"Good morning, Panem!"
"I'm Polyphemus Ignotus, and this… is… the Hunger Games Parade! Are you ready for drama, for passion, for heart-stopping spectacles? Let's see some Tributes!"
"District One leads the way. Ruby is wearing a floor length gown covered in red stones. Aurum has a glittering suit made of hammered gold and gold thread. They look like a million bucks! Ruby is a little shy, but Aurum's blowing kisses to the crowd. Oh, what's this?! Aurum just gave Ruby a peck on the cheek! He's grinning like an imp while Ruby's turning as red as… rubies! Oh, I love it!"
"District Two is as sleek as ever. Eltara has on a suit of white stone armor. Her hair is flecked with marble dust. Her bearing is noble and her eyes are focused above the crowd. She looks like a regal statue. Nero is dressed in a white toga and is flecked with the same stone. It's like they were lost in time."
"Three never fails to dazzle us. Celeste's dress is a mesh of thin wires, and a flickering light rests on her forehead on a little headpiece. Xzavier is wearing… what is that? It's just a shirt and a pair of pants covered in ones and zeroes! What was his stylist thinking? What not to wear in Panem, folks."
"Let's see if Four can top that. Misty has on a strapless blue mermaid dress. The top has silver scales and her hair is in a neat bun. She's addressing the crowd, but I can't make out what she's saying. It must be important, the way she keeps turning so everyone can hear. Dath is- oh wow, how did they do that? Dath looks like he's grown black scales! He looks like a fish-man, and it's much better than it sounds. He's looking ahead like this is nothing to him. He isn't paying a bit of attention to Misty. Do I sense a rivalry?"
"Layla I wearing a pristine white lab coat with matching pants. Her hair is frizzed and she has blue rubber gloves. She looks just like Five. I don't know why she's glaring at the ground with a huge frown. Erwin's pants match Layla's, but his have black suspenders that are shooting out sparks. I think we know who Five's real star is. Oh, no! A spark just landed on Layla and set her hair on fire! Don't worry, she patted it out, but it looks like she's not about to forgive him anytime soon. He's trying to apologize, but she's shaking her finger and saying things I couldn't repeat even if I heard them."
"Six always has a surprise for us. Nairobi's smartly pressed blue skirt and blouse are effortlessly chic. Oh, she's a stewardess! How clever. They even tightened her hair into a professional little twist. Jonathan is… he's a plane. Well, at least they go together. He's wearing a simple white shirt and pants, but the real jewel is the two five foot plane wings on his back. I'm not sure he's so keen on them, though. He just turned to wave at the crowd and clobbered Nairobi. There goes her cute hairdo. He's helping her up now. What a gentleman."
"Oh my, Dahlia does look stunning! Her green hair is piled high on top of her head, and the brown paint covering the rest of her is equally stunning and titillating. She doesn't seem to mind the scanty nature of her outfit at all. She's smiling voluptuously at the crowd and waving like a true queen. Dante is dressed as a classic lumberjack. Simple, yet tasteful. Dahlia better not let him get too close!"
"District Eight has such an advantage when it comes to fashion. Will Taylor live up to that? Here she comes! Folks, I don't know what to say. Taylor's sleeved bodice and full skirt is made of silk, and tulle, and satin, and fleece, and flannel… is there anything not in there? It's a wild mishmash of colors and textures. It's either tomorrow's laughingstock or tomorrow's hot new trend. What in Panem is Torchy wearing? It's a black shirt, black pants, a red cape and red shoes. What does that have to do with textiles? Yawn!"
"Nine has been in a bit of a slump lately. Can Farlon buck the trend? No, he can not. He is covered with a sheath of grain wound around him with rough twine. That has got to itch. He's holding the chariot with white knuckles and standing still as a statue. The sprinkling of grain on his hair really makes the outfit. Emmalie is loving this. She is pointing him out to the crowd and not bothering to stifle her laughter. Her stylists went a little more minimal. She's inside a golden tube topped with a feathery hat. Farlon's a bundle of grain, and she's a single stalk. Somehow, they go together."
"For as long as I've been here, the pair from ten have always been cows. Is this the year? Is this the year they will shock us all? Mouse is… a cow. The cowbell was a nice touch. Harmony is… also a cow, but there's a twist. She has a tight shirt and jeans with a cow pattern, and the cutest tail is on her rump. She has little white cowboy boots… wait, the cow is wearing leather boots? That's just wrong. She has the most darling headband with floppy cow ears, and her nose is pink! Oh, I just can't, folks. Her eyes are lined with black paint and black spots adorn her bare skin. She even has little black gloves. By Ten's standards, it's a revolution."
"Eleven's still hot from last year's victory. Can they do it again? Azalea is some sort of flower. Five pink petals surround her head. What kind of- oh, really? I've just gotten word that she's an Azalea! How clever! Her face has pink paint with darker freckles. There's trouble in paradise. She looks about ready to throw her outfit in the garbage! Let's focus on Frankie. Oh, Porcelain's luster! He's a sunflower, because he's so tall! He doesn't seem so upset about his outfit. He's just looking ahead like he doesn't even notice."
"Last but not least, here's twelve! Maybe this is the year one of these two will become their District's first Victor! Beth has on a skintight jumpsuit covered in black glitter, and her skin is dusted with the same powder. She must be coal! She's trailing her fingers through the dust and feeling it on her fingers. Ardun is wearing the classic miner ensemble. That never fails to do the job."
"There you have it folks. Here comes president Galba."
"Tributes of Panem, we salute you. We salute the Victor among you for his triumph. To those who fill fall, we salute your valor and sacrifice. Go in strength, and may the odds be ever in your favor."
"What else is there to say? It's been a wonderful time here at the Parade, and I look forward to the dozens more still to come."
You might have guessed that Polyphemus is an unreliable narrator. For example, Misty ain't talking to the crowd. Nobody else can hear the things she's responding to.
In general, this Parade is a huge bundle of chaos. Jonathan wiping out Nairobi, Laeila's hair (and Polyphemus' pronunciation), Emmalie's response to Farlon (I got itchy just typing that)... this might affect next year's Parade.
Ten is such a fail. This can't go on for seventy-five years. They're gonna have to get new stylists soon.
If you didn't request an outfit, I made one up, and most of them were terrible. Sorry, Farlon. Some of you provided stupid outfits for me since lots of escorts are brainless, but stupid ones are easier to make than nice ones, so that's what blank Tributes got.