note: Okay, so for this-I wanted to touch on addiction and how detrimental it can be, especially for a high school girl. And how it manifests differently in people. Sometimes signs of addiction are hard to read. It's important to always reach out for help and not feel ashamed of it because of the stigma surrounding it.
Anyway, I wrote and rewrote this a couple of times, and I'm still not really happy with how it turned out but oh well. But I wanted to get this out so I could finish this story lol it should be over in the next chapter~ Q_Q
Day 300
Oikawa [12:00am]: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Oikawa [12:00am]: I'm the first one, right?
Oikawa [12:00am]: Oikawa Tooru is always first.
Staring at the phone at his screen expectantly, Oikawa relents a loud sigh. He presses his cheek against the table and faces Iwaizumi, who currently has his attention pointed to the open textbook in his lap. When Oikawa realizes that Iwaizumi isn't going to acknowledge his dramatic lamentations, he sighs again—this time, with more emphasis.
Still, no response.
"Iwa-chan," the brunette decides to break the silence, pouting. "Why hasn't Sawa-chan responded?"
Iwaizumi doesn't bother looking up from his book, "How long has it been?"
Oikawa glances at the clock. 12:02am. "Two minutes."
"This conversation is over."
By the time morning comes, Oikawa cycles his way to school again, stopping by the bus stop. At this point, it's sort of tradition for him to wait for her.
And as fate would have it, Sawa shows up. This time, she's carrying a thermal case of what he presumes to be coffee. Probably a good idea, considering the number of times she's spilled her paper cups on the concrete ground.
"Ohayo, Sawa-chan~" Oikawa greets her with a smile.
"Ohayo, Tooru," she responds, rubbing her left eye with the cloth of her mitten. "You're awfully perky today."
Not that it's a complete surprise. He's always been somewhat of a morning person. It's a trait Sawa can't quite comprehend, but it fits in with the whole bubbly, happy-go-lucky persona he has down. Yawning obnoxiously, she rubs away the tears forming in her eyes with her mittens.
"That's because it's your birthday," he tells her as she takes a seat on the rack behind his bicycle seat.
Sawa snakes one arm around his waist and sips slowly on her cup of coffee. She presses her cheek against his back as he begins to pedal off onto the main road.
"Okay," she says.
"What kind of answer is that?" Oikawa snaps exasperatedly.
"I don't really celebrate my birthday," says Sawa with a shrug. "It's not a big deal to me."
The brunette arches a brow in confusion, "What about presents? Cake? How could you not care about your birthday?"
"My family is pretty well off, so I have almost everything I need," again, Sawa's answer is nonchalant. "I don't really like sweets, and I just don't like making a big fuss out of nothing."
Oikawa sighs, "You really are no fun."
Sawa stares ominously at the group of neon colored balloons that her class representative, Rika, is holding.
"This is embarrassing."
"Well, someone decided to leave them for you here today," replies Rika, tying the strings of the balloons around Sawa's wrists. Picking up the stray card lying out on the counter, she pushes her glasses up her nose bridge. "It says it's from Oikawa Tooru."
A blush forms on Sawa's cheeks. Resisting the urge to audibly groan, she says, "I have gym class today."
"You can throw them away, if you want," Rika tells her. "No one's asking you to wear them all day."
Sawa pouts, peering up at the balloons. The look on her face is divorced somewhere between irritation and reluctant acceptance. I guess they don't look that out of place, she thinks to herself as she filters through the open entrance of her classroom. Surprisingly, no one even bothers to spare her or the balloons any attention as she heads towards her assigned seat.
Iwaizumi enters from the backdoor, making his way through the aisle. He glances up at the neon balls floating in the air next to his desk and the irritated looking redhead attached to the other end of the strings, "Nice balloons."
Sawa frowns, sliding her chair out to sit down, "You could at least say good morning."
He snorts, taking a seat next to her, "The world doesn't revolve around you, even on your birthday. Princess."
Sightly taken aback, Sawa clamps her mouth shut. Being unabashed and hardheaded isn't her strong suit, despite the pretense she puts on. That the sort of thing that only works on Oikawa, after all.
"Have you given in your college application, Sawari-san?" asks Hiromi, the pretty brunette sitting one seat behind Iwaizumi. "I heard you're graduating early."
At the sound of the topic at hand, Iwaizumi perks up. Not enough to incite question from Sawa or Hiromi, but enough so that his reaction surprises even himself. College has been a touchy subject recently, considering the nature of her complex relationship with Oikawa. She's found almost every reason to avoid talking about it in his presence.
Probably still ruminating on the fact that it'd mean an inevitable separation.
"Keio? Nagoya?" Hiromi lists of the names of the schools like it's the alphabet. "You said Tokyo was your first choice, right?"
"Actually," Sawa scratches the side of her cheek, shifting her gaze to the balloons floating over head, "I don't know if I'm a good fit for Tokyo."
Oh now she decides to be humble, Iwaizumi thinks to himself, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.
"Ne, ne. Isn't it a little late to still be deciding?" Hiromi replies listlessly. "So where do you wanna go? Do you know what you want to study?"
"I'm not sure about my major," Sawa admits sheepishly. "I'm probably going to apply to Osaka, Hokkaido, and Tohoku."
The same schools Oikawa is applying to.
It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.
Propping an elbow on his desk, Iwaizumi angles his gaze so that he's able to make out the redhead from the corner of his eyes. There's something he can't quite put his finger on, something he can't quite read. After all, there are girls who are the prettiest when they look happy. For some reason—and maybe it's the tension in the air or the fact that he hasn't really seen her without a frown or grimace—he realizes that Sawa is probably the kind of girl who looks the prettiest when she's genuinely sad.
Kuroo Tetsurou [3:05pm]: How's your birthday, Sawari-san? ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
Cocking her head to the side, Sawa slips her phone into the pocket of her cardigan before walking towards the open courtyard in front of the school entrance.
"Wanna grab a bite?" Hiromi asks, tugging on the back end of her sneakers. "My treat."
Sawa smiles, "I want to, but I can't. Promised Oikawa-san I'd wait for him today."
"Oh?" Hiromi quirks a brow in curiosity. "Are you two dating or something?"
"We're just friends," Sawa says, fiddling slightly with the strings of the balloons that are still tied around her wrist.
At this point, she doesn't even bat an eyelash when she throws out the lie.
Hiromi purses her lips, "Alright, if you say so."
An hour passes.
Two.
Then three.
By the time all club activities have shut down, Sawa is sitting alone on the concrete pavement outside the courtyard. She realizes that, at this point, he's probably not going to show up.
She unties the balloon strings tied around her wrist and watches in morbid fascination as the neon balls deflate and collapse to the ground. Unable to bring herself to actually litter, she picks up the remains and stuffs it into her pockets. They were technically presents, after all.
Standing up, Sawa stretches out her arms before walking towards the bus station. At this point, she can't say she's too surprised.
She pulls out her phone and glances over the messages Kuroo sent earlier.
Sawa [6:10pm]: It's not going great, to be honest
In no less than a second, she gets a reply.
Kuroo [6:11pm]: Are you okay?
Maybe Sawa had been a little vague with him. In retrospect, she probably should've tacked on an extra comment to reassure him that everything was okay. Heading towards the bus stop, she types up a quick response.
Sawa [6:11pm]: Sorry, I'm just being a wuss and feeling sorry for myself. I don't really celebrate my birthday anyway, so it's not that big of a deal. Don't mind me! ^_^
She hesitates, wondering if she's being too clingy or desperate. Heaving a sigh, she decides to add on another apology text. But before she can press send, she realizes that her phone is vibrating, and Kuroo Tetsurou's name appears on the caller ID.
Sawa hesitates, and presses down on the decline button.
Lying down on the floor of her kitchen, Sawa stares up at the two bottles of cheap red wine sitting on her dining room table. Sitting up, she grabs the first bottle and uncaps it with a quick flick of her wrist while the smell of alcohol permeates the air.
Sawa breathes deep, letting the scent consume her. Leaning the back of her head against the wall of her kitchen, she touches the edge to her lips, not enough to even get a sip. The taste of alcohol is fleeting, but it's enough to make her jaw clench. Cranking her neck back, Sawa slams the back of her head against the wall and relents a sigh.
Don't do it. Don't do it.
"You need to take a break," Iwaizumi snaps, grabbing very irritated looking Oikawa by the collar of his t-shirt. Walking towards the sideline, he drags the brunette along to where the entire team is packing up and getting ready to leave. "You're obviously worn out."
"I'm fine," Oikawa responds stubbornly, sticking out his lower lip in the form of a mock pout. "See?"
He stands up, and white hot pain immediately shoots up his right knee. Wincing, Oikawa falls back onto the bench with a soft thump while the rest of the team continues looking on in concern.
"You're pushing yourself, idiot," Iwaizumi snaps. "Your knee hasn't even completely healed from last time."
Oikawa forces himself up slowly, this time. Although the pain still lingers, he manages to grit his teeth and put on a smile for show, "That's fine. I just need to walk it off."
Kindaichi passes up the brunette's water bottle, "That's the last thing you should be doing when you're injured, senpai."
"Oi, don't worry your little heart over me," Oikawa tells him airily. Then, shifting his attention back to the team, he beams. "Good practice today, everyone. Morning practice starts at 7:30am tomorrow so don't be late~!"
There's a simultaneous chorus of thank yous before the team begins to filter off the court in groups. By the time Oikawa has his belongings packed up, everyone is gone, except for Iwaizumi.
"I'll take care of morning practice tomorrow," Iwaizumi states stiffly. "You stay home and rest."
"Maaa, maaa, Iwa-chan," Oikawa chides in a singsong voice. "You're making a big deal out of nothing."
A vein ticks out from the side of Iwaizumi's head, "Last time this happened, you ended up in the hospital. So don't tell me I'm making a big deal out of nothing."
The brunette purses his lips, "Iwa-chan—"
"Just drop the ego," Iwaizumi interjects flatly. "It's not doing you any favors. If you show up tomorrow, I swear to god I'll beat the shit out of you."
Oikawa pauses, the corners of his lips tipping up to form a big smile, "You always worry about me, Iwa-chan." Turning towards the hallway, he waves his hand nonchalantly, "Fine, then. I'll take a break and I'll see you Monday."
The smile vanishes from the brunette's face as he turns into the hallway. Leaning against the wall, he limps towards the front entrance of the school. On the way, he pulls out his cell phone and finds two missed calls from Sawa.
"Crap," he mutters, typing up a frantic return message.
Standing up, Sawa stretches her arms out with a wine bottle her in hand, walking towards her desk where a bunch of papers are strewn across the surface. Underneath her math booklet, she fishes out her phone.
A few pages drop to the ground and she kneels down to pick them up while she attempts to open a number of unread text messages with her other hand. From the Caller ID, she can tell it's from Oikawa, but her gaze suddenly shifts to the standardized college application paper in her hands and the three blank spaces where her top choices were supposed to be.
Her phone buzzes again.
16 missed calls from Oikawa.
Oikawa [8:43pm]: I'm so sory
Oikawa [8:43pm]: I got caught up during practice
Oikawa [8:44pm]: Please don't be mad at me Sawa-chan T_T_T
Oikawa [9:05pm]: I even had a surprise for you
Oikawa [9:10pm]: Don't ignore me T_T_T
Just as she decides to write up a response, her fingers twitch, and she winds up pressing the call button. As she's about to hang up the call, someone picks up on the other end. Muttering some profanities under her breath, she presses the screen to her cheek, wedging it against her shoulder.
"Sawari-san?" Kuroo's voice is familiar, warm, and surprisingly clear against the backdrop of Tokyo.
"Kuroo-san," Sawa says softly, her cheeks flushing pink. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to—"
She pauses mid-sentence, giving herself time to catch her breath. Leaning against the wall with her back, she slides down onto the floor, and pulls her knees to her chest. She's still holding onto her college application, staring at the three blank spaces she'd yet to fill in.
Then, she shifts her gaze to the bottle of wine in her other hand.
"Sawari-san?"
A sad smile forms on her face.
"Hey," she says. "Could you tell me something nice? I think I'm about to do something really dumb."
There's a moment of silence on the other side. Sawa can hear a siren in the background zip off into the distance and some shuffling around on the other end.
"Do I need to call the police? You're not going to try and kill yourself, are you?" Kuroo asks hesitantly.
"No, no. I'm not...trying to hurt myself. I just," the redhead pauses, staring at the open bottle of wine hanging in her free hand. Technically, it doesn't fall under the realm of self-harm, but it might as well, considering its the history of her alcohol-induced aftermath. "I think I'm about to start drinking again, and it's not a place I really want to return to."
There's a pause on the other hand. It was a difficult problem to be candid about. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if Kuroo brushed her off, told her to get some help, pretended to care, only to never call or speak to her again.
"Something nice, huh?" Kuroo echoes the question softly. "Well, are you outside right now?"
"I'm in my apartment," Sawa replies. Sitting on the floor.
She wonders where this is going.
"Well, go look out the window."
The redhead sighs, fiddling with the hem of her skirt, "Okay, I'm looking." A lie.
"Tch. No you aren't," Kuroo tells her. "C'mon. Get up and look."
Forcing herself up from the ground reluctantly, Sawa walks towards the window, and pulls back the curtains.
She stares up at the sky, filled with stars. The moon is hanging low, bright and yellow. It looks like it might just swallow the earth if she stares hard enough. There's something terrifying and endearing about it, and Sawa can't quite comprehend the juxtaposition of those two feelings. Lifting open her window, she props her elbow on the ledge, and continues staring up.
Sawa sighs contentedly, "Tell me more nice things."
She can practically hear him smile on the other side.
"You're smart and kind," Kuroo says, "and you have a good sense of morality."
Sawa ruminates on this. As she reaches her hand up towards the sky, she realizes that she's forgotten the wine bottle on the kitchen floor.
After getting off the phone, Sawa turns back to her college applications. She fiddles around here and there with her Nintendo 3DS, but ultimately decides to concentrate on the sitting task on her desk. This is what would dictate her future, in the end.
3. Tohoku University
2. Kyoto University
1. Tokyo University
Taking a deep breath, Sawa shifts her attention back to her phone. She hadn't forgotten about the text messages she so willingly ignored earlier on. She figures the brunette on the other side of town is probably still sitting nearby his phone, desperately awaiting an answer.
Sawa [11:12pm]: What's the surprise?
She brushes a lock of hair behind her ear, but her phone vibrates almost instantaneously. A new message.
Oikawa [11:13pm]: SAWA-CHAN! You finally answered
Smiling slightly, she types up another message in reply.
Sawa [11:13pm]: What's the surprise?
Oikawa [11:13pm]: This is the type of greeting I get? T_T
Sawa [11:13pm]: Goodbye
Oikawa [11:14pm]: OKAY FINE. Meet me outside your apartment in twenty minutes.
"Can I take the blindfolds off now?"
Oikawa grins toothily, "Yes."
Untying the pink band wrapped around Sawa's eyes, Oikawa steps forward, motioning to the single brick wall standing in the middle of an open field, "Ta-da~"
Sawa squints, unsure if she's missing something. But from the dumb look on Oikawa's face, she knows this probably isn't one of his practical jokes.
"You got me a wall?"
He nods, "Yup."
Glancing around the area one more time to check if she's not missing out on some pre-planned prank, Sawa returns her gaze to the expectant looking brunette standing in front of her.
She's momentarily distracted by the sheen on his skin, and the way his shirt is sticking to his chest. Like he'd just stepped off of the volleyball court. Which is something probably not too far from the truth. When she remembers that this was probably the reason why he'd abandoned her earlier in the day, she clenches her fists.
"Think of it as your new canvas," Oikawa says.
And suddenly, it dawns on her.
"You're ridiculous," Sawa mutters under her breath.
Not quite the answer Oikawa expects.
Almost instantaneously, the smile on his face fades into a frown, "C'mon, even your grandfather said you were a talented artist."
The redhead opens her mouth to retort, but bites back the insult that's on the tip of her tongue. Instead, she relents a heavy sigh before walking away towards the main road, "Don't talk to me about what he said."
It doesn't take Oikawa more than a few steps to catch up, grabbing her roughly by the elbow, "Oi."
Sawa shakes him off emphatically, "You know what? I didn't even want to get into this."
The brunette just stares at her, unable to mask the look of contempt burning in his eyes.
"Why would you bring jii-chan up?" Sawa snaps.
"He has Alzheimer's," Oikawa tries to say. "You can't hold a grudge—"
She stares at him incredulously, "Can you just stop? I get that this was supposed to be some romantic gesture. But I really don't need it right now."
There are tears welling up, and if there's anything Oikawa's unequipped to handle, it's a girl who's about to have an emotional breakdown. It's the same, sad story every time. The girl who cries; and the boy who walks away at the first sight of conflict.
The last time this happened, it was at the nursing home. Sawa had brought in another painting, just like her grandfather asked. And it ended up smashed into pieces.
And that's when she returned to her old habits.
The drinking.
The friends.
The same shit that got her expelled from Shiratorizawa in the first place.
"It brings back things I don't want to remember," Sawa says.
Oikawa stares at the blank wall before shifting his gaze to the redhead walking into the far-off distance.
Then, he bolts.
His knees are about to give out from the sheer pain, but he grits his teeth through it. Anger pulses through his veins and he tries desperately to avoid spitting profanities at her back. Maybe it's the tension, the unhappiness, the disappointment, or maybe it's the fact that his glass knees will probably mean the end of his volleyball career. He doesn't know; doesn't care. The only thing he wants to do is scream.
Sawa senses him approaching at an alarming rate but before she can react properly, Oikawa grabs her by the wrist, stopping her in place.
"I'm ridiculous?" He snaps. "You're ridiculous!"
Completely thrown off by the sudden change in heart, Sawa knits her brows, "What're you—"
"There's no point in beating yourself up over something that was out of your control," Oikawa says. "You're just wasting your talent! Don't you have dreams? Aspirations? Don't you have something you want to pursue?"
"I—"
"Those stupid video games? That can't be the only thing on your mind. What do you dream about?" He grabs her roughly by the shoulders. "Tell me!"
Oikawa watches in utter mortification as Sawa's expression melts from irritation to one of sheer terror. Pulling out of his grip, she walks—runs off into the distance as fast as she can, never turning to look back.
This time, Oikawa doesn't chase after her.
Day 365
The cherry blossoms are blooming. Today, of all days. And that might just be the cruelest twist of irony.
"Do you even care about him?" Iwaizumi asks.
Sawa resists the urge to completely unravel right then and there, sucking in a deep breath and tugging on the strap wrapped around her shoulder. She sulks visibly, "No." A blatant lie, of course.
"You're so full of shit," he says, resisting the urge to groan. "Just kiss and make up already."
She fiddles with a loose string on her skirt, wrinkling her nose in distaste, "He has a girlfriend."
"Oh right," Iwaizumi concedes this tidbit with indifference, picking at the dirt underneath his fingernails. "Shiori-san. That second year. Man, the guy moves on quick."
Sawa remains silent, staring down at her lap.
"With the way things turned out, I'm surprised you're even here," Iwaizumi says. "I mean, weren't you the one who said you were never going to come back to Miyagi again?"
And when Sawa doesn't immediately respond, he cocks his head forward so that he's forced into her line of vision. "What? All of a sudden, you're being quiet now? Jeez."
It's true. The nature of Sawa and Oikawa's relationship has always been rather unpredictable, but never has it ever been so volatile. The only way Oikawa knew it was truly over was when he watched her dismantle and pack up her apartment.
"Good luck today," the redhead says quickly, turning the conversation. "Tell him I'll be rooting for him."
Iwaizumi snorts, rolling his eyes, "Why don't you tell him yourself?"
Day 332
It's one of her grandfather's good days, and Sawa is relieved to pay him a visit. Although he has no memory of what transpired last time, she puts on a smile for show and diverts his attention to the present. She's finished her classes, and she's heading to Tokyo University soon, which means the only thing on her mind is packing up her apartment.
It occurs to her, at some point, that she's been distracting herself from the mess of her post-breakup life. But Oikawa has moved on, and so should she. After all, the only reason why she never labeled her relationship was because she knew there'd be an inevitable separation at some point. She wasn't stupid. In the end, high school romances rarely last.
"I really hope you're happy, Setsuna," her grandfather tells her.
She pauses for half a second before putting on the best smile she could manage, "I am."
Day 365
In the span of his seventeen years, Oikawa Tooru has only had one great love.
Her name was volleyball.
Although he never cared to admit it (after all, there was something strangely endearing about passing off as an effortless genius), she was the only thing he'd ever wake up early in the morning for.
Bleed for.
Breathe for.
And when Sawa watched him take down Karasuno in the most important match of his athletic career, she cried.
Cried, because this was the only time she'd ever see him truly happy.
Cried, because there was nothing more she wanted than for him to succeed.
The Great King, or some derivative.
From the stands, Sawa watched as the entire team collapsed in onto their captain. Some were on the verge of tears; others were in sheer shock. The crowd of fans around her erupted into cheers and screams.
It was the only time she'd ever seen Oikawa in his element.
This was different from Ushijima and Shiratorizawa. It didn't feel like infatuation, or admiration. Rather, the feeling was divorced somewhere between melancholy and relief. Maybe it was the atmosphere, or maybe it was the fact that Sawa had finally accepted her initial resignations about their relationship. She couldn't tell. And quite frankly, she didn't care anymore.
Day 366
"Tooru?"
"Ne. What's with this informality?" Oikawa snaps, picking up the stray volleyball that managed to roll out of Takeru's backpack.
Ignoring his uncle's quip about his name, Takeru decides to continue, "Someone painted on the wall."
The brunette yawns, ushering his nephew towards the edge of the dirt path while a car passes by from behind, "The wall? What wall?"
"Ryuto-jiichan's brick wall," Takeru says. "The one near your house. Obaa-chan said you spent 30000 yen on the field. She thinks you got jipped."
"Ne, let's talk about something else," Oikawa says, brushing a hand through his hair.
"Anyway, I think it was a painting of you, Tooru," Takeru says. "It had your jersey number."
The brunette stops dead in his tracks.
It takes him a while to move through the thicket of the field. Oikawa hadn't bothered clearing it up after Sawa's birthday, and since her reaction had been nothing but distaste, he'd chosen to forget about it.
Truth is, moving on from a breakup wasn't hard for him. This wasn't the first time and Oikawa was desirable, smart, athletic, and handsome. A package of energy and spontaneity. Everybody at Seijoh had fallen in love with the pretense he put up, so why wouldn't he use that to his advantage?
After his last encounter with Sawa, he'd found himself another girlfriend in the span of two weeks. Shiori, a cute second year on the girl's volleyball team.
He hadn't spoken or contacted Sawa. Despite the tension, they found almost no reason to see each other. After all, they were in different friendship circles. He'd halfheartedly expected Sawa to be in pieces, or to pull another drinking episode. But surprisingly, she had moved on too. No sadness, no tears. No skipping school for the sake of it. Instead, she'd turned her attention to her friends and her grades, the latter which was paramount to her acceptance into Tokyo University. The truth is, he should've felt bitter. Or pissed. But instead, Oikawa was genuinely happy for her.
"This is the first time I've seen you act selfless," is what Iwaizumi had said. "I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore."
By the time Oikawa reaches the brick wall, he's out of breath.
Takeru hadn't been lying.
There's a painting.
It's a shot that focuses on the back of Oikawa's jersey against the backdrop of the black sky. There are stars ahead of him, and he's able to make out the vague outline of his side profile, but the focus is mainly on his jersey. The artist had been able to capture the movement of him walking forward, despite the unconventional perspective. It's a little muddled around the edges, a little unclear, and Oikawa realizes that only means Sawa had painted it a while back.
And painted underneath his jersey number in bold yellow letters:
I dreamed of you.