Chapter 6 : Frustration

Hey people from the world. I hope you're okay and you had a good weekend. 6 more weeks and school is over for 2 weeks. Uh. Anyway, no happy ending in this chapter but don't worry there isn't any death or something. I like writing with Deeks' POV actually. I didn't know if the word « ear-flap » was okay so if you have one who matches better just let me know and I'll correct it. :)

Oh and please PLEASE tell me if you can see the quotation mark.

Reviews keep me happy so go ahead.

Bye from France. Noa

When Kensi exited the changing room of the bullpen in a skinny black dress and high heels, Deeks couldn't stop staring at her. She was the prettiest woman he ever saw. Her hair fell perfectly on her shoulders even though she didn't try to do anything with it. She was naturally perfect. God, he wanted to kiss her. But they didn't talk much since she was back from Afghanistan. He felt like he couldn't do much about it even though he wanted to hold her and never let her slip away. He wanted to be present for her because he knew she needed it after all that happened with Jack there. He was very aware of the fact that she had been hurt; and not just physically. So of course, they went to rescue her but when he saw the pain in her eyes he knew that she wasn't okay at all. She needed time. More than he thought but he couldn't do anything except wait for her. And this, he could definitely do. Unfortunately she wouldn't let him be with her for a certain amount of time. She acted stubbornly, like hiding from him. He was hopeless and all he wanted was to have his partner and his friend back. She had to left after their kiss and then when she came back none of them talked about it. He wanted to. Really. But he couldn't. Maybe because it was too hard to bring back good memories or because he didn't want to rush her because obviously she would withdraw into herself and he would lost her forever. If having a relationship with her wasn't something he could have then at least, she'll be his friend for as long as possible. He would make sure of it.

So when he saw her in this pretty dress he couldn't look elsewhere.

All he managed to say to her was « wow ». Before he lifted his head at her and blushed. Why was he blushing ? It wasn't him who got a compliment or was stunning. It was starting to be stupid. He was starting to be stupid. He then shook his head and sat again, looking everywhere but not at her.

"Miss Blye, if I hear the beautiful necklace I lent you is broke I will come after you when you least expect it." Hetty said seriously, staring at her.

"I'll be careful." She nodded, kind of scared to see Hetty at her place when it's pitch dark. She shook her head, trying to forget about this vision.

"I hope so. Don't forget, your undercover case consist of flirting with the man and making him talk about the bloodshed. Mr Deeks, I assume you will take care of her while Mr Callen and Mr Hanna will be outside of the club ? In case it turns out bad they will help you."

All he did was nodded, trying to breathe as quietly as possible because well, he had to admit he wasn't really okay with the fact that another guy will look at her in the way he did. And most importantly, that the guy could talk to her in the way he wanted to for so long. He had his fists clenched and he headed to the car without waiting for her. A big, very big, part of him wanted to see her dancing and be a little bit carefree in the night club but the other part of him was terrified. Terrified of what he could feel if someone was too close to her. What would he do ? Would he be able to stay still or would he jump on the guy because of the jealousy he had been feeling for too long ?

The car ride was too silent, even for them. She decided to turn the radio on and sing the lyrics of a dumb song but all he could hear was his own thoughts. Too many questions were on his head and they were all about her. Someday, the need to tell her is going to be out of control and the words will come out of his mouth by themselves. But not tonight. Tonight was all about finding the murderer, arresting him and going back home to get some sleep and most importantly, silencing these thoughts. He could do that. Right? He parked the car at the back of the nightclub, already hearing the music coming from inside. He let out a big sigh and stepped out of their black car.

"Cheer up Deeks ! It's gonna be fun." Kensi said, smiling while going inside. Already dancing in order to be unnoticed.

He whispered more to himself : "it depends for whom." He shook his head quickly in order to give him a little bit of brave. Calm was all he felt. Approximatively at least. He joined the stairs of the crowded place to be able to see Kensi and still be discret.

After almost 10 minutes of making bad jokes in their ear-flap, Kensi saw the man who murdered dozens of people and decided to go and talk to him. Or more flirting like Hetty said. Deeks could obviously hear everything she said to him and all of this felt so odd to him. He was staring at her, ready to run and help her if she needed him but seeing her like that; laughing and smiling to this man was dreadful. He wanted to join her downstairs and and take her home. Say her all he wanted to say for months. Maybe years now. And finally, he wanted to kiss and never stop. But was it possible ? No. Of course not. They had something to do which was important for them but mainly for the families of the victims.

When the suspect tried to escape from her, they had to run and chase him in the streets to arrest him. Few punches later, he was at the back of a police car. The night had been tough especially for Deeks but he managed to do it. He mentally congratulated himself because his thoughts remained in his mind for the night, when Kensi appeared in front of him.

"Do you want to go grab a drink or eat something ?" She asked shyly. More shyly than she wanted to sound.

"I think I'll just go home." He shrugged while thinking that it wasn't true unless she was with him.

"Is everything alright ? You don't sound like yourself today."

"I'm just exhausted ... about everything actually. It's fine. You should go home and rest." He sighed louder than he wanted to but God, he couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't act like nothing happened, like he was feeling nothing, like he hadn't fell for her a long time ago !

"If you want I can come with you and eat at your place."

And suddenly he couldn't take it. Either he tell her how he felt or he would create a distance because apparently she didn't want to be with him. At least not in the way he wanted. That's why he responded a harshly no. He put his hands in his pockets and looked behind her, avoiding her gazes. Obviously she knew that something was off with him but she had no clue. For the first time of her life Kensi Blye was clueless.

"I need to go. I'm sorry I can't do that. I just can't." He moved towards his car almost running, searhing for his keys.

"See you tomorrow. Right ?" She said at him, yelling to be heard. To be sure that he wouldn't ignore her. He always said that she was stubborn but he could be too when he wanted.

"Yeah. I have no other choice actually."

That sentence hurt her. She didn't show it evidently but it did. What did she do to him ? She wanted to understand to be able to help him and them because apparently they had a problem but she didn't know.

He felt bad for saying that but she needed to understand him and his feelings. She wasn't the only one to feel things. He was too.

And in one night, frustration was beginning again for both of them.

He went home and straight to bed, not being able to fall asleep. He couldn't silence his thoughts and guilt was added to that now. As far as she was concerned, she watched a stupid comedy trying to forget about the evening and about what he said to her. During the car ride to go back home, being alone, she speaked aloud. She truly wanted to figure out what was happening but well, she was exhausted too !

All over again, their bad communication skills won.