A/N: The memories from the Day of the Doctor and the episode "Listen" have been reduced to a minimum, because they are major spoilers for the story. :) Enjoy! And the Cover Image has been changed to young Theta!
Chapter 15
Into the Doctor's Memories
Sarah Jane awoke with a start. She shuddered involuntarily as a sense of coldness swept over her body. Now, where was she?
"Hey, Ms. Smith. You with us?"
Mickey's playful grin and Martha's anxious expression loomed into her view. Gasping, she pushed herself upright, trying to ignore her blurry vision. She was exactly the same as before; only the surroundings had changed—and they seemed to be all too real.
"Where are we?" She blurted out. Captain Jack Harkness materialized out of nowhere, grinning. He shrugged and glanced around.
"I think we are in his mind. The Doctor's! But honestly, isn't this a bit… melodramatic?"
"But it's—oh, it's amazing!" Amy breathed out. Sarah Jane silently agreed with her, letting her jaw drop wide open.
A thunder echoed as a brilliant flash of lightening streaked across the pitch-black night sky. It was freezing cold, and the wind whipped through the air like sharp metal blades.
He's the oncoming storm.
Surrounding the place where they stood were pillars of ice, high and tall and beautiful. Flames danced and licked the icy surface, the yellow-and-orange lights being reflected in every direction, illuminating the whole landscape brightly. Streams of lava snaked and pooled around the edge of it all.
He's like fire and ice and rage.
The thunderstorm raged on above their heads as they looked up. They saw the sun—no, it was not the Sun. It was the planet of Gallifrey, burning and burning and burning in pain and heat and death.
He's like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever; he burns at the center of Time and he can see the turn of the Universe.
And there were stars in their endless lonely beauty, embedded deeply into the night sky, like jewels on a crown. Martha gasped quietly, awed by the wonder of everything she could see. Tim Latimer's voice, describing the Doctor to John Smith, echoed in her ears.
And… he's wonderful.
Oh, it was so, so beautiful.
"But… how can this be the Doctor's mind? I mean, it feels too real," Amy asked, touching the solid, rocky surface that she was standing on. Donna shrugged.
"Trust me. Virtual worlds can feel very, very real. I got married in it and believed it to be real once."
"And that's not the problem here," River added, sharply talking a look around. "Though this scenery does reflect who the Doctor is… it's empty. The Doctor's mind should be seething with memories, not empty! It's wrong, this, it's… where could he be? And where are us?"
"You," a familiar voice replied from behind, "are on the outskirts of his mind."
They spun around, and saw Irving Braxiatel—the Doctor's brother—calmly standing amidst flames, completely unharmed.
"You…..." Jack snarled, starting to advance on the Time Lord, but Brax stopped him dead on the spot with a careless flick of his finger.
"Oh, don't try to punch me; it's useless. I am in control of everything here, and you can't hurt me anyway." With that, Braxiatel turned away and ran his hand over one of the ice pillars.
With a grating sound, it rotated on the spot, revealing an entrance to a white, brightly lit corridor. They stared in surprise as Braxiatel beckoned them forward with an impatient look on his face.
"What are you waiting for? We haven't got all day! We need to go deeper than this to find the Doctor—so cool your head, save the arguments for later, and focus. Now, come!"
"Damn it," Mickey muttered. "I hate to say this, but I think we should do as he says… for now."
Jack cursed a little under his breath, but followed. So they started running after Brax, down the long, spotless hallway. Yes. Focus on the Doctor, Donna told herself furiously. Don't care about the Spaceass!
So she did.
Finally, they reached the end of the corridor. It was seemingly blocked, a dead end; but Braxiatel just whipped out his sonic (How did he bring it at all?!— Amy wondered for the briefest moment), and pointed at the wall, making it dissolve swiftly, revealing what was actually lying there.
Wilfred gasped.
There he was, Theta Sigma, suspended midair in the center of the room, which was basically an empty, white space. He seemed unconscious, his body hanging limp; a thousand million golden strands of light formed an intricate, complex web, like a neuron network, holding him in place.
All the strands were connected to the wall, which gradually sloped around to form a huge screen. Without those—Theta, the golden strings, and the empty screen—there was absolutely nothing in the room.
"It's like… he's the main computer. A database of memories," Braxiatel explained, taking his sonic out and aiming it at the screen again. "And don't touch him, Captain Harkness. It might disrupt the brain circuit, and he won't be able to respond, anyway."
Jack took a step back, startled. Reminded of the girl who was being used as a transmitter at Satellite 5, he had been unconsciously taking steps towards the fragile figure of Doctor.
"Sorry," he muttered, and Braxiatel nodded wordlessly. His eyes darted over to Theta, then back to the screen, while his hand kept toying with his sonic pen. He seemed to be calculating something. Finally, his eyes lit up.
"Okay. So this is a huge computer. Let's see…" In two perfect strides he reached the empty screen, and pressed a button on his pen. The screen immediately flared to life, emitting an eerie blue light.
In an instant Braxiatel's hands were flying over the keyboard, typing out unfamiliar Gallifreyan codes at a blurry speed. Without letting his hands pause for even a split second, he glanced bay and commanded coolly.
"All of you! I need high doses of psychic energy to be in flux. Press your hands onto the screen and concentrate on the image of the Doctor you've met, as hard as you can!"
"What?" Donna asked back in an incredulous voice. Brax's voice became even more strained.
"Do it. Now."
His tone had a compelling edge to it, and so they obeyed, despite the confusion they were going through. The second their fingertips made contact with it, the screen switched colors from icy blue to a brilliant white. A monotonous voice echoed from the screen.
"RELOADING INFORMATION…"
"Yes! Oh, look. You all acted a key, a crucial link to putting the Doctor's memories together. Isn't it beautiful? Just like a computer!" Brax clasped his hands together, looking smug and satisfied at the same time. Amy was surprised to find herself being reminding of her Raggedy Man from those gestures. Huh. So they were brothers, weren't they?
Unaware of her ponderings, Braxiatel neatly clipped his sonic pen back into his pocket and waited. Soon enough, the voice echoed in the room again.
"RELOADING COMPLETE. MEMORY TEMPORARILY STABILIZED. ACCESS ALLOWED AND ACTIVATED TO ALL THE SUPPRESSED DATA."
"Perfect!" Braxiatel smiled, throwing himself onto a comfortable armchair he had conjured out of nowhere. Picking up an earphone that was lying in front of the keyboard, he called the Doctor's name in a loud voice.
"Doctor Theta Sigma! This is Irving Braxiatel speaking. Can you hear me?"
After a few seconds of hesitation, a familiar young boy's face flickered onto the screen. He looked quite plainly terrified.
"Brax? I don't know where I am. Where am I?"
"Oh, in your mind, obviously. It's like, diving deeply into your consciousness—takes a while to get used to, don't worry. It's not permanent." Braxiatel shrugged, unconcerned. Theta relaxed a little at this, and nodded nervously. Brax continued.
"And now, we are going to sort out your memories. Up till now, I've been controlling your mind, but it's your turn now! Show us the memories of your choice, Thete."
"What?" Theta's eyes widened immediately. He shook his head. "But I… I don't know how!"
Instead of answering, Braxiatel nodded to Sarah Jane, gesturing her to come forward. Hesitantly, she did. Standing right in front of the huge screen, she heard Braxiatel's voice coming from behind.
"Sarah Jane, go on. Touch the screen."
"What? Like… this?" Sarah Jane uncertainly reached forward and cautiously made contact with the smooth surface again. She gasped as a tingling sensation traveled down her arm and shot out from her fingers.
"Ah!" Theta gasped, more from shock than pain, his body thrown backwards from the impact of the contact. They all stared in shock and bewilderment as the little boy's silhouette blurred and changed. Instantly, a man with curly hair, wild eyes, a shabby hat and an incredibly long scarf bolted upright, gasping. He blinked rapidly.
"Oh. Oh. Whoa. That was… something, Sarah Jane. I could do with a jelly baby or two."
"Doctor!" She exclaimed, taken aback. She tried to touch the screen again, but Braxiatel quickly cut in.
"Now. Did you feel it? The memories, flooding back to you? Right there, by your fingertips?"
"… Yes. I did. Now I know how to access it— but honestly, Brax?" The man scowled, touching his own face gingerly, as if he wasn't used to it. "This is so weird. I feel like I'm Theta, but I still remember being the Doctor. Well, some of it. I mean the fourth body."
"It's okay. And you can access all your memories if you want. It's all… there, after all." Brax waved his hand rather vaguely. "Now, close your eyes. Take a deep breath, hold it, and focus on the feeling you had just felt. Go on. Try. Reach out. Did you find it?"
"Wait… yes… yes. I did. I found it!"
"Excellent. Now, hold onto it. This is your mind, so you can control it. Choose a memory you like— Funny? Happy? Anything. And show us. Are you ready?"
A pause. And then,
"Yes."
"Good. And are you humans ready, too?" Brax turned around. Donna, Martha, Wilf, Mickey, Jack, Amy, Rory, and Sarah Jane all exchanged quick glances. Then they nodded. Jenny and River grinned, too. Rory the Roman spoke up bravely.
"Yes. Yes, let's do this."
Wordlessly, Brax nodded to Theta, who had a determined expression on his face. He slowly outstretched his hand, closed his eyes, and murmured.
"Gotcha."
And everything plunged into darkness again.
* DW * DW * DW * DW * DW *
Amy blinked, surprised, as a room materialized around her.
It was a cozy place, with a fireplace and an armchair. She softly put her feet onto the carpet. It was red and golden and pleasantly silky.
"Amy, look," Rory prodded her arm and whispered. She looked around—and saw a very familiar crib. Only that it looked fairly new in this memory. Tears sprang to her eyes.
"It's Melody's crib," she murmured. River smiled sadly and shrugged.
"Technically, it's the Doctor's," she said. Wilfred shuffled closer to the crib and laughed softly.
"Look. A baby's sleeping here!"
"What?!" Mickey gasped. "Is it—I mean, could it be the Doctor?"
"No, of course not!" Martha pinched her husband in the arm laughing. "She's a girl, stupid!"
"Oh," he muttered, disappointed. At that very moment, an aristocratic man with hair that was beginning to gray and a black Gallifreyan robe strode in. He smiled as the baby girl started gurgling happily, waving her plump arms.
"Ooh, Arkytior, you young girl. Are you hungry?" He cooed, lifting the baby into his arms and rocking her back and forth.
"…No? Well then, girl, tell me what you want. And don't call me 'a Big Robed Thing!'"
He looked offended a little, and they all bursted out laughing. Whoever than weird man talking to the innocent baby in all seriousness was, the situation was openly hilarious. The man continued, giving the girl 'Arkytior' a stern look.
"For Rassilion's sake, call me 'Grandfather', Arkytior. Or 'the Doctor'! Now, that's a good one…"
The scene abruptly faded into a golden blur. At the same time, their jaws dropped open.
Doctor?
That utterly domestic, loving Grandfather-ish man is the Doctor?!
"… No way, you are kidding me," Mickey moaned, looking quite distinctly green. "Don't tell me that he is a family man type of guy…"
"… With a granddaughter." Amy finished, feeling dizzy. River, on the other hand, looked fairly calm as she shrugged nonchalantly.
"Mom, he lived for centuries. He's bound to have at least half a dozen familes."
"Quite right, Professor Song. Actually, that was his first incarnation with his favorite granddaughter, Susan 'Arkytior' Foreman." Nodding in approval, Brax tilted his head and spoke into his earpiece, ignoring others' gawking stares.
"Theta, keep going. Now, give us a more recent one—like, something from your Tenth or Eleventh incarnation."
River could tell from his slightly strained tone that he was trying to stop Theta from stumbling upon a memory from the Last Great Time War. And to her great relief— whether it was due to Braxiatel's mind manipulation psychic ability or just sheer stroke of luck, she didn't know— Theta hesitantly obeyed.
"Okay. Now, how about… this?"
So they watched, with great amusement and, sometimes, bursting into fits of laughter, as bits and pieces of the Doctor's funniest and happiest moments in life were revealed one by one.
Hair! I'm not bald! Ooh… big hair. Sideburns—I've got sideburns! Or… really bad skin. Little bit thinner, that's weird; give me time, I'll get used to it. A… a mole. I've got a mole. I can feel it. Between my shoulder blades, there's a mole. And it's all right! Love the mole!
A newly regenerated Doctor hopping around the console room, in front of a baffled Rose Tyler… ("Now that's a sight for sore eyes," Jack muttered, grinning.)
Oh, it tickles… ow- oh- oh- oh- ow- ow! That's right, I look daft with one shoe. Barefoot on the Moon! Allons-y!
The Doctor, loony as always, hopping the radiation out from one foot and flashing a cheeky grin at Martha… ("Oh, I love that one," the real Martha whispered nostalgically, while Mickey rolled his eyes at that.)
Oh, wait. Look out! There are stairs behind you!
Stairs? What stairs? Oh… Ahhh—!
A human Doctor John Smith—one moment he was smiling awkwardly, like a lovesick teenager boy, and the next thing they knew was that he was tumbling down the stairs! They all howled with laughter (while Braxiatel sighed in exasperation), and Amy leaned over to Rory and whispered, giggling breathlessly.
"Can you imagine our Doctor doing that?"
"What? No. No, never." The Roman Centurion scrunched his nose, confused. "I'm just wondering what his definition of a 'happy memory is."
"I think he's just trying to amuse us," River piped up, smirking. Braxiatel rubbed his temples and groaned. He murmured.
"And I'm wishing he'd stop."
"Not a chance!" Jenny grinned as the scene changed, and Donna exclaimed a happy "Oh!" as she recognized what it was. Others watched, baffled, as the Doctor began pouring butter beer all over himself, devouring nuts and anchovies in a mad frenzy afterwards.
Soon, Donna had to cover her face in utter embarrassment as she and the Doctor started waving their hands up in the air like lunatics, and then— the Doctor asked for a shock. And she snogged him. Snogged him.
"Oi, it was just a… a detox! Thank you!"
She yelled in annoyance as Captain Jack rolled onto the floor, howling with laughter. But she could stop a smile from creeping onto her lips, too. After all, the situation was highly hilarious.
Braxiatel was now sitting in the back, side-by-side with Jenny. She noted with amusement that the usually flawless man looked unnaturally tired. She nudged her uncle in the arm, smiling playfully.
"Having a problem?" She teased. He clasped his hands together and sighed once more.
"Frankly, I'm amazed by his seemingly endless ability and tendency to embarrass himself."
"Well, I like it!" Jenny declared cheerfully, tapping her uncle's slumped shoulders. She flashed a grin at him and added. "I wonder what the next one will be?"
Brax just gave a tired shrug.
Oh, actually, none of them knew what was coming.
* DW * DW * DW * DW * DW *
Theta hesitated, letting his fingers slide along the bookshelf. It all looked awfully real for a virtual world, a place in his mind. He had found the memories, neatly organized into books— he just had to pick one up and open it to relive that very moment. It was a grueling job, recovering them one by one, but he liked it.
He giggled quietly, wondering if his friends were enjoying it, too. Yes, they most certainly would. He was sure of it. Frankly, there were so many funny scenes in his Tenth self's life; he loved it. (Although falling off the stairs was quite painful to relive, it was worth it. Jack seemed to like that part.) He loved reliving that happiness, and feeling it settle in his head as a newfound memory afterwards.
Now, what next?
He ruffled his own hair, humming. It was taking much longer than usual. He didn't know what to choose. Hmm….. Something felt a bit off, wrong… but why? Where was that wrongness coming from?
At that very moment, a black leather book caught his eye.
It was alone on the bookshelf, dusty and untouched; unlike others, this one didn't look even vaguely familiar to him. Puzzled and curious, Theta picked it up, and brushed the dust off with his sleeve.
No title?
No, you shouldn't open it, that's a suppressed memory! You can't let yourself remember! An alarmed voice cried out in his head, but he paid no attention. He stared at the mysterious book in hand, intrigued.
No, please, Theta Sigma! That's filled with Time Energy; the moment you open it will be the moment you lose control over everything! Everything in your mind, Doctor!
The voice pleaded again, but it was of no use. His attention was already captured by it. He could hear nothing, and see nothing, except for 'the book'. He slowly brought his left hand to the cover.
No—! Stop…!
And opened it.
* DW * DW * DW * DW * DW *
They watched, intrigued, as the three Doctors got dragged into the Tower of London. Amy was glad that she finally got to see her Raggedy Man, and Rory couldn't bring him to accept that the one who looked like a sensible grandfather was actually the youngest one—but others just kept their silence and tensed as the Tenth Doctor began accusing his future self.
Did you ever count?
Count what?
How many children there were on Gallifrey that day.
I have absolutely no idea.
How old are you now?
Ah, I don't know. I lose track. Twelve hundred and something, I think, unless I'm lying. I can't remember if I'm lying about my age, that's how old I am.
Four hundred years older than me, and in all that time you've never even wondered how many there were? You never once counted?
Tell me, what would be the point?
Two point four seven billion.
You did count!
You forgot? Four hundred years, is that all it takes?
I… moved on.
"Something is a bit off," River murmured. In this memory, she was standing next to the Doctor, her Doctor, with Donna—but she didn't remember this. When was this?
Where? Where can you be now that you can forget something like that?
Spoilers.
No. No, no, no. For once I would like to know where I'm going.
No, you really wouldn't.
I don't know who you are, either of you. I haven't got the faintest idea.
"No," Braxiatel murmured, eyes widening in shocked realization. He spun around from the scene and yelled. "Theta Sigma! Stop this, NOW!"
"Brax?" Jenny glanced at the man in confusion. Braxiatel's teeth were clenched as he swept his hair back, frustrated.
"This was a suppressed memory," he snarled. "This is wrong. It's dangerous. It's a memory of his past self, meeting his future self; he shouldn't remember this at all! If not, Gallifrey won't be… no. No. I will stop this. I have to. THETA! Do you hear me? End this. NOW!"
For a split second, there was silence. And then came Theta's voice, feeble and desperate.
"Brax? I… I can't! I've lost control!"
Irving Braxiatel's eyes widened in horror.
* DW * DW * DW * DW * DW *
The book slipped from his fingers and fell onto the floor with an echoing 'thud'. Theta's eyes flew open as he was roughly pulled back from reliving his memories. Gasping from shock like a drowning man, he looked around wildly. His heart plummeted.
"No," he moaned. "No. No, no, no, no!"
There was a terrible crack in the wall, and all the books were littered on the floor, thrown open, pages ripped and flying in all directions. A powerful gust of wind was wrecking havoc on the room and he was thrown off his feet by it. No, he screamed at himself. Control it; this is your mind!
Concentrating, Theta tried to will everything to a stop, to restore all the damage; but he couldn't From the Crack, an unstoppable flood of Time Energy came pouring in, sweeping him and the books off the floor, flooding the room. Powerless, Theta flailed his arms and choked as the golden light that Brax had kept at bay came back in its full power and burned him.
As he was struggling to keep his consciousness, Braxiatel's voice suddenly thundered in his ears.
"Theta? Stop this. NOW!"
"I… I can't!" He sobbed in despair and pain and anguish and oh, so much confusion. Memories, so many painful ones, were pushing back into his head, burning and burning.
"I've lost control! What should I do? I don't know where I am. Who am I? WHO—AM—I?"
The Doctor screamed as all his worst, most painful nightmares crashed back onto him. The War. The Dalek. The Loss. The Doomsday. The Master. Losing Jenny, Rose and Donna. The Victorious. He will knock four times. End of Time itself. The Regeneration. The Pandorica. The Demon's Run. Over and over again, until he couldn't bear it anymore. He screamed.
And all hell broke loose.
A/N: Review, please review! 'The Power of Three' will be posted after I finish Part One of 'The Reunion Paradox', by the way:) Thanks for all your love, dear readers. Now I'll go make the companions watch the Doctor's darker memories!