Taylor's POV – Sunday 24 July 2011
Watching Ana with Gail I have a sickening feeling start in my stomach, what if Sophie feels like this about me, I am never around, I haven't been able to be there as much as I'd like, I missed things when she was little and now how much am I missing with her, will she feel the same way as Ana does, abandoned?
The Boss takes Ana back from Gail and turns to me, "I'll see you in a few minutes in my office," and I nod, going to see Carla is adding a whole layer of extra work to security and needs some extra planning and I step back as the Boss picks up Ana and carries her upstairs, she's still a mess and simply buries her head into his chest trying to calm, her lack of protest a sure sign that she is deeply affected.
A quick crushing hug for Gail who is also affected and I head off to his office, fully expecting him to be gone for the next hour, but within twenty minutes he is back, dragging his hands through his hair as he walks in the door, his face haggard and I'm surprised when he doesn't continue to his side of the desk and stops next to me, putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Taylor, I want you to bring Gail and Sophie on the honeymoon, there's enough room on the plane to not be stumbling over each other, I don't want to rush you but perhaps we can find a chapel in our travels and that way, you can marry, we can part ways so that you can have a holiday together, you can have a honeymoon later when we are back, but this way, you can start a full life with Sophie now that you have somewhere for her, so she never feels like Ana does."
I know it's a cliché but my mouth drops open and I can't find my voice and simply nod, how did he know? With a small sad smile, he squeezes my shoulder and moves to his side of the desk and I am finally able to speak, "Thank you Sir, once again, that is extremely generous. Ah, I'm sure Gail would be delighted and we don't need another honeymoon, that would be just perfect." I pause and try to control my voice, "And yes, you have highlighted my biggest fear when I see what Ana and may I say, you Sir, have gone through."
His mouth twists and then he controls that emotion and continues, "That's settled then, you have the itinerary, you see where we can part ways and just organise your replacement, I'll leave that in your capable hands and let's try and work out how to handle this ridiculous woman who, with just a few words manages to undo all the positive that Ana works so hard to achieve. I'm sure she has some nasty agenda and trying to figure out her angle is doing my head in, is there a chance that Elena has something to do with this? Who has she had contact with since last night and that fucking cock up by Elliot and the rest? Can we have her isolated and triple security checked before she comes anywhere near Ana? We are also both going to be in the room, I don't care what their normal protocol is but I want to be there and I want Ana to be secure, can you make sure of that" He rattles through his requirements and as I affirm them all, he is off to make sure Ana is ok.
Two hours later we are on our way, I can't stand looking in the rear view mirror and seeing the sadness in Ana's eyes, the Boss seems to be barely holding his temper but is nothing but tender towards her, his arm around her, holding her tight, trying to remind her that now she is loved, now she will never be left alone, now she doesn't have to do it by herself but I am starting to realise that the scars she hides run much deeper than the deepest visible ones, right to her heart, deep into her psyche and I wonder if she will ever heal.
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Christian's POV – Sunday 24 July 2011
I wish I could make Carla disappear so that she never again destroys Ana, there has never been a positive interaction between the two that I have seen and each time, it takes Ana that much longer to bounce back.
After surprising Taylor and then working through the planning for the rest of our altered plans, I ran back to Ana, sliding into the bath and holding her against me, loving her as gently as possible trying to have her relax, I continued until I felt her coming back to me. Drying her off and carrying her to the bedroom, I simply curled around her, stroking her, kissing her scars and telling her how I love her, how beautiful she is, how strong she is, how I am always going to be with her forever, always there for her, she never has to worry again, willing her to believe me, feeling her fighting her demons as she shuddered against me.
Tiny nods told me she was hearing me but her hunched shoulders and tense body told me she didn't believe me so I simply pulled her in tight against me and when she started crying, I hoped that she'd let it all out so I hugged her closer, kissing her neck as she wouldn't turn and face me until she finally stopped and fell asleep, all her adrenaline gone, the effect of last night hitting as well and I simply held her, wishing I could change her past but knowing that I just have to protect her going forward, be there and love her. That I can do and with that thought, I finally napped too.
Now on the way to the prison, my anger grows but not at Ana, holding her tight, her shaking is worrying me but as we reach the gates, the hardness in Ana's voice surprises me and I realise part of the shaking is frustration and anger, not just sadness as she says, "Whatever she is planning, she is not going to take anything further from me, I said I'd never speak to her again not that long ago and I am breaking my own word, on the basis that perhaps, just perhaps she has changed, has received some decent support in here, can we find that out before we see her?"
We are ushered into the prison governor's office and he is at pains to reassure us that there has been absolutely no contact between Carla or her sister or anyone related to either, that she has actually not spoken to anyone in the last day and had been confined to her cell due to a stomach ailment. When quizzed on Carla's treatment since she has been inside, Ana's eyes popped when the governor said that she seemed to be responding to the treatment, she has been participating in the counselling sessions, she apparently had a massive meltdown in the first week but had knuckled down after that and seemed to have improved and could well be on her way to a reduction in her sentence. I don't know, I don't trust Carla and I hate to see any sort of hope grow in Ana just to have it squashed later.
The governor is very understanding of our requirement to have both myself and Taylor in with Ana and they make a point of patting down and using all sorts of security devices to scan Carla within our sight before she is allowed into the meeting room. Taylor's eyes are darting everywhere to see if there are any cameras, media or any sort of set up that could be occurring, we are all terribly on edge, still having not figured out what Carla's reason for contacting Ana might be.
Carla walks into the room and even to my eyes I can see that she looks healthier, her eyes are brighter, her skin is clearer and her face shows true expression and somehow between the two months she spent in the rehab program and the program in the prison, it seems like there has been a positive impact and I look down at Ana to see the same thought reflected in her eyes.
Her first words though shatter any goodwill that I was willing to extend, "Oh Ana, you look awful!" and despite everything I know about her, I can't believe the insensitivity of the woman.
She continues approaching Ana as though to give her a hug and Ana backs into me and physically pushes her back, "Keep away from me, don't touch me, I don't trust you."
"Oh Ana, I'm your mother, what has he done to you, you'd think with all that money you'd look better, you look like you haven't had any sleep and have something to worry about, what do you have to worry about when you are about to marry a billionaire?" She's almost slobbering as she says those words and I can feel the disgust as it ripples through Ana.
"Oh, you are disgusting! Why do I look awful? Well that would be because I was trying to figure out what you were trying to take away from me or ruin for me this time and what do you say when you see me? Straight away you criticise me, I don't know why I bothered to come but I thought I'd give you one last chance to show that you wanted to be my mother but right there, you blew it, why did you want to see me? To ask for money for drugs? To try and damage my relationship? To upset me like every single time you have spoken to me in the last, oh, I don't know, my whole life? Why? Why did you want to see me?" I hold her so that she knows she's anchored by love, I am not taking my eyes off Carla and Taylor is standing as close as he can to be able to move if she attempts to step any closer.
"Well, I was hoping to be able to come to your wedding, as your Mother but since it seems he's poisoned your mind," and Ana growls at her.
"Christian has not poisoned my mind, he has loved me like you have never loved me, he" and Carla butts in.
"Please tell me you aren't carrying a brat by him, like I carried you, I guess at least if you are, you aren't going to pop before the signature is on the paper not like you, you couldn't hold on until I married Frank, no you had to be born a bastard, you chose to come a day early and ruin even that day for me."
"Really, this is why you called me here, to insult me again? Blame me for something that I obviously had no control over?" Ana says with a voice laced with incredulity and Carla shakes her head.
"No, I was hoping it would go better."
"Well, it hasn't, what did you want?" Ana grinds out, her teeth clenched, trying to keep from breaking down.
"Since I'm not going to your wedding,"
Really? She's still going on about our wedding, how did she ever think she was going to be invited, I guess she was banking on Ana's lovely spirit but hell no!
"I thought I could give you a wedding present." She pauses and beckons for the envelope that had been put to the side after being scanned, "Because you came early and were a bastard, my family disowned me and I never spoke to you about them, they were dead to me but I thought you might like to know their details in case you want to know your history."
She hands the envelope to Ana who looks down at it and then back at her, surprising me and I believe Carla too, Ana throws her arms around Carla and hugs her, then steps back as quickly, with a voice thick with tears, she simply says, "Thank you, finally you have given me one thing that I've always wanted, information, even though if the rest of the family is the same as you, then I don't know that I want to know them but at least I will be able to find out about my history. Thank you. Goodbye." She stands there looking uncertainly at the envelope in her hand while Carla is gulping and for once appears to be showing true emotion.
The guard then announces that the time for the visit is over and we file out without Ana looking back and I'm surprised that I see a tear running down Carla's cheek and she whispers, "Goodbye Ana" looking after Ana.
Ana is clutching the envelope as we exit but hands it to Taylor, and I see the relief in his eyes that he didn't have to ask, "You'll check it first for me?" and he nods, all sorts of tests will be done before Ana will be able to see the contents as none of us trust Carla.
I catch Ana as her legs give way, the shakes having taken over and she simply turns her face into my shoulder and dissolves, I can't get her into the SUV quickly enough, thankfully we are in a secluded parking area and not subject to paparazzi although as soon as we hit the public road, I can see the chasing cars and curse Elliot once more.
Back at the apartment, I carry Ana upstairs, although she has calmed I despair at the damage that will have been caused to her, I just wanted her to be relaxed and happy for this last week but now, I'm worried whether she'll even make the day, whether she will have recovered and Gail's face reflects my concern as I walk in. Shattered that the visit has been disastrous, she moves to the kitchen and I hear her starting the kettle as I carry Ana up to our room.
"Baby, what can I do? Will a shower help?" I ask gently and she nods against me, still not talking and I undress her, touching her where I can, to keep my connection, to keep her here with me and to stop her retreating into that spot I can't reach.
Lifting her, I carry her in and set the shower, holding her against me, the water pours over us and I wash her, trying to wash away the meeting, whispering my love for her in her ear, gently rubbing her arms, massaging the shampoo into her hair, rinsing her off and chasing the rivulets down her neck with my lips. My hands on her curves, kneading and rolling, I work my way down her back, pulling her in close to me, with as much skin to skin contact as I can manage and I lift my hands, cupping and stop.
I don't know if it will be too much but Ana whimpers in my ear, "Please take me, take me where I can't remember that I exist, that I can only feel you, please, I want to forget… everything," and I lower my head and take her nipple in my mouth and start, this I can do.