Twilight…not mine (sigh). Also, this will be a longer chapter…more akin to what I usually write.
Chapter 190
BPOV
"Emmett, I still think that Esme hates my guts," I grumbled as I packed my bags. We were spending Christmas Eve with Edward's family. Emmett's parents were in Italy, wanting to get away from it all. They weren't heavily involved with the del Cigno Syndicate, but media aftermath from Aro's verdict and Charlie's sentencing made it difficult for them. They were currently staying in my father's home in Sorrento.
"Do you blame her, bambina?" Emmett asked, putting the gifts into a large bin. "You really fucked with Edward with your running away stint. She's looking out for her child."
"I wish I could take that back," I sighed, tossing Edward's gift into my bag. "I know I made a mistake, but I was in a dark place. Hell, I still am."
"No, you're not. Every day, you're getting stronger and more like that pain in the ass that I know you to be," Emmett chuckled. I rolled my eyes, smacking my brother. Yep, we finally got the DNA test and Charlie was Emmett's father. It was always assumed that Emmett was Charlie's illegitimate son, but never confirmed scientifically. That was another reason why his parents were in Italy. To discuss that whole fiasco. Uncle John was pissed with Emmett's mom for fucking around on him. "Bella, talk to Esme. Explain to her your reasoning and I'm certain she'll open up to you."
"I hope so," I sighed, tossing my bag onto the floor. We finished packing up his Hummer and drove the short distance to the modest home of Edward's adoptive parents. We parked on the street since we knew that we weren't spending the night at the house. Emmett was going to go with Rose back to her townhouse while Edward and I went back to his condo to attempt to make love.
We'd progressed pretty far but I still clammed up whenever I tried to touch his penis. Memories of Riley and James hovering over me while they pleasured themselves all over my body lingered in my head and I couldn't get past it. Plus, I still felt dirty and unworthy of the loving that Edward was willing to give me. He had been nothing but tender, gentle and loving. Plus, the man has the patience of a saint. The poor guy probably has the worst case of blue balls with all of the fooling around we'd done with zero release. I was also a bit worked up, too. I was terrified of getting off in my own respect. I wanted to. I wanted Edward to touch me there, but I was still feeling unworthy. In the back of my mind, I was afraid that tonight was going to be a bust and that I was going to end up in the hospital with the mother of all anxiety attacks.
"Come on, bambina. We're already late. I'm certain you don't want to give Esme another reason to hate your guts," Emmett quipped. I smacked his shoulder. I loved Emmett. He was my only family left since everyone else had abandoned me and my father. They were covering their own asses. The only people from my old life that I spoke with regularly were Carmen, Eleazar, Jacob, Leah, Seth and Sue, Leah and Seth's mom, who I think had a crush on my father. I exchanged texts with Jessica but our friendship is cordial at best. Angie had since moved to New York with her family, distancing herself from the shame my father brought to their lives.
My father was doing fine in the prison in Sheridan. We celebrated Christmas the day before yesterday. We couldn't exchange gifts, but I did make sure that he had some money in his account to get necessities, such as shampoo, deodorant and clean socks.
After much debate with my father, I made the executive decision to go back to school to finish my degree. Edward was moving to a rental house in Cambridge while he finished law school. I needed something to do. Technically, I was done with my courses and just needed to complete my internship along with one other class. Since Edward was going to be away, I was going to finish my degree and start my life. Edward and I still planned weekends together, flying alternatively to each other, but I'd at least have something else to focus my mind on besides my mental and physical healing. Honestly, I think I need to get back to normal in order to fully move on with my life.
"We're here, Bella," Emmett said, poking my arm. I scowled at my brother and got out of the car, slipping on a patch of black ice. My leg snarled at me and I was caught by two strong arms.
"You okay there, Stumbelina?" Edward quipped, holding me to his broad chest.
"Better now," I smiled, righting myself and gazing up at my boyfriend. He was wearing a red sweater and a pair of dark gray corduroy pants. He looked so normal but underneath, I knew he was covered with his tattoos and was completely badass, with a heart of gold, of course.
"It's cold out here," Edward chuckled.
"That's because it's winter, jackass," Emmett snorted, hefting the bin with the presents out of the back of the Hummer.
Edward rolled his eyes and helped me up the steps to his parents' home. It was completely bedecked with Christmas decorations and smelled like cinnamon and other spices. Esme and Carlisle were waiting in the foyer, smiling broadly. "Welcome, Bella," Esme said quietly, hugging me closely. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, thanks," I blushed, looking up at her. I was still afraid that she hated me. "Thank you for inviting us into your home for Christmas."
"The more the merrier," Carlisle replied, holding out his hand. I shook it before giving him a tentative hug. "Rose, Alice and Jasper are in the family room, eating me out of house and home."
"Stop it," Esme giggled. "You invited them."
"And if anyone is going to eat you out of house and home, it's going to be Emmett," I joked, pointing to my large brother. "He is a bottomless pit."
"Am not!" Emmett bellowed, putting the bin of gifts onto the floor and glaring at me.
"Emmett, I say this with the utmost respect, but you are," Edward said, wrinkling his nose. "I've never seen a man eat more food than you."
"I'm a growing boy," Emmett replied, puffing out his chest. "This takes work, you know?"
"Well, there's plenty of food," Esme said, ushering us into the house and taking our coats.
"Do you need any help, Esme?" I asked, my voice sounding small and unsure. I may as well get this over with.
"Sure," Esme said, giving me a tight smile. She turned on her heel and walked into the kitchen. I went to follow her but Edward's hand wrapped around my wrist.
"Everything alright?" he asked.
"I need to talk to her, Edward. She hates me and I need to change that," I said, looking up into his green eyes.
"She doesn't hate you," Edward replied, giving me a hard look.
"Yes, she does. If she had her choice, we would not be together," I hissed, trying to keep my emotions at bay. "I understand her reservations about us but I want to make her understand that I'm not going anywhere."
Edward opened his mouth, ready to argue with me but regardless of what he said, I was going in there with his adoptive mother and make her see that I was here for good. "Yell if you need back up," Edward said as he wrapped me up in one of his signature hugs. His embraces were always so amazing, strong and safe. "I love you and I know my mom loves you, too."
"But she thinks that I'm going to hurt you," I whispered against his shoulder.
"Any parent is fearful for her child about getting hurt and in her eyes, I'd been hurt enough to last a lifetime," he muttered against my hair. "You may have hurt me, but I get why you did it. That's why we're working through all of this with counseling. Bella, I know that you are something incredibly special and I do not want to give up on us without a fight."
"Me, too. Let me do this, Edward," I said, taking his face into my hands. "It's a battle that I have to win. For you and for me."
He huffed out a breath, staring at me. "Like I said, yell if you need back up."
"I will. I love you, angelo," I murmured, kissing his lips softly. He moaned, holding me to his chest. Giggling, I danced out of his embrace and walked into the sleek kitchen that was decorated festively. Esme was cutting up some pepperoni. "What do you need me to do?" I asked.
"Finish with this while I pull out the garlic bread and brie," she said, putting the knife onto the wooden cutting board. Expertly, I cut the pepperoni and arranged it on a tray that was already filled with various cheeses and other meats. Esme took out the garlic bread but left the brie inside of the oven. "Did you see your father?"
"I did. I went to Sheridan the day before yesterday with Emmett," I replied. "I made some cake for Charlie and we celebrated as best we could in the visitation room."
"That's good," Esme said, turning to me. Her eyes were guarded.
Rip off the band aid, del Cigno. "Esme, I know you don't like me…" I began.
"Bella, I like you just fine. I don't like what you did to my son," she said curtly.
"Can I finish?" I said, glaring at her. "Yes, I know I hurt Edward. He's an amazing, loving, caring and wonderful man. I don't deserve him. For whatever reason, he loves me and I love him. I was hurting before and I needed to get away. The way I handled it was very wrong on my part. We're trying to work past that and for the most part, we have. However, the biggest obstacle in my healing is your hatred of me. We may never like each other and I'm okay with that, but can you accept the fact that I'm with your son?" Angry tears splashed onto my cheeks and I gripped the countertop, trying to keep myself upright.
Esme pursed her lips and walked over to me. My temper was flaring and I was ready for a fight. What's a holiday without mayhem amongst family? "Bella, I don't hate you," she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. I bristled, not comfortable with the touch on my body. She recognized that and pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable…"
"It's okay. I'm trying to work through the whole touch thing," I said, moving slightly away from her. "I'm better, but it will always be a struggle, I think." Blowing out a breath, I looked at her.
"Edward must be very helpful in that regard," Esme said, running her hands over her skirt. "Bella, you must understand my trepidation. Yes, my son stepped when you asked him to but the way you left hurt him unbelievably."
"I'm not going anywhere. I know that I fucked up, Esme. I know that I hurt Edward by running away, but in my mind, it was the only option. It made sense. Hindsight, though, is twenty-twenty. I needed him. I know I needed him and I still do. He's the only one who truly understands what I'm going through." My heart was racing and I could feel tears on my cheeks.
"Bella, calm down," Esme said as she guided me to the kitchen table. She sat down next to me, taking my hand in hers. "You've said your piece. Now it's my turn." I looked at her, scared that she would want me to leave and never come back. "You were put through the ringer over the past few months. What those monsters did to you was horrific and I understand why you pushed him away. But, you didn't see my son with that vacant expression in his eyes like when he first came to live with us. He was in agony, Bella. What you did to him was incredibly cold and I was so pissed at you for hurting my son. To add insult to injury, Edward gets this phone call the day he had surgery on his arm from Emmett, stating that you were in a catatonic state and needed his help. This coming after a month of zero communication! My son had an allergic reaction to the medication and the surgery that should have taken an hour and half ended up taking nearly three hours because he wouldn't wake up from the anesthetic."
"What?!" I screeched. "Why didn't he tell me?"
"Probably because he didn't want to cause you anymore anguish," she replied. She squeezed my hand slightly. "I know that you love him and that he loves you. Based on your behavior over the past few months, I also know that you're not going anywhere. It doesn't negate the fact that I am having a hard time forgetting what Edward looked like for that month while you were gone. Then, I see him smile, truly smile, and I know that you and he are a match. Edward had a rough beginning and as a result, he doesn't trust many. Once he does trust, it's for life. Promise me, Bella, that you won't hurt my son again. I can't bear to see him looking empty and lost. Edward is a survivor and he'd get over it, but I'd fear that I'd lose him completely if it did happen again."
"Esme, I need him," I murmured. "I'm not going anywhere until Edward tells me to fuck off. He saved me in more ways than one. Are we going to get married? Who knows? But right now, he's what I need and I love him so much." I pushed away from the table and left Esme in the kitchen. Tears were tracking down my cheeks and I was upset, my heart racing uncontrollably. Curling up in the living room, next to the Christmas tree, I stared at the fireplace, allowing myself to get lost in the flames.
"Don't let Esme get you down, Bella," Carlisle said.
"Holy crap!" I squeaked, turning in the direction of his voice. Hastily, I wiped my cheeks.
"Sorry," he chuckled, holding up his hands. "I don't mean to be nosy, but I overheard your argument in the kitchen. Esme has always been protective of Edward ever since he came to live with us after the whole situation with his birth parents. But Edward never allowed her to let her mother him. He kept everyone at arm's length. He still does. Well, accept for you." Carlisle sat down. "She doesn't understand why you needed space. She only saw how it impacted Edward." He ran his hand through his short, cropped black hair and leaned forward. "My wife cares for you but she can't overlook the fact that you inadvertently hurt her son."
"I really want her to like me," I muttered. "When we first met, I was hoping that…that…" I bit back a sob. "That she could, I don't know, be a mom for me. I know that she's not and she's made it abundantly clear that she disapproves of my relationship with Edward. It's just that when she first came, I felt a mother's love since my own mom was taken from me because of Aro." I hugged my legs and put my cheek on my knees.
Carlisle caressed my head before leaving me in the living room. I stared into the fire, tears tracking down my face. A few moments later, Edward came in and sat down next to me. I shifted so that I was practically in his lap. He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead. "Let's go for a drive," he whispered. I stood up and he put my coat on. We left the house and drove to a local cemetery; the cemetery where my mom was buried. "I want to meet your mom, Little One."
"She would have loved you," I said.
"I have no doubt. I am pretty lovable," he quipped, parking in front of my family's plot. I giggled. "There's my favorite sound."
"My laugh?" I asked, arching a brow. "God, I sound like a donkey braying."
"No, that's Emmett," he chuckled. "I'm sorry that your discussion with my mom didn't go as planned. Dad told me why you wanted to talk to her and I get it. When I was in foster care, I just wanted a 'mommy.' I got one and I did everything to push her away because she wasn't my mom. She was dead at the hands of my father. You need that mother-figure now more than ever and my adoptive mother is the closest thing you have to it."
"And she hates my guts," I grumbled, staring out the window of Edward's Volvo, watching the snow fall. "I get it. I fucked up because I left without saying anything."
"Bella, my mom is notorious for holding grudges. As we speak, Carlisle is trying to talk some sense to her. Deep down, she does care for you and that's part of the reason why she's being so hard on you. I don't agree with it. I'm the one who was affected by your leaving and I've forgiven you. Why can't she?" He opened the car door and crossed to the other side, opening my door. "Introduce me to your mom, Little One. I want to meet Renee del Cigno."
I got out of the car and latched onto Edward's arm. Slowly, we walked over the uneven, snow-covered ground to my mom's grave. Dusting off the snow from the marble headstone, I kneeled on the ground and quickly did the sign of the cross. Edward kneeled with me, his own head bowed. I prayed silently. "Mom, I'd like you meet someone," I said reverently. "This is my boyfriend, Edward."
"It's an honor to meet you, Mrs. Del Cigno," Edward said quietly.
"I don't know if you are aware of what happened, Momma, but things haven't been easy," I sighed, sitting back on my ass and telling her everything from when she died until Aro's trial. Edward held me in his lap as I talked to my mom about anything and everything. He hugged me when I described my abduction, sobbing brokenly. "Momma, the one thing…the one person who has been there for me consistently and loves me has been Edward. I pushed him away and he came back when I needed him. I love him, Momma. I hope you love him, too. Sometimes I think that you sent him to me, to watch over me while all of this crap happened to our family. But, I wish you were here. I miss you, Momma." The wind picked up and there was a light tinkling of the icicles on the trees. I curled in Edward's arms, feeling the cold.
"We should get back to the house. You're blue," Edward said, holding me closer to his body. "I do want to say something to your mom. I'm not good at this sort of thing, but I want to try." I kissed his cheek, putting my head on his shoulder. "Mrs. Del Cigno, I want you to know that I love your daughter with my whole heart. We've gone through some rough times but I know that she's something very special and that I want a future with her. She's an amazing woman and I'm proud to be with her, in every way. I wish I could have gotten to know you, but I'm grateful that you had your beautiful, loving, compassionate and brilliant daughter. I will cherish her. Always."
"Always?" I asked, looking back at him.
"Always, Little One," he smiled. "Now, seriously, your lips are blue and I do not want you catching your death while we're out here. Arms around my neck, baby." I did as he asked and he gingerly lifted me. I gave him a look. His arm was still healing. "I'm fine, Bella. Your legs are supported by the bad arm and it's getting stronger every single day." He carried me to the car and deposited me into the passenger seat. I started the car while he jogged around to the driver's side. We huddled around the heaters, trying to warm up from our impromptu discussion with my mom. I was shivering uncontrollably while Edward's teeth were chattering.
Ten minutes later, we pulled out of the cemetery and drove back to his parents' house. I glowered at their beautiful home, almost afraid to go inside. It had gotten darker and the Christmas lights sparkled innocently. "Come on, Bella. I'll be next to you the entire time," he said, getting out of the car. Wrinkling my nose, I followed him and we walked back into the house. I was attached to Edward's hip as we ambled to the family room. Rose and Emmett were cuddled on a large chair next to the fire. Alice and Jasper were canoodling on the loveseat while Carlisle was reading in another chair. In the kitchen, a buffet was set up. Esme was working frantically in the kitchen. Part of me wanted to help but another part wanted to stay with Edward, away from her.
Almost as if he read my mind, Edward led me to the kitchen and asked if there was anything we could do to help. Esme smiled gratefully at both of us, explaining that the table needed to be set and the wine opened. Together, the table was set elegantly with Esme's Christmas china. We also opened the wine, set out the rolls and other various items onto the table. Edward also found small gifts underneath the Christmas tree, placing them at each table setting. "What's that?" I asked.
"Every year, my mom likes to give out annual holiday ornaments," Edward explained. "It varies from year to year. I think that she chose snowmen this year. I actually got to put the previous ornaments up onto my tree thanks to you, Little One."
"Has she always done this?" I asked.
"It started when I moved in," he responded. "I never had much of a Christmas when I lived in Chicago. We didn't have money because of my dad with his drinking problem and my mom tried to give me a Christmas, but it was always pitiful, really. The day after Thanksgiving, that first year with Carlisle and Esme, I was shocked when they pulled out ten boxes labeled 'Christmas,' turning their home into this. I was terrified of breaking something and being punished so I stayed in my room. One night, I woke up and wandered to the tree, looking at the ornaments and in awe of their beauty. I picked one up and I dropped it, causing this crystal snowflake to shatter. I panicked and Esme stopped me from running out because of the broken ornament. She said that it was replaceable, but that I wasn't. The next day, she took me to a Hallmark store to choose an ornament that would be mine. I chose a similar snowflake and she had it engraved with my name, the year and that she loved me." He took my hand, leading me to the tree. Plucking an ornament off the tree, he showed me that snowflake. Edward Cullen, 1999…We love you very much ~ Mama Esme and Papa Carlisle. "After that year, it became tradition."
"That's so beautiful," I said, giving him the ornament. He smiled, kissing my cheek before putting it back on the tree.
"We took into account you two," Esme said quietly, walking into the living room. She reached into the tree, just below where Edward put his ornament. She put a crystal circular ornament into my hand. Etched into the crystal were two swans and the following words: Bella and Edward: Our First Christmas, 2013 ~ Wishing you all the best. Love, Esme and Carlisle. "Bella, I acted horribly toward you. I am sorry and I know that you and Edward have forgiven each other. I need to do the same. You make him smile and that's all I ever wanted for Edward. He deserves happiness. So do you. Do you forgive me for acting like a heinous bitch?"
"You weren't a heinous bitch," I laughed nervously.
"Yes, I was. You've been through enough and dealing with a bitchy mother of your boyfriend isn't make it any easier," she quipped dryly. "I'm sorry and I hope that we can move past this."
I held the ornament in my hand, tears welling in my eyes. Smiling softly, I wrapped her in a hug. She squeaked quietly and returned my embrace. "We will, Esme. Thank you," I said. She kissed my cheek before returning to the kitchen. Edward's arms slipped around my waist and he placed his chin on my shoulder.
"I didn't know they did that," he whispered, looking at the ornament in my hand. "It's your official welcome to the family, Miss del Cigno." He moved my hair from my neck and gently placed a kiss behind my ear. "I want that on our Christmas tree." I whimpered, leaning back in his arms. I turned to look at him. He smiled crookedly but his eyes were somewhat wild and feral. Keeping his eyes on me, he brushed his lips against my mouth. It was chaste but the implications- behind that seemingly innocent kiss were deep.
Unfortunately, our moment was interrupted with everyone coming into the dining room for Christmas Eve dinner. I put the ornament back on the tree and we took our seats across from Alice and Jasper. Emmett was next to me and Rose was on the other side of Jasper, across from Emmett. Esme was at the end of the table next to Emmett and Rose while Carlisle was next to Alice and Edward.
Dinner was great. Esme created a delicious feast for everyone. Everyone loved their 2013 Snowman ornament that Esme and Carlisle bought for each of us. The conversations were about Edward's upcoming final few days at the bureau. His last day was on the day before New Year's Eve. His classes started the second week in January, along with his internship with a local law firm in Boston. I had an additional week before my classes started. I was going to go with him, set up his rental property and then fly back before starting my final semester of college.
After dinner, Carlisle, Edward and I did the dishes while Esme made the others turn into Santa's elves. The dishes were put away and coffee was being made. With a fresh pot of coffee, Christmas cookies and some after dinner liqueurs, we went into the living room, sitting in our 'assigned spots' based off where the presents were located. Edward held me in his lap, his fingers threaded with mine.
"We have a tradition here in the Cullen household," Carlisle said, smiling broadly. "Before we open our Christmas gifts, we share our Christmas wish; something that you want or wish for the coming year. Typically, we go oldest to youngest. Which means that Esme is first to go."
"Ass," she snorted. "Two months…I'm two months older than you and you rub it in every damn year."
"Two months is two months, beloved," Carlisle snickered, sitting down on the couch and preparing himself some Irish coffee. Esme rolled her eyes as she flipped him off. I giggled. Edward held me closer, pressing a sweet kiss on my neck.
"My Christmas wish is health and happiness for my children," she smiled at all of us. "I may not have had you, but I consider you to be, in some ways, my kids."
"That's because you feed us. We're like a pack of strays," Jasper laughed.
"I'll keep doing it," Esme winked. "Carlisle?"
"My wish is the same…health and happiness for my children. I also wish for Edward to do well at Harvard and for Bella to continue healing. Best of luck to the both of you," Carlisle said, holding up his mug. "Who's next?"
"That'll be me, I think," Rose chirped. "I'm older than you, right, Edward?" He nodded. "My wish is that we don't get a douchebag to replace Edward."
"Rose!" everyone hissed.
"What? It's the truth! Edward, while really odd, was an amazing agent and it's going to suck at the office without you there. Anyhow, that's my wish. Oh, and I hope that Emmett and I continue along the same road. I really like him and yeah…enough mushy stuff."
"Rose, you're like a guy," Jasper snorted. Rose shrugged and snuggled into Emmett's arms. "I think I'm next or is it you, Emmett?"
"I'm twenty-seven, going to be twenty-eight," Emmett responded.
"So, yeah, it's me. My wish is that everyone in this room finds the happiness they so deserve. I also wish that Alice agrees to move in with me," Jasper said, looking at Alice. She squeaked, her eyes wide with shock. "Will you move in with me, sweet girl? I know that your lease is up in a few months…"
"Yes! I'll move in with you!" she shrieked, attacking Jasper with kisses all over his face. They rolled onto the floor, nearly toppling the Christmas tree. We laughed at her reaction, but we were genuinely excited for them. Once they settled down, Alice wished that nothing got lost in her impending move.
Emmett was after her, blushing furiously. "I'm not used to this," he mumbled, twisting his watch. "This is the first year that we haven't been with our insanely loud and huge Italian family. This is actually a welcome change. Anyhow, my wish is for my family. This year has been rough, to say the least. It could have been a lot worse, honestly. None of us could be here and I don't want that. I wish that my real father survives being in the prison in Sheridan without any issues. I wish that bambina finds the happiness she deserves with Edward. And I wish that Rose and me…I really wish that Rose feels as strongly about me as I do about her." Emmett passed her a card. "Open that when we get back to our townhouse, Rose." Rose blushed and kissed her sweetly. "Edward, you're next because we all know that bambina is the baby."
I scowled at my brother, who shrugged. Edward chuckled. "My wish…" he began, holding me on his lap. "My wish is two-fold. Obviously, I wish for health and happiness for my friends and family. The second half of my wish is selfishly for Bella and me. I wish that the next chapters in our lives are filled with joy, love and excitement. Between the two of us, we'd been through hell and back. Little One, I love you and I'll always be there for you, even while I'm in Boston. I'm a phone call away." He cupped my face, caressing my cheek.
"I know, amore," I said, kissing him gently. I blushed and turned to everyone. "I'm the bambina so, yeah. My wish is more of a thank you to all of you. I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for all of your combined efforts to find me in that warehouse. Also, I wish that the next six months will go by quickly so Edward can move back home." I turned to him, ruffling his hair. "I'm proud that you're finishing your degree at Harvard, but I'll miss you. I've grown attached to you, Edward. Like a fungus."
"Well, you're the most beautiful fungus I'd ever seen," he laughed, hugging me to his chest.
"I love you, protettore," I murmured, kissing his lips soundly.
"Okay, enough sucking face. Let's open presents!" Rose bellowed, reaching for one of the presents I had gotten her. We all laughed heartily. The next couple of hours was spent opening gifts. Everyone was very generous and I was shocked at the presents that I had received from my new friends and Edward's family. However, Edward and I were exchanging gifts at his condo, away from prying eyes. We did have gifts that were exchanged at his parents' home. I got him a pair of cufflinks that said 'I'm a Lawyer/Trust Me.' He got me some fuzzy slippers since I was always complaining that my feet were cold due to residual nerve damage to my leg.
After the gift exchange, we ate some dessert and sang some Christmas carols. Edward played on the piano and all of us were just awful. However, it was tradition and we didn't want to break the tradition. Around nine, people started to leave. My nerves jumped, knowing that once Edward and I drove back to his condo, we'd exchange gifts and then possibly, bodily fluids.
That's gross, del Cigno. It's more than that…
We put on our coats and loaded up Edward's Volvo. "What time are you and Bella coming over tomorrow?" asked Esme, wrapped in Carlisle's huge NorthFace jacket.
"We'll call you, but probably sometime in the afternoon," Edward replied.
"Do you need help with making dinner?" I asked.
"I've got a lasagna from that deli that you recommended. It's going to be low-key tomorrow," Esme smiled. "You guys have a good night and we'll see you for dinner." She hugged me first, kissing my cheek. She turned to Edward, hugging him close. She whispered something in his ear and he nodded. He helped me into the car and drove us back to his condo. I was anxiously twisting my ring.
"Bella, stop," he said, taking my hand. "If you're not ready, we can just open our presents, watch A Christmas Story on TBS and cuddle."
"Let's just play it by ear," I answered honestly. He kissed my knuckles and parked the car. I carried my bag while he balanced the bin with our opened presents, plus the handful of still wrapped presents on the bottom for Edward. Up in his condo, Edward put the remaining gifts underneath his tree. He also put the two newest ornaments on it. He was grinning widely as he put the 'Our First Christmas' and the snowman ornament on the tree, in a place of importance: front and center. "Do you want something to drink?" I asked.
"Why don't I open up a bottle of wine?" he said. I nodded, removing my boots and curling up on the couch. Edward handed me a glass of white wine before lighting the fire. He sat down next to me, picking up a lock of my hair and idly twisting it in his fingers. I moved closer to him, leaning against his side. He kissed my hair as we sat and watched the flames in the fireplace. "Did you have a good Christmas Eve?"
"I did. Once I got over my drama," I sighed. "I'm sorry about that."
"No, I get it, Bella. I'm just glad that you and Esme got over that. I love you both and to have my two favorite women at odds with each other was not easy," he chuckled, wrapping his arm around my waist.
"Edward, you're such a good man," I murmured. "I always thought I'd marry a man like my father; someone in the business, whose life would always be in danger."
"If I stayed at the bureau, it would have been similar. The only difference is that I'd be working for the government and not dealing with illegal matters," he quipped darkly.
"I know and I'm glad that you decided to get your law degree," I said, turning in his arms. I put my glass on the table and did the same with his, straddling his legs. "You're an amazing agent but I have no doubt that you're going to be a brilliant attorney. I'm proud of you, Edward. So proud."
He smiled crookedly, taking my face in his strong, warm hands. "As I'm proud of you, Little One. You've come so far," he breathed. Leaning forward, I kissed his soft, pink lips and hugged my arms around his neck. He returned my embrace, holding me flush to his rock-hard body. We sat there until my leg started hurting. I moved off his lap and Edward decided to get up to grab our presents from under the tree. "Okay, I'm anxious to see how you like your presents from me," he blushed. "You're really the first girlfriend I've bought presents for and yeah, I want to see you open them."
"If it's any consolation, you're the first guy I'd celebrated Christmas with. Yes, I'd had boyfriends, but nothing as serious as what we have," I said quietly. Edward put my pile of presents on the couch and he held his stack on his lap. "Um, there's an order. Start with the big one and this one is last." I pointed to the small box on top.
"There's no order with my presents, but open the small bag last," he said, his cheeks turning an alluring pink. "And you go first." I plucked a neatly wrapped box. Unwrapping it, it was a plethora of lip glosses. I chuckled. "Rose suggested that. 'You can never have too much lip goo,' she said."
"You're right. Now that I'm wearing makeup again, I go through lip gloss like nobody's business. This stuff," I said, pulling out some lip venom, "makes the lips tingle." I slathered some on and kissed Edward. He wrinkled his nose. "It's interesting."
"How you can handle wearing that stuff is beyond me," he laughed, picking up the large gift bag by his feet. Pulling out the massive amount of tissue paper, Edward removed a sleek black messenger bag. "Wow…this is gorgeous."
"You needed a new one. Your old messenger bag was pretty beat up," I said.
"I'll probably still use the old one while I'm back in school, but once I start working in a firm, this bad boy is going to be put to good use," he said. "Thank you, love!"
We opened our presents until we got to the final gift on our piles. Edward had gotten me random presents, really. It was kind of endearing to see his expression with each gift I opened up. By far, my favorite was a nail polish set, filled with twelve high-end polishes. His favorite was his new Apple iPad, which I had already loaded up a ton of law applications. Soon, we both had one present left.
I encouraged Edward to open his final present from me. I got him a watch and had it engraved, 'My love for you is timeless ~ Your Little One'. He opened the box, shocked at what he saw. "Bella…this is…"
"It's engraved," I said, taking the watch out of the box and flipping it over. "I can't exactly take it back, amore."
"'My love for you is timeless.' I have no words, Bella," he whispered, caressing the watch reverently. "Thank you…I truly appreciate it." He removed his old watch and put it on the cocktail table, slipping on his new one next to his bracelet. "Now, your last gift. I'm kind of nervous about it."
"You've done amazingly so far," I smirked, reaching for the tiny bag. He moved all of the debris from the presents onto the floor and guided me to his lap. "Wanted me closer?"
"Always, Little One," he said, kissing me gently. "Open, baby." I beamed and tore into the bag. I shook out a tiny jewelry box. Based off what I saw, it was very high-end and expensive. "Now, if you don't like them, I can take them back." I nodded and flipped open the box. Nestled inside was a pair of diamond stud earrings, surrounded by smaller pavé diamonds. "It's called a halo setting. I thought it was fitting since I have an angel sitting in my lap. Now, you have your halo."
"Being held up by my devil horns," I giggled. He rolled his eyes, smiling happily. Turning to him, I cupped is cheek and kissed his lips. "I love them," I said as I quickly removed dangly red earrings to put in my halo studs. Tossing my hair over my shoulder, I looked at him. "What do you think?"
"I think that I done good," he snickered, flicking my ear and staring at them sparkle.
"I think that you done great and I want to thank you," I said, caressing his face with my t. Moving my fingers to behind his neck, I pulled him closer to me and we kissed chastely on the couch. My fingers twined in his thick hair as I opened my mouth to allow entry of his tongue. He moaned lowly as I shifted so that I was again straddling his waist. His hands were firmly on my hips. I rolled my body over his, feeling his growing arousal between my legs. It's Edward. He loves you. He respects you. Show your love for him. "I want you," I whispered against his mouth. "Please, amore. Make love to me."
He pulled back, staring into my eyes. His right hand cupped my cheek and he gently caressed my lip. "Are you certain?"
"I miss you," I panted, rubbing myself along the length of his erection. My panties were growing very damp and the months of no sex were coming to a head. "I want to feel you again."
I could see the war going on his head. The feral look in his eyes indicated that he wanted to make love as badly as I did, but the prottetore in him wanted to wait, not wanting to set me back. I crashed my lips against his and rolled my body over him, causing his cock to press against my body delightfully. He stopped my movements, looking into my eyes. "If for whatever reason you need to stop, tell me, Bella. I want you; I want to make love to you so badly, but I do not want you to freak out," he murmured in a strained tone.
"Edward, I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't ready. Please?" I whimpered, running my thumbs underneath his eyes. With a low growl, he held me flush against his body and kissed the shit out of me. I moaned, rocking over his cock and needed release. His hands moved to my ass and he stood up. I locked my legs around his waist, holding on for dear life as he carried me to his bedroom. Inside, his room was bathed in the warm glow of his Christmas tree in the corner and the twinkle lights hanging behind his headboard. Gently, he placed me on the bed. Removing his lips from mine, he stared at me.
"Don't go anywhere," he commanded softly. He kissed me once more and went to light several candles around the room. He also turned on his sound dock in the bedroom. Some quiet music floated around us and I smiled. I sat up, watching him as he moved effortlessly around his bedroom. Once he was done, he turned back to me and crawled onto the bed, hovering over me. "You okay?"
"I am," I said, pulling on his sweater to bring him closer to me. He rolled off to the side and kissed me. His lips moving insistently with mine. His leg slipped between my thighs and he hitched my good leg over his hip. I was wearing a red sweater dress along with a pair of leggings. Edward's fingers glided along my thigh until he reached the curve of my ass. I whimpered, wriggling against his soft caress. "Edward, please?" I pleaded, kissing down his jaw. "Touch me."
"I will, Little One. I promise," he said, slipping his fingers underneath my sweater. His warm hand cupped my ass, massaging it slowly. I was rocking against leg and for the first time since my abduction, I wanted more. I wanted him. His touch. His kisses. His love. His body. His soul. Everything about Edward, I needed and wanted. My hands slid underneath his sweater. I ran my fingers along his muscular back, reveling in his perfection. He stopped kissing me and he tugged his sweater off, revealing his tattooed torso. On the right side of his chest was a new tattoo.
"What's this?" I asked, looking at the black ink.
"Your last present," he replied, sitting up. "I got it to represent you…us. I hated the fact that you lost your swan and that it would be awhile before you could get it replaced. So, I went to my tattoo artist and got this done."
I ran my fingers along the tribal representation of a swan. It ran the length of his right side, starting just below his collarbone and traveling down into his pants, riding along the 'v' at his hips. It was masculine and it fit his body, but it had the curves and swirls to represent me. Edward shuddered as touched him. "Sorry," I said, pulling my hand back.
"Don't be," he purred. "It felt amazing." Looking up at him, his eyes were black with desire and his skin was erupted with gooseflesh. His nipples were standing at attention and I desperately wanted to lick them. He moved so he was over me again. His body was taut as he stared at me hungrily. "I'll ask you again, Miss del Cigno. Are you sure about this?"
"Absolutely sure," I growled, staring into his eyes. "Make me yours, Edward. Make love to me."
He kissed me and his hands began traveling to the hem of my sweater dress. He rolled us so he was on his back and I was on his lap. His fingers were grazing along my back and belly as he inched my sweater further up. I took the initiative and tore it from my body, tossing it onto the floor. I was perched on Edward's lap wearing a sinful red bra and my black leggings. "So beautiful," he crooned, running his hands along my arms.
"Touch me, Edward," I panted. I reached behind my back, unclasping my bra. My breasts bounced free from the red lace. He groaned lowly, moving his hands to my chest. His eyes captured mine and he ran his fingers along my collarbone. I licked my lips, massaging his shoulders. Tenderly, his fingertips found my breasts and I sighed. The feeling of his hands on me was like wildfire. It was just his fingertips, but each pass and caress made me more turned on. My lacy red thong was ruined. Completely and utterly ruined. "More, amore," I pleaded. I moved my hand to his, cupping my breast.
"Fuck," Edward whimpered, bringing up his other hand to my breast. Gently, he held them in his hands before rolling my pink nipples with his thumb and forefingers. Licking his lips, he looked up at me. "More, baby?"
"Yes," I breathed. "Your mouth."
"I was hoping you'd say that," he smirked, removing his right hand from my breast. He pulled me to his mouth. Our tongues battled for dominance as he played with my right boob. His mouth moved from mine and he kissed, suckled and nipped on my neck until he reached the swell of my breast. I leaned back, arching my back for him. Cupping my breast with his hand, he drew my nipple into his mouth. I let out a guttural groan and my head fell back in ecstasy. His teeth bit down on my tit. Each pass with his tongue or teeth, it went straight to my panties. I was fucking drenched. He lavished my breasts with attention, making me moan wantonly. He kissed back up to my neck, licking at my skin. "More, Little One?"
"Please," I whimpered.
"Do you want to come, baby?" he cooed against my ear.
"Fuck, yes!" I begged. "I'm so wet, Edward."
"Can I put you on your back?" he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I want to taste your sweetness." For a moment, I panicked but I mentally reminded myself that this was Edward. He loved me. "Bella?"
"Yes," I said quietly but confidently. I got up off his lap and lay on my back, shimmying off my leggings.
"I wanted to do that," he pouted as I kicked them completely off.
"You can take off my panties," I smirked, smacking the waistband on my good hip.
"And I will," he smiled, lying next to me.
"I'm feeling a little naked here. Perhaps you can lose the pants?" I suggested, a blush washing over my body. I'd always insisted that Edward stay dressed from the waist down due to residual issues with penises. But tonight, I was not panicking over feeling him. In fact, I wanted him. I wanted it. I wanted his cock inside of me.
"You sure?" he asked.
"Positive," I said, tugging on his belt. Making quick work of his pants, Edward was back on the bed wearing his black boxer briefs that were tented from his obvious arousal. To squash the residual feeling of anxiety, I pulled him to me and kissed his lips. His hands were wrapped around my waist as I molested his mouth greedily. Carefully, he moved me so I was more on my back with one leg draped over his, opening up my body for his exploration. Our mouths moved in tandem as he caressed the skin of my belly. He moved back, looking into my eyes as he dipped past my stomach and onto the tops of my thighs. I shuddered in anticipation.
"Do you need me to stop?"
"If you do, I'll pummel you with my crutches that are stored in your closet," I quipped, glaring at him playfully. "I need you, Edward. Please?"
"No need for violence, Little One," he said breathily, drawing my ear between his lips. "You shivered."
"It's because I'm so wound up," I replied, clutching to his shoulders. "I swear, as soon as you touch me; as soon as you put your hands on my pussy, I'm going to come."
"I certainly hope so," he purred huskily. His hand moved to just above my needy sex. I was still in my panties, but I was moments away from ripping them off my body so he could have all access to my dripping wet core. He watched me intently as he gently cupped my pussy. I let out a keening wail of a moan. "Holy shit, Bella. You're soaked."
"It's been too long," I whispered. "Edward, I need something." He kissed me deeply, circling my clit with his finger over the satin. The friction of his fingertip and the lacy-covered fabric was driving me up the wall. "More. Touch the skin…touch my body, amore."
He growled lowly, moving my panties off to the side and dipped his long finger inside of me. His thumb was teasing my clit. "My wet girl," he murmured. "Who makes you this wet, Bella?"
"You. Only you," I panted. "Fuck, Edward…I'm so fucking close."
"And the party is just starting," he smiled against my mouth. "I want to feel you around my fingers, Little One. Then, if you're agreeable to it, I want to taste your succulent pussy before I make love to you. I want to cherish your body, baby. I want to make you feel my love. Because I do love you, Bella. I'll always love you."
"Ungh," I moaned, bucking against his hand. He was watching my face as he pleasured me with his fingers. I was watching his hand. I'd felt so ugly prior to tonight that my sex drive was nil. Looking down at his hand, I caught a glimpse of us in the mirror. "Look, Edward."
He pulled his eyes away and a deep rumbling growl filled the room as he looked at us in his dresser mirror. "Fuck, baby…seeing you open like this and letting me touch you. It's the best fucking aphrodisiac. Do you want to come on my hand, Bella?"
"Yes," I whimpered.
"Watch as I touch you, baby. Watch as I make you come with my fingers," he commanded, looking back into my eyes. "See how beautiful you are." I smiled at that last sentiment. My Edward was so sweet. He had a dirty mouth, but was very, very sweet. He kissed me before turning my head with his free hand. I giggled but my giggles turned to grunts when he added another finger to my pussy. My body was rocking against his hand. My breasts were bouncing slightly as he curled his fingers inside of me. Biting my lip, I used left hand, inching it down to my clit. "Yes, baby," he moaned, watching my hand glide down my torso. "Play with your pretty little clit."
"I love hearing you talk like that," I said, looking back at him. "For someone who hadn't had much experience with sex, you've got a dirty mouth." I kissed him deeply. "Don't. Stop." He kept kissing me as his fingers curled inside of me. I circled my fingers along my clit and between the two sensations, I was about to explode. "Faster, Edward. I need more." He kissed down my body and pulled my breast into his mouth as his arm increased it's pumping. My arousal was pouring out of me and I was so close to coming, exploding around his hand. "Yes! Oh, GOD! Don't stop! EDWARD!" I shrieked, as my orgasm zipped through me. I saw stars and felt fucking amazing. He slid his fingers out of me and drew them into his mouth. I watched him intently as he tasted my release. "Did you miss that?"
"Like you wouldn't believe," he said. I smirked, grabbing his hand and sucking his middle finger between my lips. "I can't wait to taste you directly from the source, baby."
"I do admit, I taste good," I chuckled, nipping at his finger.
"That you do, Miss del Cigno," he purred. "May I feast on your delectable pussy and give you another orgasm?" His eyes were soft, swirling with love and concern.
"Yes, amore. But, when I'm able, I fully intend to repay you," I whispered.
"Just being with me is all I ever want, Little One," he smiled, kissing down my body. He paid special attention to each of my scars before looking up at me. With his eyes, he asked if he could remove my panties and I nodded. Slowly and reverently, he removed my thong, displaying my naked body to him for the first time since we exchanged our first 'I love you's' in his cover apartment.
Okay, not really. I remember he saw me naked after my complete breakdown in the hospital in Portland but that doesn't count.
Tenderly, he kissed my hip. He nuzzled the ugly scar there and said a few quiet words. "No matter what, Bella, you'll always be beautiful, the most gorgeous woman in the world to me." He kissed my scar three times…I love you…before running his tongue along the length of my sex.
His actions as he licked my body were slow, languid and the epitome of loving. He was making love to my pussy with his mouth. I came numerous times with his mouth on me, even dousing him with my release. I was so incredibly sated when he was done with me that I didn't know if I could go on. Then, I saw his straining boxer briefs. He'd given me untold pleasure. I wanted to return the favor. I took Edward's face in my hands, kissing him deeply. I could taste myself on his lips and tongue. "I love you, Edward. I'll always love you," I breathed against his mouth.
"As I will love you, baby," he panted in return.
"You loved me and now I want to love you," I said, pushing him onto his back. I caressed his cheek. "I need to be in control of this, Edward."
"I completely understand, Little One," he said, giving me a sexy grin. I blushed and turned to his boxers, easing them over his hips. His cock smacked his belly. Seeing it caused a torrent of flashbacks to invade my mind. I don't know how long I sat there, staring at Edward's penis, but he guided my face to his. He had covered his body with a pillow. "Bella, we don't have to."
"No, we do," I said. "You're not those monsters. You didn't do what they did to me, Edward. I need to…move past this. Please?" I moved the pillow and looked at his cock. I gripped it gently, earning a low groan from Edward. Despite my momentary breakdown, he was still hard as a rock. I pumped his arousal a few times before straddling his thighs. Edward loves me.
As if he knew that I needed to hear it, he sat up and held me to his body. "I love you, Bella. You're so strong," he said, staring into my eyes. "I'm so proud of you, Little One."
I felt my eyes fill with tears and I moved to hover over his cock. "I love you more, Edward. I've always loved you," I chanted as I sank down over his erection. "Oh, God!" My arms wrapped around his body as I shuddered from an unexpected orgasm and from the emotional release of it all. Edward held me as I kind of lost it. Then, remembering what we were doing, I began moving on top of him. I kissed every inch of his face, loving him as best I could.
"Look at me, Bella," he said, in that quiet commanding tone of his. "I'll always be there for you. I'll always love you. Never forget that. Never lose sight of that." He took my face in his hands and leaned back. I was leaning forward, bracing myself with my hands on either side of his head. His hips began thrusting against me and the feeling of euphoria, ecstasy and complete bliss overwhelmed me. "Oh, my Bella…I'm so close. It's been so long since I've been with you…please, please tell me that you're close, too."
"Yes!" I moaned, covering my mouth with his. His hips moved at breakneck speed, my arousal causing him to slide easily in and out. Each thrust was deep, filling me to my very core. "Edward," I moaned against his mouth. He grunted and I felt his arousal grow harder inside of me. Looking down at him, the love I saw swirling in his eyes caused me to cry. His thumbs tenderly wiped my tears away and together, we tumbled over the edge, yelling as my pussy clenched around his twitching cock. I collapsed against his chest, listening to his rapidly beating heart. He held me tightly, running his hands along my back. Not even realizing it, I was crying.
"Shhhh, I've got you, Little One," he soothed, kissing my forehead.
"I'm sorry," I chanted, sounding hysterical. "I ruined this…"
"No, you didn't," he said, rolling us our sides. He wrapped us in the duvet cover and took my face in his hands. "You could never ruin this. Bella, we made love for the first time since that day in my apartment. I'm a hairsbreadth away from crying myself."
"I didn't ruin it?" I whimpered.
"Never, baby," he said, crushing me to his chest. "Our emotions are raw and exposed right now but it will get better."
"Promise?" I asked, my voice sound small.
"I promise," he reassured. Edward cupped my chin, looking down at me. "Thank you for trusting me, Bella and believing in me to share in this. I know that trust is something you don't give out readily nowadays, but I'm so grateful that you trusted me to not hurt you and to show you love."
"Edward, out of everyone in my life, you're the person I probably trust the most," I said, idly tracing his new tattoo. He shot me a look. "Seriously, you've been the only one to not handle me with kid gloves or like I'm breakable. Yes, we had a falling out that resulted in something disastrous, but if we can overcome that, we can overcome anything."
"You're right, piccolino," he said, kissing my forehead. "I love you, Bella and…" The clock chimed in his foyer, "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, amore. The first of many Christmases together," I beamed, kissing him soundly on the lips. "I love you and that will never change." He tightened his hold on me and we fell asleep, exhausted from this milestone we just shared.
Not making love. That was a bonus.
Rebuilding trust.
A/N: We're getting close to the end. We've got roughly ten regular chapters left and then an epilogue. And by regular chapters, I'm meaning roughly a thousand words each. This was an extra special bonus chapter at 10,302 words. The epi will be a longer chapter, similar to this one, just sayin…Anyhow, pictures for this will be on my blog and/or tumblr. *Presents and pics of Carlisle and Esme's home on my blog and perviness on my tumblr* Links for those are on my profile. You can also find me on Facebook: Tufano79's Twilight Fanfiction Appreciation or on twitter: tufano79. Leave me some! ;-)