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— Intentions —

33# - Two-Faced Lovers
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"Without contraries is no progression."
― W. Blake

—

— A. Misaki

I couldn't look into his eyes.

I felt the shame crawl up my face, fear suffocating my lungs as I sat there, stiff with each of my nerves twisted in every wrong ways.

I failed to truly save him.

Whenever I looked down, staring at my pale hands, I always saw that gun between my palms. Fingers clenched tightly around the grip, my heart threatening to spill out of my throat...

The muted shot.
Echoing in my head.
Over and over and over.

Over again.

Blood in my sight. My knees failing me, scrapping the hard concrete. Policemen all around, blurred, thrumming, but muted. Always muted. They spoke of words I couldn't discern. Prying the gun off my grasp with haste.

"Don't worry, Misaki," Hinata had said. "I'll get you out of here." His expression was difficult to pinpoint, maybe a mixture of fright and stupefaction. Eyes uncertain of his own words stared back at my unfocused ones. How could I trust him if he didn't even believe in himself? I was already in the police's car, back then. Handcuffed, with that thin blanket around my shoulders. The rest was a blur.

I was past the surface, and already deep into trouble.

I had killed a man.

It felt wrong.

"Misaki."

I wasn't wrong, though. Nothing was an offence for a person who was or who —by reason of a mistake of fact, and not by a reason of a mistake of law— believed himself to be bound by law to do it. Justifiable homicide. I bitterly laughed. Of course, killing could be justified. I wasn't a damn lawyer for nuts. I'd get out.

Eventually.

My case was a lost cause, though.

Adrian Solvei?

I'd never get out with him out there, seeking revenge for his lost father... I had damn messed up the whole thing. It blew out of proportions... My carefully planned scheme just backfired right in my face. Who was I, pretending I could save him? I couldn't even steer clear of trouble myself...

"Misaki..."

I ground my teeth together, keeping my eyes tightly shut. I didn't want to look into those bright emeralds. He'd see through me.

He'd read into my soul.

"...Misaki. Look at me," he murmured, his hands firm around my shoulders.

I shook my head no.

A sharp inhale and he left out a long sigh, as if trying to recollect his wits.

"Ah, shit," he muttered, a hint of distress lacing his voice. "The cold shoulder threatment... Really, Misaki?"

I didn't answer.

His shadow moved over me, shielding the light from my eyelids. Before I could inch back, one of his hand was already tangled in my hair as he tipped my head back.

"Open your eyes, and look at me," he hissed, my rejection burning his patience and stirring that vulnerable part of him. I could hear the pain in his voice. I could feel the betrayal in his body; in the way he breathed.

His composure was wearing thin, and I couldn't blame him. If it were me, I'd have probably already beat the truth out of him, shook him awake and demanded he explain the situation.

Only, I wouldn't speak. Because if I did, all I'd do was deflect, or try to make up some damn nonsense to keep him away.

I blinked, my eyes suddenly open. He seemed stunned.

Maybe I was even more than he could be.

"Takumi," I whispered, unsure of the idea that crossed my mind.

If I kept my mouth shut... Maybe I could still save him. Take the blame. His case would get pended with the current circumstances anyway.

"What is it?"

He frowned, his lips parting the slightest bit. It was funny how I could catch his every facial features, now. From the faintest rise of his eyebrow to the meager shift of his jaw... I loved him so damn much it hurt.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I tasted blood.

I could save him...

But what would the outcome be for me?

"It's nothi—..."

The sound of the prison's door rattling open took me off-guard, and we both whipped our head towards it. Takumi stood up from his crouching position, and I just sat there, staring at the bored policeman staring at us.

"Usui Takumi," he called. "Come with me."

Takumi kept still for a second, his body stiff with confusion. Then, he relaxed his posture, seemingly inoffensive when in truth, he was balancing right on the very edge of insanity.

"Why?"

His voice was coated with a sheen of distrust only I did seem to notice.

A shrug. "Said you were released on bail. Your case is being suspended for the meantime."

Takumi's eyes slowly turned back to me, gauging my reaction about this unexpected turn of event. I didn't have the strength to fake mock surprise. So I only stared ahead, blandly looking at the guard who couldn't care less about the rest of us.

What the fuck did you do, Misaki? His eyes asked for my attention, a glint of irritation in his forest irises. Fire began to stir, and it made me think of that day he cast me a burning cold glance in the distance.

A shiver brushed my spine and my teeth clenched at his reproachful look. Didn't you ask me to help you? Can't you just accept it gladly, with that damn smile you always wear on your face? I retorted back, mentally condemning myself for the flash of temper.

I knew why I was feeling bitter.

What is the point to conceal? You always see through my every intentions, Misaki.

There was a part of me that wished I had never gotten in that deep... That wished I hadn't met that one man that wrecked the peaceful life I had held onto for the past years.

I was bitter over him, happening...

His eyes searched for mines.

And that was making me feel like the worse person ever walking on Earth for thinking that way. I resented my grudge. Granted, I was no pure soul hoping to sacrifice my heart to save my loved one... And that burned me inside out. I wished I could be that charitable spirit instead of the selfish woman asking why she didn't run away before it was too late.

He was my lover, for God's sake!

I looked away, cutting short that quiet conversation we shared.

A quiet growl of frustration rose up from the back of his throat.

When he left me —the policeman prompting him— his steps faltered on the wooden slates. Unwilling to leave me without explications, he had no choice but to make do with that. Still, I knew from the heaviness of his steps —and the faint still when he crossed the threshold— that he wouldn't let it go that easily.

I didn't dare look up at him until I was sure his back was turned to me.

And even then, when I lifted my head...

Cold emeralds glanced back at me.

—

— U. Takumi

I stared down at those papers that would deliver my initially hoped freedom. I had simply failed to notice that everything came with a price. And here I was, now wondering how much these sheets of paper had cost me.

"Isn't it good news?" Sotaro asked me as I endorsed the last document in line. I would have been relieved by the current occurrence if it wasn't for a single thing: that heavy, and foreboding feeling that something was going very, extremely wrong.

I smelled the strain in the air. It was thick and salient.

"Why isn't it indeed?" I slowly worded. "Solvei's father just appeared out of nowhere, and died today. How nice of him." I knew my voice was smooth with control. But the undertones weren't left unnoticed by Sotaro's astute senses.

"It settles everything for us." A favorable conclusion that'd leave no discussion, indeed.

"Hardly does. Coincidences never are a matter of chances."

He pointed a keen glance at me, before neatly shuffling the documents into his leather case.

"He simply died. Your charge for manslaughter is one less to deal with. And be aware that it was the biggest part of it."

My eyes brushed his face with feigned nonchalance.

"How?" I plainly asked.

"How what?"

"How did he die?"

"Why would you care?" He turned away from me, leading us outside the police station with bristle steps.

I stopped him, grabbing onto his arm.

"Can't I have the right to know?" I asked. His lips were pulled into a thin line as he silently appraised me. "Was it a car crash? A heart attack? Insomnia? Suicide?... Or perhaps did someone kill him?"

Sotaro held my gaze for a long second, before disengaging himself from my grasp in one swift motion.

Finality was his voice.

"I don't know."

Lies.

Then, he walked away, his job with me seemingly done for the day. I had no reason to follow, and I certainly knew I wouldn't get any of my answers from him. I was seething, but calm. Composed but wild. I needed answers. I wanted to ask her. Demand. Order. Tear them out of her. I wanted to whisper in her ear. Sweet words. Reassure her that everything would be alright. But I also wanted to punish her. Badly... And yet, I would never dare to. Because I treasured her so much, I just wanted to let her be safe and sound forever, even if that meant never touching her again.

There was a duality in me that I could never explain.

It was who I was...

But overall; I thrived on dominating my every moves. Putting the pieces together, building the circumstances with my own hands... Things had mildly slipped off my control just as the pieces of the puzzle might have fallen a time or two. But I had confidence I could always pick them back up, and find where they belonged without doubt.

Surely I'd succeed in finding out what mattered by myself.

Starting with the most essential question.

Why was everyone damn lying to me, today?

—

Author's note:

After a long while, an update! I'm sorry if it feels like I've forsaken this story for the others, but GOSH, I just wrote this piece, and I'm hell of inspired for it now... It's like this chapter had brought me a new fire and passion toward this storyline :D

Just like my other story, I have a little question for you. It's sheer curiosity that I entertain. Because I'm not sure how you guys actually 'consider' Takumi in this fic and I'd love to know how I happen to convey his character here.
(And how different I seem to grasp his personality here and there. I'd love to see that it is just as what I want to make him like, but then, I'd never know if I never ask you guys).

How would you qualify Takumi in this fic? [choose 2 words max in the following list.]

- Affectionate
- Agressive
- Charismatic
- Classy
- Dark
- Emotional
- Enigmatic
- Flawed
- Funny
- Intelligent
- Impulsive
- Mysterious
- Rude

If you have another word that you think would perfectly describe him, don't hesitate to point it out! I will put everyone's score in the next update or so ;)

Much love, Love, LOVE Lovelies :) !