Notes: Cue Placebo's "Every You, Every Me," coz Suckerlove is finally finished. Much love to everyone who has left a review, I hope it's brought you entertainment!
It was the last day of December when snow started falling, covering the Toronto streets in a frosty layer of white. The surreal malaise of Christmas faded away as people returned to their daily routines. For Jay, the most steadfast of those routines was grabbing a burger after a long shift at the garage, and distracting Spinner from paying customers by finding new inane topics to argue about.
"Dude, there's no question," Spinner said in exasperation. He pounded his fist on the counter for emphasis. "Meat between bread is a sandwich. A hamburger is a sandwich. Just let it go already."
Jay shrugged. "So it may seem on the surface. But dig deeper. By that logic, a hotdog is a sandwich. A corndog is a sandwich. Depending on your qualification of 'meat,' even a pizza roll could be a sandwich. Does that make potstickers sandwiches? You see how slippery the slope gets."
Spinner shook his head. "No, but see, your stretching the definition of bread with those. Hotdog bun, corndog batter, potsticker... all of those things are like, bread casings. A single, uninterrupted piece of bread. What makes a sandwich a sandwich is the bread, meat, bread again combination. Two separate pieces of bread. Like a patty between two buns."
"But wouldn't you say there is something quintessentially unique about the hamburger flavor profile, about the texture profile? 'Hamburger' has become such a powerful concept that it is its own flavor. Like, hamburger pizza for example. Have you ever seen a turkey and swiss pizza? A grilled cheese pizza? Actually, that sounds really good..."
The chime on the door went completely unheard as the two young men argued, and Holly J was able to sidle up right next to them without so much as a glance. It was the first time she'd seen Jay since her Christmas blackout-drunk adventure, and she felt her stomach twisting into knots ever-so-slightly.
She glanced back and forth at the intensity in their faces, and sighed. "Are you two seriously arguing about whether a hamburger is a sandwich again?"
"It is a sandwich! It's not even a debate!" Spinner cried.
"You are completely undermining the unique qualities of a hamburger," Jay returned with equal passion. "How dare you put hamburger in a box with all the other sandwiches! Nobody puts hamburger in corner!" He glanced at Holly J again, warming slightly at her presence. He put on a grin. "Besides, Holly J, I got to watch a lot of Food Network on my days off and I think I've really got some fresh ammunition for this debate."
At the sight of his smile, Holly J found herself smiling, too, and the two of them were clearly more interested in each other than in the epic hamburger war.
Spinner coughed. "Right. Well. As much as I would love to waste all day doing this, I guess I do have actual customers to take care of..." He clumsily removed himself from the conversation, his absence barely noticed now that Jay and Holly J had locked eyes.
"Haven't heard from you in a few days, squirt," said Jay. He relished in the sight of her. Her ginger tresses were let down for a change, rather than pulled tight in her standard severe ponytail. She seemed to be wearing less make up than usual. She seemed slightly more real than usual.
Holly J blushed. Ever since the arrival of Jay's weirdly romantic gift, she hadn't known how to approach him. They had worked so hard to make it absolutely clear that they were only friends, and then all of the sudden... it wasn't so clear.
"I needed some time to um, process things," she said. She looked down at the counter, idly drawing circles in the grime with her finger tips. "I actually just stopped by to check the schedule. I hadn't really planned on... running into you."
Jay nodded, blushing a little himself. So maybe he had taken things a little too far when he sent his hangover care package. He probably could have left out the part about the boners, at the very least. He watched her carefully, trying to get her to make eye contact again. He could accept it if she was creeped out or turned off, but he had to at least know. Faking it was just no longer an option for him.
She looked up, her green eyes meeting his brown. She took a breath. So did Jay.
"Be honest," he said. "Are you totally creeped out by me now? I took it too far, didn't I? I made it weird."
Holly J laughed softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "As if you and I could get any weirder..."
In the pause that followed, Jay felt oddly comfortable. There was something so casual, so natural about the way she said "you and I." It was as though suddenly, all at once, Jay couldn't remember a time when there had been anything else.
"You know what?" he said. "You and I need to take a walk."
Holly J wrinkled her nose. "A walk? In the snow?"
Jay nodded confidently. "Yup. I'm getting the insane urge to be honest, and I'd rather not be in a place that smells like Spinner and french fries when I start dropping truth bombs."
After layering on their coats and scarves, they left the noisiness of the Dot to enter the strange and cold calm of the streets. There was a satisfying crunch with each step they took on the fresh layer of snow.
"I'm sorry if Heather was... Heather to you," Holly J began.
Jay smiled. "It wasn't so bad. Felt like high school all over again. Your sister's kind of notorious, you know." He paused. "She was brutal, but mostly because she was right. She said you were to good to be near me."
Holly J held her breath. Heather had said as much to her, as well. It was all the same suspicions she heard from Blue, Anya, even Spinner: Jay was one type of person, and she was another. Two types of people that shouldn't mix. She was tired of hearing it. She and Jay mixed together so well, fit right into each other's personality quirks so perfectly that she had barely even noticed it happening. If she spent too many days without talking to him, she could feel the missing pieces. They just... fit.
"I guess at this point we can't keep doing this," she said decisively. Her stomach turned.
Jay felt his heart sink. It wasn't what he had expected to hear. "What exactly is 'this' that we're doing?"
Holly J exhaled and closed her eyes. The tip of her nose was getting cold. "Pretending not to like each other." As soon as she said it out loud she got scared. Maybe she had misinterpreted. Maybe the letter was just sarcastic, the way everything between them was sarcastic. Sarcastic and sweet. She swallowed. "You do like me, right?"
Jay stopped walking. He took a moment to look at Holly J, red hair flapping in the snow breeze, cheeks flushed pink from the cold. "Like you? I want you so bad I can't stand it." He pressed closer to her, startling her. He wanted to touch her but he didn't want to scare her. Slowly, he reached out a hand and cupped her cheek. "It is stupid to pretend, right? You want me too, right?"
Holly J's heart was thundering a hundred miles an hour. She could feel his hesitance. She felt him being gentle and she hated it. She did want him, completely, and she wanted him the way he really was: cocksure and playful and just the slightest bit foul.
She reached out and took his shirt by the collar, pulling him close. "I can't believe you turned me down the first time," she said, blushing as she looked hard into his eyes.
Jay emitted a soft laugh, a pulse of warmth that hit her right in the face. "Honestly, it seemed to good to be true. It still does. I'm still pretty sure this is a bad id-"
The cold around him dissipated instantly as wet warm lips pressed against his. She was clutching him, kissing him, and instinct took over. He put both hands around her face, drawing her into his hungry kiss. She reciprocated just as hard, putting her weight into him so much that he had to fall back; she had him pinned against the wall of the T-shirt boutique they stood beside. The flurries kept cascading down all around them as they kissed, reaching desperately at each other.
Finally, slowly, they broke apart. They took deep breaths. "Fuck yes," said Jay. He looked at her, checking uncertainly to make sure this was what she wanted. "Seriously fuck yes. You know, I was kind of thinking I'd wait til midnight to kiss you, you know, New Years Eve, sparklig lights, romance and all that..."
Holly J tittered slightly. She felt punch-drunk. "Forget that, man. Romance is for suckers."
He kissed her again, fiercely again, suffocating her. He left her lips again, panting. "Yeah. Sorry. It's just... I know you don't know any better, being a hopeless virgin and everything, but that's the good shit right there." His features softened as he smiled genuinely at her. He touched her cheek one more time.
She scowled instinctively at the jab. "It was that easy all along, wasn't it?" she said to him. "We were just dancing around it but like... it's really that simple. It's you that I want." She stroked the stubble on his face. "All that talk and machismo and bracelet-giving, but oh, how quickly you cave for my innocent wiles."
He grinned. "We'll see what we can do about that innocence," he said. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "In the mean time, I really feel like I need to take you on a date, shortstack."
Holly J eyed him skeptically. "What, now?"
He shrugged. "I mean, why not? I like you now. Let's have now."
She nodded, and reached out to weave her fingers through his. She started walking again, snowflakes spiraling down all around them. "I suppose I could pencil you in. I was thinking maybe, if we really want to take this to the next level, we might want to negotiate these nicknames we've been throwing around..."
The snow crunched beneath their feet as they sauntered on. They weren't sure exactly where they were going, but they were content enough, moving one step at a time.