Chapter 16 : Pregnant

Hi! First of all, I wanted to thank you for the reviews/favs/follows because it's awesome ! Anyway here's the new chapter, tell me what you think about it as always. Have a good week from France.

(Don't forget that English isn't my first language so if there's any mystake, let me know :) )

"I have doughnuts !" Deeks happily said while he entered the bullpen.

They were all there, sitting at their desks and laughing about something stupid. Like every morning actually. Deeks and Kensi still kept their relationship a secret for the moment. They deeply thought it was the best decision for them. They just wanted to have time for themselves, enough time to figure their thing out. That's why Kensi would arrive first in the office and Deeks would follow like 10 minutes after. You could say they loved keeping it a secret. They loved the jokes that nobody understood except them, the looks across the room, and their slight flirt when the others would get totally lost. They stayed like that for a little bit more than a year. Yes, they wanted to tell them after a few months when they realised it was more than just a thing between us. But unfortunately, they didn't find the right time, they had a lot of cases and they started to stress out about their friend's opinions about this. But the thing the couple was the most afraid of was probably Hetty. Even though she was small, she had a lot of power and knew how to gain respect from everyone. Deeks and Kensi were afraid she would separate them, banish their relationship or make one of them leave the unit. So they kept their mouth shut during the next months. It became their routine. Their little thing. In spite of the fact that sometimes it was hard to say nothing, they were quite happy about it. And yes, you could say it, they were fucking in love. As always Deeks discreetly smiled at his girlfriend and accepted Sam's jokes about his hair. Like every morning.

But when Kensi took a doughnut and tried to eat it, she felt dizzy, like she was about to throw up. She felt ill-at-ease all of the sudden but still tried to hide it to her colleagues. Obviously, Kensi didn't understand what was happening to her and she availed the fact that they weren't paying attention to her to go to the bathroom. And she threw everything up. She heard the bathrom's door being opened and tried to remain as quiet as possible. It really wasn't the time to be discovered. She wasn't at her best and felt a little bit pathetic even though she wasn't responsible. She thought about what she ate, drank or if she could be stressed about something but it wasn't logical at all. Nothing was different than as usual.

What the fuck was happening to her ?

It was like something had taken contol over her. And she couldn't do anything about it. When Kensi started to feel better she stood up, breathed in and went to the sink to put some fresh water on her face.

"You okay ?" Nell asked from the corner of the room and Kensi jumped. "You don't seem to be okay."

"It's fine. It's just a virus or something." She shrugged and tried to smile to her colleague and mostly friend.

They had been hanging out a lot lately and got closer. Kensi liked the fact that they had common points. And then one night, They had drank too much and Kensi told her about her relationship with Deeks. Nell wasn't surprised at all. In fact she told her she knew they felt something for each other, even before Kensi and Deeks understood anything. So Nell was the only one to know about them.

"You sure Kens ?"

The other woman nodded quietly and smiled to her. "I feel better."

Nell leaned against the sink and stared vivdly at her. "It's not the first time you felt like that you know. And you've been... in a bad mood lately. So hum.. I'm going to ask you a question quickly and you're not going to punch me, be mad at me or anything. Promise it."

"Yeah whatever, I promise." Kensi sighed, already tired of that discussion. She was afraid the others would notice that she had been gone for too long. Fortunately it was a quiet day so they didn't have a case for the moment. It was just about paperwork from old murders.

"Are you pregnant ?" She looked at Kensi right in her eyes and waited for an answer with her arms folded. Indeed it wasn't the first time she had noticed Kensi acting that way around food. And she knew how much Kensi loved food so something must have been wrong.

"What ? No ! No ! We're being careful. No it can't be that."

Kensi laughed a little bit, shaking her head and went out of the bathroom. She was still laughing at Nell like it was a joke or something when she sat back at her desk. And then it was like she couldn't move. She froze and thought about what Nell told her. It would actually explain a lot of things. She could feel Deeks' eyes on her but couldn't do anything. She couldn't be pregnant. It just couldn't be happening to her. She stared back at him and tried to smile naturally. Which felt more like a wince than something else.

Kensi tried to fill in her reports but couldn't focus. Her mind was screaming at her and she felt like throwing up all over again. She made a list of Pros and Cons on a draft copy. On the Pros' side you could read that it was good news beause Deeks would be an amazing father, because they loved each other, because it could be a proof of her personal achievement... and that was all. Clearly the Cons' side was the biggest. It was full of anxiety, stress and negative comments about herself. Such as the fact that she would make a bad mother, she would bring a child in a world where violence and harmful are reigning. She never had a role model, so how could she be able to raise a child on her own ? She couldn't do that.

Finally the end of the day came. It had been a tired and long day where Kensi had felt lonely with her own thoughts. She needed to be sure about this. She really needed to know. So she gave as a pretext that Nell and she were going to a bar Downtown for a girl night. She tried to act normal in front of her boyfriend, but it was hard. Because Deeks knew when she wasn't okay or when something was wrong with her.

She bought a test went directly to Nell's apartment. When she rand the bell Kensi was clearly stressed out. She needed answers but couldn't go back home before having them. She couldn't face Deeks' puppy eyes and act like everything was fine.

One hour later, she was back to Nell's porch with her bag on her shoulders and looked like she had seen a ghost. Well now she had her asnwers.

She was pregnant.

During the whole car ride back to home Kensi tried to find a way to tell him. First, she had to tell him she was pregnant, then she had to tell him how lost she felt about it. She wasn't confident about it. Was it a good thing ? Could they do it ? Could she be a good mother ?

When she opened the door, she breathe in quietly and went straight to the living room. She sat beside him and remained silent while he talked about Monty and his day. When Deeks understood that she wasn't paying attention to what she was saying he took gently her hand and stroked its back.

"And then Aliens took Callen in their spatial ship." He said to her, trying to make her react.

"I'm Pregnant." Kensi said in less than two seconds. She couldn't keep it for herself any longer. In the car she found dozen of ways to tell him but then he kept talking and talking and her brain spoke for her.

"Excuse me ?" Deeks froze beside her and it was like he had small tears in his eyes. He knew Kensi would never joke about a subject like this one. And then he understood why she had been like that today. "You're pregnant ? Like really pregnant ?"

"Well yeah ! Your kid has taken control over my body when I didn't ask for it !" She stood up and walked in the room. She couldn't really stay still. She had to move and do something. He stood up too and came closer to her. So closer that he put his hands on her shoulders to make her stop.

"Kens, stop. We're going to figure out something."

She looked at him and saw only love, caring and joy in his gaze.

"We've been talking about this before, Kens. We can make it work, you know we can."

"No, I know you can. I know you would be the best dad a kid could ever asked for. But I wouldn't make it work. There's a reason why I never wanted to have a child. 'Cause I'm sure I wouldn't be great. I know that."

Deeks smiled gently and took her in his arms. He tightened his arms around her and whispered to her ear : "Of course you'll be a good mom. I know you. I'm 100% sure we won't be like our families. We'll be better. You have to trust me."

Kensi rested her head on his shoulder and for the first time of the day, she felt like she was at the right place with the right person. She felt in peace.

"I want it too. I want us to have family, too. But I'm.."

"Too scared, I know that." He nodded and kissed her lovingly. "I'm also afraid, trust me on this, but we did it. We're happy together and I've been in love with you for so long. I think it's time to tell the others and we can take time to figure this out together."

She nodded quietly to him but knew deep down what she wanted. She wanted to have this baby with him because yes, they loved each other. They would perfectly be able to raise this child with love and joy around him.