Chapter 9 : Ideal

Hey everyone ! Hope you're okay. Two more weeks and it's finally holidays I just cannot wait for it ! Plus I might go to London YAYAYAY ! Here's my chapter, I hope you'll like it. If you have any idea about the chapter in « J » tell me and you'll see if it's the same as my idea :).

Don't forget to review to let me know your opinion. Reading you makes me happy.

Have a goodnight from France. Noa

Deeks couldn't sleep. It was past 4 am and he couldn't sleep because he was over thinking about everything that happened in his life. He thought about how miserable he felt for a big amount of time from his childhood to NCIS. It took him one or two hours to remember everything that had happened to him. He honestly had had a rough start in life and tried his best to move past it. But it was hard when everyone was sure that you were useless.

He then decided that he needed to stop thinking about his past. It wasn't going to change and he just had to accept it and live with it ! It was the only way to be happy or at least move on from this period of his life.

That's why he told himself that thinking about his future would be better for him. For the first time in his life he was able to do it. Because he wasn't alone anymore, he had his team but most importantly, he had Kensi. She was his partner, his bestfriend and finally, his girlfriend. It felt so odd to call her like that. He wasn't really used to it. Three more weeks and it would be a year spent together. He didn't see the time fly but he sure as hell enjoyed it ! All he could think of was WOW. Wow because when he started to work with her, a few years ago, he wouldn't have been able to believe that they were about to be involved together. As a couple. He had to admit it, he thought she hated him. Despite his bad jokes, she wasn't nice at all towards him but he finally understood why. Because of her former partner. She felt like it was on her and even though they didn't know each other for more than a month, he desperately wanted to comfort her. And he couldn't do anything about it. But a lot had happened to them during this year and they were still together. They were stronger either at home or in the field. It felt better than ever for the both of them. Even in the darkness of their room, you would have been able to see his bright smile. He honestly couldn't help it ! Everytime he thought about her, about her smile or how they were, he immediately smiled. She was like the light in his life, she was the one who brought hope in his sadness. It was such a cliche but it also was the truth and he was so thankful about it.

He turned his head to the clock and saw that it was way past for 4 am and felt her move against him. He knew her so well. For example, he knew that just before she was about to wake up, Kensi would make a slight sound with her mouth. He was pretty sure he knew more about herself than himself actually. But it was okay because he was more interested in her than himself. He wanted to learn every small things about her and was going to do it ! Even if it would take him time, he had it. And he would take the time to do so.

"Why aren't you asleep ? Everything's okay ?" She kissed his neck before putting the blanket over them; still not letting him go with her hand over his arm.

Deeks hugged her and nodded. "Just thinking. Go back to sleep."

"Do you want to talk about it ?" She said, looking at him, wide awake.

"I thought about Sidorov and what happened with Sam and Michelle. Also mostly my dad." She felt him tense against her but also felt helpless. She knew he needed to talk about it to move on and really started his life. That's why she let him continue without talking. She just tight his hand to let him be aware with the fact that she was here with him. She wouldn't leave him.

"From time to time I think of what would have happened if I dind't shoot him. It was self-defense, I had no choice because he wanted to hurt us again and again and I couldn't take it anymore. I noticed how mom was exhausted by him so I know that, I really do. But maybe, just maybe, he wanted to change. For us. I don't know really." He let out a big sigh and rubbed his face, more tired of rehashing his past than because he had had no sleep, except from the night before.

"You were just a kid. You made the right choice, the one which allowed you two to get out of there and be safe. I'm not saying this to make you feel better. Even though I want it. I'm saying this because you need to realise once and for all that it wasn't your fault. You did what you could, trust me."

Deeks didn't say a word because he was so stubborn. It was the only point where he didn't believe what she said to him. So he didn't move and closed his eyes for a while. He wanted to trust her about this but it was harder than it seemed. Deep down he truly knew it was their last chance to be safe and have a life where they could live in happiness but at the same time, he needed proof. Proof that shooting his father at this age was the best solution they had.

"I started to think about you. It makes me happier."

She let out a giggle before saying "I hope so."

"For the first I have an ideal for my life. It feels great actually." He reopened his eyes to stare at her.

"Tell me about it."

"Well, you're in it obviously. And it's about a house next to the beach with little ninja assassins with fantastic hair running in the backyard !" Since the begining of their talk, she felt him relaxed, not stressed out at all. And she saw him grin.

"Indeed, it seems nice. Plus I know you'd be an amazing dad."

"I won't be like mine I promise it to you."

"I'm not even afraid about this, Marty. And I hope you're not too."

He nodded and kissed her. It was like a silent thank you. And the best was that she understood it because they didn't need words. They just understood each other. Maybe it's what true love is. When you don't have to talk to understand the other person. It's just easy. There's no bad communication skills here. Not at all.

"Of course Monty is here !"

"Obviously. I can't wait for it too." Kensi laughed soflty. "But first, you do need to sleep. Stop thinking and just fall asleep."

Deeks mouthed a slim "okay." already falling asleep while the sun was entering their room through the window. He just had the time to realise that she had the power to calm him and make him feel better. Even when she just listened to him complain about his crappy childhood. That was why he loved her so much. Because his Kens was such a kind and gentle person and she needed too, to realise that her past didn't define her. He promised himself that he would make her realise it.

He wanted to make her as happy as she did with him. And he would do it because he was going to have plenty of time in their house next to beach.