—

— Intentions —

26# - Glassy Hearts

"The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts."
―M. Aurelius

―

— A. Misaki

One day after he literally kissed me goodbye, I didn't hear from him anymore. No texts, no calls. Absolutely nothing. But at this point, I felt tired of his passivity, tired of trying to make things alright when it wasn't worth the constant fight. It was a battle fought by two, and without him, I felt overwhelmed and lost.

Alone and giving up.

My sister's health was my sole focus now. The past days, I had been feeding my own mother excuses to keep Suzuna away from home. Would she see how bad her daughters were bruised, she'd probably faint on us, and I couldn't allow the last member of our family to break down because of us.

Although my sister appeared to feel much better, I knew that it was only a facade. Even if her bruises were fading, the nightmares that shook her every night didn't recede in intensity and frequency. Taking a day off to tend to her after the bloody night she underwent, she was lulling to a recovering nap in the late morning, after last night's insomnia. Then, her phone buzzed.

The screen flashing an upcoming message, I naturally reached for it, curiosity having the best of me.

Usui.

I unlocked the phone's screen to check what he had sent. She had three missed calls of the same recipient, and when I started to open the first text, another one popped up.

'I need to speak to you as soon as possible. Please, call me back.'

'I'm free anytime. Don't hesitate, thank you.'

Seriously? He had put Suzuna in great danger already, how dare he intend to pull her deeper into it? Getting my own phone from my jeans pocket, I wanted to call him and demand explanations. There was no way I would let my sister near him after everything that had transpired over the past weeks.

And yet, I found my fingers lingering over Suzuna's screen.

'What's your problem?' They wrote on their own belief.

I scanned the text for a long moment, the cursor blinking on and off rhythmically. Suzuna wouldn't speak that way to him.

Changing the content, I plopped down in the sofa as I wrote. 'What's it?'

I erased it. 'What is it that you need, Usui-san?'

Much better, I bitterly grinned, sending it. How low would I stoop for our own good? Closing my eyes, the phone chimed a few seconds later, an impending call silently waiting for me to take it. I kept my eyes closed until it the vibrations faded away.

'I can't call you right now, but messages are alright.' I deceitfully notified.

He quickly replied, 'Alright. Is your sister there?'

'Do you need to speak to her, Usui-san?'

'Quite the contrary. Please, can you keep this between us?' My heart fell at the mention. What was left of my heart cracked a little more. Coming from him out of all person, such words hurt. But at this point...

My fingertips shaking, I typed, 'Of course. What do you need?'

'For you to be my witness. I know what happened to you. It's not much to do, but it will be of considerable help if you could.'

My teeth clenched. I wouldn't let him use her. I didn't care if he had used me, played with me or even trashed me. As long as my family would stay safe, out of harm's range. I had to keep it smart.

'Excuse me, I will reply later, my sister is coming,' I lied before blocking his number away. Methodically, I deleted the text one per one, leaving no hints of any of our deceptive text exchange.

Secrets were heavy.

Leaving the phone on the counter, I positionned it exactly where I initially took it. Softly, my figure crossed the living room to my own room. The door quietly clicked open, and I leaned on its wooden frame for a bit. Coming to the bed's side, I bent down to take a better look at her, brushing her damp hair behind her ear.

Secrets were necessary.

A light exhale came out of her parted lips, her sleeping expression the most peaceful I'd seen lately. I wouldn't let him ruin this.

—

Three days flowed by, the crushed routine I had followed until now slowly settling back in place. The false sense of security was a cheap comfort —that I still held onto nevertheless, albeit desperately. When I made it home, it was already late, the night stretching on the remaining time left of the day.

"It's been awhile since Usui have come here, nee-san," my sister passively remarked out of the blue, her gaze plain and almost empty.

When would the spark in her eyes stir back to life?

"Is he coming anytime soon?"

I feigned a frown at her random query, slowly edging away from her as she finally looked my way. The silence was heavy and strained, the many unspoken things lying in our shadows pulling us down.

Every interactions I had, lately, made me feel a little emptier. So many days had passed like this. How could I make it up to her? I didn't know, no matter how hard I thought about it. All I wanted was her safety, and surely, she knew that as well.

"Why do you ask?" I asked with duplicite carelessness. I knew I was threading on dangerous waters.

"He told me he wanted to talk to me, but he never replied to any of my message after that."

How could he, after all? I silently deemed with irony. "I don't know, we don't talk much anymore."

She didn't say anything, her speech muted ever since the day I lashed out on her.

Ever since the day she had gotten assaulted.

She kept gazing my way, seemingly unable to give up either speaking or leaving the discussion at that. Ambers eyes so alike to mine following my every move, I turned my back on her, unknowingly enclosing her back into the cage I put her into.

—

The nightfall plunged my apartment in welcomed darkness. I was nestled on a chair with my leg crossed, my cat resting on my lap. Mindlessly, my palms were running up and down the silky fur of the feline, his purrs of content satisfaction echoing in the emptiness. Temples pressed against the cold window pane, my mind was lost in the city night's view. I couldn't sleep, the heaviness weighing on my heart making me suffocate in my respite. Suzuna was already sleeping in my room, oblivious to my hidden and recent struggle.

Two A.M and knocks sharply resounded against the heavy door. My head whipped at the source of the interruption as Nero slid down from me. Following him in his shadow, I ambled to the entryway.

A damn visitor in the middle of the night.

I yanked the door open after a quick glance at the judas' eye.

—

— U. Takumi

"Mis—..." I started to speak, but her look had me stupefied.

She looked awfully ghastly. Severe dark circles were underneath her eyes and her complexion was too pale to be deemed healthy.

"What do you want?" Defiance coated her voice with unwelcome vibes. She leaned against the door's threshold, with more fatigue than deliberate nonchalance. Speechless for a moment, words were stuck in my throat, unable to express themselves. Until I remembered the main reason I came here for.

"I need to see Suzuna... Is she in here?" I eventually asked, hurry and worry both embed in my tone. She must've sensed it, because her eyes slanted on the spot at me.

"Yes, she is. And she doesn't need to see you," she let out, dismissing my concern over her.

I started to take a stride inside, but she stepped up, blocking me in the middle of my motion.

She carefully repeated in a warning hiss. "She doesn't need to see you."

"What is she doing?"

"What do sane people do at two in the morning?.. Sleeping. Don't you dare disturb her," she stepped ahead once again, akin to a ferocious tiger protectively strolling over her territory.

I eyed her down, my mind highly sensitive to her health and physical strain rather than the main reason I came here for.

"What about you? Aren't you a supposedly sane person, too?"

She didn't reply.

"Why aren't you sleeping, Misaki? Or are you as insane as I am?" I blithely hinted, through both of us weren't in the mood for smiles.

Her glare intensified. "I was sleeping. But you barged in and woke me up." Redirecting the blame on me, she stepped back to slam the door on my nose.

Following her in her retreat, my fingertips lifted her chin up as I promptly neared her. Her eyes were holding mine, burning with bright fire. With sizzling challenge.

"Clearly, you weren't sleeping," I smirked.

She brushed me off. "Go away, Usui."

I followed her inside, not caring anymore about her stubborn refusal. When my gaze landed on the couch —covered with a pillow and comforter— it all became clearer.

"You're sleeping on the couch?"

"Seriously. Why do you even act like you care?" She surged with a hint of mockery.

I grabbed her arm, tugging on it for her attention. Turning around, she faced me as I spoke. "Why are you so obstinate to assume that I don't care about you?"

"In fact, I care so much that I—," I bent down and hauled her up over my shoulder, "—am going to see that you sleep properly, in a bed." She started to beat her tired fists on my upper back, making more damage to herself than on me. When she realized that I was leading her to her own room, she stopped, frozen.

"Don't..." Her voice softened to a whisper. "Suzuna is finally sleeping... Leave her alone. Please. Just leave me on—..."

"—Fine. If your bed is taken..." I grabbed her key house in the bowl near the entry way and carried her out. "Then, I'll be more than happy to take you in mine."

The door automatically locked behind us and she remained unmoving on my shoulder. Beyond doubts, she had lost her will to keep up her pretense with me. She was as exhausted as she looked, if not more.

We rode the elevator in silence, before she muttered a small "I can walk alone, it's uncomfortable."

I let her down, holding her body close to mine. She let herself go limp against me, leaving me be her support as I embraced her in my arms. Her scent overwhelmed me with memories that seemed so far away from now. Hold on tight, love. I pressed her closer to my heart.

My head leaned on hers, my eyes closing at the proximity. "Did we age a year or two during the past weeks?" I quietly asked.

"Hmh," she gave out a drained hum of approval.

The lift finally opened on my floor with a clear ring. Still, she stood inert in my arms. Leaving a small kiss in her hair, I carried her up again. This time, she was enveloped in my arms, her head resting in the crook of my neck. A little sigh escaped her lips.

"Why the sudden change of attitude?" I murmured with a small smile, lulling her to my apartment.

Her eyes were closed, relishing in the stolen moment.

Ephemeral solace.

"I feel like I can only be myself with you, after all."

And I knew what she meant as I felt the same way she did.

"Only you," my lips brushed her nose.

Her fingertips came up to my cheek and she gazed up at me. Ambers eyes I missed so damn much —even though they coursed through my mind every single time I closed my eyes. Flecks of gold were reflected in her expressive orbs, and once again, they managed to draw me in. She gave me a long inspection, her feelings gathering in that pool of swirling honey.

"I missed you, Takumi," she murmured at last.

My heart swelled up at her words like fireworks in a warm summer night. The sudden burst of joy instantly filled the recent emptiness, making my boldness recover.

"I didn't miss you, though," I voiced.

She stiffened in my hold, her eyes flicking downwards in shame. She had just opened up her feelings to me, after all. I stopped in my tracks, the door to my penthouse already wide open.

"I mean, you were always on my mind, in my heart." I chuckled, and bent down for a kiss the same quality of our sweetest one...but even sweeter.
"How can I miss you when you've never been gone?"

—

Author's note:

This was originally planned to be a lemon but... I just got engrossed in the speech and convo, it all became so sweet.. I couldn't break the gentleness of the moment for steaminess, I'm sorry!... I love the fluff so much! ughhh... They're so lovelies together... *wants to cry in heartfelt feelings*

Sometimes, I love to think that they actually exist, and love each other so much... *sighs*

Thank you for following my story, and I hope to see you ...friday for next update ! :D