Spoilers for 17x09 in here so I'm just warning you in advance! Not that there's much to spoil given the massive cliff hanger they left us on. So this is my interpretation of what's to come. As always none of them are mine, they belong to higher greater beings!
Olivia swore under her breath as Fin activated the siren on the unmarked car. She heard Amanda's voice rattle around her head, the words repeating themselves over and over
"I'm fine hon, he's kicking, I'm breathing. We're fine. It's just Braxton-Hicks, you heard the doc. Go to work."
"Why the fuck did I listen?"
"Liv, she's going to be fine. Hell women have been doing this for thousands of years. Our girl is tougher than most."
Olivia tried to smile but it didn't manifest. Fear was gripping her heart and she couldn't breathe properly.
Her phone buzzed and she saw from the text that Sonny was already at the hospital. He promised to text an update soon.
Olivia's hands were shaking as she tried to text back; she couldn't.
"How much longer?"
"Two minutes tops Sarge."
Olivia nodded staring straight ahead willing the cars in front of them to move out of the way faster. Why had she listened, why hadn't she stayed home? Had she been lifting Noah, is that what happened? Did she fall? Was she hurt. Worst case scenarios kept running through her head and she almost didn't wait for the car to stop at the hospital doors before bolting.
She knew the hospital like the back of her hand, knew exactly where she was going. Careering round a corner and narrowly missing an orderly pushing a woman in a wheelchair, Olivia spotted a nurse she knew.
"Olivia what brings you…."
"Amanda Rollins?"
"Room 221 honey, nice to see you too…" Janet hollered after her down the hallway. Olivia didn't hear a word.
Pushing the door to Amanda's room open she heard Carisi say something about contractions but she wasn't listening. She rested her hand on Amanda's leg as the blonde shuffled in the bed, trying to get some relief.
Olivia couldn't think of anything to say or do and it was killing her. When Amanda began to writhe in pain she was frozen to the spot. What was wrong?
"This isn't a normal contraction" was all she heard Amanda say as the monitors began to go off. She'd been to the ante-natal classes, kept reminding herself that the most important thing in this situation as to keep calm and keep Amanda calm. Which was why, when the doctor pushed them out of the room just as Amanda started to bleed heavily, she did as she was told. Standing outside with Carisi she heard Amanda shout her name. She felt a hand on her back as Fin arrived and then a nurse opened the door.
"We need to do a C Section. Mom says you're the partner?"
Carisi looked confused and was about to respond when Olivia stepped forward.
"Gown and gloves will be waiting for you at the doors to theatre. Get yourself ready. This baby is coming fast."
Olivia's head spun and she felt a hand on her back again steadying her as the corridor swam before her eyes.
"She's got this Liv" Fin said quietly and calmly. "You've both got this. Go take care of our girl."
Carisi was still staring on bemused as Amanda was wheeled out of the room, Olivia grasping her hand the second she reached for it as they moved at speed down the corridor.
Fin patted his shoulder, "Come on man, we're gona get some coffee and I'm gona tell you a story about two police officers who fell in love." Fin was anything but calm but he knew in the circumstances there was nothing he could do except let medicine and nature work it out.
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The theatre lights were blinding and as the drape went up to block their view Amanda couldn't stop the tears. Olivia moved in and sat by Amanda's head on the stool proffered to her by the nurse. Kissing her girlfriends head she stroked her hair and whispered softly "It's gona be ok darlin'. This baby is a fighter just like his Momma, it's going to be ok." She tried to put as much conviction into her words as she could but she was still terrified.
"What if he's not?"
"He is, and I know he is, cause I've felt him kick."
Medical terminology flew back and forth at a rapid pace and Olivia balked when she saw the tiny crib being wheeled in with all the attachments she'd seen needed for babies in the NICU. She returned her focus to Amanda to quell the rising panic.
"I can't feel anything Liv."
"That's the way it's supposed to be; you remember we talked about this in classes?"
"Classes?" Amanda wasn't really cognisant of anything going on around her, all her focus was on what was going on the other side of that sheet.
"Yeah ante-natal classes"
"Uh, yeah, I…."
The doctor's voice interrupted.
"Ok Amanda you're going to feel some pressure now and then some tugging. It's all completely normal. Baby has been lying with his face toward your back hence all the pain. Sooner we get him out the better."
Amanda simply nodded, a fresh wave of tears falling.
Olivia reached for her hand, squeezing tightly. "It's ok, he's nearly here. You got this Georgia Peach." Amanda smiled at the nickname that she now adored.
She winced in pain as the doctor shouted a reassuring "almost there". Olivia's eyes darted between Amanda and the doctor. Amanda grimaced again and gritted her teeth as the doctor instructed the nurses to have suction ready.
"Ok, baby is here. Get that suction going."
Olivia leaned forward and kissed Amanda's head again. "You did it; you are so amazing. I love you."
"Why isn't he crying?" Amanda's voice was full of fear.
The nurse appeared beside them both and gave an update. "We're just giving her a little bit of suction; she's slightly blocked up from the position she was in. Once we clear her lungs she may need a little bit of help breathing, or she may not. We'll take it one step at a time.
"But she's alive?" Amanda asked, the tremor in her voice turning into a small sob.
"Yes she's alive, 100 percent, she just needs a little help breathing."
"Wait she?" Olivia asked, suddenly recognising the change in pronouns.
"Oh sorry you guys didn't know? You have a little girl, congratulations."
"A girl," they both whispered almost in unison.
A small cry caused both of them to breathe out a heavy sigh of relief. "She's ok?" Amanda asked the nurse who had returned again.
"She is. Initial Apgar score is 8 and that'll rise in the next little while as her lungs clear up. We're taking her to the NICU, but it's just a precaution. She is absolutely fine. Would you like to see her for a minute?"
"Can I?"
"Of course"
The nurse walked off but Olivia sensed immediately something was wrong. Amanda's grip on her hand loosened and her head dropped to one side.
"Doc?" Olivia shouted, as the monitors began to go off again.
"Ok get that O Neg in here stat. She's bleeding again."
Olivia felt a hand around her shoulders as someone helped her to stand. Losing hold of Amanda's hand and once again being escorted out of the room, this time Olivia never felt more powerless. Their baby was here, she was fine. But what if Amanda wasn't? She discarded her hat gloves and gown and sat down heavily on the bench outside resting her head in her hands.
Suddenly the doors opened and the neonatal nurse appeared from the theatre wheeling the small crib with their little girl in it.
"How is she?"
"They're transfusing now. If she's anything like this little one she's going to be fine. They'll be out in a bit with an update."
Olivia approached the crib tentatively and rested her hand on the side.
"You can touch her."
Olivia reached in and stroked her thumb over the baby's cheek. Her skin was so soft and she twitched slightly at Olivia's touch, her blue eyes an exact replica of Amanda's.
"Hi gorgeous girl. Your Momma is gona be with you soon. You hang in there ok?"
"Have you got a name yet?"
"No we thought she was a boy up until ten minutes ago."
The nurse smiled. "Ok I just need to put something on the form for the NICU, so baby Rollins for the time being?"
"Rollins-Benson"
The nurse nodded and began to move away.
Olivia sat back down on the bench and silent tears began to run down her cheeks as the worst case scenarios surfaced again. Would Amanda's Mom petition for custody if she died? What if the baby wasn't fine, what if they'd missed something?" She couldn't comprehend not having them altogether as a family like they'd talked about and planned.
Another face appeared from the theatre some half hour later.
"Olivia?" the voice was that of the doctor from earlier.
Olivia looked up and met an unreadable face. One she had practiced herself many time.
"Is she dead?" Olivia managed between tears.
"No. She's very much still with us. She wanted to meet that little girl of yours far too much to leave. She's had four pints of blood though and she's sedated so she may be out of it for a bit. We're going to bring her up to HDU and they'll keep an eye on her along with OBGYN until she comes round. She's a fighter that one."
"So I keep being told." Olivia smiled, the first time she'd done so in what felt like days.
"You should go and get some rest. She'll be out for a while but when she comes round I doubt you'll get a minute to yourself between visiting her and the little one. We'll be bringing her up to HDU in about 15 minutes if you want to make your way up with her?"
"Thanks Doc."
The doctor gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and returned to the theatre.
The next time the door opened Amanda was being wheeled out, oxygen mask on, her head still dropped to one side like it had been, her face pale and drawn.
Olivia immediately fell in step beside the nurses at transporting her and took her hand.
Upon reaching the HDU she took up residence in the chair beside Amanda's bed. Sending a quick text to Fin about an hour later to update him was the only time she let go of Amanda's hand. Re-joining them she intertwined their fingers and watched the rise and fall of Amanda's chest, reassuring herself that she was indeed still alive and breathing as she closed her eyes to get some rest.
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Someone moving at the bottom of the bed was the first thing she noticed. The shadow was familiar but she was so groggy it was hard to see. It took another minute for her eyes to focus and it was then she recognised Olivia swaying gently, a small bundle in her arms.
Amanda cleared her throat and Olivia jumped. She moved quickly to her side and leaned in close, the small bundle in her arms squirming and gurgling.
"Liv?"
"Hey, you're back. How do you feel?"
"Like I got shot again." Amanda's voice was scratchy and her throat and mouth felt like someone had filed them with sand.
"Water?"
"One second darlin'." Olivia disappeared from her eye-line and she tried to turn her head to see where she had gone but it hurt too much.
She arrived back a minute later with a doctor and a glass of water.
"Hi Amanda, I'm Kate O'Malley. You gave us quite a scare. How are you feeling?"
"Honestly?"
"I generally prefer that yes."
"Like I got hit by a bus."
"Well your body has been through a hell of a time. You lot a lot of blood due to a massive haemorrhage after baby arrived."
"Oh my God, is she ok, I forgot. How could I forget?"
"You've been through a major trauma Amanda. You're going to be groggy on the details for quite some time. I'm surprised you're as alert as you are. Surprised but glad. I'm going to get a nurse in here to do some obs and we're going to do some bloods and check that everything is working as it should. In the meantime, I think someone would like to meet you."
Olivia moved to her side again carrying the small gurgling bundle who had been in a crib just out of her line of sight.
"Baby this is Momma, Momma baby." Amanda instinctively raised her arms as Olivia placed their daughter on her chest, kissing her head softly as she sat down in the chair beside the bed.
"Hi baby," the tears fell freely as Amanda held her daughter close, feeling her warm skin, her small breaths against her neck, her tiny hand reaching out for somewhere to rest, finally finding her shoulder.
"She's really here?"
"She's really here Mand. And she's beautiful just like her Momma."
"And she's ok?"
"Absolutely fine. She's feeding, she's breathing unaided, she's putting on weight and she's got a set of lungs on her that have been keeping us all on our toes."
Amanda laughed as she kissed the little girls head.
"Exactly like her Momma so."
The nurse arrived to check Amanda's blood pressure and temperature but she kept hold of the little one, refusing to let her go, still not sure she was real.
"Has she got a name yet?" Amanda asked as the nurse left.
"Considering we hadn't even looked at one girls name I thought it might be an idea to consult with you before I lumbered her with a name for life." Olivia chuckled as she stood, stroking Amanda's hair.
"You've had time to spend with her, what does she look like to you?"
"A baby."
Amanda was too sore to reach up and slap Olivia's arm so she gave her a stern look instead.
"Ok, ok I'm sorry." Olivia held her hands up in surrender.
Amanda lifted her from her chest to look at her for a moment, long enough to gauge what she thought was a suitable name. I want her to have your Mom's middle name. Olivia kissed Amanda's cheek. "Thank you, that would be beautiful."
"As for her first name I think I need some time."
"Take as long as you need, she's not going anywhere."
"She really is here isn't is she?"
"She's here to stay."
Olivia wrapped her arms around her girls, holding them close. "This is us, a family. Noah has met her and he loves her. He wants another one."
Amanda laughed; "I think he's going to have to wait a while."
"Yeah I told him that he wasn't impressed. He pointed to a few other babies in the cribs next to her and said 'I want that one, and that one and that one'."
Amanda smiled as she lifted her head kissing her girlfriend softly; "I love you so much Liv."
"I love you too beautiful. Thank you for making my life complete."
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There is one final chapter of this to go, set around Christmas when baby has a name. It'll be up before New Year. Hope you enjoyed this in the mean time.