A/N: Wow, two chapters in a day. Read the previous chapter first! And again: Theta Sigma is the name of the child Doctor. And WARNING: ANGST AND HURT ABOUND IN THIS CHAPTER!

Chapter 6

The Worst Way to Find Out

"My head hurts! It's burning…!" Theta fell onto his knees, clutching his head and sobbing, confused and scared. His voice rose in panic, louder and louder. "What is this? I don't understand. What is this?!"

"Doc—Theta!" Amy hurriedly rushed forward and caught the boy's frail body before he completely collapsed. Martha, Jack and Donna were with them in a second. Wilf and other were simply frozen in place, staring at the boy in shock and concern.

"The fever isn't high," Martha placed a hand on the boy's forehead, and informed others in a calm, professional manner. She intently stared into the boy's eyes and continued. "He's going through a seizure. He reacted immediately to that song; I don't know why. Does anybody know…?"

"The lyrics, they are in Latin," Rory suddenly spoke up. Everyone stared at him. He quickly hummed to himself, as if to make sure of it, then spoke in a low voice. "Vale decem, ad aeternam, di meliora, ad aeternam. Alis grave, ad perpetuam memoriam, vale decem, gratis tibi."

Theta's body violently jerked at the words, unable to control the shaking that was ripping through his body. River grabbed the boy's shoulders and secured him, and stared at her father, breathless.

"Yes. I think that caused it. What does it mean, though? The lyrics, what does it mean?"

"I…" Rory frowned. "I'm not sure, but I think it goes like this: 'farewell ten, on to eternity. The fates be with you, on to eternity. Lay down your burden, we will remember you, forever more; farewell ten, we give you thanks.' It doesn't make any sense, though. Why is he panicking like that? The lyrics are not threatening or anything. In fact, I don't think it means much."

"When we last met…" Wilfred murmured, his face downcast. "When the Doctor and I met, he—he said he was dying. Said something about an Ood prophecy, that he was afraid."

A heavy silence. River knelt down and caressed the shuddering boy's cheeks ever so gently.

"It looks like some kind of PTSD— he is reliving his memory. The memory of dying, the pain, the regeneration. The song triggered it; he must have heard it before, in similar circumstances. And with the mind of a child…" River faltered, shaking her head. "He can't take it. He just can't."

Theta let out a short, strangled sob. He shuddered again. Mickey winced.

"God, I know that. I saw him like that—once. On that weird Christmas with Sycorax invading our planet. One minute he is gasping and thrashing, the next thing you know is that he's lying unconscious."

"De-aging can be a source of pain, too." Martha added. "He screamed like hell when he was forcefully aged."

"Doctor," River urged the young boy in a caring, but urgent voice. "I'm so, so sorry, but you need to tell us what's happening. We will help you. What do you see?"

For a moment the boy convulsed painfully, but he did open his mouth after a few seconds.

"I—I'm dying."

"Oh, what a rough start," Jack murmured to himself, which resulted in Donna slapping him hard on the back.

"Stop it!" She hissed quietly.

"What? It's not like I haven't experienced it. And I wasn't teasing or anything!" He protested, rolling his eyes and rubbing his sore back. But he did quiet down. Theta Sigma—the child Doctor—struggled to breathe, and finally continued, his voice husky with intense pain. And fear. His eyes were empty, staring at something that was so far, far away.

"The radiation is killing me inside out. It hurts, it—it's burning! I saved the humans by driving my own people back into the last Time War. But I'm dying, and I have no one by my side now. No, it's not their fault; it's mine. I made them leave. I made them leave me because I was scared. It isn't fair! I was running away from my fate like a coward, but I couldn't… I just couldn't prevent myself from dying. Why is it always me that loses everything in the end? It hurts."

He sniffed, burying his face into River's sweater. She hugged him gently, whereas others stood speechless. For the first time in forever, they were having a look into who the Doctor truly was. Lonely. Sad. Angry. Selfless.

Hurt—beyond imagination.

Was this what he was going through when they were not looking? What was hidden behind his cheerful smile?

Tears sprang to Martha's eyes. Sarah Jane looked down. Donna Noble suddenly felt as if her heart was squeezed. Oh, Doctor. Why? This was so cruel. This was the worst way to find out, and they hated it. Hated this moment so much that they just wanted to run away, but they couldn't. They just couldn't.

Theta continued in a husky voice.

"I'm going to… get my reward for the last time."

Wilfred inhaled sharply. Yes. It was him. His Doctor. He clearly remembered his sad face, his exact words. Getting the reward, that's what he called his last trip. Now he knew for certain. Theta Sigma—the Doctor—was remembering his death.

Oh, no.

"I saved Mickey, Martha, and Luke—he's Sarah's son. I saw Jack, I saw many people… I gave Donna a lottery ticket. I've left so much damage wherever I went. Hopefully, that will make up for all my faults." Theta confessed, slowly, painfully. "I wanted to be forgiven."

The companions quickly exchanged looks. Amy hugged Rory tight, her heart breaking. Her words, the thing she thoughtlessly shouted at the Doctor when they were visiting the House, rang in her ears painfully clear.

'You just want to be forgiven, aren't you?'

Oh, raggedy man. Why hadn't they known? Why hadn't they seen the guilt beneath that miracle of a man?

Of course.

Because he was bloody laughing, running, running away all the time. That liar. Madman hiding in a box. Rule one, the Doctor lies, River thought ruefully. Theta Sigma—the Doctor—snuggled against her more deeply, staring at something they couldn't see. He inhaled deeply before going on.

"Then I saw Rose."

"WHAT?!" Jack and Mickey sprang up immediately, their eyes bulging out. Theta cringed at that—which resulted in Martha slapping the two of them quite hard. Rory the Roman forced them to sit down, despite all their quiet protests. Romans could be very scary from time to time, you know.

A tiny smile crept over Theta's face.

"That was our first and last meeting. It was New Year's day… just a few months before she met me. The other me. She was kind, as always, and I told her that it was going to be the best year of her life. I saw her walk away, and I felt pain… I couldn't hold it off any longer. Oods started singing. Vale decem, vale decem, farewell ten. I'm the Tenth Doctor, but my song… it was ending."

He suddenly gasped, tears streaming down his cheek freely. He struggled and thrashed blindly, trying to wrench himself free from the hands of Donna and River.

"It hurts. It hurts so much—I can't, I can't think, I'm burning!"

"What is that?" Amy blurted out, concerned.

"Regeneration," replied Sarah Jane, rather glumly. "It's starting."

The boy's head jerked sideways as his back arched, shuddering violently; he gasped, convulsing, eyes wide. And at that split second, they could see it in his eyes. There was a flash of sudden recognition, surprise, shock, pain—in his deep, brown sorrowful eyes. The eyes, timeless and old as ever.

The Doctor was back in. For a tiny moment, Theta had remembered who he was.

"Doctor?—Doctor!" River cried out, hugging his small form. The Doctor's eyes widened as he stared at her in disbelief and confusion. He was trying to say something, but his body was shaking too much. He shook his head hard, clenching his teeth, trying to steady his body. Donna swooped forth and shook a hand in front of the Doctor's eyes.

"Oi, Spaceman, we've got you. It's alright!"

"Donna? River? Everyone? How— you can't be here! And I, I'm dying, I—" He started in a confused voice, then let out a choked sob. "I'm scared. Is this a hallucination? Oh, what a coward I am."

"It's okay." This time, it was Sarah Jane who spoke up, gently approaching the little boy. "It's not a hallucination. We are here, in the TARDIS, and we've got you. You aren't a coward, Doctor, and it's okay to be scared."

"I'm sorry." The Doctor hung his head, ashamed.

"You shouldn't be, Sunshine." Donna scolded the child, sounding almost exasperated but trying her best to be nice to the Doctor. "Honestly, why do you think you have to apologize? You saved our lives ten times over!"

"And destroyed it, Donna, shattered them into pieces a hundred thousand times." The Doctor shook his head, his face contorted and eyes squeezed shut in pain and guilt. Beads of sweat rolled down his cheek and mingled with tears as he sobbed. "You, all of you—you could have lived ordinary, peaceful, but still, amazing lives if I hadn't come barging in and dragged you into dangerous situations. But I was selfish. I didn't want to be alone. I picked you up like apples from trees because of my own selfish reasons! And how did it end up? It's all my fault. All my fault. And I…!"

He hesitated, his desperate eyes resting on each and all of the other companions who were standing by his side, looking at him with pity in their eyes. Then he whispered.

"And I, I feel so terrible because after all that, I—I still don't want to go."

His grip loosened as he lost consciousness. His eyes slowly shut, and his body fell with a soft 'thud' onto the floor. It was over. But as they stared at Theta, peacefully sleeping on the floor like a broken angel, they realized that their broken hearts would take a lot longer to heal and forget.

DWDWDWDWDWDW

It was so dark. Dark and vague.

The pitch-black darkness engulfed him, and he let himself float around in the endless sea of dreams. It was so warm, so comfortable. He didn't want to wake up. Perhaps he could stay here forever and ever and ever…

"Doctor!"

Theta's eyes fluttered open. An old man was peering into his eyes with concern in his eyes. His hand brushed over the young boy's burning forehead.

"Doctor—Theta? Sonny, are you awake? Can you remember what happened?"

Theta frowned groggily and shook his head. No, he couldn't remember why on earth he was feeling so awful. His headache was throbbing, piercing through his temples, making him wince. Ow. It hurt. His vision blurred, and he couldn't make things out clearly. To top things off, his throat was dreadfully parched.

"Wa…terrrr. I… thirsty." He slurred, closing his eyes tight. Oh dear. Even the light made his eyes hurt like crazy. What was wrong with him? He remembered up to the point when the song began playing, and… and then…

Nothing. Nothing except a chaos of pain and fear and an urge to run away and weep.

He shuddered, feeling a horrible chill run down his spine. Wilfred stood up hurriedly.

"Water? Okay, Doctor. Just wait here. Don't move!"

Even if he had wanted to, Theta couldn't have budged an inch at that moment. Instead, he simply closed his eyes and listened to the muffled footsteps, quiet voices discussing something in the hallway—and soon enough, Wilfred Mott returned to the weakened child's side with a cup of water in his hand.

"Drink, son, drink up."

Theta felt a cool edge of the cup being pressed to his lips. He gladly obeyed, gulping the water down. Oh—what a blessing that cool water was to his burning throat!

"Thank you," he whispered, sighing as he lied back down. He snuggled back into the warm blankets, slowly drifting back to sleep. Wilfred sadly watched as Theta slept peacefully. He reached out and ruffled the child's unruly hair.

"Sleep, kid." He murmured. "Have a good dream."

He rose from his seat and left wordlessly. Theta slept on, completely unaware of what was happening around him. He slept and slept and slept, his body in a healing coma.

It took him two full days to wake up, fully recovered. And when he did, he was back to his old, bouncy, cheerful self again. And he didn't remember a thing.

DWDWDWDWDWDW

A cool breeze swept by. The girl sat under a tree, enjoying the crisp morning air of autumn and listening to the rustling of leaves. She closed her eyes and smiled. She had been to many places, but she was always fond of Earth the best. The planet that her father loved. And so beautiful, too.

She was lost in thought when she heard someone shout at the top of his lungs.

"WATCH OUT!"

She snapped opened her eyes to find a soccer ball flying straight into her face. For most humans, such a thing would have been impossible to catch; it was already too close to the face. For her, however, it was easy. She caught it in one hand, and frown—but the frown melted into an amused smile when she found a tiny blond boy running to her on his short legs, his face almost tearful.

"I—I'm sowwy," he cried out, ducking his head. The girl smiled and ruffled his hair. She crouched in front of the child and handed the ball back. Then she told him in a kind, gentle voice.

"It's okay. Just be careful next time, okay? People can get hurt."

"Okay." He blinked back his tears and grinned. The teenage girl grinned back. She took off her military cap, letting her long golden hair flow down her back. Tying it into a tight ponytail, she asked.

"What's your name?"

"My name's Jamie. Jamie Latimer." He peered up at her curiously. "And you? What were you doing here? Funny. I thought I saw a blue police box here, but when I came running, it was just you."

"My name is Jenny," she replied, ignoring the latter part of the comment, but trying to not sound rude. "Just… Jenny."

And after a pause, she continued—

"I am waiting for my father."

A/N: BADABOOM! Read and Review for the next chapter. Reviews keep me going! And this story is a 'Reunion Paradox', it just felt natural to me that Jenny plays an important role in the plot :) This chapter was a bit of an angst, because of Theta's fleeting flashbacks, but mostly, this story sticks to humor. And Theta will be so energetic that he goes jumping off windows in the next chapter. (Literally!) So don't worry.

Q&A open!