Oh no! Another Cliched Love Story!

Money Can Mend A Broken Heart

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"You hate me. That sounds more like the beginning of a love story, rather than the end of one."

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Cassie could hear the birds chirping.

"You said it yourself, I'm not the brightest bulb in the room. I don't know why I do half the things I do. I'm so sorry for kissing you and all the stupid things I did. It was a big mistake and I know that your bad boy image went down a few notches and... I just," Cassie tried to look at anywhere but Fowl. "I'm terrified of what you might do to me. I watch all these teen highschool dramas and there's always this big bad bully who pushes your head down a toilet seat or something, and people are telling me that you can do much worse to me. People are saying that I'm a walking dead girl and that you'll steal my first-born and-"

"Mess." Fowl did not sound happy.

"Yes?" Cassie finally found the courage to look up into his ice blue eyes. They were tiny pieces of icebergs. Her blood went cold instantly. He was like the reincarnation of Medusa, freezing anyone who looked at.

"You snuck into my dorm at 3 o' clock in the morning to beg for my forgiveness." He looked even more intimidating in his silk pajamas. His raven hair was not even slightly messed up. How was that even scientifically possible? Permanent hair gel or hair spray or something?

Cassie ignored what he said."Just don't hate me or something okay? You were being really rude to me and I just saw red when you told me those mean stuff and I- I was not really thinking. You're not wrong. Yes, I'm pretty average compared to you or ninety percent of the people here. But I'm still me and I need to stick up for myself because I can't wake up the next morning and turn into someone else, right?"

"Mess." Fowl exhaled loudly.

"Yes?"

"I won't steal your first-born. Good night." Artemis grabbed her by the shoulders, threw her into the hallway and slammed the door close.

"Wow. He isn't as weak as he looks." Cassie rubbed her slightly injured shoulders. "Wait a moment. He didn't say that he won't shove my head down a toilet seat. I really shouldn't have kissed him." Cassie touched her lips.

"Who was that, Artemis? One of your fangirls?" Artemis closed the door and turned around to find one of his dormmates, shirtless, with a white towel on his head. "Or was it one of my fangirls? Or worse," his dormmate shuddered, "was it QQ?"

Maity Pennypocket was the heir to a chain of restaurants. There was nothing extremely significant about the boy except for the fact that he had countless fangirls and a very scary ex-girlfriend (yes, even Artemis would admit that), who wanted his head on a platter.

"It was not Quater Queen." Artemis headed towards his room.

Pennypocket laughed. "That's all I needed to know."

"Maity!" A feminine voice came out from Pennypocket's room.

Artemis shot him a disapproving look. "Just because girls can easily sneak into the boys' dorms doesn't mean you need to have one over every night."

"Yeah, sorry about that Fowl." Pennypocket gave him another one of his nervous laughs while scratching his short blond hair. "Did you see my condoms anywhere, by any chance?"

Artemis shot him a glare and slammed the door on his face.

"Why are you sitting beside me?" Fowl looked annoyed, but, then again, he always looked annoyed.

Both of them were sitting on the same seats they sat when Cassie kissed him.

"Because this is the best seat." Cassie took out her water bottle to drink some water.

Fowl seemed to consider her words for a few second. "Do you fancy me?"

Cassie spitted out all the water in her mouth and coughed violently.

"Mess, are you alright?" the teacher asked nervously.

"Yes, Mr. Dame, I'm OK," Cassie spoke between her coughs. She turned around to glare at Fowl. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"You've sexually harrassed me before and you seem to have an unhealthy obssession of me. Stalking me also seems to be your favourite hobby. This certainly is an odd way of displaying your affections for me." He was speaking with such disinterest that it took awhile Cassie to realise what he said.

"Wha-Sexual harrassment?"

"That kiss."

"Unhealthy obssession?"

"Need I elaborate?"

"Stalking?!"

"You are like a shameless, smelly dog; clinging to me no matter how many times I throw stones at you."

Cassie ignored his insult. It was sad, really, how she was already immune to his insults. "You are so, so, so delluded it's not even funny," Cassie hissed. "I would rather marry a rock and give birth to little pebbles than have a crush on you. How can you even come to such a conclusion? Didn't you notice my badge?"

Artemis glanced at the huge badge that clinged to her blaze, wondering how he had missed it in the first place. It was clearly hand-made and had the words "MRS. MAITY" written on it, in proud bold letters.

"I am the treasurer of the Maity Pennypocket fan-club! Maity is my one true love." Cassie huffed.

"When did that happen?" Cassie noticed the calculative look Fowl shot her. Her intuition was telling her something bad was about to happen and that she should just pack up her things and run for the hills. "I didn't see it the last time I saw you."

Cassie was never one to listen to anyone, even if it was her very own intuition.

"I thought you'd never ask. I fell in love with Maity two days ago. I was walking by the hallway when I heard an extremely romantically masculine voice call out for me. I turned around and for a few seconds I was mesmerised, wondering why I had never noticed such a beautiful Greek god studied in our school. I was drowning in his sea blue eyes until he snapped me back to reality by gently touching my shoulder and gave me the handkerchief I dropped. He quickly walked out of my life but forever imprinting his footprint on my heart-"

"'Extremely romantically masculine'?" Fowl looked like he was going to hurl his breakfast. "I am extremely glad that you do not fancy me."

"Ugh, Fowl-"

"You are terrible in description. I would advise you to not pursue a career in literature. And 'forever imprinting his footprint on my heart'? It's the most- nevermind. I am not even slightly interested in your one-sided love. I'd rather listen to Mr. Dame drone on about -"

"Shut up, Fowl. Talking to you just pisses me off." Cassie was annoyed. How could he call her love one-sided? Maity clearly loved her back. They never exchanged words before but love did not need words. He went around giving everyone those smiles, which she thought were only reserved for her, but that didn't mean anything. By giving away those gorgeous, gorgeous smiles he was just making the world a better place.

Artemis studied her thoughtful expression for a few seconds. She was probably contemplating about what he had just said.

She annoyed him. Her very existence repulsed him and at times he wondered if her stupidity was contagious. He wanted to watch her break.

He was never one to pay attention to her kind but she was special. She was stupid enough to think she could just 'publicly' humiliate a Fowl and get away with it.

A reasonable part of him argued that every second spent on her was a second wasted but the sadistic part of him won in the end.

He'd watch her break and he'd enjoy every moment of it.

"Mess?"

"Hmm?" She shot him an annoyed look.

He slipped into his charming mask with ease. "Pennypocket is in my roommate. Do you want to come over tonight? It might increase your chances with him." He was so sickenly sweet that anyone with half a brain would be suspicious. But the pea-brained girl glowed with happiness. If they weren't in a class she would probably start jumping in joy.

"You are the best, Fowl. I love you!" She nearly choked him with her arms.

Everyone in class turned around to look at them.

Fowl gritted his teeth.

Did he hate her.

Cassie Mess was definitely over-dressed for the occassion and her face was caked with make-up.

'What an eye-sore.' Artemis twitched when he opened the door.

Artemis had looked up her file and knew that she was the heiress of the well-known 'Messy Bakery" chain in Europe. The Mess family was no-where near rich as the Fowls but they were famous for their confections. Artemis hated to admit it but he enjoyed their Smokin' Chococakes a lot.

She was dressed in an over-sized pink frock, her hair was tied into two high pig-tails with pink ribbons and her cheeks were practically painted red.

Artemis mentally cursed the day their paths crossed.

She was the daughter of a rich baker. Did she have no fashion-sense?

"Come in." Artemis closed the door behind them.

"I'm so excited! I ca-can't believe I'm going out on a date with my Maity!" she whispered nervously.

Artemis raised his eyebrow.

A date? When did he promise her that?

Well, whatever. The higher the expectations she had of this evening, the better. He'd enjoy watching her cry.

"Oh, Maity! You are so funny!" The door to his dorm swung open and Maity came in with a rather attractive girl.

Mess stiffened. Artemis gave Maity a lazy smirk. Perfect timing.

Maity blinked. "Um, who is this?"

The other girl, who had wrapped herself all over Maity, raised an eyebrow. "Hey, Fowl, did you, like, kidnap her from the circus? I didn't know we had circuses in Ireland." Her curiousity was, sadly, genuine. Her tone was not mocking or hostile in any way.

Mess observed the two wordlessly.

Artemis did not say anything.

Maity sighed. "Who cares, Lisa? For all we know, it's some weapon-weilding, trigger-happy robot Fowl designed. Let's go to my room."

"Fowl, next time you want to dress up your robot, call me. That dress is fugly and even my granny knows how to put on better make-up," Maity's new plaything said before they went into Maity's door and closed the door.

Mess' hands were balled into fists, she was looking down and shaking violently.

Damage done.

For a few seconds, Artemis basked in the satisfaction of humiliating her and breaking her heart. But then she looked up at him with those eyes... She was crying and it looked like the Niagra Falls had taken temporary residence on her face.

As heartless as he was, watching a girl cry made him extremely uncomfortable and he was beginning to regret his actions. Sure, she rubbed on him in all the wrong ways but she was still a girl.

He crossed his arms and observed her. She was a mess. Her mascara lined down her face and made her look like a racoon. Her eyes were all puffy and red. She was sobbing softly and desperately trying to wipe off her tears.

Artemis shifted on his feet, uncomfortably. He could just kick her out of his dorm. He had a feeling that her mascara-filled snot would stain the carpet.

"Don't rub your face that much. You might get wrinkles," he said. Mess did not stop crying. "Wash your face. There's a bathroom in my room."

She didn't move and Artemis sighed.

He pinched the sleeve of her frock and pulled her into his room, then directed her to his bathroom.

He looked away as she turned on the sink and started to splash water on her face.

It was all his father's fault for drilling in the whole 'a man should always be gentle to a lady' thing into his head.

His conscience would not, could not allow him to leave the annnoying girl all mopey and depressed.

He tried to remind himself how he had went through public humiliation because of Cassie Mess.

He heard her sob again.

He sighed. Fine. Gentleman Artemis Fowl II would have his way today.

He waited for her to get out of the bathroom.

She sat on the floor of his room, wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her head on her knees. She was still crying.

"Since your crying is annoying me, I'll give you a piece of advice that will change your life." Mess looked up at him curiously. "Money can mend a broken heart."

"Money can mend a broken heart."

Fowl was sitting on his bed with his arms crossed, while Cassie was sitting on the floor.

The information rolled over Cassie's head. "Huh?" What was Fowl talking about? Couldn't he let her cry in peace-

He threw a camera at her and she somehow managed to catch it. "It's an old model so I'm donating it to you. Charity work is good for my karma."

Cassie studied the camera. "Why are you giving this to me?"

"Despite the inconvenience you caused me, I'm going to give you advice so be grateful forever and never annoy me again." She looked at him like a gaping fish. "Listen carefully. I don't want to repeat myself. Maity Pennypocket has a huge fan-following and you have great stalking abilities. You would think that somebody would've seen the business...nevermind. What I am tring to say is that you should utilise the oppurtunity given to you. Take pictures of him and sell it to his fangirls and fanboys. If you get pictures of him in some embarassing situation sell them to his ex, Quater Queen. She'll give you twice the price anyone else can give you. You will earn a lot. You can buy all those ice-creams and dolls you want. Use your God-gifted Maity-stalking abilities. Since you are a nobody he won't even notice you."

"So you are telling me to stalk Maity, take pics of him and sell them to his psychotic fangirls or psychotic ex. I love him."

"Do you?" Artemis shot her a questioning look.

"I love ice-cream more and there was that pink iPhone I've always wanted..."

"My point exactly." Fowl nodded.

"That's not a bad idea." Cassie chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully.

"Of course it is not a bad idea." He shot her an exasperated look.

"Helping me to get the guy of my dreams and then trying to cheer me up... Are you trying to be my friend, Fowl?" Cassie asked.

Fowl shot her a disgusted look. "Never."

She smiled at him. "Thanks, I guess. I was right."

"About what?"

"You're not all that bad."

Fowl shot her an annoyed look. "Get out of my dorm. Your perfume is stinking up the place."

Cassie giggled.

A few days later...

Students were crowding around a certain wall of the school. The crowd was getting larger and larger by the second. He could hear a lot of snickering coming from the crowd.

Artemis debated whether he should push his way through the crowd and figure out what all the fuss was about or not.

He didn't need to push his way through. The crowd parted for him and he saw 'pictures' pasted on the wall. He inwardly smirked.

He searched for Mess in the crowd. She was holding a suspiciously new iPhone in one hand and a ice-cream bucket in the other hand. When she caught him looking at her she gave him an innocent smile.

Maity Pennypocket was staring at the pictures, his expression getting paler and paler by the second.

There were many pictures of him on the wall- pictures of him picking his nose peeing in the school park, or scratching his butt.

QQ, Maity Pennypocket's ex, ruffled Mess's hair, shot Artemis a knowing look and walked away.

Dear Diary,

I'm St. Bartelby's unofficial stalker/photographer and I' m loving the money I'm getting. Fowl can come up with genius plan, ya know? I ate so much ice-cream today. Heheh.

Love you,

Cassie bear.