to look at her. She gave him her brightest smile, teeth and all.

Before he could give some snaky remark, she slammed the blueberry pie on his face.

Everyone in the hall stood still.

Big chunks of the pie fell off his face. Then the small chunks started falling off. Soon his face was only covered with blueberry goo.

Cassie knew she'd cherish the look on his face forever. He looked utterly horrified. Utterly. Horrified.

But that satisfaction only lasted for a few seconds.

"You smashed a pie at me." He said each word with great care, as if he was trying to convince himself that the incident just happened.

"Now we're even." Cassie clutched her side bag and walked away. Cassie had never felt so terrified in her life.

Her heart fell onto her stomach.

"Dear Diary,

My life is officially the new hell. I am a very stupid and impulsive person. I always go with the flow and I wouldn't be surprised if I get killed one of these days because of that.

You know what? I'm pretty sure Fowl's already prepared the blueprint for my fake suicide.

I always loved you, Diary. You've been with me through thick and thin. You didn't get mad even when I threw you out of the window that rainy night, last year.

Love,

Cassie Bear .. xoxo

To those concerned, this is my will.

I don't want my brother to get the room. Anyone but that snot-nosed brat. He reminds me too much of myself and I can't even deal with myself.

You can sell all my dolls for charity.

I'd like to be buried in my favorite hot pink t-shirt and tight black pants. Maybe you can even put a tiara on my head. I always wanted to die feeling like a princess-"

"MOMMY IS SO PROUD OF YOU!" her fiery dormmate came crashing into her room and tackled her to a bone-crushing hug. Even in a normal knee-length cotton frock Isabella Kossel could give the sun a run for his money. "When I heard that you kissed Foul Fowl I thought of killing you and throwing your body into the ocean but then I saw that squirrel video that got totally viral and I was glad that you were gonna die a slow death instead. But then I heard you smashed a strawberry pie on his ugly face in front of the entire school and now you're officially MY MOST FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD!"

"Actually, it was a blueberry pie-"

"Can you please shut up?! Someone's trying to get their beauty sleep, Kossel!" They heard their third dormmate's voice from the other end of the wall of Cassie's room.

Izzy ignored the voice. "You humiliated Artemis Fowl and bruised that galaxy-sized ego of his. Trust me when I say you're gonna go to heaven for this."

"Maybe a bit too earlier than I would like."

Izzy grabbed her hand. "As a reward, I baked cookies."

Shit.

Izzy's cookies were worse than hers, which was saying something.

Dear Diary,

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and I've realized that it's all my fault. I started it. Sure, Artemis Fowl is the most annoying boy I've ever met but I'm not perfect either. I shouldn't have followed him that night. I think it kind of intersected our destinies in the worse way possible.

He hurt my feelings and I did the same to him. The thing is, no matter how impulsive I am, I don't like hurting people.

It makes me sad.

I want to apologize.

Butler knew he had to do a lot of things for his ward like help him steal missile plans, beat up lowly idiots with guns and shake his hip to salsa numbers (long story). He never complained about these kind of things.. but scaring the daylights out of a little teen girl was where he would have to draw the line. Little girl reminded him too much of his sisters. Especially stupid, suicidical little girls.

"No, Artemis. I am not going to scare a little girl just because she smashed a strawberry pie on your face." Butler could hear Artemis sigh from the other end of the phone.

"It was blueberry. Butler, she humiliated me. I have never felt so ashamed in my entire life. I had underestimated her. She's not average. She's crazy, and that's coming from me Butler. I need to do something about her. You know what? She's not worth a second of my time. instead of trying to think of ways to destroy her, I can think of various ways to steal that 30 million yen painting. Girls are such a waste of time. I have so many important things to do. I can't let school or her to affect me like this."

A/N: THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS! please tell me what do you think.