Christian's POV – Friday 22 July 2011
I rest my head in my hands, my fingers running through the crow's nest on my head, sheer exhaustion wouldn't be an adequate description of how I feel and for the first time in a long time, I wish I could just close my eyes and go to sleep, it doesn't matter that it is just 1pm.
"Christian, for fuck's sake, just go home," Ros taps me on the arm, she is the only one that can speak to me like that, "You're no use to anyone like this and you have your buck's party tonight, go home and have a nanna nap, old man." She laughs as she spins on her impossibly high heels, swinging her red hair in an arc behind her and calls Taylor on her phone as she leaves, "Taylor, you're needed by the boss, get your ass in here."
I am more than surprised when Taylor does appear immediately but not due to that but because walking in before him is a concerned looking Ana, "Baby, what are you doing here?"
"I'm coming to take you home," and I love those words out of her mouth, the fact that she calls my apartment home, despite everything that has happened, that she is there for me, that she is mine.
"But I have work to do," I attempt to protest and Ana comes around the desk, kissing me chastely and then whispers in my ear.
"Or there is something else you can do," and with an impish grin and pink cheeks she pulls back with giggles erupting as I look at her, pure shock on my face and out of the corner of my eye I notice Taylor making his way out the door with his hand covering his mouth and distinctly shaking shoulders. Thankfully Ana hasn't realised how good Taylor's hearing is otherwise she'd be mortified and it's also an indication of how tired he is because normally he would have shown nothing and just backed out quietly, I know we all need a rest.
"Miss Steele, I don't know what sort of monster I may have awakened but I may just have to subdue that monster right here," all my synapses are firing now, my exhaustion forgotten as I sweep my eyes up and down her delectable body. Her crisp white shirt with alluring buttons open just to the point that my imagination can see all those buttons popping around my room with the right amount of force, the pencil skirt that snugly hugs her butt and shows her curves and now as she leans against my desk has ridden up just a smidge so that it hints at the stockings underneath. Her giggle continues nervously as I trap her against my desk, my legs on either side of hers and my hands slide up to test my theory that she's wearing stockings and my breath catches in my throat as I feel the suspenders there too.
"Oh baby, these I need to see,"
"You can't do that here, someone could walk in," she whispers scandalised.
"Baby, Taylor's outside and no-one is coming in, although I am sure someone is sure to be coming in someone really soon," I stumble over my words and bouncing my eyebrows in a most unsubtle manner.
"Christian, listen to yourself, you are so tired, this isn't right, what if someone hears us?" and again I laugh.
"I distinctly remember you saying that you knew this office is soundproof," and I move my hand up, lifting her skirt slowly, feeling and groaning out loud while watching her eyes, if she really doesn't want me to do this here, I will stop but it will take me a while to walk out anyway. Just as I think that, I see her eyes take in the tent I am pitching and she gasps, her cheeks now a deep red and she is distracted from my hands for a second but as they reach their goal, I can feel her heat and the moisture indicating she's reacting positively, the wiggle is even more of a giveaway.
"Noooo, we can't do that here Christian, No!" and I pull my hands away like I have been slapped, shocked at how much distress there is in her voice.
'Baby, what's the matter? We don't need to do anything," I pull her into my chest, standing as I do and then leaning her backwards so I can see her face, I almost groan as the movement pushes her against my tent but she hastily straightens her skirt and won't look at me.
"Baby, look at me," and I wait, a tiny shake and she finally looks up at me, "We can do what we want in here, I don't care what anyone thinks."
"I do," a tiny whisper, "If I ever end up working in this building, I don't want people looking at me, I … I …" her head dropping onto my chest and she seems to shrink against me. Holding her tight I can feel that this isn't about me and this is confirmed when she whispers, "Mom had a reputation of sleeping with all her bosses, in their offices and everyone that worked with her just had no respect for her, the bosses didn't have respect for her, no-one had any respect for her…"
"Baby, it's ok, we'll go home," I can't stand seeing her so distressed and know that the last few days have been so tough on her but she hasn't complained, she has been there for me and I need to thank her for that, "I think a shower would be a good idea and then that nanna nap that Ros suggested, you haven't been sleeping well either have you?" and I hate it that there is a small shake of her head against my chest.
"Eyes up Beautiful," I command and her head whips up immediately, "We WILL do it on this desk and under this desk and on the couch and every conceivable surface in here," and I am rewarded by a gasp at my wicked words and grin, "But only when you are ready to do so…. I intend to take you on every surface and make every single one enjoyable and no-one will ever know." I love the shocked look on her face as she scans my face, taking in the fact that I have a grin now and she relaxes, knowing I won't make her do anything she doesn't want to do and that would diminish my or anyone else's respect for her.
"You Sir, are a cad," she says finally with a dainty sniff but the smile and the light dancing in her eyes bely her words, "But you are my cad and I have no doubt you will have your way with me, when I am ready, thank you, fiancé of mine," and with that she reminds me that we have those ridiculous parties tonight, something I need like a hole in my head.
"Is there any chance that we can sleep through these parties… oh, there's an idea, I'm happy to go now… we're at my club … more surfaces…" and I earn myself a slap on the arm and we walk out of the office, both laughing and looking respectable, no straightening required to a surprised look from Taylor between Ana and I, maybe Ana is right, it was the right thing to stop, well this time anyway.
Thankfully the traffic is easy and we are home in no time at all and while I know I need to nap, my brain is racing as I think of everything that has happened in the last three days and my worry for tonight and I know that a shower or a bath isn't going to be enough for me to relax. As we travel up in the elevator, my hands stray down to those enticing stocking tops and I know what I need to do.
"Baby, I am going to need some help to relax, will you trust me?"
"Christian, I always trust you," is the immediate and honest response but the concern in her eyes is obvious and then it hits me, it isn't for herself, it is concern for me and I wish she'd think about herself. Those big pools of blue drown all rational thought and I shuffle down, bending my knees so that I am at her level and pull her into me, her soft mouth on mine grounds me and I simply wish we could have a normal life, without any of the continuing dramas, I want her to just love me, not be constantly concerned.
"I'm ok Baby, I just want to concentrate on you and if I do that, all my troubles will fall away, so this is going to be all about you," and as she starts to protest, I silence her with a finger on her lip, "Trust me, whenever you enjoy something, I am enjoying it too, your pleasure is my biggest turn on and I have twice the pleasure, watching you and being part of it too…. So in truth, it's not all about you so don't feel guilty."
I carefully watch her struggling with my statement, never believing how much I adore her, how much her pleasure is mine, "I know you, that's how you are feeling isn't it?" I question and she nods, making me shake my head at her, "Baby, you need to be concerned about yourself more, you haven't been looking after yourself have you? I saw you limping as we left the car," and my suspicion is confirmed as she ducks her head and her cheeks redden.
With what has been happening lately, I know I haven't been paying attention to her physical therapy and I have a feeling that it has slipped and as the elevator slows to a stop I announce, "Baby, I'm carrying you because you need your energy," I lower my voice as I whisper in her ear, "All of your energy," the anticipatory shiver reverberates through me and I hope what I have quickly planned works for both of us.
I ask one more time as we stand at the threshold of the red room, "Baby, this is going to be all about your pleasure, absolutely no pain, do you trust me?" and with absolutely no fear in her eyes, just pure anticipation, her nod and breathless affirmative response is all I need.
Since Tuesday night I haven't actually slept next to Ana, the most I have been able to do is creep in to check that she's asleep, given her a kiss and watched her, heartbroken, as she tossed and turned, needing my comfort as much as I needed hers but having to walk back out to my office to head off the next disaster.
On Wednesday, Lisa set out a lot of extra information, explaining how she had been chasing Jack Hyde for years but always being stopped by the lack of information, girls that wouldn't talk but they all looked scared at the mention of his name, there was always something that stopped her finding that last bit to put him away. She did concede that she had probably been obsessive about trying to bring him down but the damage he'd done to her as a teenager had ruined her chances of ever having a child, ever trusting a man and no amount of therapy had helped. She'd said she kept seeing the absolute horror in my eyes at the same time as the triumph in Hyde's and then when the wrath was turned on her, she couldn't see past her terror and it was the reason she'd become a police officer, determined to protect women and children from horrible people like Jack Hyde.
She'd been very quick to say that she had no doubt that Jack Hyde would have turned on her as they grew older anyway, she didn't blame me but I can't help but believe that her helping me must have hastened his attacks. His anger towards me seems to have grown over the years and she was able to show me all the evidence of it, how he'd held dossiers on everyone in my family and huge folders of all my achievements, my movements and all sorts of material but somehow he'd missed all the BDSM activities and thank goodness for that but for some reason Ana was the tipping point for him. It must have been exactly what we surmised just before the kidnap attempt, if I was showing love to someone, then that was a weakness, a way to get to me, every other attempt he'd made had been foiled in some way or another without me even knowing about it but with Ana, he had a point of entry. The thought makes me shudder as to how close he'd come to ruining my life on at least four occasions, his initial attacks on Ana, the cameras in Aspen, the glider crash and then the kidnap attempt.
It was during our conversation that Lisa explained how Jack Hyde hadn't been able to effect any changes on my glider because Joey was so vigilant with it but he had managed to somehow put a tracker on it. In Lisa's investigations she had found that Jack Hyde had been at that the airport numerous times in the period between Ana being photographed with me and when he said something about my toys. The investigations had shown that the single engine plane's altimeter had been replaced so that poor pilot had honestly thought he was 5000 ft higher when he reported his altitude. The other adjustment that had been made was that the aircraft's flight guidance system had been programmed to home in on the tracker on the glider and as the only person who was allowed to fly my glider was me, the movement of my tracker switched the guidance system to the programmed homing sequence.
So the poor fellow had simply taken off after us and had been flying and without a proper flying knowledge, had been relying on his equipment and therefore was doomed and that meant that Hyde obviously had no compunction at all about sacrificing a total stranger in his desire to destroy me. I shivered when I thought about what could have happened to my mother, Gail and Ana in the bank kidnap, if he was willing to kill a complete stranger then what would he have done to those I love.
Lisa and the legal team sorted through the information provided by Welch, working out what could be included as evidence, building as watertight a case as we possibly could, Dad was part of the process and it was another hard thing to do to pull him aside before they started to tell him about Lisa. He remembered her and said that at the time he and Grace had discussed whether they should take her too but with Elliot and I they didn't think they could take an older girl right at that time but it played on their minds for a while and they did decide because of her that they should adopt a girl, they had initially decided to just have two children. When they had decided that they were ready to take a girl, the option of a baby came up and they couldn't leave Mia when they saw the circumstances she was in, they mistakenly believed that Lisa would have been fine with the Collins as they were lovely people and they were not to know about how Jack was treating her.
Dad apologised to Lisa and to my amazement she was surprised that he would feel bad, she held no animosity towards them and instead thanked him for looking after me who she'd always worried about, my brain was spinning at her sisterly love for me and her capacity to forgive when she too could have felt like Jack. I could see that she would be included in any future Grey functions as a quasi-family member, she certainly would be included in any invitation of mine.
Wednesday was a long day and then just as I completed my actual work commitments and tiredly looked at the clock to see it was nearly 4 am, my first thought was that at least a couple of hours curled around Ana would be enough to see me through Thursday which was shaping up to be a long day too but I never made it to bed.
The phone rang and it was an equally exhausted sounding Welch, apparently there had been a fire at the jail and an unknown number of inmates had been seriously burned or injured while trying to escape the fire, some inmates had escaped in the confusion. At that point they knew it was in the higher security section but couldn't tell us whether Jack Hyde was still imprisoned, whether he was injured or anything and it was the last thing I needed to hear.
Leaving a kiss on Ana's forehead, I stole a moment to savour her goodness and desperately wishing I could bury myself in her, I quickly showered, changed my clothes and was out the door. By the time I'd reached the office and the security team assembled, I was completely on edge until the news came through that Hyde hadn't escaped, the sigh of relief that floated through the team almost lifted the papers off my desk.
The mood changed dramatically as further news came in that the fire had started in his cell but interestingly, all his injuries were not explained by the fire, there was evidence that somehow someone appeared to have entered his cell and exacted some other punishment and then the fire was lit, the little detail available indicated the use of an accelerant for the severity of the fire, it's intensity too much for the sprinkler system so his burns injuries were extensive. As a result of his internal injuries and the level of burns, he would be in a lot of pain for a long time, there may have been a cheer when the report came through but none so loud as when the information was relayed that the accelerant had been poured on his lap and the intensity of the fire meant that he'd never again have the use of his weapon of choice.
I saw the look that passed between Welch and Taylor at that point and knew that both Gail and Ana and since yesterday, Lisa too, had been avenged and I was glad but I really did not want to know, I just hoped that there would be nothing to ever trace back to my team.
Waiting until a more reasonable hour to call Lisa into my office, her reaction to the realisation that Hyde's every movement for the rest of his life would be painful was a quiet satisfaction that even if we didn't manage to put him away for the term of his natural life, he would be in hell every day anyway as a reminder of his evil.
This led us to the next discussion then on Elena and how to make sure that she was never able to negatively impact on another individual and given what had happened to Hyde, an inside job was not an option because then there would be a suspicion of a link back to us. All the security team looked in turns, blank or confused and I hoped that they would keep that up if they were interrogated.
As it was, by the end of Thursday the person who had entered Hyde's cell had been identified and was very happy to explain that he had been attacked by Hyde years ago while in juvenile detention with him. He'd never forgotten that it was Hyde who had ruined his life and his story was so sad, indicative of those that had come across Hyde in a vulnerable state. After Hyde's assaults he had gone down the drug route for many years to try to forget and had eventually killed a woman in a drug induced haze while robbing her and then assaulted a police officer so, knowing he was in jail for life anyway, when he saw Hyde in jail and was presented with the opportunity, he was more than happy to avenge his teenage assaults.
Back to Elena, it was decided by the legal team that it would be prudent for me to disclose the assaults on me by both Elena and Jennifer as it would cement the charge that these women had been capable and perpetuating assaults on children for a very long time. That history of assault would indicate that the abuse of Macy and other recent children were not isolated cases, that they were a risk to society and therefore should be put away forever. The idea that my life style could be exposed horrified me and it took my mother arriving to describe the horrific nightmares that have surfaced for Macy for me to start changing my mind but it was Ana that made my mind up for me.
Ana had called me at a particularly difficult moment and as I tried to breathe through my terror, her calmness, her love just flowed through the screen to me and her point that we loved each other, she didn't care what anyone thought, she would stand and face any cameras with me, she didn't care, she was proud of me and she didn't want any other children ruined. It was her composure, her concern for the fact that I looked so worn out, her love that made my mind up and I apologised again to her for the fact that I hadn't been there when she woke up and hung up, resolute to go ahead, still amazed how Ana could calm me, could take an awful dark situation and make me see the light.
It was the same in the morning, I had organised for Sawyer to bring her to my office on the way to her work, so that I could apologise for not being there when she woke and to tell her personally about what had happened to Hyde, knowing what had happened to Cecilia and Stephen Morton, I knew the fire might be a trigger for her and she did shudder as soon as I said it but the knowledge that he'd never be able to hurt another woman made her mutter a quiet, "Well, karma is a bitch isn't she." Her hug and kiss as she left gave me the energy to call back the team, now fortified by the extra strong coffee and cupcakes that Ana had brought with her and continue with her smell lingering and giving me the strength to continue plugging through the material.
The process of pulling everything together including the Mortons and Elena then brought into the discussion the fact that Carla was involved, it was late last night that it was decided that Carla needs to be pulled into the whole drama, she didn't know about the incest until the phone call when Ana was in the hospital but she did know about Elena's predilections and did nothing in that regard but it may just be that she is simply a drug abuser. I would so love to keep her locked up forever for the damage she has done to Ana alone but that isn't a legal offence and her inability to protect Ana from damage in her teens is too long ago under the statutes of limitations.
The discussion went long into the night and then due to important business decisions being avoided all day, I didn't even leave the office and I doubt I even sounded coherent when Ana called to wish me good night. I apologised for not being there, sleeping next to her but she waved it off, knowing that there was no way that I'd swap what I was doing for sleep if I didn't need to and her love flowed through the phone, almost breaking my resolve. Finally breaking off the conversation so that I could continue working, all I could do was hold her love to my heart and let it warm me from the inside, giving me life when I felt drained.
Finally this morning I spent the time with the security team, trying to ensure that everything is in place for tonight's parties to protect us all against all the normal idiots and now, my sister, my brother and his girlfriend, none of whom seem to fully grasp the importance of security and the threat against us.
Now, standing at the door to the red room, I know what I need but more importantly, I know what Ana needs, the darkness that has shrouded our world has been out in the open in the last few days spreading it's awful tentacles so I need to cocoon us within Ana's light, her love, our love needs to be reaffirmed.